Llama

Oh no, I wasn't accusing you! I just hadn't realized that's how people could interpret what I wrote. I guess I'm just a physical therapist to the core. So many of my patients would have fewer issues if they learned to relax. I always tell them it doesn't really matter what they do: progressive muscle relaxation, autogenic training, meditation, yoga, going for regular walks in green surroundings... They just need to find something that works for them. And it's often hard to get people to even try new things so I want the threshold to be as low as possible and I don't want them to potentially be scared off by a teacher who acts like there's only one way and if you don't like it you might as well not try. But maybe I should have more faith in my folks and assume they'll do what you did: try again later under different circumstances.
 
I'm glad you are getting something from your class, Llama. I think I would have pitched it in at any mention of demons. Enjoy the rest of your weekend xo
 
I'm so glad that so many disciplines are becoming less traditional and more welcoming to newcomers. We just started doing a slow type of restorative yoga where you hold the poses for a long time, and it does wonders for emotional balance for us. I think we live in very difficult changing times, but we are reimagining old practices and making them more accessible to more people, which may help to form new traditions.
 
Cate said:
I'm glad you are getting something from your class, Llama. I think I would have pitched it in at any mention of demons. Enjoy the rest of your weekend xo
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Thanks Cate. It did shake me up, both the demon talk and the fraud/fakery, and I've had more trouble getting into deep meditation. But this is important to me, so I'm going to keep trying and I will recover. Actually this morning felt a bit more stable again already. Of course it's easier on a lazy Sunday morning...
Marsia said:
I'm so glad that so many disciplines are becoming less traditional and more welcoming to newcomers. We just started doing a slow type of restorative yoga where you hold the poses for a long time, and it does wonders for emotional balance for us. I think we live in very difficult changing times, but we are reimagining old practices and making them more accessible to more people, which may help to form new traditions.
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I think all times are difficult and changing. 1910s? Revolutions and a completely new brand of warfare. 1920s? Independent youth culture, followed by the stock market crash. 1930s? Terrible poverty in a lot of countries that weren't used to it anymore. 1940s? Don't even need to talk about those. 1950s? Nostalgic attempts to rebuild things that never really existed. 1960s? Mini skirts from Teheran to New York. 1970s? Weed, beards, long hair. 1980s? Cold war with the constant threat of nuclear war, ending with the Sowiet Union falling apart. 1990s? Those feel "normal" to me because I was a teen but really that's when the digital revolution got going properly, with the dot com bubble at the tail end of it. And that's just the first things I can think of!
The only thing that doesn't change radically all the time is people themselves. All we can do is react and try to stay upright.

I had a gorgeous walk this morning, although it was only 3°C when I left. So many flowers out right now! I am a bit knocked out now though. Must remember to call Dad after dinner.
 
Llama said:
Oh no, I wasn't accusing you! I just hadn't realized that's how people could interpret what I wrote. I guess I'm just a physical therapist to the core. So many of my patients would have fewer issues if they learned to relax. I always tell them it doesn't really matter what they do: progressive muscle relaxation, autogenic training, meditation, yoga, going for regular walks in green surroundings... They just need to find something that works for them. And it's often hard to get people to even try new things so I want the threshold to be as low as possible and I don't want them to potentially be scared off by a teacher who acts like there's only one way and if you don't like it you might as well not try. But maybe I should have more faith in my folks and assume they'll do what you did: try again later under different circumstances.
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I bet that's why they all love you at the group sessions! You seem to have a good skill for making things nice for people :)

I wonder if my experience is why I now have the attitude I do have. At that first meditation retreat when I discussed leaving early with the teachers, they made it sound like it would mean me losing my great chance at happiness. It seemed like it would be a disaster if I left early...Whereas when I met my other teacher, he was very relaxed about it all and wasn't worried if people left early, or didn't show up for a sit, or whatever. I can see how his teaching methods don't appeal to everyone, and he's very comfortable with them going somewhere else for something that fits better. To me it's just like having different restaurants to choose from :)

Llama said:
I had a gorgeous walk this morning, although it was only 3°C when I left. So many flowers out right now!
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Beautiful to hear!
 
