I'm aiming for 59kg

ALet me know if confessions of a Buddhist atheist is any good.

I think that Buddhism is a very fair religion, because if you do something bad, it has consequences later on (in this life or the next), no matter what. I don't think its fair somehow that in religions like Christianity you can kill someone, but at long as you repent of it, its okay and you will still go to heaven.

I believe in past lives because of some of the incredible stories about past life regression. I know this probably is not the most solid fact to go on. But still.

I'm sad for you that you didn't get what you wanted out of the Buddhist course, but at least you gave it a go.

And no wonder everyone wanted to go after 2 hours, they were probably all pick pocketers who wanted to escape the crime scene! Did you have much money in your wallet? x
 
Ruth the book is excellent. But given how you think i wonder what you'd make of it. I would be interested to know how you respond to it. You see i've been atheist for a long time and its easy for me to accept what he's saying. I wonder if someone who is inclined to believe in things based on faith would respond to his approach. The thing is, at least this guy has been a monk and studied the whole buddhist thing closely for years before pursuing the buddhism from an atheist perspective.


but here's the thing Ruth. Its the original stuff that is more atheistic and the interpretations that came after by all the schools of buddhism that put on it the more superstitious view. I would now say to anyone interested in buddhism to get to the best quality stuff, read books that study the Pali Canon as these will be more authentic in terms of what the buddha actually taught.


The other one i have read and liked a great deal too was by Karen ARmstrong.


But after reading this which i am 3/4 through now i am keen to read his other book, Buddhism for Non-believers. He writes really well. And its very interesting.


You see the thing for me with buddhism is to find methods and guidelines that are clear and sensible about how to live a good life. BEcause i feel i've exhausted about everything that psychology can do. Or rather they do'nt have a system taht is easy to take into your own life and practice on a day to day basis and there's no support groups equivalent to buddhist centres. I have found to remain focused it think i need somewhere i can visit and be part of a community.


_______________________


I'm not reporting on today or yesterday. My computer and net has been down for a day or two and its too much to catch up with.
 
Today is a new day. If i was a christian, i would thank god that this forum exists to help me avoiding straying too far from the right path. :) But i have to thank someone so thank you for being here to help me stay focussed.
 
Halaluya, I've been good today. And even going to town and being good. Going to town has been a bit of a problem lately. My motivation has been picking up too with the help of buddha. But i've been to meditation tonight and i find some things rather irksome, but M. who runs the centre is lovely so i don't know where this will all go. I have been looking for something closer to home. But below is my food for today.



Yesterday i went to the gp and told her about some of my problems recently including my outa control appetite after psychological thumps. To my surprise she suggested increasing my antidepressant dose. Now i am not sure this is the right thing to do at all. And i wonder if she just said that because she didn't know what else to do and wonder if she's becoming one of those doctors who thinks that all the answers are in a pill afterall. If that's the case then i am a bit disappointed in her. Ok to be fair, she also thinks i'd be a lot happier if i could improve my social life and suggested joining a cycling group. The thing is, if i don't get any side-effects of any consequence then it really would suggest that the higher dose may be right for me. I am not certain but inclined to this view.



Friday 2 September 2011

Weight: 54kg



6.30am: nescafe



7am AM: Breakfast

Pancake with whole meal flour and a pear

Coffee x 2



12pm lunch

Leftovers of rice, grilled aubergine and capsicum, beans, raw tomato. - quite a big lunch

Tea w milk



6.30pm: dinner

Fried rice - not a very big dinner



10.15pm nescafe





Exercise & activity:. Weeding and painting but on the whole no too physical because I have to go to town this afternoon and get my teeth cleaned and then to meditation tonight.



