Kate craving a healthy mind and body!!

katehunibun

katehunibun

New member
Hello!!

I'm back AGAIN!!!!! you know what, I wasn't going to go into details about me and just say 'yeah, I'm back, trying again' for probably the 5th time but then realised that it will probably help me to write all (not that there is loads) So here goes.

My name is Kate. I'm 40 and I live with my loving other half (I hate the word 'partner' and he really is my other half) of 24 years and our 15 year old son. I have an amazing family and wonderful friends but at the moment I am struggling with depression and anxiety issues but I'm on meds and getting help sorted with therapy.

Nearly three years ago I found this site and started a diary. With the help of some amazing people on here, that I still class as dear dear friends (and even my online mum ;) ) I went from a size 18-20 couch potato to a size 10-12 running machine!!!!! I'm now 203lbs :eek: and I had got down to 155lb. so so bloody mad with myself!!!
Lots has happened in these few years (bereavement, job loss, changes, GIVING UP SMOKING!!!!!!! etc) and I've managed to get back up to a size 16. I am totally, completely and utterly disgusted with myself. I hate going anywhere now, knowing that people with be thinking 'ha, she's put it all back on'. I don't really bother with my appearance anymore and I live in jeans and hoodies again.

But today is going to be a new dawn and I will change the rot that has set in!! Please note that I have not said HOPEFULLY. I have done that in the past and it has probably given me the excuse to quit. Well, I am not going to quit. I can't! I can't stay feeling like this. I really really hate myself and don't want to.

I was going to do slimming world but for me I think it is open to abuse (ooooooooh, I can eat my own body weight in pasta lol) so I'm going to count calories like I did last time. I am starting an 'insanity' class on Wednesday night and they are going to weigh and measure me there, i'll get them to take some photo's too. I know that my scales will be different to theirs so I am going to stick to what mine say for my forum. I am going to try going for a run on Saturday :eek: haven't run for bloody ages....gonna be hard. We have just got a new 'rescue' dog who needs lots of walks so I am now out at 6am each morning walking them (I had another dog already)

Right people, lets get this going. (check out my positive attitude :) )
 
Welcome back again Kate, you've got this!!

I'm two weeks into a 12 week challenge, I've done more running in the last 2 weeks than probably the previous 3 years combined lol. I'm actually surprised at how quickly I'm picking up my fitness levels again and how much further I can go already! I'm sure you'll be able to get right back into it.

Keep popping in, even if you have a bad day (or several!). It'll help you get back on track faster and help you stick with it, even when you're feeling super unmotivated.
 
Good for you Kate starting a new diary & sharing your story. It's lovely having you back my sweet friend xoxo Cate
 
hi :hurray::hurray::hurray:
this is the 1st step and you are so right not saying "hopefully" this doesnt have anything to do with hope or luck.It has to do with just doing what has to be done,walking the road you have walked before (or maybe run is better!)
Do you mean today Saturday you are having a run?I did run alos last October i think or november cant remember and i picked up so quick.I dont fell comfortable doing it yet.i can imagine all the runners looking at me and remebering me thinking howfat i have become.
i , as you have the same thoughts as what people probably think of me getting this size again.but thing is be are trying again to do our best.maybe this could be a lesson for us not letting ourselves go again
looking forward to your food log!
lots of love
 
Hello miss Kate and welcome back to WLF.
I can definitely say we are both are in the same boat. This is not my first rodeo either. Back in '09 when I found this wonderful website I went from 240 to 170. Then life happened and now I'm back up to over 200. So I mean what I say when I say I feel for you. By the looks of it, it looks as if you and I both pretty much have the same goal and are at about the same weight. So it looks like we will be taking the same journey...lol..
I'll be seeing you around and will come visit your diary to see how you are doing. I wish you the best in you journey and believe you WILL make it
 
Day 1

Breakfast: 2 slices of white toast with light spread and home made jam (didn't have wholemeal, got some now)
Lunch: Wholemeal sandwich with light mayo, lettuce and ham. Low cal crisps
Dinner: Chicken goujons with 100g (yep I weighed them lol) oven chips, salad and light salad cream
Snacks: Satsuma, low cal crisps and 2 glasses of red wine (it is a Saturday night ;) ).
Calories =1295

Fitbit steps = 9414 I aim to do 10000 a day so close to my target.

Exercise:
20 min walking dogs
10 sit ups!! :eek: Haven't done any of them for bloody ages!!

Today has been a really good food day. I didn't crave stuff much today. We went into Barnstaple and we usually go to Costa for a Panini and a large mocha but ate lunch before we went and I just got Mark a takeaway coffee and I had nothing :)
Really chuffed with how it went food wise. I can't say that I felt like I did when I started all those years ago, back then I was super determined and OCD focused. This time it is going be harder.

