JadeLynn's Weight Loss Diary

I'm sorry that you are sick again! :(

JadeLynn said:
Is anyone else sick of thinking about weight loss? Sick of trying to figure out how to make it happen? I'm sure that others feel the same way. Something that should be so much in our control...yet not easy to make it happen.
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I'm definitely bothered by this. I'm constantly reading about this or thinking about possible improvements to my way of eating, but that just sends me on a spiral of several different ideas.

One interesting thing I've found, however, is that reading about two or more different approaches to it, makes me MUCH more likely to binging.

I seem to lack the capacity to stick with something for too long because I'm always thinking about how to improve it or make it more efficient. Therefore if I'm following certain regime and start reading about something else, I just want to go ahead and try it. The problem is, I never stick with the previous one long enough to actually get some results and being able to evaluate them properly.

The binging part is more of a thought like 'I'm going to drop this anyways, so I might as well eat [Insert bad food here] before I start the next regime/experiment. That has sent me to a lot of pretty bad binges for a while now.

While thinking and having new ideas about weight loss is a good thing, it can easily turn to something negative. We do need some time to actually get some sort of result, and even more to evaluate it properly.
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I hope you recover soon! One of the things I like to do when I'm sick is grabbing a nice cup of tea and watch some stand-up comedy. It does help me feel better. :)

Take care of yourself! :grouphug:

-Athala.
 
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I’m sorry you’ve been under the weather lately. I really hope things turn around for you and you get to feeling good again! There has been a very nasty bug going around here lately. I haven’t been hit by it yet (knock on wood) which I’m really surprised about because the RA meds I’m on surpresses your immune system. Hopefully I’ll dodge it.

I get sick of worrying about weight loss a LOT! Then I have to remind myself that I’m the reason I got here and I’m the only way to get better so I just try to keep at it. Over the holidays I gave up on it, but I really regret it now. I’m just breaking through the 200lb barrier once again. To think in that month I stopped dieting and exercising I could’ve lost another 5-8lb, it just sucks to have gained it instead.
 
Well I hope you are feeling better!!

I totally get wanting to "self medicate" all my ailments with junk...wither it be physical or mental....so congrats on holding out the best you can! That's something to be proud of!!

I took a 6 month break from logging and weighing and I gained 90% of my 60 pounds back...as hard as it is...try to only take only short breaks to breath and regroup...I think most of us are going to be life time loggers .....I know I will have to be but my case is different....I gain at an alarming fast rate...lol

Hang in there:)
 
JadeLynn said:
Is anyone else sick of thinking about weight loss? Sick of trying to figure out how to make it happen? I'm sure that others feel the same way. Something that should be so much in our control...yet not easy to make it happen.
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This may not make things easier, but maybe what you are really sick of is being overweight. Also at 147, unless you are a little person, you aren't very overweight. I'm not belittling your struggle, but rather pointing out that you have done rather well to this point and you are correcting things before they get bad.

If you doubled your starting weight you'd be 100 pounds shy of how bad I let things get before I started correcting things. It's been a decade sonce 400 and I am still obese.

The point is that you haven't shortened your life or compromised your health and yet you are struggling to make yourself even better. Stop being so damned hard on yourself and realize that you ARE a success and yet you still strive to improve. In short, you're awesome!
 
Ohhh thanks everyone for the support! I do appreciate it :) I do not make a very good sick person. I am not used to be still this long. I am not used to not running and basically just being stuck in bed. I will stop my pity party now. But of course I feel better so that is easy!


Quercus said:
Also at 147, unless you are a little person, you aren't very overweight. I'm not belittling your struggle, but rather pointing out that you have done rather well to this point and you are correcting things before they get bad
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Thank you for helping me to remember this. I am 5'7" tall, so no I am not a particularly little person. And to be truthful, no one would look at me and say I was overweight. But...I am not what I once was. And I am rather terrified of things getting worse.

My body has defined me for many years. My social skills are not the best. I'm shy and when I speak I can be rather blunt. I get told that a lot actually. But looking a certain way quite frankly made that a lot easier. And so I fear I have lost a bit of my identity. But I will get it back :) And you will find the path to where you want to be as well! Seriously thank you for this reality check, I can be very hard on myself when it comes to how I look.

