I want to love myself again

starovdarkness said:
I'm currently at 265... and would love just to be able to start seeing those numbers begin lowering...

I've read up on the mini workout theory going around out there and have decided that it may make more sense to me.

I'm working on devising mini music playlists for the workouts... music has helped me a lot in the past...

My problem is a "rather disgusting" lack of motivation and I've been scolding myself for it everytime I think about it... it shouldn't be this hard for me to get up and do something throughout the day... I have plenty of time for it.

So I'll be reaching for 5 15 minute workouts spread throughout the course of a day... at the least 5 10 minute sessions... of course 15 minutes being the goal for each one.

I Just wanted to let you know though that the way you've tracked your progress and the results shown are very inspiring to say the least...

Nutrition is the bigger part of it, I realize, and I need to set myself a stopping point to end my nightly snacking routines... like say no food after 6 o'clock or such like that...

Your well on your way to your goal!!! Congrat's! ;-)
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Thank you very much :grouphug:
I am not going to lie in the beginning it was very hard for me, I didnt do so great in the beginning, i'd fall of the wagon quiet a lot but I kept trying and trying until I just got so used to the fact that healthy is what im trying to achieve each day that it eventually got easier. I think what really needs to just click in your mind is not the number you are trying to lose but the things you are doing to yourself by being over weight. That worked for me; once I got checked out by my family doctor and he showed me what my blood work said I realized that it was time to get real serious about losing weight.
My advise is track your progress even if you didnt do so good today or tomorrow, write it down here, make it a habit and then youll see that eventually youll be making better choices little by little. I think weightloss takes patience and re-discipling ourselves to live a different way, and its not so easy to change but with time it will happen. I am 3 months into my weightloss and even today I find things I struggel with. I am no super human, im average just like you and the rest of us here trying to lose weight, but I try my best everyday and if I did crappy today then ill try better tomorrow. Never let the excuse of screwing up once or twice be the reason to not go on and try, always try that way you can NEVER fail. :biggrinjester: Best of luck with everything. Mssg me anytime you need someone to talk you into getting motivated.
 
BOO! I've been sick since wednesday now and haven't hit the gym since Monday :(
And because of the lack of excercise this week I am trying to eat super healthy and stay away from a lot of carbs. I can't handle the cold anymore, constant runny/stuffy nose, watery eyes, headaches,sore throat, weakness..ugh :mad: I was hoping it would be a 24 hour thing but it's going on day 3 with no signs of improvement and it doesnt help that I still gotta pull 8hr shifts daily while being sick. Well I guess all that can be done now is to pull through this week, relax and make myself better and hopefully by monday Ill be ready as ever to hit the gym again. I am very excited for this sundays weigh-in, i am hoping to finally break the 250's and land somewhere in the 240's. :):):)
That will be almost halfway there! When I hit 199lbs I think im gonna cry. I haven't been under 200lbs in almost 6 years, i forgot anymore what that even feels like.
Tomorrow is friday THANKGOD! I really need some time to relax and get better.

YAY FOR THE WEEKEND <3
 
NeverGiveUp said:
So 4 days ago I had a doctors appointment, at which he explained to me my blood and urine results. He basically told me that if I don't start doing things right and making some behavioural changes that I am going to eventually have diabetes. He also told me that I might have PCOS, and for that reason he put me on Metformin, i dont get my monthly visits if you know what I mean, and he's told me that a lot of things hint to it so hopefully with my medication and a lifestyle change my image and my health will change for the better. I am currently 280lbs, I am 5'8 and I have a large frame, and my ideal weight should be 170-175lbs. I have another doctors app in a month, I am hoping to lose at least 10-15lbs, anything more i'd be estatic of course. I honestly have not been doing anything active for these 4 past days, I work 40 hours a week, im on my feet all 8 hours, it's a pretty active job, and I can proudly say that I am monitoring my calories and what I eat and when I eat it, I am also journaling everything, my mood, my feelings and what I am eating, so I hope that with the days to come I will be able to teach myself and show myself the things I'm doing wrong and that way help myself correct them. Everytime I diet I really do become somewhat depressed, food is my comfort and when I take that away I become very moody and sad, so for the past 4 days i've been feeling down, but I'm not giving up. I did some naughty things tho..I had chocolate and nasty calorie pizza yesterday and it put me over my calorie count by 780, today I was over by 400...I feel horrible because both days that, that happend as it was happening I remeber telling myseld "why? and stop!" but I kept going. I am planning to hit the gym tomorrow after work and kick my own butt.

