It's all about me

1574

Tom: I can't tell you what a shocker that was for me when I actually thought about it...nothing like the realization that I stayed overweight for so long because it was what I chose to do

Kelly: Yes ma'm, I see the ticker!:D

Going out this evening for a light refreshments, social interaction and canine appreciation....otherwise known as beer drinking with my friends at the dog track:) ....and while browsing through my closet I realized that problem 999 of the weight loss process has solved itself while I wasn't paying attention. For so long that I can't even remember when it started, every single time I went somewhere I had to either buy something new or beg/borrow/steal something from one of my girlfriends....that's what happens when you start at a woman's 16/18 and end up in a Junior 7...in the process you either go naked or go broke (or go around looking for a safety pin:eek: ). But I think I'm done.....Unless the need arises for a formal gown (not very likely) or a wedding gown (hmmmm) in the next few months, I think I finally have enough clothes...of course I have to pretend that half the items hanging in my closet do not in reality belong to a girlfriend who at any moment is going to say "remember that silver skirt I loaned you??":eek:

Cals lmuch too low at only 1574...missed an entire meal and a snack:eek: ...Sat fat on target at under 20g, fiber too low at 18g and protein fine at 112. Wouldn't change anything...if I'd had a chance to have gotten in one more meal the missing fiber would have been taken care of.

Liquids
coffee 8 oz
lime juice, 1 oz
water, 80 oz

fruit:
apple, 1
banana, 1/2 medium

veggies:
tomato, 1 small
red pepper, 1/4 cup diced
onion, 1/4 cup diced
mixture: water chestnuts, baby corn cobbs, snap beans, carrots, broccoli, 2 cups

dairy:
low fat provolone, 2 slices

meat:
ground turkey, 85% lean, 4 oz
pork tenderloin, lean only, 1 cup cubed
shrimp, approx. 15 small

nuts/grains/seeds/legumes
green soy beans, 1/3 cup
whole wheat wrappers, 3
saltines, 4 crackers
brown rice, long grain, 1/4 cup

other
olive oil, 1 tablespoon
sugar free cookies, 3

Total: 1574
Fat: 65 587 39%
Sat: 19 170 11%
Poly: 7 64 4%
Mono: 20 176 12%
Carbs: 139 483 32%
Fiber: 18 0 0%
Protein: 112 449 30%
Alcohol: 0 0 0%
 
2031

I should be used to it by now, but sometimes I'm still shocked at how much food it physically feels like I'm eating when it's spread out all over the day/night in small portions. 90% of the time I'm on an even keel, my appitite pretty much satisfied immediately with several small portions of this and that...the problem is when I unavoidably miss a meal - it's unreal how crazy hungry I become, complete with stomach growls and all, if I go more than 3 hours without eating something...then it takes more to fill me up and worse, it takes longer for some reason for my brain to get the "that's enough, put the fork down" message. I've gotten slack about keeping "emergency" rations such as nuts and protein bars in my purse. Must get back on track with that or, one day when I least expect it, it's gonna bite me in the butt big time.

Cals within maint. range at 2031. Sat fat over by 2 grams...pretty much by choice...my thinking was "I can have a beer & popcorn (empty cals + fiber)...or I can have sf lemonade, wings and popcorn (protein + fiber)" and went for door number two. Fiber on target at 34g and protein good at 136g. Despite the 2g extra sat fat, very happy with all choices...

