Journey to Knowing

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I did a full 30 minute workout in the pool. Trying some new Somatic Experiencing techniques to stay grounded. Left foot stings/throbs and right ankle is simply sore. Gonna go home, change, and go grocery shopping. Living on $5 for over a week was doable but I really want some milk and some popsicles....not together. Still haven't had caffeine since before I got so sick. Hoping today is a good day.
 
Crashed again this morning but only after two hours of errands before work. Luckily it's a slow day. Thinking if this is the new normal, evening exercise might be okay. Used to be I would get hyper after exercising. I actually prefer the fatigue. I did stupid stuff hyper.
 
Doing prettwell w intske again. I'm cooking and eating reasonably. I splurged on Whole Foods hot bar yesterday on my way home. I did not wear my boot to the office yesterday. That was painful but the foot seems good today. Feeling strong enough for me to go to an actual water aerobics class tomorrow evening. Told my dad about the water walking and he completely shamed me that what I was doing wasn't enough to make a difference in anything. Last time I include him on my health stuff.
 
Hey CF, I have been skimming back through your diary and understand that you have had a few health challenges, but it seems you are on the mend. Early on you set a goal of losing about 100 lbs, that is a high bar. What is your plan? Are you on any kind of diet plan? Sounds like you are getting some exercise, that's good.

Best of luck to you.
 
Hey @alligatorob thanks for reading my journey. I appreciate that. And yes. I am continuing to track macros. Depending on dysregulation because of the ptsd, that goes back and forth but overall I make headway or stay status quo. Now that I've moved, getting my new job under hand, and resolving the death of my mom, I am stepping back into moving that number down the scale. The stress feels like it's letting up.....though I have a job interview next week. My job to lose.

Went to water aerobics tonight. Great workout! Think I'll conrinue early morning twice a week and aerobics twice. Should be a decent balance.

Gotta be online at 4:30 in the morning. My thinking was not focused today. Oh and I'm probably not going back to the therapist. I was simply spoiled with the best trauma specialist in this area and I demand a lot I guess. The woman today starts talking about bacteria and water illnesses after I told her what a huge thing/triumph it was for me to be in a pool. Later she told me my collapse in response to the same was simply vibrational changes through the year. She also spent the majority of session going over my natel astrological chart. Yeah. No. Not in psychotherapy. But I think I'm okay without therapy right now.
 
Going down same road as a few weeks ago when I got so sick. Things never returned to normal fully and i dtill carry vomit bags with me which I have used a couple of times. But today my stomach returned to water. Tmi I'm sorry. Just incredibly frustrated and sad.
 
Started tracking everything today.....daylio app is great for seeing patterns and also as a check that I'm doing at least the bare minimum. And I can track the things that are difficult for me and then see the aftermath. Takes months to notice patterns but I used it last year very effectively. Also starting fitnesspal and a daily weight tracker consistently again. Not being able to get on the trails is having a hard impact on my emotional health. Which I think is affecting my physical health.

I'll see.
 
30 minutes stationary bike and 10 minutes stretching. Foot is stinging but no major pain. Have a few errands and then I'll ice in about an hour when I get home.
 
I made a decision this morning to go to the gym in the evening after the swim team practices. Trying to use the 'crash' to my advantage. I didn't like sleeping through to late morning/noon every day I went over at 5:30. I don't like the choice because there's more room to come up with reasons not to go but I kind of don't think that will be an issue.
 
One full hour of water workout including 350 meters swimming. I couldn't do 50 meters a couple of weeks ago. These were continuous laps. I could've kept going but they were closing the pool.
 
Trying to decide if I should weigh every day. Went from 270 to 271.7 yesterday to today. I know it's the fluid retention from sitting all day yesterday. Just not sure if the tracking is worth the little hits to my motivation. Maybe I can reframe it.

This is a rest day but I may go ride the bike this evening. Feeling the need to move and my foot hurts today.
 
Interview done. I did pretty well.
 
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