♡☆♡Lets lose weight♡☆♡

Afternoon

At noon I had 2 eggs with hot sauce, a glass of milk and a black iced coffee. Then I decided to have another cbd hoot. And it relaxed me a lot, I didn't even feel buzzed.

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Slept for 45 mins, was a nice nap. Now I'm pacing for a while.

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At 3 I had 2 cookies, so good. They are blueberry truffle chocolate butter cookies and are my favorite from the brand celebration.

MIL is picking up the kids today, good thing cuz it's so windy out!

At 3:30 I had a cbd hoot. Didn't really get a buzz tho, but I was busy and probably just didn't notice it.

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MIL beat me at cards! She only had 10 more points too! Grr 😬.

I wish I could pace right now but not while MIL is here.

I decided I'm going to use my cbd pot when hubs gets home, cuz it doesn't get me as stoned and I don't want to be too stoned till when the kids go to bed. Hubs is on call this week too and I don't want to be stoned if he has to go back to work in the evenings.

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Set the table at 5 and started the oven for meatloaf! Mmm I love my meatloaf.

Soccer starts tomorrow and I'm feeling OK about it. But it might be canceled this week due to wind gusts. It's so windy today and supposed to windy all week. It goes from 30° yesterday so 12° today. It's currently raining too.

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Hubs got home at 5:30! Yay. Break up is done so I'll expect him to be later now which sucks but it means lots of overtime and more money which we need. Then I had a cbd hoot and am lightly buzzed now 😁

I quit and quitting vaping lol. I just love it too much, maybe one day I'll quit.

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MIL left and we got kiddos in bed. Then I had 2 rice cakes as a snack, then went to bed early.

Ended the day with 21.5k steps.
 
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Stoner chat before bed

Anorexic thoughts bothed me today. In fact, I had planned 1300 cals today but gave in to eating rice cakes, bringing my total up to roughly 1540. My binge urges went away and I was not hungry. I'm glad I gave in now but I know if I don't and try to restrict, I'll binge.

Dieting is another reason why I don't want to quit vaping, it's too much stress on me. I don't think vaping is really all that bad for you, just the nic is addictive, but if I diet too hard, I'll lose control, binge and get fat.

So after talking with my hubs, we agreed I will continue to do pilates. It's good for me and I'm happy I talked with my hubby about it. I do want to want to love fitness. So I will workout tomorrow, Wednesday and Friday this week, with ankle weights.

Also, I'm quitting pot. After having my cbd stuff today, my regular pot is just too strong. So here's my plan. Cbd at 5:15, 12:00, when hubs gets home and when the kids go to bed.

So today recap:

1560 cals
Pilates 3x a week
No more pot, just cbd

Ok, sleep time!
 
Early morning buzzed chat

So I'm always so back and forth, Slim fast or regular food, to workout or not workout, to vape or not vape... it's so fucking annoying being me. So to recap:

Ok, diet. I've decided I will still have toast for brekky and a slim shake for lunch. I just love my toast so much.

Workout 3-4x a week. I want to learn discipline and keep doing it regardless of how I feel. I will workout today, tomorrow and Friday and possibly Saturday. I'm not sure if I'm going to use light dumbbells or do pilates.

I will continue to vape full time. I'm just too addicted to the habit of it and the nicotine. Plus...sorry tmi but it helps me 💩. I deal with major chronic constipation and vaping is the only thing that makes me go. Eww, I know, lol again, sorry.
 
Afternoon stoner chat

I'm a little buzzed from my cbd 🙃 So let's have a little chat.

I'm not sure what I write because I'm always changing my mind. So let's recap

1560- might drop this to 1300 if I don't lose weight soon
Pilates 3x a week
20 mins treadmill 5x a week
15k- 20k steps a day
Creatine. I'm back to taking this supplement bc I noticed my strength and endurance has faded since I stopped taking it, making it hard to workout
Cbd in the morning, lunch, when hubs gets home and after supper.
Continue vaping
 
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Morning

Up at 5, showered, pacing and 2 iced coffees. My weight was 140.6, up .6 pounds from last week. I do forgive myself but I need to stick with 1300 cals from now on. Clearly lots of steps isn't working, so I'll stick with 15k-20k. I also did have...2 binge days? And mostly 1500 cal days.

So last night after soccer, we went to Walmart and I told my hubs I couldn't find slim fast, so he took a look and found it! I'll have a shake for lunch but toast for brekky.

