Let's get less serious and learn to relax and have fun with life

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IAmGoingToTri

IAmGoingToTri

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Time to start another thread. I decided that I will fundamentally reconsider many aspects in my life. I will explain what I mean by that in this first post.

While weight loss and all the other goals that I am working on were worthwhile, I recently (re)discovered that there is a deeper level, that affects about everything in my life, including my weight loss (in many ways). This includes internal things like self-respect, self-acceptance, mindset, self-love, your behavior like how you treat people, what you talk about with them, how you set your boundaries, how much you try to be positive and fun (genuinely), and what you let you be influenced by: media, politics, social media, gossip, negativity in general.

I think all of these are little influences, you basically make thousands of little choices every day, that don't seem to matter (and on their own they don't), but when they accumulate over time, they influence every area of your life. They may be responsible for most of your happiness or suffering.

My weight gain has also been very much related to this principle (that I got from the book "The Slight Edge", a highly recommended read). Directly, because your weight is influenced by how much you eat, drink and exercise (among other factors). Indirectly, because (for example) your stress level (which again is affected by how well you keep your boundaries, how much you allow yourself to relax, etc), and how well you deal with it, can easily cause you to lose motivation to exercise, eat emotionally, and so forth.

The last 8 weeks of losing weight at a steady pace (1 kg per week) shows, to me, that this "Slide Edge" principle really works. You don't see results (in terms of weight loss) from one day of exercise and proper eating (you may feel sick after eating badly one day). The 8 kg that I lose, in barely 2 months, does show that big change can come if you are patient, by just doing your "daily thing".
I also started cooking again in this period, and I combine this with mindfulness. I am amazed by the results; not only do I eat more healthy food, it's more tasty to, and cooking is now a very welcome moment of relaxation.

A few recent events also showed to me that I am not as much in touch with my emotion as I thought, that I am not free from my past, that I allow some negativity to influence me, that I don't fully respect myself, etc. That I am human, yes, that is fine. But I think I can grow now that I see this so clearly. That is what I want to do (while continuing to lose weight and living healthily) and write about in this new journal.

To an increasingly positive future! :)
 
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You are right. Weight loss / gain is more related to your daily life stresses and support than anything else. While it's considered "indirect", it's the major factor.
 
Kudos to you Tri for learning from your experiences & continuing to want to get better. We all have flaws & you are working at improving yours. The hardest part is acknowledging them, realising that your mindset needs to change & then doing something about it. I admire you for it. Cheers, Cate.
 
@allcdnboy - Thanks man, it's good to hear that confirmed from someone who has been fit for a long time!

@Little John - Thanks. If you look on YouTube, there is an audio book version somewhere. Just look for "slight edge" and filter by videos >20 minutes. It's the first one. Though it is more than worth it to put it on your bookshelf, I am going to start my second (more careful and reflective) reading today! :)
I will share some of my first strategies now (but it's still very much a work in progress; however, these strategies are enough to keep me occupied for the coming weeks):

@cate - Thanks for your kind words cate! I totally agree with you, we all have our flaws and we have the opportunity to get better. But some flawiness is fine too, here and there. Reminds us that we are just human beings.
By the way, I admire you a lot too! You seem to have a lot of your mind, and I like how positive you stay among all of it. And I love how you support so many people here. Means a lot! :)

Strategies
- I printed a table with easy daily tasks and activities, that help me improve many areas of my life (or prevent problems in the long term). These include: make bed (2 min), organize home (10 min), write down working hours (2 min), meditate/relaxation exercises (10 min), prepare/eat healthy food, don't waste money, do something fun. My goal is not to do all of them every day, I encourage myself to try, but skipping a day every now and then is fine. The idea behind that is that striving for perfection only creates frustration, which is the opposite of what I am looking for. Missing one day every now and then is no big deal.
- I already mentioned it as part of my list, but I want to explain it a bit more. I want to meditate/do relaxation exercises daily, starting with 10 minutes. I have noticed how much turmoil can be inside of you, and how damaging it can be, and in the past I meditated and I know that it has potential to explore and calm my mind. Other things to do this that I want to do (starting when I am ready) is journaling,
- I will make a list of all chores that I have to do and do a bit of it every day. This includes paying some bills, organizing some stuff, contacting some people, and quite a lot more. I am sure that having those old, uncompleted tasks off my mind will do wonders to my happiness and productivity (not that I need wonders, but it's at least nice to be able to know that I am on top of the things in my life). If may (and probably will) take me months to complete, but eventually I will be done. I am of course talking about doing the important and crucial things. Some things can easily be eliminated by saying "that is not important, no one will (really) care" or "too bad, it's too late for that. time to move on".
- Physically (I should not forget about that topic of course, being on this forum ;)), I will just keep doing what I do. Rowing, running, cycling, cooking, not smoking, not drinking a lot, rarely having fast food. And I will often remind myself that I don't do this to become accepted by myself and by people, but that I do it because I love myself and I feel like I deserve to enhance my body, and through that, my life.

