Lena's corner

Hey Lena!! They must be doing an update or something on WLF, because mine is all screwed up too. But, I had to stop by your diary, before I left work, and say HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!! I can't wait to see your new pics!! And I hope you start eating a little better, you need your energy girlfriend!! I've missed stopping by your diary, I just don't seem to have much time lately. Well, take care and have a very nice day today!!!
Kim
 
your new pics are beautiful :) you look FAB-U-LESS!!!

that's less of your fab self :) and perfectly gorgeous besides :)

the number on the scale lies I think...
 
I'm with Maleficent, you look FABULOUS and so cute, too! You're BF has a very nice face, he seems like he's patient and understanding. Glad you're doing well, but what's that pile of meat you're eating there, hmmm? (Don't listen to me I'm a pescotarian :p)

Thanks for all the loving support through my hard time. I'm much better now, and me and the BF decided to stay together. I'm still being patient about my job situation, though. I hope work isn't too stressful for you! Have a great weekend!
 
well i really had trouble posting today. i hope things get better.

thany val that really means a lot to me. i've never been called fabulous before :D
however i do have trouble taking compliments outside of this forum and outside of the small group of people who know me best. its nice to see people notice the change, but then again it is making me really uncomfortable when they do.

just today, one of the associate professors asked me if i was on a diet and am in a process of creating a new figure? he meant it as a compliment, i know, but it did made me feel uncomfortable because all my life i've been escaping this very thing. i just felt naked and very vulnerable. that little girl inside of me wanted to hide and start crying. fortunately the new me prevailed. but the sensations of awkwardness is still present. i really hope that some day i'll stop feeling like this.

yesterday i messed up the diet, didn't need to do it, but i just had the biggest urge to eat. that didn't happen in a while and i'm sorry i caved in, but not that sorry. which is bad...very bad.

today i'm being good, so i'll write everything down and stick to it:

breakfast: dr. oetker muesli with low fat yogurt
snack: ham and cheese yogurt, 2 raffaello's
lunch: savoy, broccoli and 1 potato mashed and 1 turkey breast fillet
dinner: salad or something light

i also already had 2 cafe late and 1 nescafe cappuccino

anyway, i'm feeling a bit shitty today. mess at work, i'm missing my bf. i need 36 hour day again.
lets hope for a better tomorrow lol
 
You do look wonderful, Lena. I love that pink colour on you in that (eating) picture too! :D

I agree with the others. You look slimmer than I'd expect for the weight you're at - that's yet another good thing!!

Good on you for correcting the situation you ended in yesterday. Sometimes we can make those moments a goad to keep things happening and it sounds like you are.

It's sad that it's still hard for you to be comfortable with compliments like the one you got today, but what a good thing that you have made so much progress with this issue and your new self is still dealing with it.

You do have a lot to manage right now that's for sure. I hope you have time for lots of long distance love from your boyfriend.

:hug2::hug2:

(and ... PS this board is slow for me tonight too, and the emoticons are shifting around again - they're still fiddling I guess.)
 
lena410 said:
he meant it as a compliment, i know, but it did made me feel uncomfortable because all my life i've been escaping this very thing. i just felt naked and very vulnerable. that little girl inside of me wanted to hide and start crying.
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Lena, this is totally normal and to be expected somewhat, depending on one's intrinsic personality. My guess is that you are rather humble--believe it or not, so am I! :eek: A part of me likes compliments and another part is like, well I'm not THAT good looking, do you have to signal me out? It IS embarrassing when people comment on your body, and you have issues with your body to begin with. To this day, people sometimes will comment on how I'm thinner than last summer and I just suck it up and smile and say thank you, although I've gotten used to my new body (been in the mid 140s since February) and its easier to hear it. A long time ago when I lost the 1st ten pounds I got mortified when people pointed it out. Mortified. So you WILL stop feeling sheepish eventually.

Sorry you had a bad day. Glad you're making things right--I binged on CHEESE last week so I know how it is, disappointing myself. Anyway, guilt is useless and right action is the way to go. If you feel lonely, meditate and/or chant more--it may help you beyond relaxing your nerves before a speech like you mentioned. This morning I started to feel anxiety and I realized I hadn't meditating or chanted in a few days so I got up and did it. I feel a bit better but I'm chocked full of energy so I better get MOVING. Have a great day!
 
Hey Lena, you look really pretty in your pics and you and your BF look very cute and happy together :).

Unfortunately you'll probably need to get used to people commenting on your WL, because I think its going to escalate significantly as you start to change more. I distinctly remember when my teacher in 8th grade said in front of the whole class "Did you lose weight? You look really good." I was so pleased about it and proud because I realized that people actually noticed I had lost 10 lbs [on my first diet]. Since then I've always enjoyed when people comment on my WL because I feel it shows I'm looking better and noticeably smaller. Sort of the opposite I guess.
 
Curvie Girlie said:
Lena, this is totally normal and to be expected somewhat, depending on one's intrinsic personality. My guess is that you are rather humble--believe it or not, so am I! :eek: A part of me likes compliments and another part is like, well I'm not THAT good looking, do you have to signal me out? It IS embarrassing when people comment on your body, and you have issues with your body to begin with. To this day, people sometimes will comment on how I'm thinner than last summer and I just suck it up and smile and say thank you, although I've gotten used to my new body (been in the mid 140s since February) and its easier to hear it. A long time ago when I lost the 1st ten pounds I got mortified when people pointed it out. Mortified. So you WILL stop feeling sheepish eventually.

