I think the penny finally dropped...

San2

San2

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Hello everybody!

I am new to this forum, and new to the wonderful world of losing weight. So please bear with me. I have never done anything like this before, so I apologise in advance for probably sometimes rather lengthy, boring entries, and occasional bouts of insanity. But there is nobody around who is interested in what I'm doing, weight wise, so I hope to find some people who know what it's like to try and lose weight, and everything that comes with it.

So, first things first:

"Hello, my name is San, I'm 33, and I seriously need to lose weight."

Phew. Okay, that made me feel a little better. Even though, if you could see me, I wouldn't have to tell you the bit about losing weight. It's as plain as day.

I'm 5"11, and on the 8th of August 2008, my weight was 369 lbs. The highest I have ever been. The highest I ever want to be. I don't know what happened on the 8th of August, but at some point during that day, the penny must have finally dropped. I just don't want to be fat anymore.

I've got friends who would be shouting at me now. You're not fat, just curvy. Cuddly. Stuff like that. But let's face it, at 369 lbs, you're not curvy, cuddly or anything else. You're fat.

I have been big since I was about 13. I could probably blame my crappy life for a lot of the weight gain, but that's long ago, and I'm still fat. So instead, I'm gonna blame myself, and take responsibility. Took long enough. As said, I'm not sure what triggered it, but here are some of the things that went through my head that day:

I'm sick of getting out of breath while lacing my shoes.
I'm sick of getting cramps while cutting my toe nails.
I'm sick of sticking to the shower curtain all the time because I'm too fat to fit fully into the shower.
I'm sick of having boring sex because my weight doesn't allow for much activity, and I'm also sick of feeling like having a heart attack afterwards...and not because it was that good either!!
I'm sick of being sick after another bout of overeating.
I'm sick of having trouble getting in and out of the car.
I'm sick of waking up in pain because even the best mattress can't compensate for my weight.
I'm sick of headaches and high blood pressure.
I'm sick of not being able to wear nice clothes.
I'm sick of being this fat.

The list could probably go on and on.

The 8th of September was a Friday. That day, I threw all crisps, chocolate, cookies and all the other stuff out of the window. Followed by my coffee, which used to be my lifeline. I would drink about 20 cups of coffee per day, each with about 4 spoons of sugar. I never realised how much it was, but....it's absolutely insane. I'm surprised I haven't got diabetes or something like that yet.

Anyway....I know exactly what I did wrong, which makes it somewhat easier to make things better. At the moment, I am not dieting as such. I don't want to go on a diet, I want to change my eating habits completely, which will automatically bring my weight down. Okay, maybe I need to cut down a little more here and there, but I don't want to stick to a diet plan for the rest of my life.

So far, I changed what I eat, what I drink, and more importantly, when I eat. My original eating habits were these:

Get up at 7.30.
Eat nothing until about 12, but drink about 10 cups of coffee with piles of sugar.
Eat either a mini meal, leftovers or piles of sandwiches at around 12-ish
Eat chocolate, crisps, cookies or whatever else I could find until about 10 pm
Drink another 10 cups of coffee
Have dinner at around 10 pm, usually high calorie stuff with cream etc.
Go to bed at 11.30

I think I managed to change things quite considerably so far:

Get up at 7.30
Have breakfast at about 9.30 - 2 slices of crisp bread, with cheese or ham
Have a fruit smoothie (self made) at about 12
Have some fruit of choice whenever I feel hungry
Dinner between 5.30 - 6pm.
Nothing afterwards
Go to bed at 11.30
Drink about 4 -5 pints of water with just a splash of fruit juice (I can't drink pure water, makes me sick)

I can't say that I feel any different since I started eating differently. If anything, I feel more tired, but I hope that is going to change. I haven't started with any exercise yet, but will see if I can hop onto our old exercise bike in a few. Even if it is only for 20 minutes, it's better than nothing.

On the 8th, I had 361 lbs. Today, on the 18th, I've got 351.4. Most of the weight I lost was probably water, and I know it is not going to go on this fast, but it's a start. I carried this weight around with me for 20 years, I can take my time losing it.

I want to try and make it down to 200 lbs. Which won't give me a model figure by any means, but I'm realistic enough to know that I'll never make it there anyway. It's not so much about figure anyway than it is about my health. I'd like to make it to 40 without a heart attack, thank you very much!!

I know it might take me two, maybe three years to get there. But that's okay.

Oh, and for those who want to diet, but just can't make it 'click' in their heads, here's a tip:

Take your digital camera, or even cellphone, and take a picture of yourself naked. From all angles, front, back, sides. Download them to your computer, and crank them up so you see every detail. I did that, and you know what? I was absolutely disgusted by what I saw. I realised that my own view of myself and what others saw was totally different. It's a rude awakening, but definitely an eye opener.

Okay, enough rambling for a day. Sorry for boring you. And if you have made it this far, thanks for reading.