Tmi sorry, but yay I had a good 💩. Finally, after 5 days. I've been constipated since I quit vaping, but not anymore 😁 Thanks to vaping lol.

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Got kiddos off to school, played fetch with Bear in the backyard, had toast for brekky, did chores then 30 mins on the treadmill. Then I paced while I descaled the coffee maker.

Then I did 20 mins pilates. It was hard to get through and I quit 3x before I completed it. I think I've been having a tough time working out is lack of creatine. My endurance and strength have been shit since I stopped taking it. So I ran out to get some creatine then did laundry and chilled till lunch time.
 
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Afternoon

Had a slim fast shake with creatine for lunch, it was soooo good. I get the chocolate royal flavor, it's so good, it's better than chocolate milk.

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It's 2pm and I just woke up from a nap. It felt nice. Then I watched some bikini prep videos till it had to go get the kids from school.

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Got kiddos from school, did homework, then had 2 cookies as a snack and treat. Then I felt like getting a buzz on so I had a hoot. Now I'm watching bikini prep videos.

I've thought about my calories, and I'm so tempted to reduce it to 1300. I haven't lost any weight but then I remember I have been overeating a lot lately on chocolate. So I need to make sure I stick with 1500 and see if I can actually lose weight on that amount.

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Yay hubs got home just before 5:30! So I started supper.

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Supper was chicken pasta, and I had 1 measured cup. Estimated calories is 400. Kids had a fruit bowl for a snack and now hubs is bathing them.

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Got kiddos in bed, then I had 2 rice cakes to snack on, then went to bed early. Ended up 21k steps.
 
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Morning

Up at 5, pacing and 2 iced coffees and a cbd hoot. Diet plan today is:

Brekky- 2 iced coffees, cinnamon raisin toast with pb and sliced banana and cinnamon
Lunch- Slim fast shake
Snack- 2 raspberry chocolate butter cookies
Supper- 1 measured cup beef stir fry

Total- 1521

Yesterday I ate 1518 cals and had a total calorie burn of 1931.

So guess what I'm itching to do....gel nails! I used to be a nail tech so I know the process, just have to practice so I don't get any lifting. I have gel polish on and they look good. Except for 1 that chipped after I banged it on the wall lol. A couple years ago I was getting them done professionally and had them really long. I miss them, so why not do them myself? I bought a new lamp months ago and used it for the first time last week with my gel polish. And since they turned out good, my confidence has increased so I feel like I can do sculpted gel nails now 😌

My broken arm kid woke up an hr early. His cast is uncomfortable, poor boy. Then he told me his tummy felt weird then proceeded to throw up all over the floor. Poor boy isn't feeling well. I gave him a bucket cuz he said his tummy still feels weird. I'm keeping him home from school obviously, again poor boy.

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Aww, poor boy, he threw up again. I'm stressing about soccer tonight. What if he keeps throwing up and can't go to soccer? And if my hubs isn't home on time, I'll have to take my kid to soccer 😬 Maybe my MIL will if my hubs isn't home. And I'm stressing about keeping my sick kid entertained today but he might not want to do anything today anyway if he's unwell. But gah the stress! But all I can do is my best and just make sure my sick kid is comfortable as can be.

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6x my kid has thrown up. I got my other kid to a school, then as soon as we get home, my sick kid threw up again. Hopefully he feels better soon 🤞

Once we got home, I did laundry and kitty litter, then had toast for brekky. I have laundry to fold then I'm taking the day off from chores. I'll still workout tho, but I can do that in the living room where I can see my sick kid.

Oh I just checked, my kid is sleeping. So I will do pilates then pace. The treadmill might wake him up.

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Hubs came home cuz he bought some Pedialyte for my sick kid.

I got soccer all planned out. If hubs is home, he will take my kid to soccer and pick up MIL, if he's not home, MIL will pick up my kid and take him to soccer. So either way, I'm staying home with my sick kid.

I paced for about 45 mins and have 14k steps and it's only 10:45.

At 11 I decided to take a nap.
 
Afternoon

Slept for an hr, it felt great! Then I had a slim fast shake with some creatine. My boy is sleeping, thank God, he needs it. After my shake, I did dishes.

Then I paced for 10 mins to reach my step goal of 15k.

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Sick kid slept for 1.5 hrs and is feeling better! I still want to keep him from watching soccer.

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At 2 I had 2 cookies then I felt queasy and threw up.

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Supper for me was cinnamon raisin toast with pb and cinnamon. I just feel queasy, dizzy and just generally unwell. So I skipped soccer. Once hubs took the kids, I finished cleaning up, and packed lunches. Then I had a short hoot of pot to see if it helps my loneliness...it did not. So I watched my show till everyone came home.