I actually have not wanted too much junk. I did have my fair share of sugar free popsicles though!

And I did lose a pound this week. Not much, but it is something.

Today I was able to go for an early morning walk. I then did some Pilates. Tomorrow I am very hopeful that I will feel up to a short run. I think the weather will be fairly warm too! And tomorrow is my birthday...so I would really like to start the day that way.

I have 16 pounds to lose. I know this is something that I can do. It seems that for many people here each week brings a lower weight. If you all can do it, I can do it :)

If I can lose 5 more than that...bonus. I do not think 112 pounds is a weight that I will be again, but I am okay with that. That is a weight that is pretty hard to maintain at my height. But I think that I will be able to find a size 6 again. I saved all of my clothes...so I have some inspiration.

Hope everyone is doing well. An early night for me, tomorrow will be my first day back and hopefully my first full week in a while!
 
I did get to run this morning. I took it a bit easier, but it felt great. Did a tough ab workout and some tripcep work.

There was a surprise Birthday Breakfast planned for me. There was fruit and some kind of vegan bread that I had a piece of. I avoided the donoughts and pastries : )

I will get a Greek Salad for dinner. No cake : )

Yeah I'm back on it! I am going to get my body back. That will be my birthday present to me! 7 lbs to get to the 130's. I would like to get there in two weeks. We shall see :)
 
Good job on the workout and good food choices :) You can do it! Just keep making good choices like that and it will come off easy.
 
JadeLynn said:
And tomorrow is my birthday (...)
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Happy birthday Jade! I hope you have a wonderful day. :)

And good luck with the project too! You already exercise every day, so you only need to work on the food front. Keep working at it and making new habits and you will get to your goal eventually. :)
 
Thank you so much Athala! I had a pretty good day. I think feeling better was a big help!

I did make good choices..my neighbor brought more baked goods, sigh! I will take them to work. I really wish people would stop giving me sweets!

Hope everyone else had a good day too!
 
Happy belated birthday!

You’re almost in the 120’s, that’s fantastic! You’ll be there before you know it. :)
 
It has been quite some time since I posted. I felt that I had some things to work on, things with my attitude and anger that I was feeling. Those were not really things that I felt comfortable writing about. I'm not really sure that I've made much progress working through that stuff, but a little I suppose.

I just don't like who I am right now. I realize that sounds a bit odd since I am actually not technically overweight and that in order to be happy again with myself I have what should be a rather attainable goal considering what others here have managed to accomplish.

I really really do not like having this issue with my weight and my self image.

I can tell you quite honestly that people treat me differently. Not really badly, just well as rather invisible. I am just so I suppose average now. Again that sounds odd. And this is why I have a had time with this journal, because I don't really like the way what I write sounds, but it is what I feel.

When you are very physically fit and it is noticeable, it is like a crutch that you can hide all of your other inadequacies behind. I have not gained any more weight, but I live in such fear that I will. Yet I have not lost any more either. And so I am angry at myself. I have probably spent at least $3000 on all new clothes trying to feel better about things and I suppose that if I didn't have nice things to wear that I would feel even worse. But nothing compares to slipping on a size 4. Siiigh!
 
How is it going Jade? I hope you've found a way to deal with stress and that you have had success losing weight.

I like to see uncomfortable situations / times of my life as a chance to grow, and I try to leave it at that... Don't dwell on it, and don't think negatively about it. That only brings frustration.

You know what you want, now you only need to find a way to accomplish it. Don't let the circumstances or past mistakes keep you from achieving it.

You can do it!

:grouphug:
 
This story resonated with me. Especially the part where she is talking about the years she spent being critical of her appearance. It is a very sad story, but maybe some of you will find it as interesting as I did.
 
