Got me!?
though you and your buddy also make a cute couple if you ever decide to go that way
Highly unlikely.
This statement is hogwash, and hopefully I can prove it to you eventually.
Might I suggest a book to you?
Journey, Not A Destination
- Thread starter Steve
- Start date
Got me!?
Highly unlikely.
This statement is hogwash, and hopefully I can prove it to you eventually.
Might I suggest a book to you?
norman vincent peeles the power of postive thinking? read it - The power of cyacism is more my style.
I'm not as negative as you think I am... I can be real positive for other people... In my experience and only my experience cause that's all I have to go on... expect the worst hope for the best... and you sometimes get surprised... but if you start expecting the best then I generally get bitchslapped upside the head by forces beyond my control - and it takes a while to recover from it.
I'm not as negative as you think I am... I can be real positive for other people... In my experience and only my experience cause that's all I have to go on... expect the worst hope for the best... and you sometimes get surprised... but if you start expecting the best then I generally get bitchslapped upside the head by forces beyond my control - and it takes a while to recover from it.
No, I was going to suggest "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns. It's the most heavily utilized book by professionals in the psychiatry and psychology fields.
Burns is more of a doctor/scientist than a preacher... like Norman.
I won't push it, but it is my suggestion for you. Take it or not.... either way.
Ahhh, but here you sit, assuming my thoughts.
I promise, when I think of "Mal," I don't think depression, negativity, and the like. I believe you are a little off with this statement concerning how I think about you.
And surely that can be good for you, as well as them. It is therapuetic for me to be positive for others. It actually helps me be more positive personally.
However, that is such a small facet. I think a lot more time has to be spent on an internal focus. Giving to receive only takes you so far.
As commonplace as I'm sure this line of thinking is in society.... I can't imagine thinking like this.
I don't even know what to say to this. It's not often when you find me speechless.
Life is FAR to short from my point of view to always expect bad things and seldom, if you are lucky, get to enjoy a few good surprises.
BTW, I wasn't suggesting anyone think about being skinny, being rich, being happy in order to receive these things. If that is what you got from my above post.... you missed my point.... or I didn't portray it properly.
I am an extremely rational person. If I lived by the notion, think and you shall receive.... I wouldn't be where I am today.
the past few years and especially the past few weeks have made this mindset way more prevelant... Just lookig at m y cell phone, the last 8 incoming calls on it were to deliver bad news... Not one person in recent memory has called me to tell me something good... granted I hate talking on the phone but I'm getting a little tired of hearing bad news...
We now end the mal is beyond help programming and return us to our regularly scheduled programming for people steve can fix...
ah well - so your fiance is really beautiful - you're a lucky man
and she's pretty lucky too...
the past few years and especially the past few weeks have made this mindset way more prevelant... Just lookig at m y cell phone, the last 8 incoming calls on it were to deliver bad news... Not one person in recent memory has called me to tell me something good... granted I hate talking on the phone but I'm getting a little tired of hearing bad news...
We now end the mal is beyond help programming and return us to our regularly scheduled programming for people steve can fix...
ah well - so your fiance is really beautiful - you're a lucky man
Just one more note. I truly believe you are far from beyond fixing.... and it's not like you are broke. All of us need some improving. Read that book Mal. It's actually commonplace to feel like "this won't work for me."
And btw, I certainly am not the one that can fix you. I am simply handing out second-hand words of wisdom. I am by no means an expert in the mind. I've helped a lot of people improve their internal dialog... but again, that was by means of second-hand info.
And yea, those pics got buried fast.
NOTICE: I POSTED A PIC OF MY FIANCE ON THE PREVIOUS PAGE FOR THOSE WHO MAY HAVE MISSED IT.
TomO
0
Hi, Steve. Thanks for coming over yesterday and slapping me silly.
By the way, that was a great pic of your fiancee. But who is that beautiful woman in the picture on the left?
Interesting article you posted about thoughts and emotions. I've come to believe that most people are unhappy because they choose to focus on the wrong things. Unless you're clinically depressed, what you think about is a choice, and you can choose to do things that will make it easier to think about the right stuff as well.
For example, many of us "think" we're too tired to go to the gym, or go out for a run, but sometimes we just have to force ourselves to do it, and afterwards, we're thinking in an entirely different way than we did before.
