Journal of a mental and physical journey

hdchan

New member
I joined a week ago, and finally am getting into the ins and outs of this site and how it works!

I weighed myself for the first time in I don't know how long, and topped out at 227. I hope to get to 150, but every little bit is an accomplishment, right? So let's start small, with a November goal loss of 10-12 pounds. I could be putting it a little high, but considering this is my first month, I thought it to be appropriate.

So how do I know this time will be different? I mean, I have tried and tried to lose weight, lost about 20 pounds at a time, then gained it all back. After a lot of soul searching, I realized that my weight is actually very convenient. I've always blamed my weight for other problems in my life, when the truth was that I never wanted to face the real cause of my problems. My weight has actually protected me from getting too close to people, and makes me less likely to be taken advantage of, as I have been in the past.

Then a couple of things happened. The first, you guessed it, someone came along that I actually wanted to get close to! I mean to tell you, I put him through some rough times, and through it all, he got to know the person beneath the weight. Many times, I would try to push him away, but he always stood firm. And in doing this, he forced me to re-evaluate myself and how I perceived others. He made me realize that there are people out there that are worth taking the chance for.

The second thing... you know how you watch news anchors long enough, and you notice changes about them. Weight gain or loss, graying hairs, etc. Over the last year... maybe even the last six months... one particular anchor woman has changed considerably, to the point that I was shocked in one of her spots promoting their morning show. Her face... oh my.... I don't know if it was a stroke or MS or just a dental appointment, but it was obvious that one whole side of her face was numb. Later that night, I was undressing in front of my full length mirror, looking at my big belly and my dimpled thighs, and I wondered what would happen if I lost the part of me that I value most... my mind. What if I had a stroke or heart attack or SOMETHING, and my mind was lost? What would there be left of me? How can I prevent that from happening?

So I dusted off my Dr. Phil, Bob Greene, and Leslie Sansone, and joined this group. My goal weight is 150 pounds, which is what it was when I was in the military 18 years ago. I'll post whenever possible, likely every day, and will give and take all the encouragement I can!!!

Sorry to be so long winded, but I hope that it inspires...
 
hey and welcome to ya
this site has really helped me, I have went from 298 to a current weight of 224 and i owe it all to this site.... (well and me too, a little)...the one thing diffrent in my plan was this site and all the wondeful people that encourage and inspire me daily....I hope it helps you in the same way!!!!!!! keep posting and good luck!!!!! later STAR
 
Hi and thanks for the welcomes!

I am so motivated by everyone's posts in the diary section alone, this is all just incredible!!! So nice to have so many people together pushing toward the same goal!!!

I haven't figured calories yet, started weak and ended strong. But I stayed within my portions and drank lots of water. No soda... I am going to dread the day that I have to limit my coffee.

On the exercise front I raked leaves, trimmed and started getting my roses ready for winter, and mopped my kitchen (moved everything, mopped on my hands and knees). Not bad for a dreary day.

I work tomorrow, and will take a walk around the track at my work. The library is part of an old school, and we were fortunate to get to keep the track! If the weather is nasty, I can walk around the inside (gonna have to hunt to find out how many steps make a mile in that place).

Okay, it's late... good night all!!!
 
Welcome to the site!! Have you looked at or ? they're great sites that can help you figure up your calories & activities, they can give you great meal plans too. I'm addicted to spark - when their site is down (like tonight) I feel like I lost my right leg... lol

Good Luck!!
 
It's not the coffee, but what you put in it... totally addicted to a couple of Coffeemate flavors, but thankfully they are only seasonal!
 
I've looked at Fit-Day... will look into spark once the kids are off to school! Thanks for the tip!
 
yea I have a sweet coffee once in awhile. I drink it black when I just cant wake up but just for a yummie almost dessert I love the sweet ones.
 