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I would've liked to be at soccer but it was nice being stoned alone. I watched 'the real housewives of Beverly Hills' the whole time.

Got kiddos in bed, had 2 rice cakes, got my weekly massage through went to bed.

Ended with a lot more steps than intended, 25k.
 
Morning

I was woken up at 2am cuz my kid threw up all over the floor. Huge amount, poor guy.

I accidentally slept in till 6. So I skipped my shower and had 2 iced coffees while pacing for 30 mins.

At 7 I asked my MIL to take my non sick kid to and from school today, she is, thank God. So my sick kid doesn't have to go out and bring his bucket with him.

Diet plan today:

Brekky- 2 iced coffees, cinnamon raisin toast with pb and sliced banana and cinnamon
Lunch- Slim fast shake
Snack- 2 cookies
Supper- Beef stir fry
Snack- 1 rice cake

Total- 1521

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MIL had an emergency so I took my kid to school. Sick kid didn't get sick at least.

So I got my kid off to school, had toast for brekky, did some chores, and went on the treadmill for 20 mins. I was going to do pilates but my legs were too sore so I'll workout tomorrow. Then I did my nails.
 
Afternoon

At noon I had a slim fast shake with creatine. It was so good.

I spent 2 hrs on my nails! Holy, it didn't seem that long. They turned out ok, I did gel and I am a complete ameture, but for my first time in years, I can deal with them not looking perfect. I'm not sure if I'll keep them tho, I may take them off in a few weeks and just do gel polish. I didn't like the all the filing, but we'll see how they are in a couple weeks.

Then I paced for a while, I'm only at 10k steps.

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I took a break from pacing to take off my nails, they just looked like shit, I filed off most of the gel but left a thin layer to grow off. I don't want to do my nails anymore. I always do this, I spend money of these things, then as soon as I realize I'm not good at it, I don't want to do it anymore and I fucking waste money. But oh well, live and learn, I have the stuff to do them again if I want too.

Now I'm back to pacing for about 15 mins

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At 3:30 I had 2 cookies to snack on. They were delicious! But of course, not very filling, so I was still hungry, but I didn't eat anything else.

And I had a cbd hoot. I wasn't feeling well and cbd helps. My stomach was bothering me, now it's not.

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Yay! Hubs got home at 5:05!!

At 5:30 I started supper and had a hoot. I shouldn't of but it's done. I just wanted a stronger buzz and honestly, to squash down my emotions. My emotions are out whack bc I don't feel well. But it gave me anxiety over when my parents will come down to watch soccer and cooking for more people...oiy.

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Supper was beef stir fry. My favorite meal! Then as I'm cleaning up my hubs and I talked about going off meds. I brought it up cuz I am emotionally numb all the time and am getting sick of it. I want to be able to feel positive feelings and not be ruled by negative feelings.

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Got kiddos in bed, then had 30g of dry honey shreddies as a snack, then went to bed
 
Morning

I woke up at 1 and was sick to my stomach....both ends. I had to have a shower to clean up then once I was getting dressed, I threw up. Gonna be a rough Saturday for me I think. My kid is all better now so hopefully this is the last of it for me... I do feel better after getting sick.

It's 1:30am now, and I'm going to try and sleep on the couch, with some towels on the couch in case I have another accident and with a bucket in case I throw up again.

Why am I writing about my accident? It's gross and seemingly embarrassing but it's part of life. I feel better after this fiasco tho, hopefully I'm on the mend now.

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Woke up at 6 without anymore incidents. I will not be pacing today, I have absolutely no energy. I'm having my iced coffee now to see if it helps, I'll definitely need a nap.

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I went back to bed right after I typed that and slept till 10. It's now 10:40 and I think I'm going to lie down again.

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I slept all morning and half the afternoon. My poor sick kid feels sick again. I was going to take the kids outside cuz it's 33°. But with my kid feeling sick again, we are staying in. Thank goodness cuz I really didn't want to go out.
 
Afternoon

Hubs had to go out for a bit and I'm hoping he'll take my non sick kid outside. I wish we had a window that looked out to the backyard, but we don't. My non sick kid feels very bored, but such as life.

I'm on the couch lying down again and my cat Moonlight crawled under the blanket 😸😻

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Hubs brought me a blizzard! I haven't eaten anything today but after a couple bites, I couldn't stomach it anymore. So it's in the freezer.