I still believe it's possible to do this, even when you have failed as often as I have. But it helps to understand the wrong thinking that aided your failures in the past.
OK, enough babbling for this morning! Have a good one!
Two more days, and I'm back in the gym!
Now, that's an example of changed thinking!
By the way, that was a great pic of your fiancee. But who is that beautiful woman in the picture on the left?
Interesting article you posted about thoughts and emotions. I've come to believe that most people are unhappy because they choose to focus on the wrong things. Unless you're clinically depressed, what you think about is a choice, and you can choose to do things that will make it easier to think about the right stuff as well.
For example, many of us "think" we're too tired to go to the gym, or go out for a run, but sometimes we just have to force ourselves to do it, and afterwards, we're thinking in an entirely different way than we did before.
I still believe it's possible to do this, even when you have failed as often as I have. But it helps to understand the wrong thinking that aided your failures in the past.
OK, enough babbling for this morning! Have a good one!
Two more days, and I'm back in the gym!
Now, that's an example of changed thinking!
Hi, Steve. Thanks for coming over yesterday and slapping me silly.
By the way, that was a great pic of your fiancee. But who is that beautiful woman in the picture on the left?
Very funny!!!
Actually, the book I recommended above emphasized the concept of cognitive behavior therapy. This has been shown, scientifically. to be just as effective, if not more effective than medication. Even though it is a self-help book.... it's given to "clinically depressed" individuals.
And it's not simply for depression. It's for any sort of "disruption" of the mind, minor or major.
And I completely agree with your above statements.
Two more days, and I'm back in the gym!
That's the best part about taking time off. It renews the joy!
pinkydolly
New member
I thought I hear the song "I Feel Good..." blasting away in my ears when I stepped into yr diary.
Yea they are all right. Your fiancee is hot! Nice red outfit to match too. Not so sure abt the stranger in blue though... Ok ok.. just kidding. (before someone turns clinically depressed).
Have a bright cheery day ahead!
Yea they are all right. Your fiancee is hot! Nice red outfit to match too. Not so sure abt the stranger in blue though...
Ok ok.. just kidding. (before someone turns clinically depressed).Have a bright cheery day ahead!
Curvie Girlie
New member
You two look so cuuuuuuuute! Once again, CONGRADULATIONS!!! Have a great day, and I loved the long post~!
Juliette1
New member
Your fiancée looks really nice! I'm happy for both of you!
About expecting disasters and/or hoping for the best..
Sorry to say, a couple of times foreseeing the hovering disaster above my head instead of lulling myself into believing something good will happen has saved me, as I've prepared myself in the practical level for disaster survival.
I have become very careful of not sabotaging my own goals, but in my professional career for example, I can only influence a small part of the things affecting me.
I know many people would call my attitude negative thinking, but so far it has kept me alive, healthy and reasonably happy (go figure).
Balance, balance...
About expecting disasters and/or hoping for the best..
Sorry to say, a couple of times foreseeing the hovering disaster above my head instead of lulling myself into believing something good will happen has saved me, as I've prepared myself in the practical level for disaster survival.
I have become very careful of not sabotaging my own goals, but in my professional career for example, I can only influence a small part of the things affecting me.
I know many people would call my attitude negative thinking, but so far it has kept me alive, healthy and reasonably happy (go figure
). Balance, balance...
Your fiancée looks really nice! I'm happy for both of you!
About expecting disasters and/or hoping for the best..
Sorry to say, a couple of times foreseeing the hovering disaster above my head instead of lulling myself into believing something good will happen has saved me, as I've prepared myself in the practical level for disaster survival.
I have become very careful of not sabotaging my own goals, but in my professional career for example, I can only influence a small part of the things affecting me.
I know many people would call my attitude negative thinking, but so far it has kept me alive, healthy and reasonably happy (go figure
Balance, balance...
Thanks. I will pass along the compliments to her!
Again, I am not talking about "hoping for the best." The point has been totally missed. Maybe I will have to do a more detailed post later about it. But is has nothing to do with "wishful thinking" and the like.
For me, it's not even about positive thinking. Rather, it's about paying attention and controlling thoughts. Choosing what I concentrate on. Molding my perceptions of good OR bad situations. It's a very diverse concept.
