I'm aiming for 59kg

May 17 Day 45

I've only had breakfast but i thought i'd note my weight gain anyway.

Weight: 61.8kg
Pretty disappointing but i am not going to worry about it. Of course i don't know if its fat or just water really. It will come off again soon. Even if i wasn't going on my bike ride, i think i would just keep going as i have been but perhaps i would do a proper check on my calorie intake. Maybe do a once a week or fortnight check on it to make sure its approximately what i think it is and not massively over.

But given my upcoming bike ride, (when i expect to lose weight pretty easily unless i have energy issues), then i've got nothing to worry about. I am almost certain i will be at 55kg by the time i finish my ride. Though i know there are some serious obstacles that could interfere with that prediction too. As mentioned before somewhere, last time towards the end of my bike ride, i got very very hungry and started putting on weight again quite fast. this time i hope to avoid that or at least deal with it better.

7am: coffee w 1/2 cup milk

9am: breakfast
1/2 cup oats
1/2 cup full cream milk
1/2 cup low fat milk
1 pear

Gosh time is rushing on and i must get cracking. I feel ok today. But i've still only got three days to get everything done. Dad needs to go to town early on Friday so i can't expect to get much done that day.

Yesterday i got a few more lourvres done.but still have many to go. Yikes! If i don't get this house clean before i leave, i feel i've really let my side of the bargain down with my sister. I am supposed to keep the house clean and they will be disappointed if they come back and all the windows are so dirty you can' see out and all the animals have moved and the floor is covered in droppings. Ok its not that bad but its not clean anyway.
 
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Thanks for stopping by Miss Poodle. Much appreciated.

In my sternest voice: Miss Poodle, as you know i've promised not to write on your diary again until you get on the scale. Are you saying you've got on the scale now? I will have a look, but if you haven't, I am not at liberty to respond. :-||-:
 
all right, well try what i suggested. Anyway its tricky for me to try to understand it cause i usually can't remember enough details about a person to have the whole picture. If you are consistent in your approach and describe everything in detail, then its easier to analyse what you've done and see where you might be able to improve your methods. If you are doing different things ever day, its hard for anyone else to analyse it but also more difficult for you too.

But i do hope you can work it out and it would be good if it is doms but i don't know much about that. Good luck hun.
 
May 17 continued

1pm: Lunch in town
Sushi, I had:
1 plate tuna sashimi - 5 pieces
1 plate fried fish on rice - 2 pieces - wasn't that excited by this
1 small bowl miso soup with a little tofu - yum as always
1 plate yummy sushi - salmon wrapped around rice with large fish roe on top - 2 pieces - this was reaaaaaaaaaally good.
1 plate more than i should have - avocado on top of salmon and rice sushi i think. And it mayo on top which i could have done without - 4 pieces

On the way home from the city, i bought an apple at the petrol station. I wasn't feeling good. I wanted to eat. I mean i wanted to binge. I think have said before that at the petrol station, normally i buy two magnums to eat in the car on the way home. Yummy but not allowed on my diet. Luckily once i saw apples and this is what i thought i would do today too. I thought if i can just hold off til i get home and then i can have my glass of wine, even if its earlier than usual. And i felt this would be enough to get me to dinner.

I think it was about 2pm when i bought the apple. or 2.30pm anyway. It was a good apple. As i got further away from town, the more my binge feeling started to ease off.

I've realised that looking forward to the next meal can help, so long as its not too far away, or in this case looking forward to my glass of wine.

Now its 5.40pm and I am ready to go and cook some dinner. I do feel a bit emotionally tender still today and I think i will until i get going on my bike. So i will have to take each day as it comes and just try to do the best. I am not looking to lose weight this week now. Just not to break my diet. If i put weight on that's ok too but i don't want to break my rules. Because if i did, i am afraid it would be a like dam burst. And then the damage would be greater.

i was aware today of the feeling of not caring. That's a dangerous feeling to have on a diet. You can never afford to stop caring. That's what i mean by being vigilant. Or at least part of being vigilant involves always caring.

So now to go and cook dinner. I think i'm having rice and cabbage.
 