San
 
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I wish you luck, and I know that you can do it. It is possible, you just need to stick with it. Heh I should talk I just got back into this whole weight loss thing today after almost a year off. But that is the key, be stubborn, be persistent and you will eventually get there.
 
Take your digital camera, or even cellphone, and take a picture of yourself naked. From all angles, front, back, sides. Download them to your computer, and crank them up so you see every detail. I did that, and you know what? I was absolutely disgusted by what I saw. I realised that my own view of myself and what others saw was totally different. It's a rude awakening, but definitely an eye opener
Click to expand...

Does the "trick" everytime.

As you already know this board is rich with helpful information. So dig in!!
 
Mamaz2ndbaby said:
Does the "trick" everytime.

As you already know this board is rich with helpful information. So dig in!!
Click to expand...

It certainly has for me. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I knew I was fat, but not *that* fat....:eek2:

I'm trying to read a little bit at a time...so much to take in!!
 
I just realised that a lot of people have posted what they actually eat, so I will do that as well...I have started to write stuff down about 3 days ago, so here's my last 2 days...any comments are appreciated, even if you tell me what I'm doing wrong. I'm here to learn from others after all!! :)

August 16th
breakfast: 2 slices of crisp bread, one with ham, one with cheese
lunch: 1/2 honeydew melon, sliced
snack: 2 spoonfuls of Mascarpone Ice cream, 1 cup of coffee with sweetener
dinner: selfmade prawn salad (2 tangerines, 100gr of prawns, 1 blob of light salad cream, some curry powder), 6 Chicken nuggets

I had 5 pints of water with a shot of fruit juice with that
****

August 17th
breakfast: 2 slices of crisp bread (sesame) with 50gr of prawns and a blob of salad cream
lunch: 50gr prawns (they needed to go, otherwise I would have to throw them out *lol*)
dinner: 1 portion of braised steak (lean beef, mushrooms + gravy) + mashed potatoes (portion was small for me, probably a normal one for a normal person)

Again, 5 pints of water with a shot of fruit juice throughout the day

**

So...too much, too little, totally wrong, good start or something in between? As said, any comments are apreciated! :)
 
you might want to get yourself an account at or one ofthe 100s of other food journaling sites on the web - that as long as you're being accurate inwhat you're recording -they will keep track of calories nd other important nutrients.

Making sure your portion sizes are correct is going to be really important... eyeballing portions isn't always the best way to go at the outset.

the stickied thread in nutrition will point you to a calculator that will give you an approximate number of calories you should aim for i a day... Going to low on calories can be just as detrimental as going too high... you want a calorie range you can live with for the rest of your life...
 
Welcome aboard San!

I think you're going about this in a good way and I like your attitude. :hurray:

Mal made a good suggestion about FitDay; I use it every day at work and at home and I've found it to be an incredibly useful tool. Its food search isn't the greatest, but the custom food function is terrific. Pretty much all I enter are custom foods.
 
It sounds like you're off to a fantastic start! For me, the best things that I am most committed to start out with hitting me like a ton of bricks, like you deciding to lose weight all of a sudden!

I agree with getting an account to log in all the food you eat. I used , but FitDay sounds even cooler :) It's very helpful for seeing what you eat in black and white. It breaks up the carbs, fats, proteins, etc of everything you eat. It was very eye opening for me!
 
Halo there San

Welcome. Way to go on deciding go ahead with this huge lifestyle change. its alot of hard work but it will be worth it. Im working on losing 100 total lbs. The numbers can be a little overwelming at times but take it one lb at a time.
Check the before and after section for daily inspiration. good luck!

weight-1.png
 
You're already doing yourself a world of good by the way you have changed your eating habits. Other steps you will want to start taking on the way... read the ingredients on every package to get an idea of calories, fat, carbs, sugars, and all the crap they put in 'convenience' foods. My biggest thing has been looking at how much high fructose corn syrup they put in virtually everything in the USA. I've also found that a little squeeze of lime juice, or a slice of cucumber or orange in the water gives it a nice flavor without adding sugars & calories like fruit juice does. But believe me, what you are doing now is a far cry from the sugar laden coffee you were doing.

Way to go! I'll be following your progress. :hurray:
 
That's a good suggestion Phoenyx. You can eliminate unwanted calories that way and still flavor the water. Also, when you do begin to excercise you will ssee a world of diffrence. At first it will hurt and you will be sore, then one day yoiur body just gets used to it, you begin to feel more energetic, as this enrgy comes at you one thing to remember is you are more fit so you have to keep pushing yourself. Either go harder or longer, but not both at the same time.
 
Thanks everybody for the great advice and the encouragment. I didn't realise how much I needed the latter until I actually read it. It's really appreciated, and making things a lot easier!

I had a look into FitDay, and will have to try and find the time every day to put all the stuff I eat in there. I also checked the link in the nutrition forum and did the calculations...which left me slightly confused. According to the BMR calculator, my BMR is 2364.8. Multiplied with 1.2, as instructed, that brings me up to 2837.76. Minus 20%, leaves me with ~2270. 2270 calories per day? I think at the moment I am at roughly 1000, sometimes up to 1500...so, apparently, I'm not eating enough?!