Liquids
coffee, 16 oz
lime juice, 2 oz
sugarfree lemonade, 32 oz
water, 80 oz

fruits
apple, 1 medium
blueberries, 1/2 cup
raisins, .05 oz

veggies
corn, 1/3 cup
pepper, red, 1/4 cup diced
green soybeans, 1/4 cup
candied sweet potato, 1/4 small potato
turnip greens, 1 cup
mixture: water chestnuts, baby corn cobbs, snap beans, carrots, broccoli, 1 cup

dairy
fat free cream cheese , 1 oz
yogurt, plain, whole, 1 cup

meat
bacon, 4 thin strips
egg, 2 large whites
shrimp, 5 med
pork tenderloin, 8 oz
chicken wings, 4 wingettes

grain/nuts/seeds/legumes
saltines, 4 crackers
popcorn, (approx) 1/4 cup kernels
oats, rolled, 1/2 cup
corn muffin, 1/4 muffin
rice, brown, 1/4 cup cooked
black-eyed peas, slightly under 1/4 cup
almond paste, 2 tablespoons

other
honey, 1 teaspoon
sf/ff pudding, 2 serving

Total: 2031
Fat: 70 631 33%
Sat: 22 195 10%
Poly: 12 104 5%
Mono: 23 207 11%
Carbs: 222 750 39%
Fiber: 34 0 0%
Protein: 136 544 28%
Alcohol: 0 0 0%
 
I have exactly the same problem when I miss meals and snacks. And then I gorge myself. I just have to remember to plan ahead.
 
Tom, I've just decided that some alternate, parallel universe exists where you are a 32 y/o black chick and I am a 58 y/o white guy:eek:
 
LOL, now THAT would be an experience. Of course, we'd have to live each other's lives too! I'm afraid you wouldn't like my younger years very much! I was very, very poor. In fact, I used to be a farm worker. I lived in Watts, Humboldt Park, the Mission District, Kalihi Palama in Honolulu -- just about every slum you can think of. Now I'm very comfortable, but until my 30's it was pretty bad.
 
2021

Cals in line but in upper range at 2021. Sat fat fine at 20g and 9%, fiber on track at 36g and protein at 136g. Which really just goes to show that sometimes numbers "lie"...because despite meeting all calorie/fat/fiber/protein goals...it was really a crappy day in terms of basic nutrition. Laying the blame squarely at the feet of PMS, I ate exactly one decent, nutrition rich and balanced meal the entire day and the rest was random munching:eek:


Liquids
coffee 16 oz
lemon juice, 1 oz
water, 60 oz

fruit:
apple, 3 small

veggies:
onion, 1/4 cup diced
turnip greens, 1 cup
yam, 1/4 small potato
corn, 1/2 cup

dairy:
parma. cheese, 1/4 cup

meat:
chicken breast, 1 small
bacon, 4 strips
shrimp, 1 cup

nuts/grains/seeds/legumes
corn muffin, 1/4 muffin
saltines, 4 crackers
popcorn, 1 cup kernals
field peas, 1/3 cup

other
olive oil, 2 tablespoons


Total: 2021
Fat: 74 666 35%
Sat: 20 178 9%
Poly: 11 103 5%
Mono: 37 329 17%
Carbs: 213 695 36%
Fiber: 39 0 0%
Protein: 136 544 29%
Alcohol: 0 0 0%
 
Woke up this morning with the feeling "my life is golden"...the sun is shining, the birds are singing, I'm in love with a great guy (who just happens to be hot), I know and am confidently working towards where I want my career to head, my life is fun, and I'm in the best physical shape of my life. And I know that a good deal of my present life satisfaction stems from that decision long ago to finally and seriously take action about my weight and health.

Because I've also kept an "emotional" journal (not the strictly food oriented one I keep on this site) from day one, I periodically like to take a little stroll down memory lane...to remind myself I didn't get here without pain or by accident....and too much complacency regarding food and exercise will land me back at ground zero - should I chose, cause the choice is mine.

Some highlights that really struck me today from the the first three months:

Month one: wow, I really whined a lot::eek:
" Gosh, this diet was just so hard to start."

"So, the truth is, I don't want to lose weight to be healthier, I just wanna be perceived as "hot" again."

