Let's get less serious and learn to relax and have fun with life

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IAmGoingToTri said:
Date update:
The date was AWESOME! We had a lot of fun on the ice! We made a lot of jokes, skated for hours (I didn't fall! Though it would have been ok if I did. I almost fell hundreds of times though!), talked about a lot of things, and I felt a connection... and so did she!

We are taking it slow, we both like it that way. We kissed in the end... it was so romantic! ;) So we took a little step forward. We can do more steps, slowly by slowly, enjoying the journey and seeing how long it will go. I now hope that it will go on forever, but what I want most is for us both to be happy, and we'll have to see if we can do that together or not.
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:party: WOOT!!!! :party:​
 
Thx cate and lamaria! :)

I still find it hard to believe that this actually happened. It was really special.

And (to go on topic) I loved ice skating as well, and now that I know that I can do it I hope to do it more often. A bit of variation in cardio is always nice!

My weight having dropped to 89.0 kg means that I will soon never weigh more than 90 kg. I will never let that happen again!

Today I will do 30 kilometers of cycling and 10 km of rowing (at the end of this morning). In 20 minutes I will have a good breakfast with my brother, I am staying at his place.

This afternoon I will do some chores at home, and a hour or two of work, and this evening a friend from my university days will come visit.

So, even though my mind wanders off all the time (guess where :p), I will get my mind to focus and do the things that I just planned... to keep improving myself and my life a little bit each day.

One final thing that pops up in my mind, that you may find interesting... I plan to do a mindfulness/meditation training. Hoope to learn more about dealing with my thoughts and emotions and becoming a bit more calm.
 
Felt a bit depressed and anxious all day. It was a busy week with so many experiences, that overwhelmed me a bit, and I didn't sleep well yesterday, because I had some beers with my brother. So, it's not very surprising to feel like this. Not going to overthink it, just going to ride this out, I am sure that I feel a bit better tomorrow. Let's go to sleep.
 
Often if I feel absolutely fantastic one day I can hit the ground with a big thud the next. Not sleeping well will also do it. Sleep tight Tri & hopefully tomorrow is a whole lot better xo
 
cate said:
Often if I feel absolutely fantastic one day I can hit the ground with a big thud the next. Not sleeping well will also do it. Sleep tight Tri & hopefully tomorrow is a whole lot better xo
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Thanks for your wisdom cate! :)

Just woke up. Sleep was better than the night before, and so is how I feel. I still don't feel great, but I feel good enough to make something of this day. So, let's do that.

First, some positive news. I hit a new record low weight: 88.2 kg. Almost lost 10 kg since Christmas last year (nearly eight weeks). I can clearly see the difference in the mirror. Smaller belly, thinner upper and lower legs, tighter arms, shoulders, back. Much less love handles (noticed that yesterday). My new body feels a bit foreign to me, I have to get used to this new body! Though, at the same time, I also find it hard to imagine my body from 8 weeks ago. Guess my mind is somewhere in between, trying to keep up the pace! ;)
And even if the pace of weight loss would be stable (like 1 kg per week), the pace of change is going to accelerate, because the relative difference of 1 kg to your total fat supply in your body (/your body size) is going to increase. For example, the difference from having 50 kg of fat to 49 kg is much less visible than that from 20 kg of fat to 19 kg (a 2% change versus a 5% change in your total fat mass and volume).

I have decided to use today to relax and do some things that make me feel better and strengthen my mind in the long run, which includes:

- planning this week (knowing what will come will give some peace of mind)
- meditation and mindfulness (which I will do daily from now on, to get more in touch with my feelings)
- reflection (identifying some patterns in my thoughts and behavior, identifying the factors that influence those positivily and negatively)
- talking it over with friends (we coach each other, we have weekly coaching sessions with the three of us)
- organizing my home (so that my space is in good order, which often reflects to one's mind (and vice versa))
- exercising at the gym
- studying sleep hygiene and decide how I can improve mine (no laptop in bed, reduce light, quietness, no phone next to bed, etc)
 
My date broke up with me. It's over.

Feeling miserable. I don't know what to do with it, except letting time erode it away. Knowing the truth helps with that.

I learned so much from this time, and I got aware of a lot of other things that I have to learn to deal with. I hoped to be able to do that together, but now I will have to do that alone. And I will.
 