Breakfast
2 c. coffee - 5 cal.
3 T. Pumpkin Spice creamer - 120
Lunch
12 oz. V8 juice - 69 cal.
1 slice white bread - 67
3 oz. tuna - 99
1 t. mustard - 3
Dinner
2 c. salad mix - 30 cal.
3 T. Caesar Italian fat free dressing - 25
1/4 c. sloppy joe mix - 30
4 oz. lean ground beef - 265
15 baked french fries - 120
1 hamburger bun 120
Snack
1 slice white bread - 67

Total calories - 1020
Total oz. water drank - 64

I think that I will be adding a bowl of oatmeal in the mornings. The V8 juice is definitely nice when I am on the go and need something to fill me up fast. I think I will also resume my vitamins.

I didn't get too much walking done today, aside from what I did at work... I guess that I am afraid of going "full throttle", you know? Too many of my diets have been "all or nothing", and I've burnt out in a month. Slow and steady wins the race, right? :)

Hillbilly, the sweet coffee seems to start these fall days just right... I could buy the flavored coffee itself without adding the calories... I don't plan on giving it up my coffee anytime soon!!
 
hi and welcome to the site! I'm 17, and have gone from 225 to 189 so far. All these wonderful people are here to help and support you, and it's great! Welcome again!

I did notice one thing though, on your calories, you only got about 1000 of them. Be careful that you aren't cutting out too many, or your body will go into "starvation mode" and you will actually hold onto the weight longer. That's what I did at the begining of my journey, and didn't realize it until someone said something to someone on this site. I'm not any expert, but maybe ask around, and see how many calories you should be eating a day, to lose a safe amount of weight a week.

Welcome again!
 
Breakfast
Quaker Oatmeal Weight Control Banana Bread, 1.58 oz 160 cal.
Regular Coffee, 2 cup (8 fl oz) 5 cal.
Coffee-mate Amaretto liquid creamer, 4 tbsp 160 cal.
---------------------------------- 325 total

Lunch
Campbell's Soup at Hand Creamy Chicken, 1 serving 130 cal.
Vegetable Juice Cocktail (V8), 12 fl oz 69 cal.
----------------------------------199 cal.

Lunch
Stove Top Stuffing Mix, 1/2 cup 107 cal
Shake n Bake Coating, 1 serving 106 cal.
Chicken Breast, 6 ounces 187 cal.
Yellow Sweet Corn 1/2 cup 66 cal.
Dole Greener Selection Salad mix, 6 oz 30 cal.
Kraft Ranch Salad Dressing, 2 tbsp 148 cal.
--------------------------------- 644 cal.

Snack
ACT II 94% Fat Free Butter Popcorn, 2 cups cal. 40

-----------------------------------------------------1208 cal. TOTAL

Total water drank - 64 oz.

Well, a few more calories today... probably still not as many as I should, but just barely in the range that SparkPeople set for me. I love that they have their planned meals... just gotta get to the grocery to stock up!

I didn't do good at all on exercise today. I'm sure that the simple walking that I do while working isn't enough to justify. :( I worked 8-2 today, then spent the rest of the day running errands for my kids. I think that I am going to explore FitTV tomorrow and see what programs they offer. Maybe I should just suck it up and start getting up earlier to exercise.

Holly
 
You really think so? Thanks! I always feel like I am cheating on days like this!

I did trip, though... made the ol' man some no bake chocolate oatmeal cookies. I poured them into a 13x11 pan, and cut them into 2 inch squares, and had one. I don't know how many calories they are, but I added another 120 calories and 6 grams of fat (shrug)... making the grand total for today 1328, and 40 grams of fat.

He's taking them to work with him in the morning!!!
 
Hi Holly,
Welcome to the WLF!

I just wanted to comment on this - you wrote:
He made me realize that there are people out there that are worth taking the chance for.

And the number one person out there worth taking the chance for is YOU!
You deserve to live a fit and healthy life - you'll get there, your determination shines through your posts :)
 
Ramblings... you can skip this if you want!

