Keeping up a constant battle

Okay i need to regain the control on this battle again. Ive slipped into the cycle of weight gain again and Im not going to let it get the better of me. I havnt put on weight but i definately havnt lost much either this month. I NEED to take control.
 
So this is me taking control, just walked down to the fruit store and bought up big. BIG is say! And im going to do a little home made detox which involves not eating anything other than the fruit and veg i just cought until it is all gone. Lets see how i go!
 
Just popping in to give some encouragement! You can do this!

Although don't go too long without some protein. Fruit & veg are good, but you do need protein too :D
 
Cheers for that!

Well my detox day went good, made me feel good. Still another gain today though, expecting results tomorrow.
 
Well i was looking over my log book to try and figure out exactly what it might be that is different form last month when i was having constant losses to this month were i have been fairly constant. And of corse im a douche and realised that i havnt been using my ankle weights at all. Then sure enough I use then for three days and have a massive loss which takes me back down into the 50kg range. Although i cant be sure cause i have been pumping my body with more fruit and veg (which i havnt really been eating any of, woops) - but thisis why i love having a log book. I get to think about what i can do and come up with a couple of different things i can do to work towards my goals.
 
Okay ive had a fairly lazy month and im starting to get back on track.

Resisted the white bread for brekkie. Instead having my oh so good for me cerel. Weigh in was another gain, no surprise there i was kinda bad over the weekend. But getting back on track.
 
Okay so here are the measurments for the start of this month...

Bicep - 29.5cm, a loss of 0cm this month - total loss of 2.5cm
Bust - 90cm, a loss of 2cm this month - total loss of 14cm
Waist - 80.5cm, a loss of 2cm this month - total loss of 20 cm
Hips - 94cm, a loss of 0cm this month - total loss of 10cm
Thigh - 55.5cm, a gain of 0.5cm this month - total loss of 3.5cm

And weight.....

Weight - 59.7kg, a loss of 0.3kg this month - total loss of 12.3kg

So not really amazing result but results none the less.
 
Okay so im back down to 59.6kg today. My goal for this week is to have four days where i do my 30 mins cardio at the most ideal heart rate.

I think this is where i have been going wrong because while ive been working towards calories instead of minutes ive found that ive been getting lazy and not getting my heart rate to the point it should be, not really sweating much at all and as a result i have not been getting many results.

So i am going to be more mindful of that. Also another strange thing that i have noticed over the past couple of days is my eating habits. Normally im a big fan of snacking, but for the past week i have been totally off it. Like right now im feeling hungry and normally that would mean i would crack out the snakatas and just start munching. But lately i just dont want to do that, instead i would rather stay hungry and wait until it is time to have a meal, or just have a piece of fruit, which is a good thing i know but it is still odd for me. I would also be worried about not breaking my meals up enough but ive also not been eating that much at my meal time either.

I guess we all go through stages now and then, but at the moment im just not that interested in eating i supose. Ive read a book about weight loss and in it it tells you that instead of think how can i reach my goal weight, it says that instead you should be thinking about living your goal weight. Not so much working it off, but changing and adapting your lifestyle to suit a person who is what you wanna be. Like for example a 50kg 21 yr old girl wouldnt sit at home just snacking like i use to, and would excersise regularly.

Im guessing thats the thing thats been going around in my head. Cause ive also read a study they did on a bunch of over weight people and a bunch of thin ppl. With the over weight people they set of a diet plan for them which would cut out a certain amount of calories, then found that after doing that they would sit around and not do as much activity during their day as they normally would to compensate. They then found that with the thin people, they increased their calorie intake by a certain amount and found that they would conpensate by fidgetting more and doing more activity than they normally would.

Kinda werid what our bodies decide for us without us even knowing huh? I guess also I just keep trying to focus on a time in the future when i can be happy with how i look. Now i know this same sob story has probably been heard a million times over, but i just hate the way i look. Whenever i go out for a night all i can think about is if people are looking at me cause im ugly, or how i dont fit in with the other girls so i try to dress to suit me but i feel like im sticking out, or if i do try to dress the same as the other girls i then find they i feel ridiculas because i am just not thin enough to pull off the look in the same clothes,

Bitch bitch bitch, whine whine whine i know, but this is my diary so i guess it is okay.
 
Yeah, I am jealous of the people who's bodies compensate for the extra calories. With some people they can compensate for as much as 900 extra calories in a day. I. Wish.

Although I did discover I could sort of fake it by not letting myself sit down as much when I'm at home. Mind you, watching TV standing up can make others wonder what's going on, so it may be best done alone ;) But it worked. And it's not like my house couldn't use more house work anyway... In any event, the good news is that if you know about the tendency to do less when you eat less, you can make a conscious decision to combat it.

And yeah, self consciousness about your appearance sucks. And the irony there is that confidence is one of the things that people find attractive - so someone who's moderately good looking can be perceived as more attractive than someone who's really good looking but lacks self confidence. Of course, boot strapping yourself into confidence is a lot easier said than done! But I'm sure you rock ;)
 
okay ive been really bad lately, have not been keeping track of what i eat or keeping up with the excersise thing. I think im starting to get bored with tracking my calories, even though i do keep it in mind its starting to get really tedious. I think it would also make it easier if i had some form of structure to my life. At the moment it is school holidays so im only working my job at the club however one of the guy there quit (again) on the spot so while i thought i would have loads of spare time over these two weeks ive found instead im getting hammered by the job. Had my one day off yesterday and got nothing done in terms of weight loss. So im going to have to rethink what im going to do. Hmmm...
 
hang in there girl, there will these periods of lossing focus, but its gonna come back soon. All the best for your goals.
 
well im still experiencing the un-intentional food strike i seem to be on. Its very strange, i mean i get hungry and all but i dont want to eat, and when i do i start to feel sick in the stomache so im lucky to get through half of a meal. It gets to a point where i have to keep telling myself to just put food in my mouth, chew swallow and keep telling myself over and over because otherwise i just wouldnt eat.

i know it probably sounds stupid, and i know there are a lot of people here who have the exact opposite problem and i should just count myself lucky that im trying to lose weight and not wanting to eat. Short of getting light dizzy spells and head aches it hasnt been making me sick (yet) but im worried it will.