IAmGoingToTri said:
I learned so much from this time, and I got aware of a lot of other things that I have to learn to deal with. I hoped to be able to do that together, but now I will have to do that alone. And I will.
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You have learned so much more about yourself Tri & will be in a much better place next time.I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, but kudos to her for letting you know early. Don't forget that you had fun & there is more fun to be had & friendships to be made ahead of you.
 
cate said:
You have learned so much more about yourself Tri & will be in a much better place next time.I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, but kudos to her for letting you know early. Don't forget that you had fun & there is more fun to be had & friendships to be made ahead of you.
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Thank you, that's true. I don't think I ever learned as much in one week and it has given my life a huge boost. I really want to get my shit together now, and that not only means having a stable job and a reasonably fit body, but much more. I know some specific things in many different areas of life that I can work on, things that I have been neglecting so far that could enrich my life, or things that are causing me stress and/or will create problems in the future if I don't deal with them. And I know that improving yourself is important, but it should not be your main goal in life.

Back to weight loss, the thing that has been going very well all this time. I think I have never worked this steadily and effectively towards a goal as this weight loss (/health) project. I weighed myself this morning, and my weight was 89.0 kg. Not going to exercise today, I am taking a resting day, I am sure that my body will appreciate that.
 
A few thoughts that I want to share:
Around Christmas, I decided to lose weight from a starting point of self-acceptance, instead of finding it by doing it. So, I decided to accept myself, which is actually something that you learn over time, but I think it starts with a decision (as my experience shows). My weight loss is going very well, and steady, and I continue to learn things about myself. It's nice to have lost weight (it certainly helps me feel a bit more confident in my body), but it is not the magic bullet to gain self-acceptance. My experiences from the last week make it evident that I still struggle very much with my past (wasting most of my twenties) and my identity (who am I, where do I find meaning in my life, what are my dreams and who do I want to become?). This creates a lot of internal suffering, but it also creates an urge to get my shit together. So, painful yet beneficial.

I am confident that I will be able to reach my weight loss goals and maintain and build muscles after that. I will be more fit and good looking than ever in my life. While this is great, it should also keep working on exploring the questions that I just phrases and build other areas of my life, so that I can learn to be free from the demons of my past and build a rich and meaningful life.

Working on my inner life is not just important for my personal wellbeing, but also for dating and developing a good relationship. I mean it's nice and all to have a healthy body, and the ability to maintain it, and I am sure that women will appreciate that (as I would), but it's not more than one ingredient.

So, let's keep going on this journey of self-exploration, -acceptance and development, to create a rich and meaningful life!
 
Little John said:
You can - it involves some measuring (gut, chest and neck, maybe?) and plugging it into here: http://fitness.bizcalcs.com/Calculator.asp?Calc=Body-Fat-Navy. It's not super accurate, but it can give you an idea.

Sorry things didn't work out so well with the date, I won't offer the standard cliché advice/thoughts.
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That's excellent advice Little John. I will gate a tape measure this afternoon, and do as you suggested. The fact that it's not super accurate does not really matter (yet), my fat percentage is still above 20%. When I approach 10%, it's interesting to get an accurate measure, but that won't be before I am 80 kg.

And yeah it sucks that it's over with the dates, but well you can't always get what you want. I appreciate you not offering the cliché advice, I think I already have that covered. It's painful, but I will be fine, and stronger, and there are still plenty of opportunities, etc etc.
 
It's evening here, the scale just told me I weigh 90.2 kg (however, I need to go to the toilet, so this will drop soon. Not planning to weigh myself afterwards, I don't care that much). I realize that this may well be the last moment in my life that I weigh more than 90 kg!

Still feeling meh, but while I acknowledge and learn from them, I don't act upon my feelings. Otherwise I would be hiding from the world, staying in bed all day. And that would only make things worse!

No, I do (almost) the opposite: I do little things that improve my life. I did my work today, starting an hour earlier than normal. I did a lot of chores; organizing my home and a lot of financial errands. I visited my parents, with my brother, and my grandparents were there too, and I gave them attention, listened to their stories, and shared a bit of my life (mostly nice stories, and (when my grandparents were gone) a bit of my dating experience, most of it with my brothers, and some little parts of it with my parents), even though I did not feel like it. It made me feel a bit connected, and I hope that they felt the same.

Now I am working on my sleep hygiene, to improve my sleep quality. This is another of those investments I am doing to improve my (future) wellbeing. I decided to quit drinking coffee after 4 pm (6 hours before my earliest sleep time). As with most of my rules, I will allow myself to have exceptions, for example when I have a good time with a friend and we just want a cup of coffee. Then I will make some good stuff, with hand-ground beans! Life should be celebrated. This may happen one or two nights per week, so it doesn't really matter that much, and probably I will also sleep later on those nights anyways.