Sleep:

Bed last night: about 10pm or 10.30pm

Get up: 7am





http://www.photoblog.com/shangrila/2011/06/21/day-29-on-the-road-from-halls-creek-to-fitzroy-crossing.html#comments
 
Saturday, 3 September 2011



Weight:



7am: Coffee w ½ cup milk



8.30am AM: Breakfast

Pancake with whole meal flour, a pear and a kiwi fruit

Coffee



1.30 pm lunch

Tomato salad, raw tomato

Potato salad, cooked cubed potato

2 ryvitas with ricotta cheese



Its the same salad but I ate them one after the other.

The dressing was 2 heaped tsp mayonnaise

2 spoons seeded mustard

Balsamic vinegar





Glass of wine before dinner



7.30pm: dinner

Spaghetti w grilled capsicum and raw tomato, parmesan and olive oil



Exercise & activity:.Quite a bit of gardening and activity today. I’m happy with all today’s efforts. I have started on the increased dose of meds and my appetite is not troubling me but I am very reluctant to put that down to the meds after only two days. I just think its more to do with my pulling myself together through my other efforts, notably calling upon my buddhist practice to motivate me to get out in the garden and do some painting and such. Also not messing up my diet yesterday when in town was motivating in itself. I feel much stronger now. Perhaps also the fact that my sister is gone and things are peaceful around here again. I had the councilling session one on one re my sister the other day too. I got a little bit out of that. So all things are conspiring somewhat in my favour at the moment.



Sleep:

Bed last night:11ish

Get up:6.45 I think



www.photoblog.com/shangrila
 
AI think your doctor's right - joining a cycling group might be a really great way to feel involved. I used to be very involved in a choir back in Aus, and it was so much about this community feeling for a lot of people there, including me. It seems good to me that she is recommending a variety of things - it seems like a nicely holistic approach to me. I had to go on tablets for my anxiety and panic a few years ago, and I know how hard it is to accept that this is sometimes necessary, so if you can do a few other things too, like join a group or do something to give you a bit of a sense of belonging, that'd help a lot too. Well, it would for me!

How are you liking the wholemeal?
 
Hi JOh. I'm loving the wholemeal pancakes.


I am trying to follow her advice about getting involved in other activities. But cycling isn't really a good one for me locally. Although i did meet a guy not long ago who is interested in touring and we talked about doing the odd weekend trip up on the tableland behind where we live. AT the moment though i am quite busy and having jsut done my other trip, not feeling hte need for another trip right yet. But i have joined a couple of other things - i'm in a permaculture group and like going to the gardening days although i find the meetings a waste of time and money to get to so i am not going to those anymore. I've also got my meditation centre. I am not particularly good in groups so it takes a bit of trying things to find the right place for me. For instance, i joined a choir some years ago. It didn't work out for me. It would have been a lot better if they had a choir master to lead us but because we didn't, i just got very frustrated.


I am not having any side-effects from the increased dose of meds. This is very unexpected.


I would like to be part of a regular running group though.
 
Sunday, 4 September 2011



Weight: 62.2kg



6.30am: Coffee w ½ cup milk



7am AM: Breakfast

Oats and apple and milk



11.30pm lunch

Wholemeal Pancake w vegetables - onion and tomato and capscium

I am really loving my pancakes.



Glass red wine

7.30pm: dinner

Dal with potatoes and rice and homemade yoghurt.

I forgot to measure it all.



serve of lemon delicious dessert. I made it for father's day. No cream as there wasn't any.



nescafe



Exercise & activity:.Not too much since I had an intense conversation with John which dropped my mood for a while. But we’ve sorted that out and this afternoon I did some digging weeding.



Sleep:

Bed last night:11

Get up: 5.45am

Afternoon sleep: yep. I think this is a good idea.
 
AI've just ordered that book from amazon, looking forwards to reading it.

Glad your not getting any extra side effects from the higher does of anti depressants. I too am of the thinking that pills might make you feel better, but they don't actually solve anything. Maybe you could join a reading group, or something that has only a handful of members as you don't feel comfortable in a large group situation. If there is no local running group to you, maybe you could start your own one up. It would take a while before a lot of people joined, so that could be a good idea.

