Lindseybot3k's Diary

Today....was not such a good day. I went to bed about 2:30 or so after having a long conversation with a friend of mine, and woke up about 8:00...I managed to do my 15 miles but no pilates yet again...I swear I'll pick it up again. Food wise I'm okay...I didn't pig out on any sweets or any other junk food stuff.

I just feel really ugly. I don't like my body, I don't like my face, I look nothing like the girls that I do want to look like, and sometimes I wonder if all this hard work is really worth it if I'm not going to be pretty when I meet my goals...
 
I have those days too... a lot more often then I would like. Just keep up the good work you have been doing. By the way you are very pretty now. Don't put yourself and your hard work down. You're working very hard to meet your goals. I envy the fact that you can get 15 miles in... how long does it take you? if you don't mind me asking.

I'm sorry your having a bad day. I hope tomorrow is a much better one for you.
~Jenna
 
Oh, i don't mind you asking! I'm actually quite shocked that people find it amazing that I can do 15 miles in a day, I figured that would be nothing to normal people! All together, it takes me about 49 minutes, but I usually do one set of seven miles and one set of eight, but I usually do it all very close together. Today I was a bit of a slacker and did seven in the morning and eight in the afternoon.
 
Wow that's great... I'm really trying to get my miles up there. I am currently doing about 5.5 on the elliptical in an hour.
 
Jenna: Way to go! I don't think that I could last a minute on an elliptical...those things scare me!

So far today I've done 14 miles on the bike and I plan on doing one more before I go to bed tonight...for breakfast I had a small bowl of cereal and for lunch I had two small turkey wraps. My mom is home this week, and for whatever reason I don't like working out when she's around, but I'm sucking it up and doing it any way. I think I'm going to look online for any sort of exercises that I can do with the light weights that I have...strength training and building muscle is supposed to boost your metabolism and I think I really need to kick things up a notch.
 
I'm sure you can find plenty of exercises you can do with your weights online... you can find anything online it seems:rotflmao:

Great job with the biking and eating. Don't let the presence of your Mom discourage. I can understand why you may not... when I go home to NY I don't exercise it seems weird when my family is around.

Keep going your doing great.
~Jenna
 
Today wasn't so bad. I did 13 miles on the bike and I ate pretty healthily....I had a bowl of cereal today (1 cup with 2% milk), a couple of tacos for lunch that had rice and ground turkey in it with a little teensy bit of cheese, and corn on the cob, a baked potato, and a piece of barbecue chicken (with the skin off). I've decided that I'm gonna make it my duty not to eat anything after nine, and once I get into that routine I'll try not to eat anything after 8 o'clock like you're supposed to.

I really appreciate the praise and advice I get here...you guys don't know how much it means to me. My family doesn't encourage me or discourage me from losing weight...they mention it once in a while, but it's not like they're really trying to help me. It's always been this way with every thing....choir, grades, my writing...and it hurts that no matter how good or how poorly I do something, they're not going to really ever care what I do.
 
Great job today! Not eating later in the day is defnitly helpful. I'm sorry your not getting the support you need at home. That can be really difficult. You can always find support from me... i think your doing a great job and making wonderful changes in your life:)
 
Well done on the bike today, you may not get much support from home but you will find plenty here :)
 
Sometime this week, my mom was cleaning out the closet where we put all the clothes that we don't wear anymore, and she found a pair of perfectly good size 24 jeans, and she made me try them on, and they fit. The only problem is, I HATE the cut of these jeans....they're very high waisted and I've gotten used to my baggy size 26 jeans going down to my belly button like they're supposed to be (and it's veryyyy comfortable). I just wish I could find some 24s that did that!

Yesterday we went to the Olan Mills studio inside of our local KMart to have my very belated senior pictures taken, and it was amazing to see the changes in my face.....in a lot of them you could see my jawline and everything, and how the shape of my face is really supposed to be.
 
I could have sworn I updated this thing this morning! Maybe I accidentally clicked off of the page after I hit the Post Quick Reply button....

