Let's get serious again

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Thx cate, glad you liked it! :)

That's true LaMaria! And you can choose what you make... there are so many options! I look forward to cooking some new recipees.

I weighed myself this morning: I was 93.9 kg. I think my body still retains some amount of water. My "real" weight (without excess water) is probably in the range of 92.5 kg - 93.0. Not that it matters though, my current lifestyle will help me lose. I estimate that my current lifestyle leads to a loss of 1 kg per week. On an average day, I eat about 1500 - 2000 calories, and I burn around 800-1200 calories during my activities (running, walking, cycling), which together with my 2000 base metabolic rate brings me to a total burn of around 3000 calories for an average day. I would say this is a realistic estimation... it's probably a bit higher even.

To me, 1 kg per week is about the maximum rate that I would like to lose. More is allowed every now and then, but I don't see it as ideal. Health is, to me, the most important thing, much more important than the number on the scale.

I make sure that I eat well. Today I will eat the leftovers from yesterday, which should be a fine meal. I also started another habit: I prepare my own lunch! I took a banana and I made 4 slices of bread with peanut butter(less than 5 minutes of work). Haha now you know that I was extremely lazy when it comes to food preparation in the last year! I often just bought food at stores... quite an expensive habit I must say... so I will certainly save a good amount of money (always a welcome benefit).

Now that I see these tasks as something that enriches my life, instead of a chore, I am confident that I will be able to sustain them.
 
Still working on the thought that taking care of my body (you know, by preparing food for it) is a normal part of the day and not a chore :p
 
Haha yeah it's quite a shift of mind. But I must say that is a really interesting experience. Today I just had to cook the leftovers from yesterday... but now that I see the activity differently, it's so much more fulfilling. It felt like I "honour" my body by taking care of it. The activity felt like a ritual, which was pleasant for my mind as well. It may sounds weird to describe it this way... but this is how it actually felt and I find it fascinating to see what the mind is capable of creating; my mind used to create a lot of the suffering I was going through (keeping me down), and now it's creating a much more pleasant reality (allowing myself to push myself to grow).

I think I ate around 1700 calories today (planning to eat 300 more during the evening), and I burned around 3400 in total (by running, walking, cycling and doing chores). So it was a fine day. It's 10 to 9, so the day is not over. I am going to take a shower (to get rit of the sweat) and then I will walk to university and back, so that I can spend an hour to an hour and a half learning programming (not because I have to, I only allow myself to work in the evening if I have the desire to do so... which I have so let's do it :) ).

I hope you also had a good day!
 
Sounds g r e a t. I like all of it. Including the fact that you´re aiming for 2000 kcal today. 1500 is not enough for a hard-working guy. Or even a lazy one.
 
I love that you have come to the realisation that our bodies should be honoured. Love it!
 
Thx Sunflower! :)

@LaMaria - well my motivation to lose weight is to take good care of myself, so the process towards a lower weight shouldn't contradict that goal. If I wouldn't have eaten a bit more, I would be able to lose 1.5+ kg per week, which is too much.

@cate - thanks! My body loves it too! ;)

My plans for today: work 9.40-17.40. Organize my room for 1.5 hours. Eat/cook a simple but nourishing meal (1 hour). Cycle for an hour. If there is time left, and if I want to , I can spend some more time learning Android programming. Will eat around 1800-900 calories and burn around 3000.

I wish you all a good day!
 
IAmGoingToTri said:
It felt like I "honour" my body by taking care of it. The activity felt like a ritual, which was pleasant for my mind as well. It may sounds weird to describe it this way... but this is how it actually felt and I find it fascinating to see what the mind is capable of creating; my mind used to create a lot of the suffering I was going through (keeping me down), and now it's creating a much more pleasant reality (allowing myself to push myself to grow).
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That's a really good attitude to have toward your body. There are a lot of times where I try really hard to focus on what I'm putting into my body and do my best to make a conscious effort to treat my body with respect but, for me, it's a hard mentality to keep. I like how you find fascination in what your mind is capable of - I think that will really help you keep your positive mentality. I've always felt that finding genuine interest in things, especially when it comes to health, makes it easier to stay on track.

