Kino's Journal: It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get up.

Kino1

Kino1

New member
Hello again Weight Loss Forum,

I've been back and forth to this site so many times. I go through periods of time where I'm so ready to lose weight and then periods of time that I forget I ever wanted to lose weight.

And here I am...ready to get up for the 1000th time!

So the past couple of days I have been trying to eat right again and exercise. I'm certainly not new to eating well or exercise. I was walking to work yesterday and trying to figure out exactly what it is that makes me unable to lose my weight...

I think that I have spent so many years of my life as an overweight person, worrying about being overweight, wishing I were skinny, trying to lose weight, reading about losing weight, spending money to lose weight that if I actually do lose weight...then what? Weight has been such a defining characteristic for me for so long. So if I'm not overweight, then who am I? I'm not sure if this even makes sense but I have a fear of succeeding with this weight loss and this is the only reason I can concieve of.

Of course, it's not all about the fear...food is also a comfort to me. If I'm having a bad day and I know I can go home, relax and eat something yummy then I am instantly calmed.

So anyway, I'm going to use this journal to talk about my feelings as opposed to neccessarily tracking every single thing I eat.

However, I will also use it to figure out what I do wrong. For example: yesterday I came home from work after eating very well all day and my mom had made me supper..chicken breast, rice and corn. So I ate that and then I made myself a grilled cheese sandwich. Was I still hungry? No. But we had a brand new package of shredded cheese and I LOVE cheese. So I had to have some. HAD to! So there went my day.

Something I know for sure: I need to break up with cheese :( At least during my non free days.

Something else I know for sure: I need to drink more water!!!!!!!!!

Also, I have began doing the 30 Day Shred video by Jillian Michaels. It's worked in the past so I hope it works again :)

Anyway, hopefully I'll be back again soon. I'm going to try and keep this up!
 
I decided to should probably praise myself for something good I did today:

I was reaching for a snack at work and I had a Nutrigrain Bar...so I decided to look at the nutritional info first. It had 130 calories, and 24 grams of carbs including 12 g of sugar and 10 g of starch. So this didn't sound good. If I want to lose weight, I can't be eating that much sugar in one sitting or that much starch.

So I had a yogurt instead :) yay!
 
Hello again,

I did really well yesterday :) I'm very happy with myself. Unfortunatley, tomorrow is the dreaded Friday! It's my last day of work (working as a summer student) so my co-workers are taking me out for lunch. I think it's good for me to use tomorrow as a treat day in order to keep me on track but at the same time, I wish I had a few more days to lose some more weight first before I have a treat day. hmmm.

Today at work has been quite hectic! I haven't eaten much today besides my cereal and it's 1pm...that's not good. I'm going to take a break now and actually eat my lunch to make sure I don't end up binging later.

I weighed myself today and I'm happy to say my weight was down again :) So pleased about that! I can do this! I know I can!

I did not exercise last night...it's tough, I didn't get off until 9pm and the last thing I wanted to do after a 12 hour day was exercise. I'm hoping with school starting again, my schedule will be more lenient and I can get my exercising in :)

Cheers all!
 
Kino,

Please don't think I am getting on you because I'm really not and I for sure am not an expert at anything except putting on weight.

Right now you are at a point in your life that can set the tone for the rest of your life when I was 21 years old I took off 40 pounds to get to 200lbs then within a few months I had put that back on and more then over the nex 29 years I would take some off then put it plus some more back on until 4/14/09 had my 50 year old milestone check-up and found out I had Diabetes and my weight was up to 422lbs when someone would say something about my weight I would answer I will die happy not skinny, man was I lying to myself!!!!!

Please dont be like me and waste 29 years of your life not being able to play with your kids, and in my case grandkids or enjoy walks with your partner.

Good luck with your journey!
 
Hi Tony!

Thank you for telling me your story. You should be very proud that you have not given up and are still fighting and you're doing a wonderful job!

That's exactly what I'm afraid of. I'm only 24 and I'm yo-yoing with my weight and that scares me. I really need to get to the root of what's going on and why I do this to myself.

I try really hard to focus on my health as a main reason for wanting to lose weight..I have various types of cancer (breast, colon etc) in my family, my parents have both had heart attacks and stokes respectively and diabetes runs rampant in my family.