Sorry you had a bad day. Glad you're making things right--I binged on CHEESE last week so I know how it is, disappointing myself. Anyway, guilt is useless and right action is the way to go. If you feel lonely, meditate and/or chant more--it may help you beyond relaxing your nerves before a speech like you mentioned. This morning I started to feel anxiety and I realized I hadn't meditating or chanted in a few days so I got up and did it. I feel a bit better but I'm chocked full of energy so I better get MOVING. Have a great day!
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i will definitely have to do something to relax. thanx val, it means a lot to know its normal to feel this way, especially since i drag this thing from childhood, and being aware of it helps. i guess i can never stop comforting that little girl in me.
Blancita said:
Hey Lena, you look really pretty in your pics and you and your BF look very cute and happy together :).

Unfortunately you'll probably need to get used to people commenting on your WL, because I think its going to escalate significantly as you start to change more. I distinctly remember when my teacher in 8th grade said in front of the whole class "Did you lose weight? You look really good." I was so pleased about it and proud because I realized that people actually noticed I had lost 10 lbs [on my first diet]. Since then I've always enjoyed when people comment on my WL because I feel it shows I'm looking better and noticeably smaller. Sort of the opposite I guess.
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hey claudia thanx for the compliment :)
The reason i feel the way i feel is in the core of me being fat. when i was 9 i was sexually abused (a distant family member was showing me his privates, i was touching it and he was telling me how i will very beautiful when i grow up and how all men will want me and desire my body) this is where all changed for me. now when men who are not so close to me make comments just causes that same state of fear in me.
but things are improving. well i am improving lol :D


on a different note. i am incredibly pissed off this morning. i ordered a new laptop because i need it for budapest. i'm leaving on friday. the laptop came yesterday and its not working. i really am going to yell at someone today. :argue:

well at least i ate well yesterday. i ended up having ice coffee for dinner lol.
 
my dear people

i just wanted to say HELLO FROM BUDAPEST :D

so i'mfinally here. its so weird, i can+t even say it how strange this feels. i'm low on battery for now, but i will write later. i miss you, i need your support, now more than anything.

i'll write about what's going on later.

a big hug
Lena
 
lena410 said:
The reason i feel the way i feel is in the core of me being fat. when i was 9 i was sexually abused (a distant family member was showing me his privates, i was touching it and he was telling me how i will very beautiful when i grow up and how all men will want me and desire my body) this is where all changed for me. now when men who are not so close to me make comments just causes that same state of fear in me.
but things are improving. well i am improving lol :D
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Well was is despicable of this predator, what a creep that he ruined things for you like that. Interesting how our early experiences have such a profound effect on us later in life. I must remember that with my little sweet baby and hope I can somehow protect her from predators like that.
 
lena410 said:
my dear people

i just wanted to say HELLO FROM BUDAPEST :D

so i'mfinally here. its so weird, i can+t even say it how strange this feels. i'm low on battery for now, but i will write later. i miss you, i need your support, now more than anything.

i'll write about what's going on later.

a big hug
Lena
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Have fun and definitely tell us all about it. Pics would be nice... :)
 
I know girls hate pictures of themselves eating, but that was a great picture of you. One friendly piece of advice--you have a great smile so definitely use it in pictures :)
 
ok now i can finaly write. i'm really nervous because my presession is starting tomorrow. we were sent articles via e-mail that we were supposed to read. i read only like less than half so i'm really concerned. i just hope tomorrow goes well.
the whole budapest experience didn't start too good.first i travelled for almost 12 hours. and that can be nerve recking. the first dissapointment was that there wasn't a pc in my room, and i requested one. then i tried to connect online (thank god i brought my laptop with me) and there's no wireless connection exceptin the lobby. i went to the lobby and there are problems with wireless. i really felt alone for like two days. everything is so big and i just felt isolated. now the wireless is back on and i'm sitting in the lobby. i immediatelyfeel much better. tomorrowi will probably get internet connection in my room so things will definitely improve.

ok now about food. they have rather good offer of food, including some healthy choices like salads, but i have to pay for them separately. there is a gym here atthe dorm, i gaven't checked it out yet. i will probably to morrow, but i did some walking. that's a good thing here, lots of space to walk.

i'm so glad i have this forum so i can write about my frustrations.

i'll check in later or tomorrow.

love,
Lena
 
well this is turning out to be a very hectic week. i'm having my presentation tomorrow, but i hope that will go ok. the good news is i finally have internet in my room :D so i'm really happy about that.

i still haven't been able to visit the gym, i just didn't have the time, but i am using alot of my energy on walking hehe, and i didn't really have much time to eat a lot.

anyway, hopefully i'll be online some more :)
 
Hi Lena. I'm glad you're getting things sorted out - especially the net! That's totally vital!!

Good luck with your presentation tomorrow.

:hug2:
 
molte bene britta :) i see you're catching up on your italian,that is just awesome.

well the presentation i think went pretty ok, people say it was great, but i'm very critical of myself, and a perfectionis and i know i could have done it better.but the most important thing is that it is finaly over :D

there are some really cool people here, and cute too lol

i'm mostly eating turkish food, which is good, its spicy but its lots of veggies and that suits me. i'm really proud of the fact that i'm not overeating. i also need to get my schedule so i can get organized and start going to the gym. i really need some good workout. butlets take things slowly and see how it all goes. if nothing i'll buy some weights and do some exercisein my room or something.

i'm getting better and the stateof panick is slowlyleaving me so old lena is getting back in te picture:)

today's food:
breakfast: scrambled eggs, two pieces of cold cuts and 1 piece of black bread
lunch: mixed salad with fried mushrooms, broccoli and cheese with falafale sauce
snack: 1 chocolate bar
dinner: piece of meet with veggies or rice on a side (i don't know what is there yet for dinner, i just suspect this)
 
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