" I've started doing this mental 20 questions with myself every time I think about eating. What was my last meal? How long ago? What else am I feeling? Am I actually physically hungry? etc. Sounds nutty but I'm learning to separate when I want to eat because I'm actually hungry and when food is just a substitute for something else. "

"Am I willing to spend the rest of my life losing and gaining weight because I refuse to accept the idea of not having an "occasional" cookie? "

"Earlier in the day I had been feeling a little guilty because I'd convinced myself that I'm just waaaay to self-obsessed and focused on my body right now."

Month two, a little more introspection mixed with the whining::confused:

" I'm actually enjoying eating again cause every meal is not fraught with anxiety: am I eating too much, too little, for the wrong reasons, and on and on."

"Every week I learn something new, try a little something new, and my body rewards the effort. So, today is another chance to learn, another chance to practice what I learned, another chance to be happy with my choices. "

"I just was not feeling the motivation this morning but I kept reminding myself that "optimal results require optimal effort".

"I still actually hate running 80% of the time I'm doing it. I'd rather climb a mountain than run a block - don't know why. At first I thought I'd start liking it more when I got better at it, but, nope, my form is good, I can control my breathing and I still hate running."

" as I get to my maintainable weight I'm gonna switch my cardio exercise to step classes"

" As soon as I got off the phone my mind was going "I bet if I don't eat all day tomorrow I'll look really thin by evening". It was a fleeting thought which I rejected on the spot, but, it's a little scary that I even had the thought. Why would I even, for a second consider undoing 2 months of hard work to briefly impress someone I don't even like that much? Vanity and impatience - a deadly combination"

"Emotionally I feel like I'm doing something wrong somewhere or my numbers would reflect greater losses."

"I can eat tofu and fish till I explode but I'm not gonna get that lean, toned, tight backside without dragging my lazy round booty and jiggly thighs to the gym."

Month three: the whining actually stops, and something important starts clicking in my little mind::D

"My weekly meal plan is becoming less of a "plan" and more just the way I eat."

" I've been reading a lot about optimal diets for fat loss while muscle gaining. Unlike what I previously thought, it's difficult, but not wildly so - more a matter of the right foods at the right times and the right balance of cardio and resistance. Happily, I'm at the point in my meal plan where I already have enough of the "right" foods, I just need to adjust some of the ratios/combinations and times. A little bit of a pain, but hopefully worth the effort in the end."

"I've been doing this since January 23 and yesterday was the first day I actually enjoyed running."

" As much I often just wish that the excess weight would magically melt away without effort or time, in a sense I'm glad it is such a time/thought/activity involved process for me. I know that the 25lbs lighter me is a much less gullible, more confident, focused and organized person."

" I think like a binge eater - even when I'm not binging. I don't know how or why, but this just seems to be a part of my personality make-up and has no relevance to my weight/normal appetite/emotional status when it kicks in. Sometimes a persistent little voice in my head just says "eat a lot of food". It's not the occasional binge that leads to the weight gain, it's the associated discouragement, poor self-image and lack of focus that inevitably follow - leading to a long period of poor food choices. "

"big gasp, I love running and weight training - love it when I'm doing it, the way it feels afterwards, and the way it makes me look."

"There's just nothing to make me think "I'll be glad when this diet is over" cause it's just turned (thank you God) into the way I live - and I almost can't remember what it was like to live the other way."

"Okay, now I get to write it: I have not had refined sugar in 100 days. Somehow, I don't think it's a coincidence that I have not gone on a binge session in 100 days either."

I'm going to come back later and put in my food list but I wanted this page to bookmark for a day when I wake up and life doesn't feel so "golden" and I don't want to workout and the Oreos are calling my name.
 
Great post, cym. Tried to give you reps, but had to spread it around first.

That's one of the great things about these journals -- the ability to go back and put things into perspective and see how much has changed. It's easy to lose sight of that in the middle of the day to day struggle.
 
cym said:
Tom, I've just decided that some alternate, parallel universe exists where you are a 32 y/o black chick and I am a 58 y/o white guy:eek:
Click to expand...