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Hubs put the ac in, thank goodness, then he got called away to work so I'm sitting outside with the kids, sucks tho, I was almost sleep again.

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It's 8:45 and I'm finally feeling better. I slept all evening. Hubs was awesome, he put in the ac, spent time with the kids outside, cooked supper, did dishes, made the bed after it finally dried on low in the dryer, and put the kids to bed. I have an awesome hubs!

I did not get sick again, thank goodness. Now I'm going to go shower and brush my teeth. I ate some of my blizzard, it was really good!

Nighty night 😴
 
Morning

Slept in till 7, and had 1 iced coffee. I'm still sick but much better than yesterday. My body is just achey. So no church for me.

I woke up last night to go pee and my hubs was in the bathroom for a while, I have a feeling he's sick now...Hopefully I'm wrong tho.

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Yup, my hubs was sick last night, so no church, yay. I don't like church anymore. Mostly cuz I always fall asleep but also I'm just not into God much anymore. I know he exists and He loves me and I love him more than anything but that's where my Christianity ends. During my psychosis period, everything I did had to involve God, otherwise life was meaningless. I used to have a death wish so I could go be God. But now, I've learned to live life and I can enjoy secular things. Like watching my Beverly Hills show or focus on fitness. So since I'm learning to live life, I don't enjoy church anymore.

I probably won't be eating much today. And oiy, I did something stupid. I had a cbd hoot and rather than feeling stoned, I feel hot, dizzy and sick to my stomach, won't be doing that again!

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Had half of my blizzard at 9. I didn't want anything heavy and ice cream seemed appropriate lol.

Then I took a 1.5 hr nap. Hubs has been sleeping all morning, poor guy.
 
Afternoon

I had 2 pizza pops for lunch. Since I didn't eat yesterday, I figured I could get away with a higher calorie meal.

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At 1 I took the kids outside, they didn't want to go out and so are kinda bored, but the fresh air is good for them.

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Came in at 2 and hubs was still lying down, so I watched my Beverly Hills show. Then I had a cookie and a small one Henry egg (from easter).

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At 4 I went I did a little grocery shop, just essentials. It was nice to get out. I'm 90% better.

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At 6 I made tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for supper. Hubs had chicken noodle soup.

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Got kiddos in bed at 8, and my supper is not agreeing with me. I couldn't even finish it, it just tasted weird, stupid flu.

I'm hoping I'll be feeling good enough to workout tomorrow. I'm ready for this flu to end.
 
Morning

Up at 5 and showered. Then I was still feeling exhausted so I napped at the table instead of pacing.

Hubs got up at 6:30, so I stayed awake and had an iced coffee.

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Scratch that, I went back to sleep till 7 then had my iced coffee.

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Got kiddos up, fed and teeth brushed. I packed their lunches, cleaned kitty litter and started laundry, I finished all that by 7:45, so I'm gonna pace till we have to go at 8:37.

I've got a lot to do today, vacuum, mop, fold 3 loads of laundry, other chores and bake banana bread 😮‍💨 I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

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Got the kiddos off to school, played with 🐻 in the backyard, had brekky, did some chores then worked out. It was a tough workout, pilates that is, but I made it through. I just did a steady walk on the treadmill instead of interval walking too. I am going to bake banana bread after school so my kid can help.

Then some more chores and laid down for a nap.
 
Afternoon

Had a 1 hr nap, felt good. I'm not as fatigued. Then I had a slim fast shake with some creatine. It's so good.

Then I folded the last of my laundry, watched my show, I'm taking a break from 'the real housewives of Beverly Hills' to watch 'Santa Clarita diet', then did dishes and some extra scrub down cleaning. Now I'm totally wiped out and it's 1:30, so I'm going to watch tv till I have to get the kids.

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Well, my stomach is bothering me so MIL will pick up the kids. So I baked banana bread and it's currently baking.

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Kids got home, then we did homework, and man it was tough today with my youngest.

Then it was snack time, some banana bread and a cookie for me. Then I watched my show till hubs got home just after 5:30. I went and had a hoot, and I'm ok with that. I have a strong buzz on and it's ok. I won't be using that again tho, just cbd. I just don't like being this stoned anymore, I feel like it takes away from my life. Plus it's giving me anxiety over cooking supper.

I realized this morning, I deal with my anxiety pretty well when sober. There was construction going on right in front of my drive way and pilons, and I couldn't see well cuz the hedges are grown in, making it hard to see traffic... but I was calm and just dealt with it. So ya, no more pot.