So this weekend I gave up a little...Friday, I had fish and chips for lunch with work (dressing and gravy to boot), chips and cheesies, chocolate (cookies and cream and Reeses Peanut Butter Cup (did I really need two???), McDonalds and waffles at the Cabin plus the alcohol I drank. Yesterday I had Pizza Hut Pizza and some chips. While this is better than I usually do, I was hoping to confine it to just one day (Friday) but I ruined yesterday too. I'm glad I'm being accountable though...it's hard for me to write down what I've eaten and really take a look at it.

Today I've had some measured out Bran Flakes with soy milk for breakfast and I will now have a banana...I'm off to a good start now! I also busted my foot so I can't exercise so I really need to watch what I'm eating...I'm down 4.6lbs and I've been here before...it's a start but can easily be ruined by a few days of bad choices and then I'll be at square one again..I wont let that happen!!!!

I hope everyone is enjoying their Labour Day weekend!!!!
 
I decided to should answer these questions:

1. Answer these questions before starting your diary.

-- How much weight do you want to lose?

45lbs

-- What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight?

9 months (In time for my University Graduation)

-- How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)?

Healthy eating
Hikes
walking
jogging/running
30 Day Shred


-- Who or what can support you in reaching your goal?

My boyfriend, my family, friends

-- How realistic is your goal?

very. My recommended goal is lower than that for my height, however, I don't think my body can go that low.

-- When will you start?

started two weeks ago :)

My first mini goal is to get into the 180's and from there..I will focus on 10lbs at a time...small obtainable goals!

Also, this weekend, I went for a little hike while at a cabin. It was so nice...I'm afraid of heights so I'm overcoming some fears, exercising and getting some amazing pictures from an amazing view! I like the idea of finding exercise in things other than just going to the gym/regimented work out schedules (which I like as well but some days it's nice to have a change!)
 
Hi there.

I like your initial post. The important thing is that we keep on getting up after we fall down.

I suggest that you take a hard line on your diet. You said you found it difficult to look at what you had eaten after you wrote it all down.
Go the next step and start tracking your food intake. Use a site like FitDay.com and start entering _everything_ you eat each day. You will probably be shocked at how many calories you are taking in - especially over the weekend. It can be a real wake-up call.

Another thing I might suggest is, instead of 'free' days, have a 'free' meal once a week. Your diet can handle one meal a week that is sub-optimal, but as you can see over your Friday, an entire day can get out of control.

Don't give up! Don't let one bad meal turn into an entire day of unrestrained gorging! A lot of people on weight-loss regimes or diets or whatever fail this way, because of an all-or-nothing mentality. They think that if they have one bad meal, they have 'blown' the diet and then they just give up and then it's all over.

Too bad about your foot - I know how hard it is when you want to exercise but can't. I suggest shifting your focus to your diet while your foot heals. Put all your energy into really nailing down your diet. It will pay off big time, more, in fact, than the exercise you would have done had your foot been fine.

I wish you success in your endeavours.
 
Cord the Seeker,

I think you're completely right regarding the free meal as opposed to a free day! I just don't have the willpower for a free day.

Thank you for all of your comments :)


So, I had a horrific failure of a weekend but I'm not giving up! I'm not!

I just don't know how to say no. It's as if my mind shuts down and I agree to eat whatever is in front of me and then after I'm done, I click in and realize what I've done. uuugh..sometimes I wish I had someone else to make food related decisions for me!

I had such a good weekend...camping, swimming, hiking etc. But here is a list of all the bad food I ate:

chips, pizza, chocolate, cheesies, coconut cream pie, fish and chips x 2, cookies, cheese, macaroni and cheese, dressing, etc etc

my weight is up to about 196 in four days...great! This is ridiculous...what happened to doing this for my health??

But like I said I'm not giving up...today is a new day!

so I used to be on weight watchers which worked lovely for me. I have a weight watchers calculator and remember my daily limit so I think I'm going to start counting points again. Let's see how this works out!

My foot is also feeling better...I think I'll do my 30 day shred today and maybe try and go for a jog.
 
Kino,

Cord made some very good points, I started tracking my intake on fitday and I was shocked at my intake.

Come on girl we can do this, I know it's easy to tell someone to just say no but for our sake we really need to!
 
Kino said:
I just don't know how to say no. It's as if my mind shuts down and I agree to eat whatever is in front of me and then after I'm done, I click in and realize what I've done. uuugh..sometimes I wish I had someone else to make food related decisions for me!
Click to expand...

