If You Fail Try Again...

So its 1:35am and I know I should go to the gym and try to get a workout in, but I just can't seem to get myself out of this bed...I'm also craving frosting and im kinda scared that ill stop and buy some at the grocery store next to the gym...ahhhh!
 
Ok I've come up with a plan. I'm gonna eat 3/4 c of my Honey Bunches of Oats Cinnamon Clusters cereal with skim milk to take care of my sweetness craving and I'm gonna do my Carmen Electra DVD here at home for my workout.

Knowing myself I can't trust that I won't go to the grocery store.. I'm low on groceries as it is and I know I would use that as an excuse to go to the store(that and I love shopping when no ones there!) Ok ya'll, have a good night!!
 
Hello everyone! Last few days has been good. Did some intense weight lifting and now my body is sore! Ugh, the price we pay. :)

9-18-09
1/4 c Better n' Eggs- 30
1 Laughing Cow Cheese Wedge- 50
1/2 c Yogurt- 70
1/4 c Granola- 140

1/2 Cheeseburger- 250(guessing based off of other brands of burgers)
1 Baked Potato(w/ 1 T Whipped Butter)- 146

1 Ginger Ale- 80
30 Asparagus Spears- 60

2 Slices Bread- 90
2 T Natural Peanut Butter- 180

2c Watermelon-91

1 MGD 64- 64
Total: 1251
 
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Just a quick update that Im still around and still on track. Haven't been on a scale since my last weigh in, I always forget to step on the scale in the morning..opps. Just been very busy lately. Had my lil sisters baby shower, my grandparents were in town, my great uncle passed away, had a food show(which I was pretty darn good at controlling myself at!), and just life in general has been getting hetic. Have only been working out about 3 days/week cuz of it so now that the chaos has calmed down im gonna get right back to where i was. Tonight went and biked for bout an hour and 15 min...they really need to make those seats more comfortable! My booty fell asleep in like 5 min into it :) Anyways gotta go, im exhausted and gonna hit the hay. Goodnight all.
 
Long rant

This is a long personal rant, prepare yourself.

Sad to say that the last few weeks have been rather tough on me. Not making it to the gym as much as I should, which I hate cuz I pay for it, better get as much as I can out of it. My eating has been so-so. Some days I do great and others I give in to the midnight craving of Taco Bell.

Then on top of all that I have family and personal issues going on that in all reality I shouldn't let get to me, but it seems to have consumed my life. My older sister truly is causing me an ulcer, I swear. I worry about her so much(shes 26), Im afraid shes going to die an early death because of the choices she is making and it kills me that she wont take anyones advice. Ugggh just writing this it gets me all worked up, my stomach doing flips and my brain starting to have that tinge that Im gonna get a migraine.
Well seeing as this is my vent area of my life I guess I'll let you all in on whats going on. My sister is an addict. Right now shes addicted to prescription pills, coke, and god knows what else. I recently took her to a hospital detox followed by taking her to an inpatient rehab.

To give you a little background why its odd that I was the one to take her-- we have never gotten along. She has stolen my identity twice and lied to my face about it and then once she got caught and taken to court she got to walk away with 18 months of probation instead of jail time because she convinced the arresting officer that I LET HER use my name! Also we lived together for 4 months once and in this time she racked up so many bills that I had to pay resulting in me being in debt for about $3000...that she has never paid a penny back.