Sorry to hear your a loggerheads with John again :( What did he say? x
 
Originally Posted by overtherainbow

I've just ordered that book from amazon, looking forwards to reading it.

Glad your not getting any extra side effects from the higher does of anti depressants. I too am of the thinking that pills might make you feel better, but they don't actually solve anything. Maybe you could join a reading group, or something that has only a handful of members as you don't feel comfortable in a large group situation. If there is no local running group to you, maybe you could start your own one up. It would take a while before a lot of people joined, so that could be a good idea.

Sorry to hear your a loggerheads with John again What did he say? x
Click to expand...


Ruth, congrats. I am sure you will enjoy it though i have to say it won't tell you everything you may need to know in order to follow a buddhist practice but still as far as getting an account from a westerner who has gone as far as they can go with it, and i believe its a pretty honest account (as opposed to one i am reading now which seems somewhat delusional - or at least i find it hard to believe in totality) and therefore helpfu. If you like this, i also urge you to read the one by karen armstrong. Did i mention that i met a woman last week who has the other one by stephen batchelor called Buddhism for Atheists. She's going to lend it to me. Libraries are a good source of buddhist books. I've got two out and the one i've started is interesting. Its called The New buddhism about v"The western transformation of an ancient religion". So there are many helpful books and now that i am enjoying reading again, i am going to keep on reading until i feel satiated with buddhism and feel i know all i need to know.


I know pills don't solve anything. But there is definitely a place for them. I"ve been off meds many times and always the basic depression returns. So now i am fine with taking them forever. I"ve done therapy and feel i can't get a great deal more out of councilling, though a few sessions in a crisis is always helpful. Its a daily practice and focus i need and for that i am trying my own version of a buddhist practice. I liked J. Krishnamurti but he doesn't have many centres and so nowwhere for me to go to get hte focus.
 
Weight: 63kg

Monday 5, September 2011



7am: nescafe



7am AM: Breakfast

Oats and apple and milk



11.30pm lunch

Salad of lettuce, 2 small tomatos, ricotta cheese, 2 slices bread dressing made with mustard, mayonnaise and vinegar.



4pm 2 glasses wine



7.30pm: dinner

1 cup rice, 1 cup dal, ½ cup yoghurt

Whole punnet of strawberries



Exercise & activity:.Quite a bit of activity in the garden. John and I are communicating quite well. I wish it was so easy with my sister. John is much more reasonable. In answer to your query the other day Ruth, he told me I am unable to compromise. The thing, I think this is also true of my sister.



Sleep:

Bed last night:11

Get up: 6.45am

Afternoon sleep: no



http://www.photoblog.com/shangrila/2011/06/23/day-31-creek-bed-to-creek-bed-passed-ngumban-cliffs.html#comments
 
AYou've just reminded me about my library books...eeek... way overdue! Will get down there tomorrow and have a snoop around for some more books. Its silly buying what you can read for free.

I think you are doing all the things you should be doing to help combat your depression. I hope that one day that everything will be exactly as you want it and you won't need the meds any more, but till then there is no harm in taking them as long as they are making you feel better, not worse.

I'm glad you and John are being grown up and reasonable with each other. I'm very stubborn myself, so I won't comment on the stubborness lol.

Have you got any photos of your garden in bloom? x
 
Tuesday 6, September 2011

Weight: 62.8kg



7am: nescafe x2



7am AM: Breakfast

Oats and apple and milk



1:00pm lunch out with a group of new people.

2 rissoles

Mashed potato

Frozen vegies

White bread with butter



I felt a bit out of place here but i met someone who told me about a mozaic class which i might attend on Thrusdays for a few sessions, just to learn the skill. I went shopping and bought a bread which I ate all of. Not such a smart move. But I am finding going shopping and being in town somewhat tempting these days.



