I want to love myself again

imaninjadangit said:
You are a total inspiration to me. I am 280 right now. I know that if you can do it, so can I!

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Thanks so much!
And yes believe me...if I did it, so can you!
I never EVER thought that I could 20lbs let alone 50.
It's a great feeling, and I wish u the best of luck!
 
WEIGH-IN 16 - LOST 2LBS THIS WEEK
SW - 280LBS
CW - 231LBS
Starting BMI - 43
Current BMI - 35.1

***********************************

So i've lost 2lbs this week too, I am very happy about that.
These past 3 weeks I have to be honest I haven't gone to the gym as many times as I'd like to have gone. Eating wise, I am doing very well the only concern I have is the weekends. When the weekend roles around it's the worst only because I am home, then if I go out to town with the friends they all usually want to stop and eat and then all the mixed drinks are full of sugar and calories too but that usually happens only on saturdays, sunday i take it easy and stay away from all that. Today I hit the gym, I was SO SO tired after work but I forced myself to get up and go.

I did 20 min on the treadmill of interval speed, jogging/running.
14 min on the elliptical
30min of weights

I am almost of the 230's and I am so estatic about that :)
The more that number goes towards the 200 mark the happier I get.
All my clothes are loose, my mother actually told me today to get new work pants because I am starting to look like a hobo who stole someone else's pants lol.

Anywho off to bed :)
 
Sounds like you are doing pretty well considering you are feeling a bit of a loss of motivation.

There are some drinks that are better for dieting. You can have a bloody mary with tomato juice, brandy and soda water, or rum/ whisky and water.

You could have a glass of red/white wine.

And you can drink a glass of water between each alcoholic drink.

Or you could probably also have diet softdrinks as your mixer.

How long have you been on your weight loss program? You can't really ever let up with the food though cause you will just put it all on again. If its just the exercise that you feel bored with, you could either take up something different, or just go back to walking for a while. But you need to keep being active somehow. What about doing some sort of exercise with a social element like a team or adventure sport that you can do on the weekends. Or a competitive sport like running for races. There's lots of races to get you from one event to another.
 
fortyfour said:
Sounds like you are doing pretty well considering you are feeling a bit of a loss of motivation.

There are some drinks that are better for dieting. You can have a bloody mary with tomato juice, brandy and soda water, or rum/ whisky and water.

You could have a glass of red/white wine.

And you can drink a glass of water between each alcoholic drink.

Or you could probably also have diet softdrinks as your mixer.

How long have you been on your weight loss program? You can't really ever let up with the food though cause you will just put it all on again. If its just the exercise that you feel bored with, you could either take up something different, or just go back to walking for a while. But you need to keep being active somehow. What about doing some sort of exercise with a social element like a team or adventure sport that you can do on the weekends. Or a competitive sport like running for races. There's lots of races to get you from one event to another.
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I have been doing this weightloss things since January, so about 5 months now. I love my new lifestyle ,I am never hungry and I enjoy many things still. I will admit I did lose the urge to hit the gym for a good month, had to go with force the few times I did go but I mean I think it's normal after doing the same thing too much. I am def gonna sign up for some classes, some zumba and others that my gym offers. Summers comin around so im gonna go bike riding these days as well and perhaps take a jog outside, enjoy the nature and sun. I am not a big drinker, but when there are occassions to drink to I do love my mixed drinks and I do love white wine but it's not so often that I indulge in alcohol. I think the number one reason for my weightloss is my choices in food and counting calories....being active is very important and it makes me feel good but the eating lifestyles matters that much more when it comes to losing weight and keeping it off.
Thanks for the greats suggestions btw :)
 
misspoodle said:
Hey girl! Look at you! you are constantly moving in the RIGHT DIRECTION!