Better meditation last night and a good night's sleep. Morning meditation was mediocre but not bad. I'll be on the lookout for a replacement picture for my meditation corner. The guru picture is nice and serene but it was nicer when I didn't distrust him. Oh, I also decided that for now my aerobics step bench is good enough for a kneeling bench. I walk to class so carrying a bench, however light, would be annoying and if it's just for here it doesn't matter all that much. Plus I have limited space so multifunctionality is a good thing.
 
I hope you find a nice sangha where you really respect the founder. I'm glad you're replacing his picture. Ugh! Sorry about the comment about times being hard. The US is really a mess at the moment, so I think I overgeneralize about the world also having some similar struggles post-pandemic. You are right, of course. In the long run, this, too, shall pass! So glad you got a good night's sleep and a beautiful walk yesterday, too!
 
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Llama said:
I'll be on the lookout for a replacement picture for my meditation corner. The guru picture is nice and serene but it was nicer when I didn't distrust him.
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lol that kind of made me laugh. yeah i wouldn't want the picture of a suspicious character in my meditation corner either!
Llama said:
Oh, I also decided that for now my aerobics step bench is good enough for a kneeling bench. I walk to class so carrying a bench, however light, would be annoying and if it's just for here it doesn't matter all that much. Plus I have limited space so multifunctionality is a good thing.
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I'm with you on the multifunctionality thing in small spaces!
 
Thanks Marsia. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be adversarial. My point wasn't that things aren't a mess now (they are!) but that they're generally a mess all the time. Jim Crow? Great Depression? The red scare? Segregation? Vietnam protests? All big messes. The risk of stressing how big the mess is specifically right now can cause a lot of anxiety. It's not nice growing up with the idea that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. I really believed, as a kid, that things were worse than they'd ever been. Chernobyl, the war between Iran and Iraq, the threat of nukes... It kind of messed me up. And so I try to focus on all the areas we're progressing in. Maternal and infant mortality rates are way down since the 70s. Child starvation isn't just down percentage-wise but in absolute numbers, which is incredible given how much the world population has grown. Literacy rates are going up, which is wonderful because the best way to reduce birth rates is to empower girls and women through schooling. Treatment of most kinds of cancer has improved dramatically. Aids has become a manageable chronic condition. LGBTQIA+ people are - in many countries, though sadly not yet everywhere - no longer treated like parias. People can marry any consenting unmarried adult they want. Yes, we had a terrifying pandemic but scientists rose to the occasion and developed treatment protocols and vaccines at almost Star Trek speed. The world is genuinely awe-inspiring. I am sorry for turning this into another rant but I hope you don't mind because it's inspired by awe and gratitude.
liza3 said:
lol that kind of made me laugh. yeah i wouldn't want the picture of a suspicious character in my meditation corner either!
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Funny thing is: I do actually like the picture. I'll say "good morning, old fraud" (well, actually I say alter Gauner, which he probably wouldn't understand, but same difference) before my morning meditation and wish him a good night after my evening meditation and it's kind of nice. But we talked about jnana yoga a while back and they used one pic that really spoke to me as well. I'll have to see if I can find it online.
 
Llama said:
The world is genuinely awe-inspiring........
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It's so good to remind ourselves of this. I think we can all get so bogged down with everyday problems that we forget just how lucky we are & how wonderful the world is.
I am enjoying hearing about your meditation classes, Llama. I think if I were to meditate Ganesha would be my guru. I have never had a Ganesha statue, but I really must get one. I love elephants!
 