Today's update
Weight: I don't know about today, but yesterday I was 90.4 kg and the day before yesterday I hit my lowest weight this year: 89.7 kg. So I will soon be below 90 more days, and eventually for good.
Muscles: holy fuck, I took a good look to my shoulders, biceps and calves, and man these have become bigger and sturdier! And I have just started...
Exercise: I cycled 25 kilometers, rowed 5 kilometers, walked 1 km.
Eating: I did not eat a lot in the morning and afternoon (I had diarrhea... I will spare you the details). I ate some fruits before working out and ate pasta in the evening.
Calories: CalIn - CalOut = 1250 - 3500 = -2250. A ridiculous day, due to the circumstances (being busy and a bit sickly in the morning). For one day such a deficit is fine, but I will eat more tomorrow.

Today's goals:
Bigger goals/activities for today:
- work for 9 hours at work, make good progress learning for an exam
Done
- organize my home in the evening
Done
- go to the gym tonight
Done

Little things that I want to differently (the goal of this list is not to finish it, it's more pointing to a new direction that I want to go in):
- meditate for about 10 minutes around lunchtime
Done (kind of). Did not do this around lunchtime, but I will do it right after finishing this post.
- experiment a bit with what I focus on in conversations
Done. Did this in several conversations, and it was wonderful. I noticed how different people responded to me when I listened better and chose more topics. And I enjoyed this too. I apologized to a colleague for frequently bringing up politics at work. He was not bothered by it, but
- do something fun tonight, if only brief
Done. I just played some guitar and I chatted for a 40 minutes with the girl I am going out with on Friday, about whom y'all say that I don't have much chance! Ha! Gonna proof you wrong! (or going to proof you right, but with courage and dignity!).
- spend less time on my computer in the evening
Done (sufficiently). Could be less, but I am spending my computer time usefully, and it's not more than an hour so I guess that's good.
- do something creative
Done. I printed some inspirational posters and hung them on my wall. I like the result. And again, the guitar.
- reconnect with someone from my old university
Done. I sent messages to several people, and had some good chats. Surprisingly profound conversations, for that medium.
- do something that I fear
Done. I contacted the girl on my chat app, which required a bit of courage because of the first date. Conversation was wonderful, so that gives a little bit more hope. Don't worry, I plan just to be myself with her and I will see how that turn out. If it's over after Friday, then so be it. I think the key is to focus on the process (the date itself) rather than the outcome. It's all about fun, connection and play. If that's there, then it's good. If not, then that's fine too, then we are not meant to be together.
- reflect a bit and cut out some things that don't add anything to my life, that just make me negative (some YouTube channels, for example).
Click to expand...
Done. I guess I just did that here. I unsubscribed from all but 6 YouTube channels, which are only those that really add value to my life. I let go of all channels about politics and science (yep, science too, I am taking a little break from learning random knowledge online, which was just a distraction from my normal life).
Click to expand...

Hm, even though that list was not meant to be completed, I did it. Without looking on it. Strange, I did not even attempt to do all this, it just happened throughout the day.[/QUOTE]
 
In my head, your profile picture is what you really look like Tri, which makes your posts a whole lot more amusing. :p

Wow, that's a lot of goals for the day! Lol at trying to prove the forum wrong that the girl really does like you! I am sure you know better than we do!! I hope it goes really well. Are you taking her ice skating this week?
 
@Emilyrose - Thanks Emily! Haha yeah... I love this picture! That ape taking a selfie (for real). And sure, that's what I look like :p

Yeah, we will go ice skating this Friday! :)
I don't really disagree with anything the forum said, except that it's still worth trying (even with slim chances). And I did see more positive signals then I described here, so chances may be a bit better. But, either way, you never really know right, until you just go for it? She is beautiful person, I love who she is (from what I know so far, of course). Worth the risk of getting turned down (which is something you can be afraid for, but what difference does it really make?).