So anyways back to the last months, I decided great shes changing her life, I'll be there to support that. So I went and visited her every week and she would call me every week telling me stuff she needed (winter clothes, coat, cases of soda, shampoo ect ect) and Id go buy it and bring it to her. Mind you that she was at a place that was an hour drive away. Then 3 weeks ago I got a call from my mom and my little sister(21) saying that my sister had been arrested while at rehab. Turns out that she called an ex bf and told him to fill out a prescription and hide it at a local gas station for her. She went picked it up and took 60 pills at once. Which pretty much was a "fuck you" to me in my opinion. Her probation officer was called once she got back to the rehab all messed up and her PO put her in jail. She was in jail for 9 days, on the last day calling me from jail, costing me even more money on my cell phone bill to talk to her. The whole time by the way she just complained. She calls me that same day saying she got out of jail and from her voice and what she was saying I could tell she was already high again. She proceeded to get my whole family into guilting me into driving her to my little sisters house which is 3 hours from where she was(she was a hour from me to begin with). She has burned every single bridge with any friends or relatives that no one would take her, or even let her stay at their houses until I got off of work to go pick her up. My family was saying stuff like "Your the only on we can rely on" "You always do the right thing" and its at this point that I started resenting being such a good kid. So after working a 10 hr work day at 11pm I went and drove her to my sisters house. The whole car ride shes sneaking more and more pills cuz she knows my lil sister wont let her have them in her house.(my lil sis and her husband are both recovering addicts themselves) If I would of seen her doing it, I wouldnt of allowed it either but I wasn't told she took them until later. And then drove back home, getting home around 5am. She stayed 1 week with my sister, now shes back in the town I picked her up from and no one has heard from her. We dont know where shes staying, who shes with, if shes even alive....nothing... so yeah thats where the ulcer/migraine feeling comes from.
I can't believe I even just wrote all of that.

Sorry, I know its not weight loss related at all but I had to get that off my chest. Thanks for those of you who "listen"..... Sometimes I just gotta let it all out because the truth is I don't think any of my friends realize what it is I'm actually feeling. Even if I tell them they just say "Oh your just in a funk, it'll pass"...anyways I'll let you all get back on with your lives. Love you all.
~Ashley~
 
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I'm still at the same yahoo screen name if you ever wanna blow off steam. There was so much here that I don't know where to begin.

My mother was (is) an addict, and I had to be the one to put my foot down, and then eventually sort of verbally jump all over my brother about it also.

addicts very often need to hit rock bottom before they do something for themselves. You may need to cut your losses and not be the one to go running around. She knows you will. If she knows there is no where else to turn, she might finally turn the right direction. Or not... As awful as that is to say, it is also sometimes the truth.
 
See the fact is that I know this, I know she has to hit rock bottom....and its me telling my family exactly that and then my father says to me "If I had money I'd wire it to her" "If I were there I'd help her" "She has no where to go, no one to count on" (he lives in Indiana) ... and I said thats exactly what she needs. She needs to not have anyone to turn to, she doesnt need everyone to come rescue her all the time. I said this is why she keeps fucking up, cuz no one is making her live with the consequences of her actions. I can't tell you how many times her rent money got "stolen" or she quit yet another job because the boss was "sexually harassing" her... When the truth all along was that she was stealing from jobs and was about to get caught and she spent all her money on dope.
So on the drive up to my sisters I pretty much laid it out that this was the last thing I was ever doing for her. I said if you go into treatment again, great, but I won't be there to visit you. I'm not taking your calls for help anymore. And she couldn't understand why. I couldnt even tell you the last time she asked how I was or whats going on in my life. Everything is about her. Everytime she calls its to bitch about whats going on in her life. She only tells me half the stories though and I hear the rest from my family cuz she knows if she tells me the truth then I'll lecture her. I just want for her what I have. I went to college, I have lived in the same place for 4 years and the same job for the same amount of time. I want her to have stability. Shes been out of a job for a year now though she claims babysitting for one of her pill friends for $2/hour is a job. I don't know. I give up. My mother has already given up when she went to jail, she told her not to talk to her anymore until she completes treatment. But I think even if she does complete treatment she still wont stay clean. Treatment is part of her probation and it has to be completed within 6 months, so of course shes going to do it to get off of probation. But if it'll work is another story. Shes a great liar, and can make anyone but me believe any story she tells. My father has said since she was 13 "You know how you can tell if she's lying? Her lips are moving." Don't know. Thanks for listening Karl. I'll take you up on the chat offer next time I'm feeling like venting. Love ya.
 
QUICK UPDATE:
So while I was out grocery shopping tonight a friend texted me and told me that the Ab Circle Pro was on HSN tonight on special until midnight. I have been wanting it for quite a while, as I do not do any oblique exercises right now, and thought this would be a good machine. After much research I decided tonight to get it. So it should be arriving on the 30th and I am excited. This of course won't take over my real gym workouts, but I am hoping it will give me some variation in my exercise routine.