So it has been 9 months and I have not really lost any weight. Played with 5 pounds or so this entire time. However the good news, and I do try to find the silver lining in things, is that I have not gained any weight. I put on the first 10 pounds slowly, but the second 10 pounds in about a month...so I was very scared I was on an upward trend :ack2:

Over these past months I have continued to workout daily, the intensity has varied, but there is always something. Today I ran 3 miles, did some abs and tricep work. And for the past month I have been keeping a food journal. It is sort of shocking to me to see how little I can actually eat of things and lose weight. But it is what it is.

In another journal someone said that they had a bad day, but no longer had food as their typical crutch. I could relate to that. So re-learning how to deal with stress has also been a priority.

I got a new boss this year and in all seriousness the woman has a mental illness. Her ability to regulate her emotions is nil. I don't do well with overly emotional people. But I have worked on developing boundaries. I have done research on how to deal with people like her with the least amount of damage to me. And I am working on not using food for that crutch.

With my fiance being very far away, I think that I developed a very unhealthy coping mechanism for dealing with stress, boredom and loneliness. Long distance relationships quite frankly suck!

I also realized from doing some independent research that a medicine that I was taking was causing some extreme stomach bloat. Even when I had not eaten anything my stomach felt so uncomfortably full. Changed the medication 2 months ago and I am seeing a huge difference.

So now that I feel like I have gotten at least a bit of a handle on things, it is time to really concentrate on reaching my goal. It is frustrating because I haven't not been working on it, but losing 3 pounds is not really great!

I have also learned that denial is not my friend! Even when I don't want to, weighing myself daily is a good reminder of any damage that I have done the day before, so the damage does not get worse! And seeing the scale go down a bit is motivating. In summary here are my lessons since joining this forum:


1.Be aware of when I am eating because I am stressed, bored or lonely.

2.Understand that to weigh what I'd like to weigh means that I really will have to watch what I eat. That handful of chips at 110 calories or handful of gumdrops at 200 calories really adds up.

3. Work on setting boundaries with other people to stop getting so stressed out. It is okay to think of myself and the things that matter to me.

4. Look towards the future and the good things to come.

5. Pay attention to my body and if something feels really 'off' figure out why.

6. Weigh myself and track my food. If I eat it, I have to write it down in a little notebook I carry with me. Even if I am not 100% sure of the calories, I still write it down along with my weight on that day.

Everyone is different and has the things that work for them. I weighed between 120-125 pounds for a long time and I never paid attention to what I did to keep my weight in that range. Started gaining weight, was in denial. Denial didn't help me much :) I think that is the biggest lesson of all!
 
I am proud of myself, today I was leaving for lunch when 2 people tried to engage me in a work complaining session. I often feel pressured to stand there even when I am starving which does me no favors, is rather depressing and makes me late for my daily lunch chat with Jacob. So I just said, "I'm on my way out and I really need to go." And I did not precede that sentence with "I'm sorry but..." Boundaries are difficult!

I was inspired by reading Quercus's diary and bought a heart rate monitor. It is one that doesn't have a chest strap, but it did get pretty good reviews as far as continuous watch style heart rate monitors went. It is an ePulse 2. I have always wanted to know approximately how many calories I burn when I do different things. Morning workout 3 mile run burned 624 calories. Nice to know!

I did log all of my food in my food journal and since I ate a bit more at breakfast than I wish that I had, writing that down did inspire me to have a fairly low cal lunch and dinner.

Not a bad day all in all and tomorrow is Friday so that is great!
 
Keeping a journal helps us in many ways. we can keep track of what we have done and we can avoid repeating something which we had already tried but not got success with.
 
Thank you Quercus! And I do find it very motivating. It is like when I'm finished with my run I want to see those numbers be up there! Sometimes on the weekend I walk pretty fast with weights on my ankles and talk to Jacob. I usually go about 6 miles. Found out I am burning a pretty good amount of calories that way and toning my legs in a different way. I am enjoying this heart monitor.

It sounds so corny...but when I turn it on the screen says "Hello Jade..let's get your heart rate." For some reason I feel like I belong on that 80's show Knight Rider : )

I have been good this weekend even though I was a part of two different people's birthday celebrations. Sweets are my weakness to that is good. I do think you are correct fortune bearer...I know I'm going to have to write it down and I do know that will not bring success!
 
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