I know exactly how that feels! Its almost like I become a food zombie. All rational human thought goes out the window and a little part of my brain takes over and convinces the rest of me that I need to eat the bad food or that I need to eat two helpings.
I've found at times like that it helps to break the spell by stepping away from the food and looking into a mirror. Kind of like a splash of cold water. Then I think about the hard work i've done and how much I deserve to get the rewards for that hard work (the weight coming off) and that i'm not going to let myself down.

Sometimes it still doesnt work, but most of the time it atleast slows me down.

You can do it, just be your own cheerleader and best friend. Dont get to hard on yourself when you stumble, just tell yourself you will do better and have fun.
 
Thank you both for your comments!! It's great to know that I'm not alone in this :) I'll try stepping out of the situation...whenever I do have the will to say no, it's almost like I'm going through a sort of withdrawl from it...it's intense!! If I'm with friends and there are chips in front of me and I feel shaky, cranky and irritated if I don't try some. I know how dramatic that sounds but it's soo hard and the kicker is that they're good...but they're not THAT good and I feel so gross afterward!

I have began tracking my food today and writing down how I'm eating. So far so good! I'm going to try my best to keep this up! My memory is so bad and I just forget...they say it takes 21 days to form a habit!

I'm really excited..I found all the Weight Watchers info I'll need for free online! All the points for foods I can't calculate from nutritional info (like fruits and veggies) and there are a lot of resources online. I can't believe I spent so much money on the program before. It really does work though as long as you remain aware of sodium, type of fat, protein etc because the program doesn't consider those things while calculating points.

Feeling optimistic!!!! I thin I'll paint my toe nails, read a book and then do my exercises...a nice 'me' day :)
 
So yesterday was fantastic! I stayed within my points, drank my water, ate fruit and veggies and fiber :D and I exercised! I feel great now that I have one really good day under my belt. I'm still really motivated!

I did my 30 Day Shred video too and I"m sore today :) I love the feeling of being sore after working out!! hehe

School starts tomorrow...eep! My last year :)
 
Hey Kino,
Good luck on your weight loss journey girl. :) I wish you the very best of luck. One thing that really works for my craving is EXERSIZE, and a lot of it. I belive that loosing weight is 90% diet and 10% workout. But working out has more benefits than just burning calories.... it really takes your mind off eating. :) You should start portion controlling and eating within the calorie limit your doctor reccomends...see a physician before you start any weight loss business. Its really important you do that.

Take care girl

GOODLUCK
 
I have the most trouble when I am around other people that dont have to or just dont watch what they eat.

For instance my girl friend has 2 house mates one his her sister who is there to help my girl friend with her special needs daughter and the other his her best friend that needed a place to stay and has become a border, they are also both diabetic like us but they just plain dont care.

Anyway Monday one of them fixed a huge meal loaded with carbs and I could tell she was not happy when my girl friend and I did not eat like we used to.

Later my girl friend told me she was glad I was there because she would have caved in and ate more.

Kino we just have to remember it's one day at a time.
 
Hi Sanjana!! Thanks for stopping by my journal! I need to stop by a number of journals but I'm at work right now! haha. I love exercising too!!! I'm so glad I enjoy it because it really helps!

Tony,
I'm glad you and your girlfriend are there to support one another!! That's one of my problems too! For example, I still live at home and we make pasta sometimes and we all know how carb and calorie heavy pasta is! I LOVE pasta and I'm allowing myself to eat it because it does have benefits (whole wheat/grain-lots of fiber and protein) but I was practicing portion control. When I don't fill my bowl up my mom gets mad at me ("you're not eating enough! Eat more of it!" kind of thing) and it's frustrating because she doesn't have the weight problem and doesn't understand how hard it is to do portion control especially when you have other people around who are not doing the same thing. My boyfriend is definitely a support for me too...he's had a weight problem in the past so he does try to eat well but occasionally we splurge together and eat chips and so on. It's definitely so much easier to fall off the wagon when someone else is around eating badly!


Today has been a bit icky. I feel very light headed and weak and I have a headache. I don't think it's related to eating less because I am maintaining healthy eating habits...I think my iron might be low again. This has been a recurring problem for me for a long time and I'm not a big meat eater. I've been on iron pills in the past but I'm terrible for remembering to take them. Time to schedule a trip to the doc again!!!
 
Happy Friday!!