5pm glass of red wine



7.00pm: dinner

Spaghetti w zucchini and roaring forties blue vein cheese which I had to use up

Piece of paw paw





Exercise & activity:.Gardening.



Sleep:

Bed last night:10

Get up: 7am

Afternoon sleep: no
 
Wednesday 7, September 2011 Weight: 63.4kg 7am: nescafe x1 7am AM: Breakfast Oats and pear and milk Coffee Later: nescafe 12.00pm lunch Green bean and tomato salad w some bread and some lettuce and avocardo nescafe 5pm glass of red wine 5.00pm: dinner as I was going out Pesto and spaghetti with cheddar 9pm: 2 toast w margerine and vegemite nescafe Exercise & activity:.Not much gardening. Some painting. I need to get up earlier in order to be more active. Meditation: .Yes. I don’t know how long for as I broke my clock last night. I sat in nice patch of forest on a chair. It was very pleasant. I’ve wanted to do something this in patch of forest for a long time. Now I’ve found a short term solution. Its cool and breezy and pleasant although its close to the road and I can can hear the traffic. Iâ€m going to try to do it daily now. I will probably try for the middle of the day as I tend to want to go back to sleep at other times or am too tired. … I’ve just added a few others buddhist books to my Amazon wishlist. One more by stephen bathcelor, two by thich than blah blah the vietnamese monks who’s so highly revered all over, another by a sri lankan guy who called something like meditation in plain english. This should save me some money as amazon is very cheap. I also went to a meditation session in town. Its a new thing but its not particularly good or rigorous. Its quite amateurish. They played music. I’d call it at most relaxation meditation but its only relaxing if you lie down. I fell asleep once I’d done that but for most of the session I sat up and I found myself being quite irritated because the music wasn’t especially well done. A guy played the didgeridoo which was good but it was a bit loud. A woman banged gongs sounds but it wasn’t very musical. It was quite nice most of the time when she sang - or hummed a note. There were 3 other people there apart from me and the couple leading the meditation. I surprised myself at the end though saying I would come along next week. Huh? I am not sure what I was thinking. Probably because I was starting to enjoy it at the end when I fell asleep. I am not sure that’s a particularly good reason to go back though. I suppose if once tries to stay focussed on the music and not on one’s thoughts that’s a good thing and is still useful. Sleep: Bed last night:10 Get up: 7.30am Afternoon sleep: no
 
Thursday 8, September 2011



Weight: 63kg



7am: nescafe x1



7am AM: Breakfast

Oats and pear and milk

Coffee



Later: nescafe



12.00pm lunch

Green bean and tomato salad w some bread

Nescafe



3pm toasted tomato sandwich w pesto and mayonnaise



6pm 1.5glass of red wine



7.00pm: dinner

1 cup rice

1 cup dal

½ cup yoghurt

Piece pawpaw



Exercise & activity:. Not too much. A little gardening a little painting.



Meditation: .Yes. 20 minutes I enjoyed it.



Sleep:

Bed last night:10

Get up: 7.30am

Afternoon sleep: no
 
I think might visit other people's pages less for a while. I am not feeling sufficiently focused to make any useful comments. I will try to keep reporting on my own daily diet doings and i am still working through my trip pictures if anyone is interested. They are always in the same place at photoblog.com/shangrila which will take you to the last entry. I wish everyone continued sticking power, motivation and wellbeing. I'll be thinking of you often, i just want to spend the time on following other diaries at the moment and I don't expect anyone to follow mine either but i no doubt i will be back again one day.



Friday 9, September 2011



Weight: 62.2kg



8am: coffee



8.30am AM: Breakfast

Oats, milk, pear



12.00pm lunch

Bean and tomato salad w 2 pieces wholegrain toast



2pm

Some yoghurt

1 apple



3 pieces of bread while driving

Cappucino



I was a bit hungry after leaving home.



6pm Dinner

Fettucini w pesto

Piece of paw paw



Exercise & activity:. Some painting and some gardening. And hen going to town for meditation. Some shoevelling. I wasn’t very efffective today. All the things I tried to do seemed to bring up some unforeseen small problem.