If YOU, as in anyone, feel the need to plan for disasters and negativity in life.... I really believe something is a bit off.
It's inevitable. Life has it's ups and downs. Shit is thrown at all of us. I've had a lot of shit thrown at me over the last 5 years that would knock a few people down for the count. I've lost 2 of my best friends in the world. Was I oblivious that crap like this can happen to anyone? Nope. Did I plan for these things to happen? Of course not. That would be irrational and borderline insane, IMO.
Because of "this" concept (what I'm talking about) I was able to regroup in a relatively brief period of time and get on with life. But I certainly didn't plan or even think about these negative situations before they happened.
I know though, from past experience, that when shit happens again, which is surely will, I will be fine. I've created a mind geared for success and constant forward momentum. There is no room for thinking about the bad things that will definitely happen.
This is the problem with this concept:
You and Mal bring it up beautifully. B/c of it's mythical/magical presence in today's society, people who don't understand it think that it is some kind of misguided approach to block out the "bad" and live on some "happy cloud," trying to forget about the negative realities that exist in EVERYONE'S lives.
That couldn't be further from the truth.
TomO
0
Steve, I really think "planning for the negative" depends largely on the context.
For example, I design and write software. I absolutely must do that with the worst in mind. If I have a field on a form that asks for a social security number, even if I put an instruction on the form that only numbers should be entered, I have to plan for people entering numbers and hyphens and even all letters. You can't create good software without assuming the absolute idiot will end up breaking it.
Same with people in FEMA. They must plan for another Katrina. That's what we pay them for.
Same for the president of the U.S. When the president goes to war, he/she must plan for the worst, i.e. chaos, after the war is "won." Anything less is pure and unadulterated incompetency.
Even in your personal life, you "plan" for the worst. Otherwise, you wouldn't buy life insurance. You would pay as you go in health care.
Thus planning for the negative is an indispensable part of life. But dwelling on the negative - now that's something else entirely.
As I design/write the software, the difference is this. If all I did was think about how stupid users can be, I would no longer enjoy my job. But I do enjoy it. Why? Because I get to put together a full concept in my mind, present it to people, and then create it. The act of creation overwhelms the "planning for the negative" and relegates it to a small, though necessary, corner of the whole process.
For example, I design and write software. I absolutely must do that with the worst in mind. If I have a field on a form that asks for a social security number, even if I put an instruction on the form that only numbers should be entered, I have to plan for people entering numbers and hyphens and even all letters. You can't create good software without assuming the absolute idiot will end up breaking it.
Same with people in FEMA. They must plan for another Katrina. That's what we pay them for.
Same for the president of the U.S. When the president goes to war, he/she must plan for the worst, i.e. chaos, after the war is "won." Anything less is pure and unadulterated incompetency.
Even in your personal life, you "plan" for the worst. Otherwise, you wouldn't buy life insurance. You would pay as you go in health care.
Thus planning for the negative is an indispensable part of life. But dwelling on the negative - now that's something else entirely.
As I design/write the software, the difference is this. If all I did was think about how stupid users can be, I would no longer enjoy my job. But I do enjoy it. Why? Because I get to put together a full concept in my mind, present it to people, and then create it. The act of creation overwhelms the "planning for the negative" and relegates it to a small, though necessary, corner of the whole process.
Juliette1
New member
I'd like to clarify one thing, and ask if I understand you correctly.
Wishful thinking does not equal hoping for the best for me. The first one is unrealistic expectations, which can only fail. Hoping for the best means that I believe in good things happening in the world. I work for good things to happen and that belief keeps me going.
I'm trying to summarize what I read in your original post. Concentrate thoughts to the positives, do not dwell on the negatives. Am I close? If I am, we basically agree fully.
I feel that we talk about this on different levels though. My point of view comes more from the practical everyday things level, yours mainly on the psychological and maybe spiritual, life or death. When considering the negative events in our lives I think about not having a job or having to move house, you think of your friend passing away. That explains the difference of opinion in the ability/sanity of preparing for these events.
There's no way of preparing for the passing away of our loved ones. There's also nothing you can do about it.