Another thing that I read is that you shouldn't do emotional activities in the evening. So, I decided to quit writing on this forum after 8 pm (will do it earlier). Writing these reflections can be relaxing (and it brings me a lot of good, including your advice, which is always excellent), but it can also put me in an emotional or slightly worrying state, which isn't good for sleep. I also listen to podcasts most nights while trying to fall asleep, and it has become somewhat of a crutch. I have to let this go eventually, but for now it is working. I have noticed that the ones with topics which cause stressful emotion in me (politics, personal development, etc) make it much harder to fall asleep than the more neutral ones (about history, or even better, about astronomy, both topics that I am interested in and feel positive about). So, let's set the rule now to avoid the stressful podcasts at those moments (and later re-learn to fall sleep in the silence).

It's also good to avoid screens. This is a tough one, because I like spending time on my computer at night. It will be a hard habit to break. However, I spend most of my day behind my computer and I have the goal to reduce it. I think I should find a replacement. I can see myself doing more reading. So, for now, I will set the rule of doing no computer work after 9 pm. Again there can be exceptions to this rule, for example watching a movie with friends.

Finally I know that it's bad for my sleep if I exercise after 8 pm; I have found that out the hard way. So, I will stop doing that and plan my exercise earlier in the evening, in the morning or the late afternoon. Again there may be acceptable exceptions.

So, a lot of new "rules", but with a bit of leniency and patience. It will get some time to get used to these, and I may not be able to learn them all at the same time, but it's a good investment; my sleep isn't super poor, but it's not great either - I would give it a 6.5/10. If I can make an 8 out of this, or even a 9, this can mean a lot to my quality of life.

Of course, this is just the physical part of my wellbeing. I will also have to work on other areas, including facing some more difficult stuff. But, improving my sleep is easy and will make me better equipped to deal with those things, or whatever life throws at me!

With that I want to finish this last forum post that I write after 9 pm. Good night everyone!
 
This morning's weight: 88.8

Exercise done today (before work):
Rowing, 4 km
Cycling, 10 km

Exercise planned (after work):
Running, 12 km

Caloric deficit planned: 1500.

How I feel today:
Better than yesterday. Still in a bit of an existential crisis. It's stimulating me to improve my life, so I guess it's good. I hope to get out of it better.

Final thoughts:
My health seems to improve automatically now. Going exercising and maintaining a good diet have become easy. In the last weeks I haven't eaten more than planned or skipped exercise.
 
I did my exercise as planned. I ate a healthy meal, with plenty of vegetables. I ate 4 or 5 eggs today! I cooked them this weekend, whenever I cook eggs I just cook as much as fit in the pan.

Estimate of today's deficit: 2000 calories.

One thing I wonder, though, is why I don't feel hungry while creating these huge deficits all the time. I think it may be that I am cooking for myself now, with a lot of vegetables, and that is filling my stomach. That's all I can think of. I mean it's weird, because I don't even feel tempted to overeat, even though there is always plenty of food in my home.

How I feel now: much better. The sun was shining in the afternoon and early afternoon, my colleagues were friendly and I learned some interesting things at work. Still a remnant of sadness remaining, but I can appreciate that emotion being there. It's welcome. I should feel that way. And at least those feelings gives me inspiration for making music on my guitar. And dating this girl and being rejected make me realize that I should keep working on my life, and that means more than I thought it meant. One of those things is that I learned that I should build a more interesting and fun life, if I want to be attractive (and I shouldn't just do it for that, of course). I have been focussing most of my time on my work, exercise, my home and keeping in touch with some people. There is so much more that I can do... but the question that I ask myself now is... what do I want to do? What are my dreams?

I have some nice ideas. One of my dreams was to learn ice skating this winter. I went once, with my date, and while it didn't work out well with her, I did discover that I wasn't completely terrible at ice skating and I improved it further. I have a friend in the city who likes to do ice skating, and he's a really good guy from my university time and I'd like to see him more, so I invited him to go ice skating together tomorrow. He agreed, so that's what we will do! :)
 
Good morning everyone! Managed to wake up early again (7:00 AM), so that I have the time to prepare for work. Going to write a quick update.

@cate - Thanks, I am glad that I learned it and to have started "working" on it - which means just setting my priorities a bit different, finding out my dreams and taking little actions to pursue them. From this, I think this more fun and interesting life just develops over time, as you keep doing this.

@Trusylver - Thanks! :)

Just weighed myself, and I see that I hit another record low: 87.7 kg. This means that I hit another arbitary milestone, I got past 88 kg, which means that I am now officially in the healthy BMI range (which means nothing to me, it's a stupid index, but I just use it as a random milestone). Next milestone (just as arbitrary) is 86 kg, which is when I am lighter than 190 lbs (a round number).

Have a good day everyone!
 
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Burned around 3500 calories today. Ate around 3000, perhaps even 3500. A rare day of (perhaps) not losing weight! Haha what has become of me that not having a big caloric deficit is something noteworthy!
 
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