I used to have a gold-colored Buddha that just oozed joyful contemplating. It was too large and I'm glad I passed him on but he had the exact vibe I'm looking for. I'll know what I want when I see it.
 
yeah i think the world has never really changed much either. Always plenty of suffering for many people, and then always lots of beauty too.
Llama said:
'll say "good morning, old fraud" (well, actually I say alter Gauner, which he probably wouldn't understand, but same difference) before my morning meditation and wish him a good night after my evening meditation and it's kind of nice.
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lol--a nice kind of loving-kindness meditation to all beings whether they be frauds or not :)
I am not big on visuals myself for meditation. I have always been drawn to the traditions very empty of statues/pictures.
 
While meditating I like to close my eyes (Teacher is big on staring intently at things but I have dry eyes anyway and I'm much more likely to stay focused when I imagine the object behind closed eyes) so it really shouldn't matter much but having something - be it a picture or a statue - to signal this is my meditation corner and when I sit down here it's time for the good stuff is nice.

I skipped meditation class tonight. Called my dad instead, because my dad is NOT a fraud trying to mislead people. And it was useful as well: he started meditating back in the 90s, on recommendation of a friend, and his teacher was a student of a very famous guru who charged ungodly amounts of money for his favor. Dad never paid beyond what his amusement was worth and definitely didn't take the whole theater seriously but he did get a lot out of the basic principles. Was interesting to hear his perspective.

All that said: I binged today. Have been overeating all week anyway so the scale won't be kind tomorrow. I may skip it just to avoid getting too frustrated. My period is coming up, travel is coming up, and I had to go buy an extra pair of pants for my visit to my parents (I'd hoped it'd be warm enough for shorts but the weather isn't looking promising) which was an ordeal. Too hot, too tired, too many fibers in the air to make breathing easy. But I did get a pair of black cord pants. They're not great but they were cheap and they're ok.
 
I love the "Good morning, old fraud!" greeting. That makes me happy. I love your conversation with your dad about this, too. I have gone to a bunch of Buddhist talks where the speaker is obviously struggling with narcissistic tendencies, so it's hard to discern universal truth from the teacher's truth. Sometimes what they have to say is so good that I'm ok with the flaws of the messenger. With the stuff about the world going to crap, I feel especially worried as I am about to send my daughter out into the world, and I am a functional pessimist who looks out for what can go wrong and tries to prepare. But I do see your point about looking on the brights side of things!

Do you think allergies are affecting your cravings for too much food? I have awful allergies today and ate way too much fried chicken and corn salad.

Cate, I sketched a lovely Ganesha sculpture in the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco and did a big monoprint of him. He's one of my favorites, the Lord of Obstacles who loves little treats!
 
Cate said:
Talking to your Dad sounds like the best meditation to me :grouphug:
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Not meditation, but definitely a great use of my time. Thankfully today is the last time I'm helping Neighbor as well because between that, work, class twice a week, and everyday stuff, the week was feeling very crowded with no room for phonecalls (at times my dad would be available).
Marsia said:
Do you think allergies are affecting your cravings for too much food?
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Anything that makes me feel tired or otherwise miserable causes cravings. The bad air in that store probably played a minor role. It's been cool and rainy so the air has been nice otherwise.

Had a dream about a room (my old room in my parents' old house, which was torn down maybe 14 years ago) crowded with too much furniture to walk around. Not junk this time: good things, but not useful in a room that's only for me to be comfortable and relax in. So I decided to reduce 5 chairs down to one: a rocking chair I found in a second hand store around 2000. Very much a beautiful comfort/relaxation item compared to the straight-backed wooden chairs I sorted out.

Then I got up, put a load of laundry in, and had a lovely morning meditation. Decided to, indeed, reduce and get comfortable. I'll try to go to class once a week until classes run out and - if possible - join weekly meditation sessions after that. Try to meditate at home at least once a day. And keep an eye out for more secular groups.
 
I feel mildly guilty for being as elated as I am about being done with my obligation to Neighbor. A true weight dropped. Watched a couple of episodes of Voyager (which is so much more fun than I remembered it being!) and I really don't want to go to work right now but it is about that time. I think I'm back on track mentally, and I hope the physical bits will follow.
 
Let that mild guilt go away where it belongs, Llama :) You must feel freer. Yay for being back on track xo
 
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