Im thinking it mich be a pscyological thing. That i just want to lose the extra weight so bad that im subconciously telling myself not to eat, and when i do i get sick. I dont know much about anorexia or belemia but is this how it starts? Christ i dont even know how to spell it!!

And i know people are just going to tell me to eat, but if it was that simple then it wouldnt be a problem right? I think i might post a new thread asking for advice about it, i just hope people aren't too mean about it...
 
Well im not quite sure what i weight at the moment and i think im going to kepp it like that for a bit longer in order to keep my motivation up. It back to full time work mode today, working childcare through the day and bar at night. They seem to fit in together quite well as far as hours are concerned.

As far as my eating habits are they have improved slightly. Ive been trying to switch off completely while i eat to keep the sick feeling at bay, its only when i start to think about what im eating that i start to really feel it. On Saturday i ate 1200 calories, i did make sure that the meals i had were dense in calories though, i went to eat a sausage roll but only got half way through, but then i went home and ate one of my chicken sangas. For dinner i only have a few rice crackers but its better than nothing.

On sunday was better, but i didnt exactly eat healthy and as a result souldnt keep my food down :( it was the first time i have actually been full on sick from eating - but im putting it down to it being take-away. I know now that i simply just cant eat food like that anymore or else my body will go nuts at me.

While i am back to work today ive managed to get my 20 mins of cardio in, which is what ive set for myself to do.
 
Well another day down and feeling good. At the moment im loving being this active, makes me appreciate everything just that little bit more. Especially sitting down an relaxing. Im not doing that things where i get bored and just wonder around the house. Depressing yes, but oh so true.

It is also good when it comes to excersise, while i can usually be pretty dedicated i sometimes find that i will put it off during the day thinking that ill have time later then end up with no time later and lots of excersise to catch up on. Now that i know damn sure that i wont have the spare time later, getting up in the morning and excerising first thing is much easier. Its all about the mindset i guess.

My body is really feeling it, its a good feeling knowing that i have worked hard. Now all i need to do is make sure I get my studies done as well. I need to find some time to set aside to do that. I also need to pick out the days where i will be doing my weight sessions. While i have managed with cardio each day i dont think i would handle a weight session everyday. Not that you should do weights every day anyway. But i will organise it.

Eating today was okay. I had an up and go for brekkie, a chicken sandwich for lunch and cottage cheese, rice crackers and celery for dinner. Which work out to be... just over 1000 calories. Oh, plus i had a glass of milk at work to keep me going so i reckon i would have made it up to 1200 calories. Definately not going over it but im not dropping massively on that front either.

It will be interesting when i do get a chance to weigh myself. Definately feeling thinner, but we will wait to see the actual results first.
 
Okay well still havnt weighted myself, i will do that on friday.

No excersise today, got called into my day job early and then had a full night shift. 16 and a half hours of work later i dont think i can do it now. Eating habits... not so good today. I know i should be eating more but i just didnt have time today (dumb excuse) but true. i think i consumed around the 500 - 600 mark. But once i realised this i quickly ate a couple of mouth fulls of pasta salad before i could think about it, so that should put my up to the 700 mark hopefully.

Obviously i got the head aches and dizziness today. But i wont have anymore days like that this week. So that is good.
 
Nothing much to report, weighed myself today and cma in at 59.9, however i did weight myself at the time of day where im usually at me heaviest though. So thats all good. Excersise as usual. Got it in before i started work.
 
'Okay well it has been a busy week, found out that me and my partner have to vacate our appartment in 3 weeks (joy) so have been manically searching for a place! Plus Work 15 days in a row (more joy) but had the weekend off, which i was pretty stoked about however came down with the flu so i was sick all weekend (joy joy joy) - BUT I'm staying positive.

At the moment im weighing in at 59.7, i did my measurements last week, no big drastic changes but i reduced by 1% with body fat... so not too bad but nothing amazing. My eating habits have gotten better - however while i am eating more ive been eating way too many calories for dinner and not enough during the day, so i must get ontop of that. I have noticed i am getting fitter though, yesterday i had to run back up to my appartment and back to get something and i didnt run out of breath - so that was pretty cool!

So what i want to work on is trying to eat more during the day and less at night. I really want to start seeing the results i was getting a couple of months ago and start moving forward in my weight loss quicker. But while im not losing massive amounts i am happy that im staying stable around the 59kg mark instead of 64...
 
Today and yesterday weigh in was 59.5 - best weigh in for over a year and a half!
 
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Woooo! I worked my ass off this weekend and it has paid off! Worked two 10 hours shifts where i had a big function on so had to run up and down the several flights of stairs several times, usually carrying 15kg boxes of potato chips.

And today i weigh in within the ideal bmi - not that bmi means shit, but its still exciting cause i've reach a new low and hence and now on a high! Im weighing in at 59.1 kg!!!! YAY!!!
 
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