I'm for the most part still eating well, but I always could do better(the ocassional basket of fries, a burger, or sweets). And I have been slacking on the exercise lately, but lets say that I get enough to maintain right now but not lose weight. So time to step it up a notch. OK thats all for my quick update. Love you all. ~Ash~
 
Merry Christmas Everyone!! Had a great holiday, went to my moms and spent it with her and my stepdad. Got 2 new Colts jersery's, 2 Colts orniments, a Payton Manning shoulder bag, and a GPS!!! I think I made out like a bandit :). Well gotta get to bed, have to work a double tomorrow. Oh yea, better throw something food related in here....Ate like crap today, baked asparagus, mashed potatoes(only alittle sour cream to make them slightly creamy), cole slaw, ham, roll, dressing, and some grody pumpkin cheesecake(prob why it was on sale haha)...actually probably wasn't all that bad for me..didn't eat huge portions..at no point did I feel stuffed or go back for seconds of anything... so back to packin my own food tomorrow though and workin out. Here is to looking forward to a great New Year and a New Beginning. Love you all!! And once again, Happy Holidays.
 
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Today's Menu:
Breakfast-
1 c Puffed Rice Cereal- 50
1/2 c FF Milk- 45
2 Banana- 180

Snack-
1 Toasted Sandwich Thin- 100

Lunch-
1 Apple- 95
1 Four Cheese Lean Pocket- 270
1 T Ranch- 70

Snack-
1/2 Lean Cuisine Breakfast Sandwich(Gross!)- 140

Dinner-
1 Four Cheese Lean Pocket- 270
1 T Ranch- 70

Water: 120 oz
Total: 1195

Overall good day.
Started on my water for the 12 Week Challenge already to see if I could actually get down 5 servings of my 24oz bottle a friend bought me... thought it would of been more difficult but it wasn't that hard actually. See ya tomorrow!
 
I've decided not to go out on New Years Eve... I don't know, something about this year...I'm just not into the whole going out thing that much anymore. It's not fun anymore. Just a bunch of drama usually.(I also work doubles Fri and Sat) I need to save my money and my calories :) Oh well...maybe next year...can't wait for 2009 to be over!! The only good thing that came out of this year was my niece Jordin who was born in November :)
 
Today's Food:
Breakfast:
1 Banana-90
1/2 C Fiber One- 60

Lunch:
1 Arnolds Sandwich Thin- 100
2 Romaine Leaves- 6
1 Slice FF American Cheese- 30
1 T Mayo made w/ Olive Oil- 45
1 Slice Turkey Bacon- 20
2 Slices Honey Ham(96%FF)- 46
1 Applesauce- 50

Snack:
1 Apple- 57
1 Banana- 90

Dinner:
1 Arnolds Sandwich Thin- 100
2 Romaine Leaves- 6
1 Slice FF American Cheese- 30
1 T Mayo made w/ Olive Oil- 45
1 Slice Turkey Bacon- 20
2 Slices Smoked Turkey- 33

Alcohol:
2 Bud Lights- 220

Total: 988
Didn't do too good on food today..(thats alot of O's) :) Under 1000 seems to be my speciality, even though I never mean to do it. Was so busy at work I never got to eat my other sandwich I had prepared. Oh well, will probably have it for lunch tomorrow.
 
Oh hey there!!

I love the way you organize your food log, and I am so excited to be in the New Years challenge with you!!

I hope to get to know you better!! :biggrinjester:
 
Hey PlumpHope! Thanks, you should see the way I just scribble it in my handwritten journal though..with little math problems all over the page trying to figure out the calories in everything lol.

I'm sooo excited for the challenge too! TOMORROW!!! 12 Weeks seems like a long time but in the end it'll be warm out by me finally lol. I'm sure it will go by very quickly. I'm looking forward to the kind of progress I can make in 12 weeks. Then after that I'm going to need to join another challenge to keep myself in check...or maybe by then people at work will get interested in a challenge again. I'm not telling people about this. Just gonna see if they start noticing changes in me. :) Have a good day!
 
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! Tonight was a fun night(with very little alcohol consumption might I add!), but can't wait to get started on the 12 week challenge tomorrow!
 
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