I really want to just do this for once Im sick and tired of giving up and being a failiure.
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I went through a similiar experience. My health is also not perfect. I'm constantly fatiqued, constantly tired and have no energy, even since I lost the weight, and I have high blood pressure. Food was also my comfort food. Once that was done, I turned to something else, fitness. Fitness became my addiction . Everytime I saw the scale go down I was happy. When the csale stopped going down because I didn't have any more to lose, I became somewhat depressed, thinking I must lose more.

I thought I would be happy and get a girlfriend more easily if I lost the weight. It's just the opposite. I feel more ackward now. I don't feel I like good often. More than anthing I thought I would be happy and it didn't work. I'm far from a happy person. Happiness comes from within and through making social relationships and bonding with people. That is what I am lacking in my life. I didn't mean to make this about me, but I felt that you may be able to relate to some of this , perhaps, or, if not, at least get something out of it I hope.

I'm sure you may be happy, but becareful not to fall into the same pitfalls I did. I felt I needed to lose weight to fill a hole, and my "addiction" went from eating to excerising, which isn't always a good thing, especially when its obsessive.

You're a really nice gal and I wish you the best, i think you'll do well.
 
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SparkErosion said:
I went through a similiar experience. My health is also not perfect. I'm constantly fatiqued, constantly tired and have no energy, even since I lost the weight, and I have high blood pressure. Food was also my comfort food. Once that was done, I turned to something else, fitness. Fitness became my addiction . Everytime I saw the scale go down I was happy. When the csale stopped going down because I didn't have any more to lose, I became somewhat depressed, thinking I must lose more.

I thought I would be happy and get a girlfriend more easily if I lost the weight. It's just the opposite. I feel more ackward now. I don't feel I like good often. More than anthing I thought I would be happy and it didn't work. I'm far from a happy person. Happiness comes from within and through making social relationships and bonding with people. That is what I am lacking in my life. I didn't mean to make this about me, but I felt that you may be able to relate to some of this , perhaps, or, if not, at least get something out of it I hope.

I'm sure you may be happy, but becareful not to fall into the same pitfalls I did. I felt I needed to lose weight to fill a hole, and my "addiction" went from eating to excerising, which isn't always a good thing, especially when its obsessive.

You're a really nice gal and I wish you the best, i think you'll do well.
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Thank you :) I think you are a very sweet person and with time you'll meet that special someone just like we all will. I personally wasn't over weight since 6 years ago, I was a social butterfly and even now I could date if I wanted to but I dont feel comfortable myself so I fear why would someone else like me then? I want to like my own image for me, I want to be confident again and like my name says love myself again. I think having a boyfriend is the last thing on my list, I want to get back into life and focus on family friends and adventure...travel, be active be healthy. I became a emotional eater after I gained just like 30lbs and so I just ended up giving up and eating and eating until I saw myself in the mirror one day and buried the confident girl I once used to be into the ground and became this shy, selfconscious person who didn't want to do anything because she was afraid people were looking. And so inorder to feel better I turned to junk food and over the years that is who became my closest friend.
I know that losing weight is something mentally as well and I hope that through this year I will slowly start accepting myself. I hope that my fatself didnt scar my thinself for life. Anywho :svengo: lol rant over.