Good job hun!! What's your daily diet like?!
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Thanks hun!
I try my best :)

I count calories, I use (My fitnessPal) and i have the application for it on my cell so it is very very handy at all times or I program the things i'll it into it before hand so I basically have to eat what I planned for the day.
I am at 1840cals right now and I eat 3 times a day with small snacks inbetween and I def try not to eat any carbs after 7pm, and if I do have some calories left over I will make myself a homemade strawberry almond milk smoothie or with other fruits. If you have a blender USE it, that thing is magic expecially when you make your own fresh awesome smoothies. Beats ice cream anyday.

Today for example this is what I had to eat:

Brkfst - Black 100% whole wheat ray bread 2 slices (130cals)
-Tbspn light peanut butter
-Tbspn light strawberry Jam
Lunch- Healthy choice steamers (210cals) Beef Merlot
-Half cup of raw strawberries with half cup raw watermellon (80cals)

Snack -Banana (105 cals)

Dinner - 1.5 cups of rice
- Chicken breast
- Sour cream *dont ask I love my S.C* :)
- Slice of black whole wheat ray bread
total cals : 900ish
Snack - homemade strawberry smoothies w/vanilla milk and fat free yogurt
200ish calories


I usually am always under my calories by 100 or 200ish but there are days were I am over sometimes too, nothing to die about, sometimes messing around with calories I think is better because it keeps your system surprised so your metabolism works better. I do take multivitamins at bedtime too, just that extra kick incase I havent eaten enough of my fruits and veggies for the day and tbh I am so not a veggie person but I try hard where I can.

Thats basically it...to me it's all about just being disciplined learning to eat to live and not to live to eat. I had to tell myself that food is just energy like gas is for a vehicle, it shouldn't be something that controlled us and our feelings and determine our day. My problems was that I loved food, I was attached so as soon as i re-taught myself how to think about food and nutrition...things became easier and of course nothing is easy in the beginning so if anyone is having a tough time at first, understand that it is normal but you can't give up because it does get easier trust me.

:party:
 
Girl, thank you SO MUCH for posting your "average" food log!! I see that you're at 1800 calories, which seems DAMN healthy at your current weight! BRAVO! Sometimes I see people who drastically cut to 1200 calories, and it increases their chances to fall off the wagon! Looks like you're trying to make a PERMANENT change! GOOD FOR YOU!

I agree with the food addiction. I was just like that. I am trying to change...I am just finishing week 2, I hope to be as strong as you and last 5 months!
 
misspoodle said:
Girl, thank you SO MUCH for posting your "average" food log!! I see that you're at 1800 calories, which seems DAMN healthy at your current weight! BRAVO! Sometimes I see people who drastically cut to 1200 calories, and it increases their chances to fall off the wagon! Looks like you're trying to make a PERMANENT change! GOOD FOR YOU!

I agree with the food addiction. I was just like that. I am trying to change...I am just finishing week 2, I hope to be as strong as you and last 5 months!
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No problem at all hun :) If i can help someone in anyway I am happy to do it.
And yes I really do believe that real weightloss happens when it's done slowly and healthy. People who starve themselves will perhaps get faster results but those results will fade as soon as they start to eat normally.
This way I know that I won't fail because I am eating more than enough each day and my body is not lacking any nutrition and this is something I will do for the rest of my life.
Hey, Week 2 thats awesome, it's hard for some people to get past the first few days let alone get to week 2 so GOOD FOR YOU HUN! Keep pushing, we can root for each other :) :cheers2:
 
WEIGH-IN 17
LOST - 1LB THIS WEEK
CW- 230LBS
SW- 280LBS
____________________________________________________________________