Update:
I weighed 90.3 kg this morning. It's nice to really have completed >50% of my weight loss now (15.7/30 kg). By the way, I am not sure my goal of 76 kg is reachable, this was my weight when I was 18, and I may have gained a few kgs of muscle. But I will see; when I closing in on 80 kg, I investigate how to take reasonably accurate measurements of my body fat %, so that I can set a more precise goal (around 9 or 10%). I know someone who is a physical therapist, I may ask him to help me with it.

Plan for today:
Same as yesterday; the same bigger goals/little goals as in the quotation block in my previous post.
 
Hope you have a great skate date! Remember, you're not trying to impress her, you're just going to have fun few hours with her. Keep that in mind, I speak from (many) experiences.
 
Little John said:
Hope you have a great skate date! Remember, you're not trying to impress her, you're just going to have fun few hours with her. Keep that in mind, I speak from (many) experiences.
Click to expand...

Thanks man! :)

Let me guarantee you, I will not impress her with my skating skills. They are really poor (while she is quite good). Haha how do I get myself in situations like these? :p

I will keep that in mind. And if it's not fun, then well, I guess we know what that means.
 
Asking for skating tips (and listening to them and trying them out instead of offering counter arguments) would be a) good for your skating and b) a way to show you're not a mansplainer. Have fun :)
 
LaMaria said:
Asking for skating tips (and listening to them and trying them out instead of offering counter arguments) would be a) good for your skating and b) a way to show you're not a mansplainer. Have fun :)
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:iagree: Tri- have fun & who knows?
 
Thanks your kind words! And, sure, I will let her teach me!

Who knows what else she can teach me *wink wink nudge nudge* ;)

--

Another update:
...that became much longer than intended!
Had a good day. Did plenty of work, chores, exercise. Had a lot of nice social interactions. Enjoyed playing my guitar. Minimal time on the computer in the evening.

calIn = 1800;
calOut = 3800;
callDiff = 2000;

Activities:
25 kilometers of cycling
6 kilometers of walking
8 kilometers of rowing
1.5 hours of working hard on home chores

I just noticed some changes in my body, and some other things in my environment due to my new lifestyle. This is what I see, and how I think it happened. The explanations are arranged from the biggest factor to the smallest):
A) my upper arms (biceps/triceps) have grown significantly in a month, and so have my shoulders and back muscles.
Explanation:
1) rowing workouts, about 30 kilometers per week, starting one month ago.
2) protein shakes after workouts
3) eating healthier (more vegetables, more protein from meat/fish/cheese).
4) losing 8 kg of bodyfat makes them more visible
B) my lower leg muscles and upper leg muscles have grown too
1) rowing workouts, about 30 kilometers per week, starting one month ago.
2) I have been running about 40 kilometers per week for 6 weeks now
3) I have been cycling 100+ kilometers per week for a month or so.
... and the same reasons as #2, #3 and #4 from #A (above).
C) my skin is MUCH smoother
1) sweating a LOT during workouts, which flushes the pores (and washing soon afterwards). It works like a sauna, without a sauna.
2) better nutrition
3) no more smoking
4) less drinking
?) perhaps weight loss has something to do with it. I don't know.
D) girls pay more attention to me (it's VERY obvious)
1) I feel more confident and act in that way (in the last days). It somehow causes me to walk differently, smile more, be more spontaneous.
2) I look much more fit.
E) of course, I lost weight (everywhere. Face, belly, legs, back, ...)
1) I accepted myself, and started to make changes using self-respect as a starting point. The goal of my weight loss is no longer to become able to love myself, I already do that now.
2) I see daily actions as a way to create habits, and habits as ways to make changes. In this case, I am talking about my eating, drinking and exercising habits, which have changed almost completely in the last 8 weeks.
3) Resulting from 1 and 2, the actual changes in my habits allow me to create calorie deficits. Because they are strong habits now, it's now easier to keep doing this then to quit (I realized that today).

Conclusion
I did not know that such revolutionary change was possible in 8 weeks. And this is only the start! Let's keep doing all of this for another 8 weeks (and beyond), can't imagine what will happen.
 
@Morning update
My weight was 90.3 kg.

Very close to my lowest weight of 2016, which was 89.5 kg. I also got there from 98, when being on this forum, but it took me much longer to get there than it did now. And this time I gained some muscle mass, so my body fat percentage is already lower than it was then (I haven't measured, but it's very visible). Finally, I wanted to lose for the long term then, just like I want now, but obviously I have failed. My method this time is differently (in that I cook my own food, do rowing and cycling), but I think it's my beliefs about myself and my mindset that has changed more, that allows me to make this change for good now.