I always read your diary, but I never know if anything I will say will motivate you. You always seem so together.
You are so inspirational, and so knowledgeable. We are truly lucky to have you with us!

"Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est."
 
Well done for resisting that Magnum. I also think it's a good idea to change the times of your meals in responses to cravings and things like that. I do it all the time.

I know the feeling about not caring- not specifically related to weight loss (yet, I think), but in relation to other things. It can definitely be damaging. You've done really well to get yourself past that.

I think things will probably be different when you get back from your trip, as you've worked so hard to form healthy habits and you seem more aware than (you seem to have been from your past recollection) you were of the damage that bad habits can do.

I know I said this would get boring, but well done, you can do it! :D
 
Though it was about time I dropped by your thread and returned the favour for your visits to mine :D Glad I did, having had a read through lots of great ideas in here for meals!
 
imaninjadangit said:
I always read your diary, but I never know if anything I will say will motivate you. You always seem so together.
You are so inspirational, and so knowledgeable. We are truly lucky to have you with us!

"Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est."
Click to expand...

Thanks Iman, well usually as you can tell, i don't need much motivation from outside but when i am struggling, its nice to have some support so i thank you for being here today. Cause really i can go through the same difficulties as pretty much anyone else around here. I have tried to build a protective wall around myself so that i don't experience the struggles so often and on the whole i think it works pretty well. But i know it doesn't actually take a lot to knock down that wall. Today when i was just starting to leave town thinking about the implications of hanging around town and eating some more food, i could just see the whole diet falling apart almost the domino affect. I think i am now afraid of that happening and that fear might keep me from doing anything really wrong. I had a fear something like that when i gave up smoking, that's why i ended up having dreams about smoking i think sometimes.

Don't get me wrong, its not a problematic fear. In fact, i think it could be a helpful fear.

And part of that scenario was accounting to the forum as well. I don't think it would be humiliating for me to have a binge if i could bounce back but today i felt if i binged, i might not bounce back and THAT would be humiliating.

Caiman, thanks to you also mate. And i am glad you found something useful for yourself in my diary. I like the idea that i can help by example, not just by telling people what they should do. But of course a lot of people don't have time to read other people's diaries so as I am one of those helping types of people, i feel i need to do that too.

And thanks again Amy.

When i get back from my trip, its going to be quite difficult i think. When you suddenly stop doing a lot of exercise, it is tricky making dietary adjustments. And my sister will be here and that mean a big change on the home scene. I hope i can resume pretty much eating the same way i am eating now. Anyway, as i've said, elsewhere a big part of dieting is psychological and that's what i am working hardest on this time. I feel i've got the exercise and diet pretty well sorted in general. But whenever there is an emotional challenge, i will need to work hard to keep all the rest in place. The emotional challenge as i see it this week, in case its not that clear, is procrastination and my wlf addiction. I have been procrastinating because of this addiction. The procrastination when i know i have so much i must do, is what is causing me to feel bad. It it totally self induced suffering. I have no one to blame. And i just have to muddle along as best i can. Its not rejection or disappointment that are threatening my diet this week, its procrastination.

When i come back from my trip, i will have to try to be on hte forum less. I will of course try to update my diary daily but i will need to be out doing a lot more work in the garden and starting on my building projects.

In the last two months, stupidly, since the weather started to cool off and i COULD go out in the garden to work my backside off as i had been doing last year, instead, i have taken to this forum and not done anywhere near enough work in the garden and its starting to look a bit wild.

I warned my sister not to expect paradise and luckily she wrote back saying its ok she knows how much work is involved in keeping a garden. So that's good. I think i am nearly always going to have some sort of battle with the internet and other projects. But for now, the main battle i want to win is my weight.
 
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May 17 continued

6.30pm: Dinner
Indian flavoured cabbage, rice and brown lentils.

2 cloves garlic
1/2 red onion, finely chopped
1 tsp mustard seed oil
1 tsp sabji masala (indian vegetable spice mix)
almost 2 cups raw cabbage, sliced as finely as you can
1/2 cup cooked rice
1/2 cup cooked brown lentils
salt

Heat the wok, heat the oil. Add the onion and garlic and cook on low heat till the onion is tender. Do not burn. Add the cabbage. Add the spice. Continue cooking on low heat, tossing frequently so that it doesn't burn. (I was going to add water but it cooked fairly quickly). When its cooked, add in the rice and lentils. Add salt to taste. Just a pinch. Mix well and serve.