Once again thank you for reading my thread and you seem like a very nice person, we can support each other through whatever. Thats why I love this forum :)
 
NeverGiveUp said:
Thank you :) I think you are a very sweet person and with time you'll meet that special someone just like we all will. I personally wasn't over weight since 6 years ago, I was a social butterfly and even now I could date if I wanted to but I dont feel comfortable myself so I fear why would someone else like me then? I want to like my own image for me, I want to be confident again and like my name says love myself again. I think having a boyfriend is the last thing on my list, I want to get back into life and focus on family friends and adventure...travel, be active be healthy. I became a emotional eater after I gained just like 30lbs and so I just ended up giving up and eating and eating until I saw myself in the mirror one day and buried the confident girl I once used to be into the ground and became this shy, selfconscious person who didn't want to do anything because she was afraid people were looking. And so inorder to feel better I turned to junk food and over the years that is who became my closest friend.
I know that losing weight is something mentally as well and I hope that through this year I will slowly start accepting myself. I hope that my fatself didnt scar my thinself for life. Anywho :svengo: lol rant over.

Once again thank you for reading my thread and you seem like a very nice person, we can support each other through whatever. Thats why I love this forum :)
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People should like you for who you are. I do not feel comfortable with myself after losing 88 lbs, although I should. I felt people would finally accept me when I lost the weight. I guess the reason I feel ackward is because I feel, in my mind, people have not accepted me, whether this is true or not, because of this, I felt like a failure. I was never the popular kid and was teased alot in school. I had very few friends growing up. So, naturally, I wanted to fit in like everyone else, desperately. I still feel fat at times due to the excess skin. But I know it's not true. You have some really great qualities. You are a very caring person, and want to help people. Some people are too into their selves to care about others. You want to lose weight to feel more confindent, this can definitely help! People should look past your weight though and see you for who you are, not judging a book by its cover if you will. You see what I'm saying? Plus, you look great anyway.


I was once thin too, as a child. I became addicted to an online game, and therefore, food at the same time. I would play this game all day, for hours and hours a day, pretty much 9+ hours a day, constantly, everyday, for many years. This is how I became addicted to food. I was actually underweight as a child, until I started this game at age 12, my weight gradually ballooned. I still play this game 11 years later, and find it hard sometimes to get away from the computer.
 
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Health is my motivation

NeverGiveUp said:
Thank you very much :grouphug:
I am not going to lie in the beginning it was very hard for me, I didnt do so great in the beginning, i'd fall of the wagon quiet a lot but I kept trying and trying until I just got so used to the fact that healthy is what im trying to achieve each day that it eventually got easier. I think what really needs to just click in your mind is not the number you are trying to lose but the things you are doing to yourself by being over weight. That worked for me; once I got checked out by my family doctor and he showed me what my blood work said I realized that it was time to get real serious about losing weight.
My advise is track your progress even if you didnt do so good today or tomorrow, write it down here, make it a habit and then youll see that eventually youll be making better choices little by little. I think weightloss takes patience and re-discipling ourselves to live a different way, and its not so easy to change but with time it will happen. I am 3 months into my weightloss and even today I find things I struggel with. I am no super human, im average just like you and the rest of us here trying to lose weight, but I try my best everyday and if I did crappy today then ill try better tomorrow. Never let the excuse of screwing up once or twice be the reason to not go on and try, always try that way you can NEVER fail. :biggrinjester: Best of luck with everything. Mssg me anytime you need someone to talk you into getting motivated.
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I can relate to your feelings since my experience it is almost the same. I love this forum because people here share so many experiences and can understand each other feelings. I was never fat until 10 years ago. I want to find the old me and just mix it with the person I am today. Even if I am overweight I have a social life and a very handsome husband that I love to death. I want to be healthy to improve my social life and be healthy for new adventures with my husband and son. Health is my motivation.

Agatha
 
WEIGH-IN 10
LOST 3lbs this week
TOTAL LOSS-33lbs
CW-247lbs

I am finally out of the 250's! I couldn't be more proud of myself.
Only 7lbs to go to reach my minigoal of 240 :):) After that my next mini goal shall be around 30lbs by july, my ultimate goal will be by fall or winter but at this rate I am happy and there is no way I am looking back now, not after all this hard work.
I went to the gym once this week, of course I got sick and am actually still sniffling but tomorrow is a new week and so gym time it is at least 3 times this week. April is around the corner and there is a yearly soccer tournamet in a city a couple hours away from us and I go every year because my brother is a player for our cities team, so I go to support and all my gfs are coming along, and that was my marker for the 240. I believe it's on april 22nd so I have until then to lose the 7lbs but I'm gunning for more.
I am going to be posting some new pictures when I hit my goal so I can show for the work :)
 