Not such a great day mentally. I wasn't going to bother saying anything but I need to be honest about my day and I was 'low and stressy' for a lot of it. We took Marks car into Barnstaple (about 30 min drive) and I am a terrible passenger, especially when he is driving, I usually ask to take my car but I need to let him drive more. I panic and my head kinda make up terrible scenarios of crashes etc and I get so anxious that I can't look ahead a lot of the time, I have to look at my lap or out the side window. Then I get angry with myself for being so bloody stupid. Today I got so stressed I gave myself a headache :(

Lucy Hello my lovely :)
I'm really nervous about doing this 'insanity' class on Wednesday. I'm not sure what it is but it doesn't sound easy does it lol. It is at the gym that I use to go to and they are lovely so hopefully I wont feel too much like the baby elephant at the back. I don't have membership anymore as I cant afford it but this is only one class a week. I will definitely get more running in. It's just time really.
I aim to post every single day, even on the crap days. I know I'm not laser focused this time so there will more than likely be crappy days!!

CateHi mum :)
It is good to be back. I just need to make sure writing on here is my first priority of an evening instead of slobbing on the sofa watching back to back crappy American tv series. Arrow is the latest one!

JessHey Sis :)
Day one done.....the rest of my life left to go!!
The running is next Saturday morning. I saw a friend at the supermarket yesterday and he was trying to get me to join the town running club but I know that I'm not up to that and he suggested trying this 5km run on a Saturday morning. I don't feel like running for the same reasons, I hate people seeing me wobbling my way very slowly along.
Hopefully this is us learning our lesson and we can get back to our target and stay there. I will definitely remember how terrible I feel about myself now and not want to feel like that ever again.
We can do this my lovely!!!

GreyGhostHunterHello, nice to meet you :)
Life has a lot to answer for huh? it's cool that we have very similar journey's to travel. I look forward to reaching our targets together. Thank you for your faith in me, saying that I WILL do this.
Do you have a diary?
 
yeap!i think this is a good lesson for us.i truly belive you are capable.It is probably feeling more diffcult as yousaid cause of your anxiousness you are experiencing.
I too am so afraid when someone else is driving specially my husband.I HATE IT.I aswell cant look out when we go on a road trip and i "see"terrible accidents ,i even magine the way it happens imagine that everybody dies and only i survive,and must deal with the loss,sometimes i "see" us all gone and the doctors thinking that its sloppy of me to be wearing socks with little holes in...it really isnt funny though.I dont get lke that when i am driving.only with others.i hate road trips.My Bfhas also gone through something really difficult very bruttal and she had a mental breakdown she as well has been told she has anxiety problem(i dont remember the exact name) and she is taking mild meds for it.I dont know exactly what this must feel lke.But i now hat it must be hard to dealwith.Did something start this?Something trigger it?
your food was exellent good for you!Take it easy a day at a time and when you feel comfy you (and i) can go running like before!!!Well done again on your first day!Lots of love waiting for you tommorow!
 
Hi Kate & a big Mwah! I love that you are back in here. You have made my week! :D
You know sweetie that, instead of being critical, most people if they saw you running, would think "good on her!" We are our own worst enemies/critics. You do what you want to do, when you want to & don't give any thought about what someone else may think. Truth is most people are thinking of themselves anyway & don't really notice what others are doing much. Do you see someone overweight walking or running & think badly of them? I doubt it!
You'll get some enthusiasm back sweets when the weight starts coming off. It may not feel like it did the 1st time, but it will feel pretty good! Lots of love xoxo Cate
 
Good morning all :)

Thanks for your lovely words, I'll reply to them later on. I wanted to tell you about my rather early morning. (Do need to explain stuff first)

About 10 months ago my old dog 'Roo' died, she was 13. That left our other dog 'Millie' on her own. I thought she would love this as she wouldn't have to share the attention but as the time has gone by she has developed quite severe separation anxiety (what is with mental issues in this house lol) and it really stressed me out that she was so unhappy. We didn't want to get another dog as we are at work for much of the day and Millie really hates dogs she doesn't know!!! What to do? What to do? Do we rehome Millie (she is such a mummies girl, I don't think she would cope with that. We've had her since a puppy and she is now seven) or do we try another dog. No way were we having a puppy!!
I didn't think a rescue centre would let us have a dog as we are at work but they said it depended on the individual dog so we had a look and there seemed a perfect candidate so we went and saw her. She was called Sky and she was such a sweetie. We then took Millie to see her and to be honest it didn't go great, better than I thought but not great.........this was going to take some time. We brought sky home for an hour that day, then longer the next and twice more and they were ok but we did have quite a few 'arguements'. We brought Sky back to her 'forever home' last Friday so she's been here for 10 day now. We had a full on fight that first night and I went to bed that night thinking 'oh god, what have I done' but.......things have slowly improved. And today..............