There's a strange flavour in this spice mix. Its mineral sulphur i think and the indians put it in their salt which they then put in everything. Indians love it and they have it in every dam thing from lassi to fried beans, to sugarcane juice to yoghurt salad (raita). I often hate it, especially when i am not expecting it to be there, but now i think i am finally getting used to it. i think the key is not to not use too much.

It goes nice in a dish i make when not on my diet which is Potatoes stuffed with ricotta cheese. Indians don't put ricotta cheese. I think they use paneer (fresh cheese) but i hate paneer after i vomited my dinner one night. I don't know if it was the paneer that caused it or if it was the incredibly spicy dal but anyway i know I was really sick at 5 o'clock in the morning and left my nasty guesthouse with zero energy for cycling the next day. I was so exhausted that half way during the day, i had to stop and lie down in a field for a sleep. Then the farming family came over and offered me peanuts. They just wanted to look at me because i was a very strange being for them - a white woman riding alone through the countryside on a bicycle. I didn't get any sleep.

7.30pm: nescafe w 1/3 cup milk
 
imaninjadangit said:
Call me Robyn, or ninja, if you forget. Iman totally sounds like a large, Swedish wrestler! :)

"Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est."
Click to expand...

Oh sorry Robyn. I don't always get what's going on in those sorts of names. I kept trying to read "I'm an injun" Do you know what does conehead means? :conehead: This might be an appropriate time to try out this icon?

I know its from a film but i never saw it so i don't know what it implies. An alien perhaps? Or a dummmy. I feel like a dummy so i thought conehead fits.
 
Hahahahaha! You made me laugh pretty hard with the injun thing. Lol!

The Coneheads started out in the 70's on a TV show called Saturday Night Live. They were aliens and pretty dumb. They made it into a movie in the 90's. It was pretty funny. Dan Akroyd and Jane Curtain.

And no problem. I know your name. Just figured you'd want mine!

"Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est."
 
Hey 44, you're doing so well hon. I've really been enjoying reading through your diary, especially the parts where you describe your feelings and experiences with the farm, animals etc. The only animal we've ever had was a cat who died last year after a lovely 14-year sojourn with us. I do believe since he's been gone that our family is a lot sadder.

So you're off pretty soon eh? I think you'll have a great time and come back really refreshed and a new person. I certainly look forward to reading all the great stories you'll have to tell (although no pressure; it'll be job enough trying to update your food journal, and tbh I envy your ambitious goal!). I wouldn't feel too guilty about spending a little extra time online since you've been doing it for your health and as you say, that's number one. There will always be time to do gardening and building but if you're in a weight or diet crisis and need support from a network like this site, there will never be a better time to focus on that. Of course you can always climb back on the horse if you slip up but I sense you will be much happier with yourself if you pull through without slipping off. I will say again, I envy your self-control. You said something in your last entry that hit the spot for me this week. About MAKING yourself CARE. It's apathy, more than anything else, that's tripped me up in the past. That thought of, 'Oh, there will always be temptations, it's just a little thing, just eat it and you can go back to your diet tomorrow.'... Usually at the 3-month mark. I have no idea why 3 months. Probably because most of my excess weight is close to being all off at that point and the leptin levels are way low and the hunger centre in the brain starts moaning for some scrumptiousness sweet-style. That's the scientific theory. My theory is that 3 months is just too damn long a time to go without ANYthing. I mean, how many couples go that long without doing the horizontal rumba? Chocolate is MY horizontal rumba and I can tell you after 3 months going without, I am not the same person who flung him out the door yelling at him to piss off and never come back! hehehe :)
 
Nice post shinsplints - especially as you get creative towards the end.