It seems like you're doing good though. Good for you!!!
 
Thanks LaMa and Chef! I am so glad that I have found this new "wave" that I can surf on. Everything feels easier! It's not based on a feeling, or on pressure, it's like I have had some new software installed. I think it is sustainable.

Yeah I love exploring the depths of my mind! It's only recent that I realized that there were so many possilities there. This journey is so fulfilling in so many ways.

I feel like I have wasted most of my twenties, and I have dealt with most of the shame and guilt I get from it (and luckily I managed to finished my BSc, which facilitated starting my career).

Now I am relentlessly trying to get everything out of life that I can... improving my mind, my body, my philosophy/ethics, my finances, my relationships and everything else, while trying to have a really good time. Not because I have to, or to compensate, but I really want this. In a way I try to live a bit of an ironic life... failing for a decade, then having an extremely good time for the rest of my life. It feels like it should not be possible.

I see other people giving up at some time. They accept their situation, they accept that their life will be sub-mediocre. That it will be little more than surviving. I don't want that. I'd rather live a miserable life fighting for more, then giving up and being kind-of-happy but never getting anywhere.

Today I cycled 25 kilometers, walked 5 kilometers and I cooked another meal (with a chicken schnitzel ;) ). I really liked it. Going to continue doing some home chores now, and then I will work another 1-1.5 hours at university to finish my next app for my online Android programming course.

I look forward to reading about your days! I am trying to get it in my schedule to check all diaries of people who regularly check in! :)
 
I´m pretty sure your twenties weren´t wasted. They never are. Some people think they wasted their youth partying too much. Some think they wasted time hiding out at home too much. Some think they wasted precious time studying too hard and yet others even fear they wasted time traveling instead of getting a degree. Whatever you did, you can pull lessons from it. And I´m sure you are doing just that.
 
@LaMaria - yeah you are right, I was too harsh on myself. I have many fond memories of that time, and the darker periods have not managed to define me (but I do learn some things from them when I reflect on them... most importantly that I should be kind to myself). So thanks LaMa, I will take your feedback seriously and stop calling my past self a failure. While it is obvious that not everything went smoothly, I should not judge my past self too harshly for that, because I know I always tried extremely hard to improve (a bit too hard).

A quick update about my date... I was worried that she was not interested anymore. I told her a lot about my history and I feared that she may not be into me anymore. I am just 30 and just starting my career, she is 34 and much further ahead in that area. I don't feel this difference when I talk to her, but I guess this is my weak spot... feeling bad about my past (as I described in the previous paragraph as well). I tried to break from that by just telling her about it, in an effort to be brave and honest. But now in the past week my feelings were like a rollercoaster... sometimes happy when I think about her, sometimes extremely afraid that she does not want me.

Obviously I try not to let this emotional rollercoaster affect my performance or meed negatively, and I think I did well at that. If I take a step back, I think it's also interesting to see what is happening inside me, this shows me something about myself. I try to be courageous and act when I am afraid, instead of freezing/fleeing.

So I did that. I talked with her on Whatsapp, and we had a good chat (I prefer to call by phone though (so I can hear her voice/emotion), or by letter (so that you can actually exchange some deep thoughts)... I actually don't really like chatting :p ). Yesterday I heard a fascinating podcast about sport psychology, an interest of her, and I recommended it to her. I hope that she likes it. But anyways, she respondedpositively in the chat, also asking a lot of questions, so it seems that she is still interested. So, my next step in ignoring my fears and following my heart (man this sounds cheesy!) is to see if I can arrange a date coming weekend!

Life should be celebrated! :D
 
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IAmGoingToTri said:
Life should be celebrated! :D
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Couldn´t agree more. Try not to put too much importance on your date for now (easier said than done, I know). After having been single for a long time it´s easy to think this is "the" opportunity to ride off into the sunset together. Thinking about a possible future too much puts a lot of pressure on you to "perform" as a desirable partner instead of just enjoying the fun time you have together. Which tends to come across as slightly needy. Take it easy and enjoy the scenery!
 
