I want to love myself again

WOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!

46min run !!!!!! super STOKED!
Went for a jog with the athelet brother...he pushed me to the point i started saying "i cant i cant" and he kept saying "yes u can yes u can, ur doing it!" and i did it :D
Yes i died twice..almost..from exhaustion but it felt so good to be pushed and see where my limits are and I did it, wow! At the last 100meters he told me "ok i know you feel like you are drained..like you are about to fall but lets do a fast sprint...give it your all go all out...run as fast you can" I kept thinking ok, either i dont do this and i feel like crap or i try even if it means i die trying so ...im running and running...i see the 100meter mark and i felt like i couldnt make it to the meter mark let alone do a sprint...we pass it...I was goneeeeee like a bullet...he said he had to catch up to me! my god what an experience i felt so out of my body...so free.
I afterwards felt like throwing up my insides but s'all good after 5 min of breathing and cooling of because it was 90 degrees out today...i felt so good.

Now im gonna go sleep like a baby :)
 
About to head out to do some walking :) I have MAJOR thigh pain from that run I did the day before, I cannot sit down without holdling on to something, ugh!
So im gonna go for a long while and I will try to walk up a big hill near my house called (suicide hill-pretty big) a few times to get my heartrate going :) other than that spent a long day at work on my legs as usual, have about 200 cals left for the day, I might go crazy a little and have a...................apple (tun tun tun).

Good night :)
 
WEIGH-IN 20
LOST - 0LBS
Weights same as before


Well well well...I didn't lose anything when i weighed myself last time but I am assuming it is only because it's that time of the month and I finally got it back :D:D:D After a long year of PCOS and dealing with it...I am seeing signs of improvement finally internally.
I am doing very well with my nutrition, keeping a close eye on my calories, trying to avoid carbs and anything white such as (white pasta, rice, bread,etc etc).
Been craving fruit like crazy this week, so I've been eating that mostly.
Haven't had a lot of excercise this week, it's been over a 100 degrees these past few days. Work keeps me later these days, gym closes at 9pm which I hate and I am thinking about buying out of my contract early and relocate to a gym that has decent hours for working people. I've been wanting to go out for a jog these days but it is so not safe to run outside while the sun is up and yes I do know I can go at night but I dont really like my neighbourhood too much, specially at night.
So...dilema dilema.

Todays menu:

Brkfst : slice of bread with a tbsp of light peanut butter and tbsp of ligh strberry jam
less than half a cup of milk
BestBio Omega3 yogurt
Lunch : Whole wheat Bun
Grilled chicken breast
Garnish (Light mayo,ketchup,lettuce, onion,pickle,tomato)
Snack : Medium Peach

Dinner : ? Haven't eaten yet, still debating on what to have :S
 
Hi Nevergiveup- I just read your whole diary in one go after seeing your username & diary heading & loving them both. The last hour just flew! I loved reading your journal and what you have done & are doing is really impressive. Your determination and your insights are really admirable. You should be so proud of yourself. Well done!! I'll be following you from now on. You are almost 3/4 of the way to your goal in such a short time! WOW!!
Cheers, Cate.
 
WEIGH-IN 21
LOST 0LBS
CW - Same as before


Okay so I am assuming that I am not dropping the lbs the last two weeks because I've stopped going to the gym and this needs to change ASAP because seeing the number not budge is making me mad. This would be a point in my weightloss journey to gather all my strenght and all my motivation I got in me and fight passed this bump in the road.
As far as food I am still the same, I stick to 1740calories/daily so I am glad to say that the control around food hasn't been lost or forgotten.