Meditation: Yes at the buddhist centres. Its not as nice as when I do it on my own at home though I still feel its worth going along. I asked about the place of feelings. Feelings are ok. I am hopeless at writing about this stuff. Too undisciplined.



Sleep:

Bed last night:10

Get up: 8am

Afternoon sleep: no
 
Saturday 10, September 2011



Weight: 63kg



8am: coffee



8.30am AM: Breakfast

Oats, milk, pear



12.00pm lunch

Dal rice and yoghurt



2pm

2 biscuits and cheese



Glass wine



6pm Dinner

Wholemeal pancake w 2 fried eggs, 2 small cooked tomatos, spoon of pesto and spoon of yoghurt yummy.



9pm

Dessert - smallish piece of sara lee pie and cream.



Exercise & activity:.I’m not being as active as I should be. Just reading and gardening. I am sucked up in my reading these days. I need to break out of this soon. Did some painting.



Meditation: yes

Sleep:

Bed last night:10

Get up: 6.45am

Afternoon sleep: no
 
Sunday 11, September 2011



Weight: ??kg



8am: coffee



8.30am AM: Breakfast

Oats, milk, pear



12.00pm lunch

4 dim sim steamed

nescafe



6pm Dinner

Chickpea dal and rice.





Exercise & activity:.Not much



Meditation: Yes 30 minutes

Sleep:

Bed last night:12

Get up: 7.45

Afternoon sleep: yes 3 hours. Hmm not so goo



Monday 12, September 2011



Weight: ??kg



8am: coffee



8.30am AM: Breakfast

Oats, milk, pear



12.30pm lunch

Chickpea dal and rice.

Coffee



4pm Apple

nescafe



5pm Dinner

Tomato and lettuce and avocardo salad

Linguini w pesto, ricotta cheese and parmesan



Exercise & activity:.about 1 hour of weeding this afternoon. I’ve been doing a type of self-imposed and devised vipassana retreat today. I was inspired by looking at a website yesterday and my book on mindfulness. My rules were no tv or internet, no talking. My activites were to be reading, some diarising, meditation, gardening, domestic chores and painting my caravan. Its been a good and quiet day.



Meditation: Yes 3 sessions of 30 minutes each. Focussing on the breath and using counting to keep my concentration.



Sleep:

Bed last night:11

Get up: 6.45

Afternoon sleep: 30 or so minutes rest
 
Tuesday 13, September 2011



Weight: ??kg



8am: coffee



8.30am AM: Breakfast

Oats, milk, apple



12.30pm lunch

Chickpea dal and rice. I've run out of yoghurt but i don't want ot go to the shop.





5pm Dinner

Linguini with a bit of pesto and a fair bit of parmesan



Exercise & activity:.not much



Meditation: 45 minutes of meditaion



Sleep:

Bed last night:9.30pm

Get up: 6.45 Afternoon sleep:



Monday 12, September 2011



Weight: ??kg



8am: coffee



8.30am AM: Breakfast

Oats, milk, pear



12.30pm lunch

Chickpea dal and rice.

Coffee



4pm Apple

nescafe



5pm Dinner

Tomato and lettuce and avocardo salad

Linguini w pesto, ricotta cheese and parmesan



Exercise & activity:.about 1 hour of weeding this afternoon. I’ve been doing a type of self-imposed and devised vipassana retreat today. I was inspired by looking at a website yesterday and my book on mindfulness. My rules were no tv or internet, no talking. My activites were to be reading, some diarising, meditation, gardening, domestic chores and painting my caravan. Its been a good and quiet day.



Meditation: Yes 3 sessions of 30 minutes each. Focussing on the breath and using counting to keep my concentration.



Sleep:

Bed last night:11

Get up: 6.45

Afternoon sleep: 30 or so minutes rest
 
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