Sky decided that 7am was a great time to ask to go for a walk on this grey Sunday morning :eek: so I packed them into the car and took them to Woolacombe beach (5 miles away) it's a 3 mile sandy beach and I can just let the dogs go. They played!!!!!! THEY ACTUALLY PLAYED!!!! Millie (who is a dachshund, so tiny legs) was bouncing around after Sky. It was so cute. Sky (who is a Labrador, whippet,?collie cross) has a thing for stones and she carries them around, drops them, digs at them, flings them about and is generally obsessed with them. Then I saw Millie, who plays never!, have a go at digging a small stone in the sand. My heart melted :) Millie would normally never leave my side walking, even off the lead but this morning she ran off with Sky 'investigating'. I realised then that we had done the right thing and Sky would be her friend. I think they still have a way to go but they are definitely getting there.

Also, the walk did me good too. It is so therapeutic and peaceful down there at that time of the morning. I think I only saw four other people.

Ok guys, I'll be back later. Love and hugs xoxo
 
Day 2

Breakfast: 2 eggs on wholemeal toast
Lunch: Mugshot cuppa soup thing and low cal crisps
Dinner: 2 Quorn sausages, dry roast potato and parsnip, carrots, cauliflower cheese, swede, green beans and gravy.
Snacks: 2 glasses of red wine (still the weekend ;) )

Calories = 1216

Fitbit steps = 13354

Exercise:
1hr 40min walking
11 sit ups (yep, one more than yesterday)

Had a good day. Haven't struggled with the arguments in my head about food at all today. Mark and Jack had pudding after dinner and I was totally cool with not having any :) well chuffed with that. Other than walking the dogs I didn't really do much, just pottered around doing jobs etc.

Jess
A lesson we shall never forget lol. Today doesn't seem as difficult as yesterday, which is good. I think it's because I thought about the forum and the things I could write etc rather than food!!! I was like that last time too so I'm hopeful that I can get back into that focus.
It is weird how many people are like that about being a passenger in a car. I am fine if it is someone else in their car, like a friend but I think it's because I know in the back of my mind that I could be driving and it's that whole not being in control thing.
I'm definitely taking it one day at a time. My failed 'diets' since I've been gaining (and I have started a diet every day but found an excuse to blow it) I have wanted the weight to be gone NOW but at the moment I am thinking along the lines of 'this is the long journey, not a quick fix'.

Cate Hey mum :beating:
Awwww, you are so lovely :) I love that I've made your week (can't see how lol but love it anyway)
I have to admit I really do admire people I see out running (unless they have that body to die for and then I mutter 'bitch' under my breath lol) and if I see someone who is big I have actually said out loud to myself 'good on ya'. So, I suppose other people are the same. I would really like to go for a short run after work tomorrow but I don't wanna put myself under pressure (head case remember) so I will see how it goes.
I can't wait for the weight to start coming off. I hate that I have so many lovely clothes that I can't get into at all. If (no Kate....WHEN) I manage to do this I am gonna be such an excited child getting back into them :)

Thanks for being there for me guys YOU ROCK!!!!

Love and hugs xoxo
 
Day 2 Check!!!!I loved your dinner yummy!
I loved you telling us about your morning wake and the dogs!So sweet!Seems like she just needed a new friend!!!!:beating:
I really cant say i would wake up and just go for a walk that time of the morning!!!!My beagle rubi cries at 8 am and she is my alarm clock!She cries so i let her out on the terrace(Ah it is not posh as i sounds like!!!At all) for a pee.When i want to sleep in i hate it that she wake up at 8 am!!!!
I was also thinking of the forum today..said no no no a couple of times thinkng what will i say if i eat that!!!!!
See you tommorow!!!
Lots of love!
 
That's lovely Kate re your dogs & your lovely start to the day. I love how you're correcting your "ifs" to "whens" already & that " I am gonna be such an excited child getting back into them " meaning your nice smaller-sized clothes. You WILL do this sweetie. I know you will xoxo Cate
 
Day 3

Breakfast: 2 eggs on wholemeal toast
Lunch: Ham salad with light salad cream and yoghurt with mixed berries
Dinner: 2 Quorn sausages, dry roast potato and parsnip, carrots, green beans, swede, cauliflower cheese and gravy
Snacks: 3 kiwi, apple, banana, low cal crisps and a glass of red wine (no excuses lol)

Calories = 1285

Fitbit steps = 14855

Exercise
80 mins dog walking
12 situps (gonna up them by one ever day! the last two hurt!)

