hi diary,
i am still here and active. today is christmas and i has completly blown the day. i just cant seem to keep a healthy lifestyle going. i feel so bad about this constant cycle. well here is what i ate today. sugar cookies, cake w/ icing, meatballs w/gravy, corn and brown rice. i am out of control. when the urge comes on i just eat until i am full. mind you full for me is basically in pain in my stomach. after which it is painful for me to move. i just abuse my self over and over. i has a talk with my husband the other night. i came to the conclusion that i have very low self esteem. i thought that by having things such as family, job etc.. that that some how makes you who you are. i have found that to not be true at all. you have the feeling for several minutes and then it is gone. i have this now what feeling. my husband told me to think of three things you like about yourself. you know what, i had trouble thinking of three things that i like about my self. that is a shame. if i were looking at this on tv i would slap myself and say what are you thinking.i am tired of this pitty party that is not ending. i continue it i think out of habit and then i get my pay off and it starts all over again. this is becoming too much. i see why obesity is a disease. it disables me everyday. well i will think about this mental status of minds for a moment and i may come back here latter.
peace