O, what I forgot to add: my sister married a guy three years younger than her when she'd been working for 8 years and he wasn't done with his studies yet. As far as I can tell they're doing fine!
 
Hey lovely - she does sound interested, excellent news! Although how you feel about yourself should not be dictated by how others feel about you..self-love comes first! Don't worry about the career thing either..it's a misconception that all women want men with good jobs and lots of money - some people are late bloomers and some people never get "proper jobs" at all. I know I'd still love my chap if he was jobless..he's a giant man child which I find adorable. I like being the "career one". And it sounds like you're well on your way on the job front anyway!
 
Thanks for the advice LaMaria and Sunflower. I totally agree with that. While I see how what I write here may sound like I am totally obsessing over her... that is just my emotional side... you know how crazy your feelings can get when you fall in love. The other, more rational side of me, is telling me to take it slowly, just enjoy every step, not have expectations and to let her be free... but still to take action and ask her out and stuff. I mostly listen to that side of me. I prefer her to be free, not dependent on me... at our first date we talked about her idea/dream to go to Australia (for some months), and I supported her in that (with some ideas/advice) instead of trying to stop her. Of course I hope she doesn't go :p

That's extremely interesting Sunflower... I have always believed in that misconception... at least to some extent. Good to hear that girls can be more relaxed in practice! And great that you found such a nice husband! ;)

@Update - Today I will do another 8-10 kilometer run, and I will do 3-4 kilometers of walking. So I estimate that I will burn around 3200 calories in total, and I will eat about 2000-2200 calories.

Btw, one other advantage of being in love is that I have MUCH less appetite to eat. I always have that, and it's very useful now. Of course I shouldn't rely on it too much, for when the feelings will calm down again. ;)
 
Glad to hear you're sensible. Feel free to keep pouring out your feelings here if that makes them easier to deal with - I hope I'm not quite the exasperated mess I seem in my diary :D
 
Thanks for your understanding, LaMaria. You see men also can be quite emotional inside :p.

Hahaha I am sure that you are not a mess ;).

@Update - Hmpf, I don't feel like running, I'd rather lie in bed. I feel tired and the weather is terrible (cold, windy and rainy). However, I am not going to give in to that temptation! I owe it to myself to exercise. It will make my body stronger, and (perhaps even more important) it will make my mind stronger if I am able to go even under these conditions. And I will probably start enjoying it after 10-15 minutes, when I start to warm up. So let's not be a pussy and get off my lazy ass!

Btw... my Android programming is starting to help me at work already... I showed my employer the app that I made yesterday (for a festival here in the city... but I just made it as an assignments, and it's only the user interface) and he liked it a lot... and he asked if I'd like to come to the networking coming Friday, which is a huuuge opportunity because there will be some celebrities and big people in the music industry, as well as some big local entrepreneurs.

I will improve that app tonight. As a reward for going running, I am going to do the work at the Starbucks tonight (instead of university) and get a good cup of coffee, maybe even two.
 
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Hi Tri,

Man, that is one thing I wish I had in my skillset is Android programming. I would love to be able to create my own apps. Maybe I should look into a course or two. I have programmed in a variety of languages just never thought about creating my own apps. Coffee is a great reward- I use it all the time. I hear you about not feeling like running but I think we both need to get our asses out there in the cold to go for a good run. Go for it!
 
I survived my run, I liked most of it even. Enjoying my coffee @Starbucks now, going to continue my exploration of the Android platform after finishing this post.

I am doing the Android Basics Nanodegree at Udacity. I highly recommend it! Udacity offers the best online courses ever.

You can do everything (except getting projects reviewed) without signing up. So, what I did is doing about 40% of the materials in advance, giving me a head start, so I only need to pay two months (the minimum). You get 50% back if you graduate within a year, so it only costs $199 bucks for me. It may sound expensive, but well you know IT so you know it is really cheap. The value you get from it is huuuuge. Sometimes they offer the first month for half of the price.... so then the minimum would be about $150, even better.

Btw: no, I am not an employee at Udacity, just a happy customer ;)
 
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