Llama

Llama said:
Thanks Liza. I was very hungry this morning so I had lunch early - and then my stomach was upset until dinner so not overeating was easy enough. Hopefully tomorrow will be better though.
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I hope your tomorrow is better too. However you did not binge today, that's important. Good luck with tomorrow!
 
Thanks guys. Stomach not feeling very nice again after breakfast and it's making me want to binge on sweets. The plan is to pick up sushi on my way home from work and to have extra fruit for dessert.
 
Sorry about your stomach, that can be a real distraction. Funny how a bad stomach can sometimes trigger a binge... seems counter-intuitive.

Hope you are able to hang in there.
 
Llama said:
Thanks guys. Stomach not feeling very nice again after breakfast and it's making me want to binge on sweets. The plan is to pick up sushi on my way home from work and to have extra fruit for dessert.
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That's too bad your stomach's acting up again. The sushi and fruit sounds like a good plan.
 
Thanks guys. Sadly the sushi place was unexpectedly closed, the fruit at the grocery store wasn't ripe, and I got a box of Toffifee instead... I did make a proper, veg&protein-heavy dinner though, so I want to believe I'm back on track right away.
 
I just looked up Toffifee & I think Toffifee is another thing I couldn't have in the house. Well done on the healthy & hearty dinner, Llama.
 
Thanks guys. Today is not a good day. Work was alright but as I walked home I just sank deeper and deeper into a pit of... I'm not good with the negative emotion words. Not a pit of despair. Just this oppressive black cloud of worthlessness, ugliness, and lack of any redeeming qualities. And I know that's nonsense. I have my weak points but I'm not in general a horrible person, nor do I look grotesque, or even just remarkable. So why does my brain do that? It's not pms, unless my cycle is WAY off, but it's the same kind of irrational yet inescapable, overwhelming horror.
 
Sorry you are down, and I hope it passes. For what it's worth I'll give you a few of my thoughts:
Llama said:
I have my weak points
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None that I have seen, except maybe that binge thing we share.
Llama said:
I'm not in general a horrible person
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No, nothing horrible about you at all. To the contrary you are a bright and interesting lady.
Llama said:
nor do I look grotesque
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No, every picture I have seen looks quite delightful. You are a pretty lady!
Llama said:
So why does my brain do that?
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Beats me, but I know it can happen, happens to most of us. I think you know intellectually how wrong it is, but I also understand that might not make you feel better. Don't know if my opinions will help much either, but you got em.

Now go out and have some fun!
 
It will pass, Llama. I think we all have those moments. I called myself a bloody idiot about 4 times yesterday. Some days we are just harder on ourselves. We know your worth & I think you do too. Hope your Thursday is a much better day xoxo
 
Llama said:
Thanks guys. Today is not a good day. Work was alright but as I walked home I just sank deeper and deeper into a pit of... I'm not good with the negative emotion words. Not a pit of despair. Just this oppressive black cloud of worthlessness, ugliness, and lack of any redeeming qualities. And I know that's nonsense. I have my weak points but I'm not in general a horrible person, nor do I look grotesque, or even just remarkable. So why does my brain do that? It's not pms, unless my cycle is WAY off, but it's the same kind of irrational yet inescapable, overwhelming horror.
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Sending you a hug Llama:grouphug:
Terrible how we can sink into such dark states sometimes. I'm glad you know it's not true at the logical level at least but I know how the feelings can override our logic. Wishing you a happier mind-state soon.
 
liza3 said:
I know how the feelings can override our logic.
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For sure! Everyone here should know that, if we ate logically we wouldn't need to be here. This is just another manifestation of the problem.

Hang in there @Llama you got lots of folks pulling for you.
 
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I am feeling much the same as you describe yourself as feeling LLama! I do think it is good/helpful that we can try to look at the way we are feeling versus the facts rationally and realize the disparity. I believe that is a step in the right direction! :grouphug:
 
Thanks all :grouphug: I did binge today - no surprise there - but I'm starting to feel better about things so new day tomorrow.
Nephew1 graduated from his bachelor program today. Proud auntie, not that I contributed anything. I watched the livestream. Did I mention he's been accepted into the spacecraft and satellite master program? He's going to be a bona-fide rocket surgeon :eek: These kids are so impressive and they give me such hope for the future.
 
Llama said:
Thanks all :grouphug: I did binge today - no surprise there - but I'm starting to feel better about things so new day tomorrow.
Nephew1 graduated from his bachelor program today. Proud auntie, not that I contributed anything. I watched the livestream. Did I mention he's been accepted into the spacecraft and satellite master program? He's going to be a bona-fide rocket surgeon :eek: These kids are so impressive and they give me such hope for the future.
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Wow that's so cool
 
Thanks Vic and Blue.

Well: I learned two things in the past... hour or so since my last post: a) I still carry a lot of grief, shame, and frustration about burning out and dropping out of uni over 20 years ago* and b) it seems like my ALL friends keep going from crisis to crisis lately. It's kinda rough. Also: I should be asleep but I was having trouble breathing today even before the floodgates opened and now I it's rough even sitting upright.

* Yeah... that would explain yesterday's black cloud...
 

This seems a propos. Strange how long some shadows can be. It's been almost 24 years, more than half my life! But then realizing the shadows are there is the first step toward tearing down the ugly ruins that cast them.

Edit: I seem to remember Meatloaf turning out to be an asshat but I didn't know that when his songs burned deep into my angsty teenage soul.
 
Llama said:
I did binge today - no surprise there - but I'm starting to feel better about things so new day tomorrow.
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Sorry to hear that, I did yesterday so I know a little about how you feel. And you are right tomorrow is a new day, no good reason to feel bad.
Llama said:
Nephew1 graduated from his bachelor program today. Proud auntie, not that I contributed anything. I watched the livestream. Did I mention he's been accepted into the spacecraft and satellite master program? He's going to be a bona-fide rocket surgeon :eek: These kids are so impressive and they give me such hope for the future.
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You should be proud, that is great! A real accomplishment.
 
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