One more pound down :)
Not a huge number but if it's going in the right direction, I'll welcome any number with open arms. Not gonna lie the weekend was a tad crazy, too much red wine and cranberry vodkas but hey...it was a special occassion and it doesn't help that its my birthday weekend this coming up weekend. Anywho...going dress shopping this thursday :) YAY! I was actually very upset at myself this weekend for the funniest thing and my girlfriends just didnt know how to react or comfort me coz in a way it was a dumb thing to be angry about. I was very angry that I brought probably about 3 outfits with me this weekend to try on at our hotel where we stayed over night and prepared for the party and none of those once lovely outfits looked good on me, why you ask? Because they were all too big and baggy. One black dress in particular that I loved on me when I was 50lbs heavier, now looks like a big black garbage bag. I find myself stupid for this reasoning, but I cant help it. I think it's because I am slowly realising that the old me is gone physically...and i am holding on to her still I need to let her go because she was insecure, shy and thought only the worst about herself and now that a glimmer of confidence has begun to sparkle...fear has kicked in.
Anywho to get a little more personal here about myself, I have been single for a couple of years now. When me and my ex started dating years ago I was nice and thin and confident, during our dating i was still good, then afterwards i started gaining weight and it was climbing, I broke up with him and only until i was single did i realize how huge I had become. I went from 180lbs to 260lbs within a couple of years and I realized the change in me when i became lonely when i wanted to look around for a good person but couldnt because i was so grossed out about myself so i told myself that no one would ever want me nor consider me and i have been feeding myself this bull for years now and only now, that i have lost some weight am i starting to see what a load of crap that is. Confidence alone makes a person sexy and appealing it aint all about how small someones waist is, how big someones boobs are...sometimes confidence and kindness overshadow all those shallow things. I now find myself grossed out not by myself but shallow people who i once feared...and when I become thing again i will never ever become one of those shallow skinny people who look down on others who might be a little overweight because I know all to well how that feels...how it feels when you think everyone is looking at you thinking "Oh my god look how fat she is".
I will never ever allow myself to stoop that low and laugh at other peoples pain.
I will always remain who I am inside, the appearance will be different but the hardrive will be the exact same............always be who you are inside, because there is only of you and that is the most special thing ever.

Todays Menu :

Brkfst-whole wheat bun with a slice of swiss cheese, mustard,ketchup,onions lettuce, tomato, pickle slice.

Lunch- grilled chicken breast, small side salad w. light italian dressing.

snack- I was bad here...took a little bit of milk hazelnut chocolate. EEK!

dinner- moms homemade bean stew with some homemade bread

snack- danone creamy vanilla yogurt

I probably hace 150ish cals left fot the day but i just had a sip of milk a glass of water and im off to bed :)
 
Goodnight sweetie. :)

When you wake up and read this, i just wanted to comment on your story about the dresses.

I wonder if it wasn't a moment of grief over the you you lost. The death of the girl you used to be, physically of course. Or something like that. Just a thought. But i am a bit staggered that you thought you would still be able to wear those old outfits. Perhaps you hadn't quite realised how much you'd changed.
 
fortyfour said:
Goodnight sweetie. :)

When you wake up and read this, i just wanted to comment on your story about the dresses.

I wonder if it wasn't a moment of grief over the you you lost. The death of the girl you used to be, physically of course. Or something like that. Just a thought. But i am a bit staggered that you thought you would still be able to wear those old outfits. Perhaps you hadn't quite realised how much you'd changed.
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You know what you hit the nail on it's head.
To this moment until I read what you just said...I was still confused about my emotions when my old outfits didn't fit me. This whole time i was in denial as to the weight I've lost. To be honest here, if I am already exposing so much about myself, sometimes when I look in the mirror I see not much change in myself and im in denial of the weight i've lost. I dont miss the old me i am just so angry for the scars the old me left, emotionally. It is so hard to feel beautiful sometimes, expecially when weight is the issue.
Yes I am told all the time " wow how much weight did you lose"...but still deep inside I feel like it's only so little and there isn't much change but I guess that this is just something I will have to get used to and hopefully my confidence rises real high. The old me was my security blanket, a reason NOT to go back into the world and live again, and now that that is coming off it's like I have no choice but get back into things and enjoy life and welcome the attention of others.