Ok so to make things a little more official I have a new mini goal that I need to reach by July 22, that from today gives me 38 days and I would like to be down to 200lbs.
So 23lbs in 38 days, I think that sounds reasonable.
Wow when I hit that 200lb mark I don't think I'll be able to process that in my head, me being 200lbs that is just crazy gahhh ::D:D:D

I've had monday and today(tuesday) off of work :) so I am off to do some house cleaning and then I shall go for a run either afternoon or in the evening.
Back to the gym WOOT!
 
cate said:
Hi Nevergiveup- I just read your whole diary in one go after seeing your username & diary heading & loving them both. The last hour just flew! I loved reading your journal and what you have done & are doing is really impressive. Your determination and your insights are really admirable. You should be so proud of yourself. Well done!! I'll be following you from now on. You are almost 3/4 of the way to your goal in such a short time! WOW!!
Cheers, Cate.
Click to expand...



Thank you very much Cate :grouphug:

I appreciate you taking the time to read my diary and I hope it helps you and others through your journey just like other peoples diaries and photos have helped mine :)
I like to put all my moods/success/failiures on here so that people can see that I don't always drop 5lbs a week. Sometimes it's 1lb and in like the past two weeks it has been no lbs...no reason to give up and I hope it motivates people to keep going because I know myself, seeing the number not budge is really really kicking me back into gear because I cannot and will not allow myself to stop here.

:):) Good luck with your weightloss and we'll keep in touch :)

Thanks again :cheers2:
 
I read the first page of your diary and the last page. And I can see a change, just in the way you're talking!

The first page you were talking about how discouraged you were about your weight, and weight loss in general.

The last page there were 2 weigh ins where you didn't lose any weight. Which at first I thought would be discouraging to you, but you kept positive and looked a solution to break the plateau. You're really holding true to your username now! :D

Truly a remarkable change! 57 pounds in 5 months? Wow! But also the change in your self esteem and confidence is evident, You look great by the way! Congrats, and good luck with your ultimate goal!

::EDIT::
Okay, I've now read your entire journal :p Really great story, inspirational. I think you should look at your weigh ins and graph them, that would be very satisfying :p

You shouldn't neglect your inner turmoil though. You need to look inside yourself and realize that this is the new you, the better you. You have changed not only physically, but also mentally as I mentioned above. This change needs to be met with the appropriate thought and reflection. Acknowledge who you are now, acknowledge how much you have changed for the better. Acknowledge that you are beautiful, because you are.

You are beautiful.

Get used to that idea. Say it to yourself every time you look in the mirror. No matter what you look like, no matter what you're wearing, no matter what you've eaten that day, no matter how much you worked out, no matter the weather! Say it.
 
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Snezy - hehe thanks for going thru my diary :) and thanks again for the awesome support and guidance, it really means a lot.
I try everyday to tell myself good things about myself but you know us *females* we are just that crazy :p

I will take your advise def and start looking in the mirror n tellin myself all sort of nice things :) thank you a million times ! :)
 
Dear never give up...I read your journal..and you are doing great!!!!!..congrats girl...very pround of you :party:

u look great in ur pic...keep up the awesome work...catch ya later
 
thank you Fit :)


Went to the gym yesterday, WOOT! felt so good.
Change of enviroment since I upgraded to all goodlife gyms in my area so now I see the boys working out too, a little different, gotta get used to it but at least this gym is a 2min car ride, compared to the previous which was like 20min there..plus back.
Did weights yesterday, my arms are sore, today i am going all out with the cardio...sweat sweat sweat is the keyword for today :)
 
View attachment 15479

At the gym this evening, tomato red and sweat post-cardio session :)
Ready to do some situps :)





lol snezy more like too much distraction....but its a good thing I dont even realize my time is up..im too busy ehem....staring :p hehe.

Well well....kicked ass this week! woot!
Went to the gym last night and again this evening....what an amazing feeling.
I am completely sore....I feel like a car ran me over and I Love iT!
I cant wait till sunday...that number better have bugded or else...scale is gettin a beating.
 
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WEIGH-IN 21 LOST 6LBS THIS WEEK
SW- 280
CW-217
SBMI- 42.6
CBMI- 33


Lost 6LBS this week! yahhhh!!!!!!!!
All that gym paid off :D;D:D:D PROPS to my new gym...which is MUCH muchhhhh closer to my house.