I'd love to continue this discussion further, and read both your original post and the ones after that thoroughly again. As English is not my mother tongue, I may not have understood everything correctly just reading them through once. It'll have to be later though. I just got a new pair of glasses and they're not co-operating with my eyes on the screen distance yet. I am starting to feel nauseous, so I need to quit for a while at least. Sorry!
Later?
Julie
Wishful thinking does not equal hoping for the best for me. The first one is unrealistic expectations, which can only fail. Hoping for the best means that I believe in good things happening in the world. I work for good things to happen and that belief keeps me going.
I'm trying to summarize what I read in your original post. Concentrate thoughts to the positives, do not dwell on the negatives. Am I close? If I am, we basically agree fully.
I feel that we talk about this on different levels though. My point of view comes more from the practical everyday things level, yours mainly on the psychological and maybe spiritual, life or death. When considering the negative events in our lives I think about not having a job or having to move house, you think of your friend passing away. That explains the difference of opinion in the ability/sanity of preparing for these events.
There's no way of preparing for the passing away of our loved ones. There's also nothing you can do about it.
I'd love to continue this discussion further, and read both your original post and the ones after that thoroughly again. As English is not my mother tongue, I may not have understood everything correctly just reading them through once. It'll have to be later though. I just got a new pair of glasses and they're not co-operating with my eyes on the screen distance yet. I am starting to feel nauseous, so I need to quit for a while at least. Sorry!
Later?
Julie
I concur. I think everything always has to be put into context, no?
And in the context of this discussion, we are not talking about "safety net" instances in life where, of course we are going to die so life insurance is a viable product to work into your estate planning.
And when designing software, you have to assume people are going to mess up (negative) so plan that into the creation of it.
That is not what I am talking about.
I am talking about your latter point, regarding a negative mindset. IMO, many people "dwell" on the negative, not even realizing it.
nevermind ~~~~~~
Splitting hairs IMO.
What I've been talking about all along is perpetually thinking in a positive sense. Not necessarily thinking OF the positive.
Meaning this:
Sally Jane is fat.
I wouldn't tell her to think yourself thin. That would be telling her to constantly think of the positive.
Instead, I would tell her to stop focusing on the fat, which most do.... stop focusing on the negative aspects of being fat, which most do.... and start focusing on the positive steps that you can and will take to fix the problem.
Stop thinking about what you don't want, and start thinking about, not only what you want, but also how you are going to get there in a positive light.
If she constantly thinks to herself, "being fat really sucks. i've been fat all my life, so this is going to be so hard to change, but I am going to try." blah blah blah.
Chances are, that line of thinking is not going to carry her very far.
This is rushed..... I've spent far too much time on the web today... but hopefully this will help you get a better understanding of what I am talking about.
And this is only one facet of cognitive behavioral therapy. An important one though.
Right.
But Sally Jane from above when she says to herself, "being fat really sucks. i've been fat all my life, so this is going to be so hard to change, but I am going to try."
She is "working for good things" too. But she is making things harder for herself than they have to be in this particular instance.
That is what I am talking about.
No.
Not at all. I used my friend's death as an extreme "case-in-point." I am TOTALLY talking about practical, applicable, everyday situations. Nothing spiritual about it, depending on your definition of spiritual.
Again, no, not really.
Take your case here. You think often about not having a job. I never think about that. That would be a waste of time. I don't leave room for such negative thoughts in my line of thinking. I don't really see a point in doing so.
Instead, I continually think, how can I do better at my current job? What can I do to improve. Etc, etc.
"Yea, but steve, what if you get layed off?"
So?
Again, shit happens. It's life. And I am human. A rational one at that. I have talents. I am a good person. If this particular shit happens and I lose my job.... I will move on at that point.
I'd love to continue this discussion further, and read both your original post and the ones after that thoroughly again. As English is not my mother tongue, I may not have understood everything correctly just reading them through once. It'll have to be later though. I just got a new pair of glasses and they're not co-operating with my eyes on the screen distance yet. I am starting to feel nauseous, so I need to quit for a while at least. Sorry!
Later?
Julie
Sure thing, it's a fun discussion.
TomO
0
Right. Another way to look at this is what Franklin Roosevelt said - "The only thing to fear is fear itself." We have become a very sick nation, partly because we have allowed ourselves to become consumed with fear. And that consumption, just like the tubercular kind, eats us alive and makes us do irrational things.