LEPTIN - that's the hormone i am always talking about. I often mention on people's posts and my own sometimes i think about this appetite hormone but i haven't been able to remember the name so i know it sounds like i'm making the whole thing up as though it were some esoteric idea that sounds all warm and fuzzy but has no basis in reality. But i know its true because i've read about it before. And now you've given it the name i knew it had. So thanks. Of course i could easily have gone and dug around on wiki to find it too.

Thanks for coming by and offering your thoughts.

I would see the three month mark as a danger point and if we want to remain dedicated to the goal and lifestyle change, we have to prepare ourselves ahead of time to meet the challenge. And then you know what, i bet it won't even come just to be annoying, though it might show up later down the track. I say that because i had expected to face a two month binge around menstruation but it didn't happen last month as it had the first month.

So are you going to resist your horizontal rumba at 3 months or are you planning to embrace it.

You know i keep up a constant chatter in my head to drown out those moans. And i believe that on the whole, they will fizzle out as time goes on. So long as I maintain the chatter of "doing this forever", "always being vigilant", "never stop caring" and so on. I mean its not as bad or difficult as it sounds. Most of us have a chatter going in our brains and a lot of people have a lot of negative chatter going constantly. And the problem is most people aren't very aware of it and don't realise they have any control over it. Its good to become aware of the negative chatter. And i think it good to be deliberate about the positive chatter when we are trying to achieve something.
 
May 18 Day 46 (on this site) + one month more

Weight: 62.2kg
Up 600g I’m not even going to speculate what’s going on anymore. I’m just going to accept it without comment. It will all come off again soon. So long as i keep sticking to my diet, and catch that plane with all the right gear, that's all that matters for the rest of the week. :D

7.00am coffee w 1/4 cup milk


8.30 am Breakfast
1/2 cup rolled oats
1/2 cup full cream milk
1/2 cup low fat milk
1 pear

10am: 1 cup coffee w 1/2 cup expresso

12: Lunch
Big Fruit salad w 1/2 cup natural yoghurt

1 cup stewed apple, made with only a pinch of sugar for five apples, and a few cloves.
1 small mandarine
1/4 cup pomegranate
1 cup grapes

Before lunch, i filled in one irrigation trench and dug and filled in a second one. I also did some weeding. I’m going painfully slow but i am doing it. There is one more trench to do this afternoon. And with the recent rain we’ve had its a lot easier than the first two i dug. This afternoon, i’ve also got to try to finish hooking up sprinklers to my fruit trees and connecting them to the main lines. And i would really love to be able to plant up some cat’s whiskers now that the irrigation is in and i need to clean up the potting section in dad’s shed. I might have to drive down the road to buy some more pipe as well. So i have a lot to do this afternoon.

At 3pmish, i’ve installed some lines to some of the fruit trees and sent dad off to buy more pipe. (He was actually going out anyway). Still a lot to do. Shouldn’t really be having a break, but any advance is better than none at all.

3.20pm: nescafe w 1/3 cup milk

Between times, i’ve been out in the garden again. I didn’t finish my irrigation today afterall. However, i did some weeding which was important, given that i will be away for a month. I dug the last trench so that’s important. I will finish off the irrigation tomorrow. Tonight i hope i can start with the packing. Or do some variety of job that needs to be done. The problem is in the house the light is not very good. I have one standard lamp only. This makes everything difficult.

Tomorrow i have a lot to do:
  • pack up my bike
  • pack up my gear for the trip - at least i have it all out on the floor ready to be packed :)
  • finish cleaning the lourvres
  • pack up all my clothes and gear and move it down to the caravan. I need to get all my gear out of this house so that they can get on with the building without falling over my stuff.
  • Finish the irrigation
  • clean up the pots in the shed
  • go to town and buy some duck food, get a script, pick up something from the gp.
  • And probably a few other things too.

5.30pm: Glass of red wine.
 
May 18 continued

7pm: Dinner
1/2 can of Heinz baked beans on 2 toast

I needed something easy for dinner.

I don't feel like doing any work tonight. I'm tired and almost ready for sleep. Its only 8.30pm.
 
NO Alas there is still a long way to go. I am sure its going to be like always. Just not able to get ready early enough and always the same reason for delay. No reason just procrastiantion. I can never get better at this it seems.
 
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