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Supper was pulled pork sandwiches, fries(none for me) and broccoli. It was so good! I'm glad my taste buds are better.

Did dishes, cleaned up and made lunches. Then had a deep meaningful conversation with my hubs. Then we put the kids to bed and I had a couple rice cakes to snack on. Then I went to bed.
 
Morning

Up at 5 but after 10 mins of pacing, I became super exhausted, so I slept till 7. My youngest is feeling sick now so he's staying home.

I finished my early morning routine by 7:45, so I'm pacing till it's time to go.

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Got oldest kid off to school, then had brekky and did chores. I didn't go on the treadmill bc my kid is playing games and the breaker blows if the treadmill is on too, and I didn't want to kick him off his game. So I tried pacing but I was super tired, so I had a nap instead.
 
Afternoon

Napped for 1.5 hrs, it felt so short tho, but I'm not exhausted anymore, just a little tired. Then I had a slim fast shake, did dishes and watched my show for a bit.

Somehow I have 10k steps. I only paced for about 35 minutes and the rest was keeping busy.

Then my kid asked to go outside, his stomach was feeling a little better, so I agreed to take him out for 30 mins.

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Came back in and I paced some more, but soon became tired, so I sat and watched my show. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be 100%.

Yesterday I decided to cut back on vaping. 2 puffs every half hour, it's cut my vaping in half and I'm not feeling deprived.

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Got my oldest kid from school, did homework then had a snack. I had 2 oreo cookies. 😋. Then I listened to true crime videos while waiting for hubs to get home/ start supper. There is no soccer for my kid today, his tummy still hurts a bit and if he was too sick for school, he's to sick for soccer.

I also had a cbd hoot and 3 small chocolate aero eggs cuz I was craving sugar.

I still feel about 95%, I still feel physically fatigued, hopefully things go back to normal tomorrow. I'll have another cbd hoot when hubs gets home.

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Hubs got home at 6. Late for him, but at least he's home🥰😍 So I had a hoot...I know I know, I said I wouldn't, but I'm addicted to the high, even if it brings on anxiety. Tonight is an easy supper so I shouldn't feel anxious. I'll still try to quit it tho.

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Supper was chicken strips, fries (none for me) and cauliflower. I love these chicken strips we get, so this was a good meal. And I had a cbd hoot to keep the high going.

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Sitting in the kitchen chillin while then kids enjoy their snack. I've been thinking a lot today about my diet today, should I try 1300 cals? 1500 just seems like to much. Ya...I'll give 1300 cals a shot.

Man, I'm listening to true crime and as I am, I keep picturing a movie and think "man, I'm glad this stuff isn't real" then I remember, it's true crime! It IS real, and man, what horrible people there are out there....

Then with those images in my head, I went to bed. Hopefully I'll be awake enough to pace tomorrow morning. Oh and I ended with 16k steps somehow.
 
Morning



Up at 5, showered, pacing and 1 iced coffee.



My weight again was 140.6! But I am constipated and bloated from being sick, I'll weigh in a couple days again.



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Well, I got a whole 20 mins pacing in before I became to tired. So I slept till 7. Then my 1 kid woke up in a bad mood, so that was fun to deal with. I'm looking forward to time alone today!



I finished my early morning routine so I paced for 30 mins.



I'm hungry this morning, like a lot, I'll have to keep this in check so I don't binge.



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Ran an errand, did some chores, went on the treadmill for 20 mins, tried to do pilates, but I couldn't finish, I was just too tired. I did half of it at least. So I had a nap instead.
 
Afternoon

Slept for 1.5 hrs, felt good. Then I had a slim fast shake, an iced coffee, a cbd hoot and did some more chores.

Eww, something is wrong with my shake. It does not taste good at all. They changed the packaging so I wonder if they changed the formula too. Bleh.

So what am I going to have instead? Maybe just some chocolate milk. Ya, that's what I'll do.

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I pulled a muscle in my back, I think from pilates.

Watched 'Santa Clarita diet' all afternoon.

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Got my kids from school, did homework, had a snack, I had 2 cookies, 😋, then I had a cbd hoot and paced for an hr.

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Hubs got home at 5:45, late today, but once he got home, I had a hoot. I know, I know, but I'm addicted to the high...😔

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Supper was sausages, perogies (none for me) and carrots. I'm not a fan of sausages, but it was pretty tasty today.

Got clean up done, then listened to true crime.

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Got kiddos in bed had 2 rice cakes for a snack, then bed. Ended with 19k steps
 
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