So today is the day. My first Friday in a long time where I have to fight the habit of eating chips or chocolate. I'll focus on eating well but may be a bit more lenient today if it means staying away from the really bad stuff.

I'm going to a stagette tomorrow night and have a family function in the afternoon, so that is the reason why I'm changing the day when I eat a little bad.

I exercised yesterday and felt like I was going to die! I got shaky and weak and very much felt like I would pass out or throw up. I've been feeling off for a few days. I'm definitely eating enough and drinking water so I'm on the phone as I type this trying to make a doctors appointment. Something in my body is definitely low!

I hope everyone has a good weekend :)
 
Hey there,
Its good to give yourself some slack over the weekend. But dont fall totally off the wagon, keep track of your calories! Not to stay below the line, bue just for general awareness sake. Maybe you can adjust that with exersize once the week starts?

As for your exersize and getting shaky and exhausted! Thats dangerous! Maybe you are going too hard on yourself. I totally dont belive in the saying no pain no gain! Come on! Exersize is meant to be pleasureable! And if you are just starting out, stick to cardio....increase your intensity with time. Dont go too hard on yourself the first thing you start doing, it can be demotivating! So take one step at a time! :)

I hope you have a swell weekend chica
 
Kino when I first started at the gym I would get light headed and very shakey so I talked to my Dr and she had me check my sugar before and after and we found out my sugar level was droping below 70 so I have to make sure I eat a snack with 30 grams of carbs and 8 grams of protein no more than 2 hrs before a work out, same Dr has my girl friend eat 15 grams of carb and 8 grams of protein.

Not saying that is your problem but it is something to think about.
 
Thanks for both of your posts! :)

I'm definitely going to look into it. The thing is, I'm not new to exercise and I've never had this problem before. I'm going to look into my water intake and my sugar/carb/protein intake prior to and after my workout. I take in protein and drink water during and after my workout but I don't think I take enough care about what I'm doing prior to the workout.

I think it's my iron levels. I've always had trouble with my iron and it's likely that it's very low which is causing me to feel so crappy and exercising with a lack of energy caused by that makes me feel terrible. so I'll go to the doctor and get some blood work done and see what's going on.

The problem with getting blood work done is that back in December I had BW done and I have very very small veins and the needle slipped while inside my arm and I am in no way exaggerating when I say I had a horrific bruise on about 60% of my arm for a month. So I'm nervous about that but it's something I need to get over.

On another note...I'm having some major difficulty with not eating badly right now. So I'm being good and coming to this site to look for some support and motivation. On Friday's it's normal for my family to eat out and to spend time with friends, get pizza or chips or whatever and every fibre of my being wants to go eat McDonald's and get chips with my BF when he comes over. But I can't!!!!! I have that internal struggle going where I feel like 'well, eating *insert bad food here* wont be that bad' but the other part of me KNOWS how good I'll feel tomorrow morning when I wake up and realize I got through tonight. Then tomorrow I can keep track of what I'm eating but not be as strict. I'm definitely going to try doing the 'treat meal' instead of a day.

Tomorrow morning I also weigh myself and I don't want to ruin that (even though I know numbers aren't everything)..I'm also take measurements :) I've done soo well this week.

Anyway just came by to vent...I can do this! I've made it to 5pm!!! I just need to make good choices. It's not about restricting myself from everything..it's about the choices!
 
ok so I FINALLY did it. In the past three years, I've tried to go a whole Friday without eating badly and restarting the weekend cycle I have to eating terribly for the whole three days!! And every weekend (without fail) I would give in and every Monday I would think to myself "I'll try again this week" and yesterday after all this time...I FINALLY did it!!!!

I went to a pizza place with my boyfriend (he asked if I minded and I told him it would be good for me) and sat with him while he had a slice of pizza. I went to his house with some friends and did not eat anything while my friends are chips and talked about how they had had Burger King for supper.

I AM SOOOO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!! :-D !!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally Finally Finally!!!!!

Now the downside? I weighed myself and the number on the scale hadn't changed from yesterday so my weight is up by .8. However, technically I've only been eating well since Tuesday and I did so badly last weekend that my weight went up to 196 and it's only now back to 192. So I'm doing well but part of me really hoped the number would be below 192 so that I could have something to show for getting through yesterday!

But I do have something...I'm proud of myself! and I don't say that very often :)

YAY!!!!!!!!!! :hurray::cheers2::willy_nilly::coolgleamA:
 
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