SparkErosion said:
People should like you for who you are. I do not feel comfortable with myself after losing 88 lbs, although I should. I felt people would finally accept me when I lost the weight. I guess the reason I feel ackward is because I feel, in my mind, people have not accepted me, whether this is true or not, because of this, I felt like a failure. I was never the popular kid and was teased alot in school. I had very few friends growing up. So, naturally, I wanted to fit in like everyone else, desperately. I still feel fat at times due to the excess skin. But I know it's not true. You have some really great qualities. You are a very caring person, and want to help people. Some people are too into their selves to care about others. You want to lose weight to feel more confindent, this can definitely help! People should look past your weight though and see you for who you are, not judging a book by its cover if you will. You see what I'm saying? Plus, you look great anyway.


I was once thin too, as a child. I became addicted to an online game, and therefore, food at the same time. I would play this game all day, for hours and hours a day, pretty much 9+ hours a day, constantly, everyday, for many years. This is how I became addicted to food. I was actually underweight as a child, until I started this game at age 12, my weight gradually ballooned. I still play this game 11 years later, and find it hard sometimes to get away from the computer.
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Like i said before weightloss is psychological as well as physical.
My weightgain over the years has changed me, how I look at myself and how I feel about myself so I have to learn to love myself again and just in general stop giving two you know whats about what others think. I know that my close guy and girl friends love me for who I am and never once have even mentioned anything about me being heavier or anything related to that but even so I personally always hurt my own feelings with my own thoughts. Yes it is true people should respect one another for who we are, and a book shouldn't be judged by it's cover but in this society and in this time that statement is lost amongst everthing else that's right in this world. TOday image is everything, not to me personally but it is hard to live in a world like this and not second guess yourself and ask yourself if you are good enough now. I dont know if I make sense but it makes sense in my head :)
I think everything will become better for us when we stop caring, let who we are inside shine and anyone who has a problem with us can just walk right on by. Me..I am who I am, everyone knows that, and who doesn't like it, well theres the door then.
I hope that things look up for you and I just want you to know that what you've achieved with your weightloss is amazing, and not many people could even imagine themselves getting that far and you should be so proud of yourself and be proud, let it show. Flaunt your stuff, come on! We all probably are going to or already have some loose skin, and yes it sucks but hell.....live your life, have fun, be confident and make sure everyone knows it!
 
Agatha said:
I can relate to your feelings since my experience it is almost the same. I love this forum because people here share so many experiences and can understand each other feelings. I was never fat until 10 years ago. I want to find the old me and just mix it with the person I am today. Even if I am overweight I have a social life and a very handsome husband that I love to death. I want to be healthy to improve my social life and be healthy for new adventures with my husband and son. Health is my motivation.

Agatha
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I think you'll do great!
I think being healthier just completes our personalities.
I think you'll agree when I say that this weight is holding us back from so many more wonderful things and I think we are ready to explore them :)
 
Hey you!!
You are doing great!!! :) soo close to your mini goal too!!
I love your new avi - you look so pretty!!!!!
i m stilll jealous how well you look at that weight!!! heheehe! JK!!
Keep up the good job!!! :hurray:
 
Thank you pound4pound :)

March21

Well today was a weird day for me. Must be the hormones or something because i've been dieing for nothing but coffee, ice cream and anything else that has sugar in it.
I hate these days, when you feel like a monster out for junk.
I didnt go to the gym today, I had to go pick up my father from work around 6, when I got home I had dinner, then had to head to the pharmacy to get my prescription so by the time I came home it was almost 8, my gym closes at 9 so I was a busy bee.
Tomorrow I am going no doubt about it, I even bought some water resistant headphones for my ipod :) I ruined my old ones from sweating so much while working out hehe I guess thats what a good run does to ya!
Anywho..BOO for mondays.
Off to bed
 
Bad day!
No gym, lacking will-power, tired from work...just a overall stressful week so far :S
I am determined to hit the gym tomorrow right after work, I think that is my only way back into my routine is to get moving and get sweatin again.
Grrrr...go away shitty week!
 