Grrrr....:nopity:

lol anywho ...not to mop around too much, I did add new pictures of myself to the before and after thread so checckkkk ittttttt out!!!
Tell me what you think now that i've hit the 50lb loss mark :)
:party:
 
WEIGH-IN 18

Lost 4LBS THIS WEEK! :):):):)
SW-280
CW-226
Current BMI - 34.4
Starting BMI- 42.6


Reached my goal of being under 230 before my big birthday part which happend on May 21 (this passed saturday). Iam now 226lbs and I am soooo sooo happy!
I haven't been good with the gym lately I will admit but I have made it a goal this week to get back into it at least 3 times a week and starting losing even more and not just for losing but for the main factor of keeping up with indurance and getting the heart pumping, it also makes me feel better mood wise when I excercise regularly and it gives me lots of strength. Food wise this weeked I've been BAD but not as bad as I would have been 5 months ago, I still thought over things and made sure to get whole wheat instead of white and things like that...but I did drink WAYYYYY too much but it was my bday party sooo :) S'all good :) I hate weekends because they just kill me.....but I am good for weekdays I work really hard I watch everything I eat and my motivation is higher than ever. I love my self-control these days not gonna lie.
TOmorrow is HUGE ass kicking time at the gym and food wise.
Because I've lost 10lbs according to MyFitnessPal they knockd down my calories a 100cals less then before so before I was allowed to eat 1840cals a day now it's down to 1740 and I think that is a huge factor is cutting back as you lose because the smaller we get the less energy(food) we need to keep our bodies going (duh) lol.
Anywho I do have some new pics on my before and after thread so u guys can check those out i posted those a few days ago so I hope u see some improvement from last time. Can't help but in denial sometimes still which sucks :/ but im working on it :)
 
thank u harrysome
But gladly I need to inform you that I do not have diabetes I was only at risk of having it and with my so far weightloss that's been averted :)
I do not touch junk food nor sugar and I do excercise and that is why i have managed to drop 54lbs so far.
But nonetheless thank u for visiting my thread and your support
:D
 
WEIGH-IN 19 LOST 3LBS THIS WEEK!
SW-280
CW-223
**********************************************************



Can't wait till the number is below the 220's.
I mentally am still not 57lbs lighter to myself, I am having a very hard time adjusting to the thinner me. It is just not getting to my brain...the confidence in me is still not very big, even tho I may look confident....really I am constantly putting myself down. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see :/ I now more than ever realize what being overweight truly does to a person mentally more than physically, it tears a person to pieces and makes them feels as worthless as possible. I hope that over time things change and I start to realize the change in me but until then I am still....me.
Nutrition wise everyhing is awesome...staying on track having a few cheats here and there..specially weekends :S and then I am active at work, 8 hours standing running back and forth lifting things...basically moving all day.
GYM, well ive been bad. Haven't gone at all in the past two weeks, yes I miss it and I think the biggest factor of me not really going is how far it is from me and the drive there after a 8hr shift puts me to sleep, blah! Cant wait to relocate in Sept when my contract is up.

I threw away about half my closet today, gave my fat clothes to a charity.
But I kept a pair of jeans to forever remind me of what I let myself become and how far Ive come.

Today I am going out for my birthday with the whole family for dinner, so healthy choices :):):):)

Hope everyone had a great weekend!
 
NeverGiveUp said:
I mentally am still not 57lbs lighter to myself, I am having a very hard time adjusting to the thinner me. It is just not getting to my brain...the confidence in me is still not very big, even tho I may look confident....really I am constantly putting myself down. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see :/ I now more than ever realize what being overweight truly does to a person mentally more than physically, it tears a person to pieces and makes them feels as worthless as possible. I hope that over time things change and I start to realize the change in me but until then I am still....me.
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I know exactly the feeling. I'm down close to goal and some days (less often now, but unfortunately it hasn't gone away) I still feel as big if not bigger than I've been in the last year or so (I've lost about 30lb off the highest I know I've been in the last year, about 15 of those since I've been a member of this site). Stupid brains/ self esteem issues.

Hope you have a lovely birthday, and don't spoil your night out worrying about food. Tomorrow is a new day :)
 
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