Thanks for the vote of confidence M2M!!! I appreciate it!!!

Hillbilly - you will be glad to know that the cookies didn't turn out completely right, so they went down the disposal (country crock is NOT the thing to use in those things, I found out).

I was just over on the "On Topic" group, and amy_veg asks why does everyone want to lose weight. I DID start a long ramble about why I wanted to lose, but thought better to put it here (so glad that we have this section to muddle out our thoughts without taking over someone else's post).

You know what I am tired of? I am tired of feeling that I have to be THIS size in order to be heard. Does that make sense? I'll give you an example. Very early on in our friendship, I was having a discussion with my friend that I mentioned earlier. He was too preoccupied with looking at my shirt to really hear what I was saying. It was so infuriating. My weight went up another 10 pounds after that. A couple of years later, that day somehow came up in conversation, and he shamefully admitted that he didn't hear a word I had said.

The thing is that he isn't the only one. I spent 19 years working with soldiers. WOO-HOO!!! I love my soldiers, they are the greatest!!! But more often than not, I got the feeling that they were more interested in what was from the neck down than what was rolling around in my head. It was not long though, that they and their families realized that I knew how to get stuff done.

Was it my weight that got things done? No, but I felt that it was a contributing factor. How messed up is that?

I work with a girl now, who is just amazing. 22 years old and smart as a whip. The first thing guys say when they refer to her is "hot". But let me tell you what, she is definitely an inspiration to me, because she is no bigger than a cricket, but she is very tenacious. Those same guys who recognize her physical qualities are quick to realize that she is a force to be reckoned with. And she didn't need to pack on the pounds to be that way... so why do I?

Okay, enough neurotic meditation for now... Charlie's Horse just kicked me in the leg and reminded me that I need to be moving... will post again tonight!
 
Breakfast
Regular Coffee, 2 cup (8 fl oz) 5
Coffee-mate Amaretto liquid creamer, 3 tbsp 120
Quaker Oatmeal Weight Control Banana Bread, 1.58 oz 160
---------------------------------total 285 cal.

Lunch
Tuna, Canned in Water, 3 oz 99
White Bread, 1 slice 67
Yellow Mustard, 2 tsp or 1 packet 7
Dole Greener Selection Salad mix, 6 oz 30
Kraft Ranch Salad Dressing, 2 tbsp 148
Red Ripe Tomatoes, 1 plum tomato 13
----------------------------------total 364 cal.

Dinner
Pork, loin, roasted, 3 oz 165
BBQ Sauce, KC Master Piece, 2 tbsp 60
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese , 0.5 Serving 130
Hamburger Bun, 1 132
---------------------------------- total 487 cal.

Snack
Pretzels 2 OZ. 220

----------------------------------- Total calories - 1336



Total oz. water drank - 64
Exercise - walked two miles

I'm going out with the girls tonight for a couple of drinks, so you know that this is not all... I'm going to look to see what they have that is low in calories.

'Night all... touch base with you in the morning!!!
 
Okay so I am back. We had a good time last night, but needless to say I didn't fair so well on my diet. Two drinks, chips and cheese... dunno how many calories it was, but I am sure that I went over. Oh, well... dust yourself off and try again, right?

The group was three girls that I work with and myself. It was a good time, and I am glad that we did it, but I doubt that it will be any time soon that we will do that again. Bluntly put, I'm older than the other girls, and didn't have much in common with them. And that really isn't a bad thing, either. I'm happy with the age that I am at... I don't think that I would dare wish to be that age again!!!

Okay, getting ready for work... bye all!!
 
Good Mornin fellow Indianaian..lol.. Dont worry about falling off that wagon - it happens even to those disaplined around here. Sounds like a fun night to me!!! How old was your company? I take my 16 year old neice out for wild days sometimes - dear god I love the girl but she wears me out. 26 is just too old for mall hottie spotting & cruising..lol

Have a great day!! :D:D:D:D
 
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