LOL!! Funny how people share the same experiences--my BF and I were talking about our views on men and women, and we came to the conclusion that neither are very different, where it counts. :)
 
1937

Reviewed my food list over the last month before heading to grocery shop and noticed two problems. 1) Relying way too much on whole wheat wraps for fiber...result is my fiber comes in good but it's making me lazy about getting in the other nutrients through a bigger selection of fruits and veggies. 2) More days than not I'm just eating too much beef/pork and not enough fish/chicken. So this grocery trip included no w/w wraps and no beef/pork. Since I'm temporarily taking away three of my favorite food selections I decided to make it a little easier by adding.....sugar free fudge pops. Which to 99% of the population is no cause for fanfare but for me it's like some insanely decadent treat snuck into my otherwise rather puritanical food choices.

So, da food! Calories in line at 1937, I can live with satfat at 21g and 10%, fiber too low at 23g and protein stupid at 184.g.

Liquids:
coffee: 16 oz
lemon juice: 1 oz
water: 60 oz

fruit:
apple, 2 small
banana, 1/2 small
raisins, .05 oz
grapes, 1 cup

veggies:
turnip greens, 1 cup
broccoli, 1 cup
corn, 1/3 cup
sweet potato, 1/4 small
onion, 1/4 cup diced

dairy:
4-cheese blend, 1oz

meat:
bacon, 2 thin strips
chicken breast, 3 small
ground turkey, 85% lean, 4 oz

grains/nuts/seed/legumes
northern beans, 1/4 cup
corn muffin, 1/4 muffin
crackers, 4 saltines
peanuts, 1 oz

other:
sf cookie, 2

Total: 1937
Fat: 68 611 33%
Sat: 21 189 10%
Poly: 9 84 4%
Mono: 18 161 9%
Carbs: 157 534 28%
Fiber: 23 0 0%
Protein: 184 735 39%
Alcohol: 0 0 0%
 
1970

40 calorie SF fudge pops! Yum yum. I bought 'em as a "reward" (for not buying any pork or red meat this week), a "bribe" (for not buying any pork or red meat this week) and a "test" (can I keep this in the fridge and resist the urge to scarf down the whole box just 'cause they're there and taste good ?) Well, too bad I'm immature enough to have to bribe and reward myself for doing something I know is important....but I've been struggling with my saturated fat intake for so long that I'll do whatever it takes. And happy to say that my "there's ice cream in the fridge - eat it all!" monkey did not come out to play.

I'm anticipating the day when I can list my foods without also having to go through the fitday routine each night. I'm secure in my ability to keep a fairly accurate running calorie count....it's automatic rather than conscious. Protein is rarely an issue because I love my meat and dairy (too much so at times). I don't need to monitor sodium because I never consume enough to make it a health issue. Even the nutrients are sort of a non-issue that I don't need to monitor. I (fortunately) enjoy foods like tomatoes, raisins, sweet potatoes and spinach. But honestly when I chose to include them in a meal or snack I'm almost always thinking along the lines of "lycopene, boron, beta carotine, iron".

So, what's keeping me tethered to fitday? Not the calories, the protein, the sodium or nutrients. It's the damn saturated fat!!!!!! My little brain is just resistant to taking in, retaining and accommodating that particular information. Until I can go, day after day, week after week, keeping my sat fat under 20g - Fitday remains part of my daily routine. ARRRRG!

Cals on track at 1970, sat fat almost in line at 21g (could have had less parm. cheese or gone with reduced fat parm.), fiber good at 41g and protein on mark at 121g.