Back to work today :( My work uniform is so tight it's embarrassing!!!! I have gone from size 12 to 14 and now 16 trousers and they are really tight (the zip wont stay done up, they are that tight!) And I've had to have a bigger top too :cry: I Also wear a cardigan, not because I'm cold but to try and cover up the fact that it's too tight!!!! Monday is always extra tight cos I would have usually had a complete 'f**k it' weekend and I'm really bloated and then as the week goes along and I manage to eat healthy for 2, maybe 3 days it is bearable.
Today was much better as Monday's go as I had eaten really well for 2 days over a weekend YAY!! :hurray:
I sooooooooo can't wait for my uniform to start getting loose and then go down to the size 14 trousers and hopefully even the 12's and my old 'small' tops. That would be awesome. I would be happy to just get into my old tops :)
Monday is my hardest day of the week. It's really busy but I have lots of time to think and my brain is great at thinking about horrible stuff and blowing everything out of proportion right now. We have patients from 8am to 5.30, all 20 mins and most of that time I'm just sat there with the suction (I'm a dental nurse) BUT today was different, I thought about this forum! I made a point of thinking about it, what I was going to say, how everyone else was doing, etc and it really helped. I hardly had any 'negative' things going on in my head. I also didn't think about food either :) I was like this when I first lost my weight so it's looking promising for success!

Also, I haven't told anyone what I am doing. Mark knows, I think but I haven't told anyone at work. I kinda feel that it's none of their business and there are a few bitchy people at work and I don't want to have them wave food under my nose (one of them has done that before!!!) knowing that I'm trying to watch what I eat.

Anyway, a good food day :)

I have a question. My fitbit (which counts my steps, flights of stairs climbed, distance travelled and calories burnt) sync's with myfitnesspal and today it has told me I have another 538 calories on top of the 1200 I have. What to do? What to do? Should I eat them? I don't want to yet as I really need to start noticing a difference as soon as possible to keep me positive.

Jess
I'm really not liking the very early mornings either!!! Mark got up to pee at 5.30 and Sky hear him so she was up. I have to admit that once I'm up and out, it is lovely and a great start to the day. I keep telling myself that it will boost my metabolism too :)
I have found that thinking about the forum is great for me too.

Cate
I think I'm more excited about loose uniforms today lol. Thought about that lots today :) I'm one determined woman right now.....long may it last.

Love and hugs all xoxo
 
Day 4

Breakfast: 2 eggs on wholemeal toast
Lunch: Ham salad with light salad cream, yogurt with berries and a bag of low cal crisps
Dinner: Tin of soup, wholemeal toast and 4 potato croquettes (was mortified to find out after I ate the croquettes that they were 52 cals each!!!! what a waste!)
Snacks: Apple, banana, highlights hot choc and glass of wine

Calories = 1589

Fitbit steps = 18872

Exercise
13 sit ups
1h 30mins walking

I ate too much today :( I ate 4 potato croquettes that Jack didn't finish at dinner and then looked at the calorie content and was mortified at how high they were. Oh well, I wont do that again! Just eat your own bloody dinner Kate!!! :cuss:

I have done nearly twice my aimed steps today. Tuesday I work with Chris (the dentist) and I tend to do 10000 when I work with him alone. Took the dogs, Jack and my friend Emma to the lovely sandy beach at Woolacombe this sunny evening and it was lovely.........Walked off those croquettes lol

My period started today :( and I've felt bloated all day....rubbish.
 
Hi Kate!im sure through the day those calories from the potatoe things have been burnt!But ,let it be a lesson that we dont eat our kids husbands leftovers!I soemtimes think that because its not MINE but just a leftover ,and i just eat t quick it doesnt even count,never ate it!its good you did take knowlege of this!Thats the important thing.
i just had to google the woolacombe beach!it is lovely!!!Look at those pretty little houses (maybe hotels?)its so pretty!Do you live near by there?walk there or take the doggies with the car?

View attachment 21977
keepup the hard work!i think after a few pounds are lost you will get more and more motivated!!
Lots of love!
 
Woolacombe beach does look lovely! Good for you on walking off those croquettes. Ping- they're gone & another lesson learned. Also good for you I see, having only one glass of wine! xoxo Cate
 
Hey Kate! I wouldn't worry about the extra few calories, 1600 still isn't very much! It would have still been WAY under your maintenance... plus you did all that walking. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Sorry about ToM, never pleasant! You look like you're doing really well though, keep it up! :hurray:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top