My advise to you all...if you ever get sidetracked by an illness or something else in life that is preventing you from excercising of keeping up with your new healthy lifestyle, get right back into it asap before you get too lazy and too comfortable.
I learned this lesson first hand and i'm batteling with myself daily here this week.
I got sick last week all week, I am good with the eating *small cheats here and there* but I've become comfortable with not going to the gym, now just convincing myself to go is very hard. Yes, I am very tried after work but it has never stopped me before, now...it stops me very easily. I haven't gone in a week and a half to the gym I am hoping that this is a phase I'm going through, a rough patch. If i lose just 1lb this sunday i'll be happy because I feel like a sloth.
I'm going to be honest my cravings are getting the best of me this week, it didnt help that it was my dads bday yesterday so we have this HUGE amazing cake in our fridge, I had a slice after dinner today and I feel SOOO guiltyyyy because I had a slice yesterday too. Wth is this? Cake day daily? This needs to stop and it's stopping NOW!
Thats my only problem...sweets. GRRRRRRRRRRRR sucky week please be over.
 
Today is better :)
I am slowly but surely becoming myself again :)
No more craving crazy sweets, I think the storm has passed lol YAY
Now Im working on getting my butt to the gym but all im glad about is getting over the little hump called sugarattack.
The weekend is comingggggggg
 
WEIGH-IN 11
LOST - 0lbs
CW-247I am so upset at myself for missing gym.
It's been 2 weeks now and sadly it has shown.
I didn't gain or lose and the only thing I think that saved me was the fact that I stuck to my eating plans really well during the week. The motivation is def still there but the tiredness from work and everything else makes me so not want to go to the gym.
I was not happy with myself this friday,saturday or sunday for that matter.
I wasn't watching portions, what I ate and when I ate it so thank god that I haven't gained anything because that would devestate me. I don't know what happened and why my last 7lbs inorder to complete my mini goal are so hard to lose and where the heck is my will power and strength? I am not happy with myself at the moment.
Tomorrow is monday, I have no work because of a dentist app for my root canal so no excuse. I promise to myself and to all my friends on this forum that I will be at the gym tomorrow. I PROMISE!

Hope that everyone had a good weekend <3
 
I just read through your whole journal- you're doing so incredibly well!! Super inspiring stuff :D

You're going to have weeks where you don't lose weight... You've already identified the problem, use it to push you even harder this week!!

You can do it!!
 
Thanks Luzdafuss for taking the time to read thru my journal :)

I have gone to the gym yesterday :) did a good run and walk and 15min on the elliptical, then 20min weights...I felt so good!
I cannot wait to go back tomorrow, it took all my stress away, it released all my negative energy, just being in the gym the enviroment itself was enough to make me motivated and happy. This week is so good so far :D I feel some lbs droppingggggggggggg
 
Thank you Jaraku - Ive been trying hard this week, hitting the gym. Hopefully it shows on my nexy weighin.

SO as i've mentioned about Ive been to the gym today, did lots of cardio and weights and threw in a tan for some colour. I am noticing more change this week I feel like my face is thinner, I feel my collarbone as cheesy as that sounds lol..it was suffocated in all the fat that I couldnt see or feel it unless I pressed real hard...but happy to say the collarbone is becoming visible people haha! My diets is been good.

Brkfst-whole wheat tortilla with a spread on it(300?cal)
snack- source dessert (35cal)
Lunch-Whole multigrain wild rice w/peas in some ajvar sauce *very yumi*
Dinner-4 potatocheese perogies with a chickenbreast and some ketchup for my perogies :)
Snack-two tangerines

My calories for today are so far 1509 but Im supposed to consume 1820 according to my fitness pal so perhaps before bed time Ill have a nice warm cup of milk, that should put on another 100cals. Sometimes Its hard to get in enough calories with work and working out and everything and I still have that mentallity the less I eat the better even tho as you can see I clearly eat but just not quiet enough. I should throw in some fruit in there, well more fruit. Im gonna do some fruit shopping on the weekend :)

Well its late I am tired from the work out..so it's bedtime for me.
Good night :)
 
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