Liquids:
coffee: 8 oz
water: 60 oz

fruit:
apple, 1 small
tangerine, 1 small
grapes, 1 cup

veggies:
spinach, baby leaves, 1 cup
spinach, cooked, 1 cup
beets, 5 slices
tomato, 1 whole medium
olives, black 1/8 cup slices

dairy:
parm. cheese, slightly under 1/4 cup
yogurt, plain, 1/2 cup
ff sour cream, 2 tablespoons
ff cottage cheese, 2 tablespoons

meat:
chicken breast, 1 small
ground turkey, 97% lean, 5 oz

grains/nuts/seed/legumes
almonds, 1 oz
mini phyllo shells, 15
rye flatbread, 3 crackers
popcorn, 1/2 cup kernels

other:
olive oil, 1 tablespoon
sf fudge pops, 3


Total: 1970
Fat: 72 644 34%
Sat: 21 192 10%
Poly: 8 72 4%
Mono: 24 219 12%
Carbs: 231 760 40%
Fiber: 41 0 0%
Protein: 121 484 26%
Alcohol: 0 0 0%
 
Hello, Just stopping in to check things out. Your diary is wonderful! You have come a long way. I only got half way through, but I'll check in later to finish up! I love your food choices, they sound so good!! You are an inspiration that is for sure!! Oh, I'm Kim and it's nice to meet you finally!! I've read a ton of your posts on others diary's and have been meaning to stop in for weeks, so many to read, so hard to find the time. Your on my daily list now, so I'll be stopping by to stay current! Have a good rest of your day!:)
Kim
 
2204

Kelly, no, I use the on-line version because I have so many customized foods that it would be a long ordeal to re-enter everything on the PC version.

Kim: Hi and thanks for stopping by! I know what you mean about "so many diaries...so little time" I'm kind of slack about reading some of the diaries I'd like to on a regular basis myself. About my food choices, they basically come from the standpoint of "if I can catch it or grow it myself...I'll eat it" - I'm just trying to convince myself that bacon and chicken wings don't really fall under that broad catagory.:)

Cals at 2200, 100 over high end of maint. range... soley due to my monthly pms carb monster. This is one of those days when I can only hope that the theory about "negative calorie" foods being more truth than b.s. HA! - not likely. The theory I do buy into is the actual physical need for more more carbs during this phase. Still, what ever the reason, "100 cals over" remains "100 cals over" so today will be staying on the low end of maint. range, perhaps aiming for 100 cals under. At any rate, sat fat great at only 11g and 5% (yea me!), fiber off the charts silly at 56g and protein fine at 121g.

liquids
coffee, 16 oz
lime juice, 1 oz
water, 40 oz

fruit
Apple, 1 small
Banana, 1/2 small
Grapes, 2 cups
Strawberries, 1/2 cup sliced
Cantaloupe, 1/2 small
Raisins, .5 oz
tangerine, 1 small
Pineapple, 1/4 cup

veggies
Spinach, 1 cup cooked
Tomatoes, 1 medium
Pepper, sweet, red, 1/4 cup
Broccoli, raw, 1 cup

dairy
yogurt, plain, whole, 1/2 cup
ff cottage cheese, 1/4 cup
ff cream cheese, 2 oz

meat
Turkey, ground,97% lean 4oz
Shrimp, 1 cup
Egg, white only, 1

grains/nuts/seeds/legumes
rye flatbread, 6
ww penne w/milled flax seed, 2 oz
vital wheat gluten, 1 teaspoon
Almonds, 1.3 oz
Buckwheat, 2 teaspoons
mesa, 1/4 cup
Popcorn, 1/4 cup kernels

other
sf fudge pop, 2
Olive oil, 1 tablespoons

Total: 2202
Fat: 52 464 22%
Sat: 11 98 5%
Poly: 9 83 4%
Mono: 23 208 10%
Carbs: 344 1156 55%
Fiber: 56 0 0%
Protein: 121 482 23%
Alcohol: 0 0 0%
 
Good morning Cym. I'm back, my affair is over. Haven't jogged in almost a month. But now my head is clear and I can get back in to it.
 
Looks like both of us will be on the low end of our maint. ranges for a bit, so I can comisserate with you.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top