200 here i come babyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
 
Look at you! 6 pounds that's huge! Congrats, glad to see your back at the gym. Now doesn't that feel good?
 
thanks snezy, oh yes it feels amazing, i love it.

Ok so been working out like crazy this week.
Hit the gym all 3 days so far in a row, plus heres the best part, joined a european dance group, we perform actually, its european circle dancing some might know some not, but not a biggie, basically its allll cardio, your jumping twisting turning, bending...oh god.
Had practice monday and tuesday, 2 hrs first time and 3 hrs second practice....got killed...my clothes were drentched in sweat both times...now i cant feel my calfs ....walking down and up stairs is killer...feels like someone is stabbing me in the legs; still went to the gym..AFTER dance practice :D woot...did some situps and toning with the brother...i feel like terminator getting all this butt kickin excercise in.
I hope i get to 214 this week....that is the weight i was when i was 14 yrs old and then dropped to 189 in highschool and looked pretty fly...woot.
I have been eating very good...mom was a little concerned that i wasnt eating but i assured her that i infact am and i never am hungry....i just subbed a lot of crap for healthy things and i watch when i eat...and if i do get hungry a little later hell i eat...its all in moderation and with caution and control, like today had 2 chocolate chip cookies :p ppfft and they were gooood mmmm...lol.

friends asked me when i planned to stop trying to lose and instead just maintain...i said when i think its enough so then they had a chat about not getting too skinny and of course since they r my two closes gfs they know my mind and how i feel..that i still have a hard time accepting myself as being thinner than before...i still struggle with wrapping my head around the fact that i now look average and not fat, sometimes i still see that fat girl in the mirror and of course i understand their concern.

On a brighter note..i have a date on friday, it's been a very long time since ive date and yes u guessed it, all thanks to weight. I got sooo selfconscience about my appearance and my weight that i hid from everyone expecially guys and i hope someone here can relate with me here lol so idont feel like an idiot. But ya, it's very very hard for me i dont know how i will be come friday probably a nervous wreck, i forgot how to handle myself. Its like I got a good grip on my body but not my brain...wish it could just shut itoff for a moment and let me be for a second.

so did not mean to ramble on like this but some things had to come off my chest :)
 
weigh-in 22 LOST 4LBS THIS WEEK!!!!1
CW-213lbs
SW-280lbs

Lost 4lbs this week :) very happy.
I am now officially under 214lbs...my weight when i was 16 in highschool and dropped 25lbs from there. I cannot believe that im 13lbs away from being under 200?? i must be dreaming. My next mini goal is to be 199lbs in the next month :)
This weekend ive been extra good...no cheating..i havent had a big appetite since about friday and even now...not hungry...more thirsty than anything. Had my hour n half dance practice on saturday so i got some serious sweating in this weekend :)
Gym tomorrow :) woot

ps: date went really weel :)
 
I'm happy the date went well, always good to hear. They say success spills over into other aspects of your life, so maybe this is an example of this!

You're doing great so far! It seems like your good results are fueling you to be even more diligent with your diet and workouts, a powerful cycle!

All good things! :)
 
Thank you snezy :)
I agree...with a healthier lifestyle, comes confidence and you start doing thins that you don't normally do *go on dates*...fear starts to fade. For me it's one day at a time kinda thing, im still cautious but I am a little easier on myself lately, i am realizing that yes I have changed physically and from now on I need to be good to myself in everyway not just physically, but mentally as well. I need to love myself and appreicate myself and we all do....if WE don't , who will?

Ok, so went to the gym today, did 45min of cardio (elliptical and running) then did some sit ups and squats...and last night had a hour and 15min walk). Tomorrow im hitting the gym again and thursday I have dance practice at 630 probably for a good 3 hours, that'll kill me for sure, we sweat our asses off in there, WOOT!
Friday is day off of work i will take it easy, do some shopping :)
yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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