Looking forward to getting past that record; even though I focus most of my attention on (doing and improving) the process, instead of the results (which includes the numbers), every now and then you must celebrate what has changed. Hitting a 1+ year (closer to 2) low is a nice milestone.

Beyond that, my 8+ year milestone (84 kg) is also not that far away. Probably in just 5 or 6 weeks.

Btw, 5 or 6 weeks can both seem long and short. It's long, when I focus on the results... and I want them now! It's short, when I focus on being thankful for what I have now, and for every little step I make forwards, while focussing on maintaining a healthy mindset and lifestyle. Every week I see visible and noticable progress. Multiple times even. I can see the difference of 0.5 kg less body fat on my body, while I could see not see a 5 kg difference when I got from my heaviest, 106, to 100. Part of this can be explained mathematically (the relationship between the area and volume of an object; think of an onion), part of this is because I am just much more aware of my body now, and much more eager to celebrate little steps.
 
Little John said:
I would hold off on that line for a while!
Click to expand...

Haha I am just trying to act a bit macho, you're ruining my act :p

Thanks for your wisdom, I feel the same. Want to wait until we are ready... if this thing continues after our date tomorrow and beyond, of course. No guarantee that that will happen. But is anything in life guaranteed?

Nope. Just gotta embrace uncertainty and live genuinely!
 
IAmGoingToTri said:
I accepted myself, and started to make changes using self-respect as a starting point. The goal of my weight loss is no longer to become able to love myself, I already do that now.
Click to expand...
I love this Tri. I'm enjoying your self-revelations & progress, xo
 
cate said:
I love this Tri. I'm enjoying your self-revelations & progress, xo
Click to expand...

Thanks cate! :) I love to be able to write this... and mean it. Accepting myself is something that I should be reminded of every now and then... sometimes things of the past get to the surface again, when I am feeling tired or when an accident happens. But I am able to get back to my senses quicker now, and I am more able to prevent this from happening altogether by positive self-talk and reflection, reaching out to people when I feel a bit worse instead of isolating myself, sleeping better, meditiating, mindfulness, etc.

Weight update:
I was 89.6 kg this morning. This is about the same as my lowest weight of 2016, and considering the muscle that I built as well, I am further than my last attempt (though I don't see what I am doing now as an "attempt", I am just following this process and, through it, I am making a lasting change).

Because I have been crushing all my milestones that I recently set, here are three more:
88 kg: my BMI is less than 25
(btw I think BMI is the shittiest indictor that there is, especially for comparing individuals (versus groups) :p. But, because it is used so much, it feels like I am officially entering the normal weight class. I wonder where I can get my badge! :p)
86 kg: my weight is less than 190 lbs
(I am 100% metric, but there's nothing wrong with using the imperial scale for defining milestones, as an excuse to celebrate progress, right? ;))
84 kg: my lowest weight in 8 years
(The least arbitrary of my milestones, and the most profound one. May be only 5 or 6 weeks away. Perhaps 8, if my weight loss slows down, which I will choose to do at some point.)
 
Date update:
The date was AWESOME! We had a lot of fun on the ice! We made a lot of jokes, skated for hours (I didn't fall! Though it would have been ok if I did. I almost fell hundreds of times though!), talked about a lot of things, and I felt a connection... and so did she!

We are taking it slow, we both like it that way. We kissed in the end... it was so romantic! ;) So we took a little step forward. We can do more steps, slowly by slowly, enjoying the journey and seeing how long it will go. I now hope that it will go on forever, but what I want most is for us both to be happy, and we'll have to see if we can do that together or not.

So... haa! You were all wrong! :p
(Just kidding of course ;). You gave excellent advice, and I learned a lot from it. Thanks for that!
And you all said that there was little chance, and I agree with that (given the information that you had). But a little chance does not mean no chance ;))

Weight update:
I just weighed myself... and I was 89.0 kg. A record for the last 18-24 months. I lost 9 kg now, in 9 weeks or so. I am going to eat a bit now, then exercise for 1.5 hours at the gym (rowing and cycling).

I think today's deficit will be 1500-2000 calories. A bit on the higher side, like more days this week. I will start eating a bit more, because I don't want to lose too quickly. My weight loss rate is around 1.5 kg per week now, while I have a target (/maximum) of 1 kg per week. Sorry for y'all if you think that this is a luxury problem... indeed it is (and I can solve it by making a few adjustments).

@Little John - That's true. I can't calculate fat%, but I will get it measured somewhere, when I am 80 kg. That's when I determine how far I will continue my cut (75 kg? 76? 78?).
 
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