Anyway, I had a terrible weekend, but not in the sense that something bad happened, but in the sense that that the Binging Monster that lives inside of me woke up and decided to take over my body and eat little bits of food all day long. I woke up this morning and decided to get over and start off my day right by having a bowl of grapes this morning for breakfast and go for a walk in the neighborhood....I ended up walking a mile and a half in about a half hour, which seems pretty good.
 
lindseybot3k said:
I woke up this morning and decided to get over and start off my day right by having a bowl of grapes this morning for breakfast and go for a walk in the neighborhood....I ended up walking a mile and a half in about a half hour, which seems pretty good.
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That is really good. Its also really great that you didn't get discouraged by this weekend and you're going to keep going!
 
I reread an article about how your subconscious could want you to stay fat, and I've been sitting here thinking about all the reasons why it could want me to remain fat, and the biggest reason I can think of is, "staying fat would allow me to get rejected by people without them having to get to know me." I guess I would rather be rejected on the spot than people get to know me and then reject me...but I can't live my life like this anymore. I'll be okay if I get rejected; I was rejected by many classmates, by my dream college...and I've lived through it. And it'll be okay if I lose weight and I get rejected after I've lost the weight, because if I can do what I'm doing now, I can do anything that I want and live.

Exercising and eating right and having the motivation to do things and finish them (not just work outs, but silly things like beating levels on video games or filling out papers for college or putting things away or cleaning my room) makes me feel really good. And that's more important to me than weight loss; I want to feel good about myself, and know in my heart that people can look at me and judge me and think that I'm lazy and that I never exercise and that I don't eat right but they don't know squat about me and what I can do, and that I probably eat better and work out harder than they do.

So far today I've ridden 12 miles on the bike and I plan on doing 3 more later on...yesterday even we went to WalMart and Books-A-Million to reserve my copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and I ended up walking a total of 4 miles yesterday....it makes me happy knowing that I can do that.
 
You are doing a great job. Your racking up so many miles on the bike... and Kudos on your walk. Doesn't it feel so great when you finish a walk like that?
Its amazing how our subconscious can take over our mind and control our lives to protect us but at the same time can be hurting us. I totally understand wanting to subconsciously separate myself from social situations... its great that your coming to these realizations now. I wish I thought about these things and changed my lifestyle before I left for college.

Keep up everything you've been doing. Your very strong and you will get stronger.

~Jenna
 
I was so pleased with myself after I took that walk! I barely stopped for two seconds to check the pedometer!

Yesterday I woke up, and my knee hurt REALLY BADLY, so badly that I had trouble getting out of bed and walking to the living room, so I decided it'd be best for me to take things easy...so today I woke up and kicked things in gear by riding eight miles on the bike and doing pilates for an hour...today I ate a thing of yogurt for the first time! It was hard to get used to (I have this weird gag reflex that only happens when I eat things that I've never tried before...it goes away after a while!), but it was sooo good.

And I've finally lost another pound! I don't think I'm going to make it to my goal, but if I can melt off another ten pounds I'll be happy...besides, I plan to go far well above the goal in my ticker.
 
Lindsey... You have such an awesome attitude. You are making lifestyle changes that are going to make your future soo bright (not that it wouldn't have been anyway)...

Congrats on breaking the plateau:)

~Jenna
 
So this weekend I not only went and waited in line to get Harry Potter at midnight, but I saw Hairspray, finished Harry Potter 7, and had three friends over because tomorrow's my 18th birthday! I didn't eat as well as I normally do, but I didn't gorge myself with all the goodies my mom bought for my party...I had a small cup of Mountain Dew to try to keep me awake enough to watch Moulin Rouge, but guess what?

IT WAS THE NASTIEST THING I'VE EVER DRUNK AND IT DIDN'T WORK.

We had cake and ice cream today...I had Mom get cupcakes instead of a whole cake, and I just had one and what was probably not even a whole scoop of ice cream. And when I did have some caffeine free diet Coke, it too was very nasty...I'm very proud of the fact that I can't drink soda anymore because it just tastes so gross to me!

I'm not looking forward to Tuesday...I'm supposed to go out with my father and my stepmother for lunch and he's supposed to give me birthday/graduation money...and then the next day we're supposed to meet him in Huntington for orientation, and I really didn't want him to come. And plus, all of this is really going to mess up my work outs and eating. Ugh.
 
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