I had a look at the before and after section, and it made a huge impact on me. I hope that one day I can post my pictures there....I never post my pictures anywhere, as a matter of fact I hate having my picture taken in the first place...but maybe, one day, I'll actually post some pictures here that I can actually be proud of!

As for the ingredients, I am trying to do that already. I check the back of packs for ingredients, and fortunately we have a lot of info on calories and it's broken up in fats, carbs etc as well. So that's easy. Still shocking what you find in some of the so-called health food!

Exercise...actually, I can't wait to get started. I'd like to go for a walk right now, but can't because of my stepson (he's disabled). But I'm eagerly awaiting my little bike thingie to show up, and once school holidays are over, I might be able to squeeze a walk around the block in somewhere! :)
 
August 18th

Okay, here's yesterday's diary:

breakfast: 2 slices of crispbread with cheese
lunch: 1 apple
snack: scrambled egg from 1 medium sized egg
dinner: portion of lamb hotpot

FitDay adds that up to 692 calories. Add about 250 for the juice that I put into my water that I drink throughout the day.

So, apparently I am not eating enough. I just find it difficult to find a happy medium. I'll try to eat more fruit and have more fruit smoothies, maybe that'll help.

Still no cravings, but I feel slightly hungry all the time. Not to the degree that it would be difficult to just ignore it, but it's there. Hopefully that will stop at some point.

Got myself a mini excercise bike from eBay. Can't wait until it shows up. Oh, and had an argument with hubby about the whole 'health craze' as he calls it. I'm gonna leave it unmentioned while he's around from now on. Looks like I won't get a lot of support from him though. Oh well, if he wants to eat himself to death, that's up to him. He's got a good life insurance. *shrugs*

If anything, that makes me even more determined to change things for myself, and prove that I can do it. :)
 
You are doing great, but you also need to eat a whole lot more. It's not healthy to eat so little and it will hurt you in the long run. Your lunch is too small. Have a soup with your apple, or a sandwhich. Add one more snack in there, either before lunch or after dinner. Make the second snack veggies of some sort, I don't see many in your diet.

Other then that, keep up the good work. Don't make it too hard on yourself with the diet. If you do you may stop trying. Once you start to excercise you can also eat a bit more. I hope this helps.
 
Hey San! I just read through your posts and I see a lot of common ground here. I started at around the 360 mark (not quite sure cause my scale only did 350 so all I got was 'error' for a few weeks). So we can definately relate on that one. You're also making the right choice by deciding upon a lifestyle change for your eating habits and not a fad diet.

The main things I changed with my diet were 1) portion control, and 2) nutrition. I cut out a lot of similar things like soda, fried foods, fast foods, chips, candy, etc. Changed my way of eating to be based on whole wheat and whole grain carbs, lean meat like turkey/fish/chicken, lots of veggies and fruit. It has worked great for me! I'm down 71 lbs so far! The water thing at the start was tough for me as well, did a lot of crystal lite. Trust me though, you'll get used to water and grow to love it. I drink at least a gallon of water a day now. I still toss a crystal lite in there every now and then but just regular water has become so good to me.

The exercise started for me a few weeks after dropping some pounds. For the first couple weeks I was really tired without my morning caffine fix. Now I have a lot more energy, that energy boost gave me the desire to go to the gym and burn some of it :D.

Just stick with it! It's not a race, it's a lifestyle. It doesn't matter if you lose 10lbs in a week or 0, you've made a change for a healthier life. I've even gained a few weeks. Keeping track of fitday helps you to know where to adjust things though, we're in it for the long run right?

I look forward to seeing your progress San!

P.S. My birthday is August 8th... so strange! :D
 
Hi San! You are doing so well for youself to make these changes. Well, all the advice that I would give you has been given already! Those tips up there are worth more than gold!

I'm sorry that your hubby can't be more supportive. That's got to be really hard. It took me years to convince my husband that there are certain things that we just CAN'T have in the house because I WILL eat them! Your hubby might be upset at first, but you never know, after awhile he might want to jump on the "healthy wagon" as well. Try not to let that get you down. You push forward and do this for you. I'm glad that you're here. :)
 
First and foremost...yesterday's diary

Breakfast: 2 slices of crispbread, 1 with cheese, 1 with scrambled egg from one medium sized egg
lunch: 1 slice of crispbread with thinly spread cream cheese
snack: fruit smoothie made from 1 nectarine, 1 orange, 3 tangerines + water
dinner: 1 portion of Sheperd's Pie (mashed potatoes, minced beef, veggies, gravy). I made it a small portion, and went easy on the gravy

Only managed 4 pints of water (about 1/2 gallon if I did the conversion correctly), with less and less fruit juice. Will try to do better again tomorrow.

Hubby's still not trying to help at all, still offering seconds, trying to lure me into eating chocolate cream and stuff. Not gonna happen though.
 
Biggreen -
Thanks for the advice. I find it difficult to get the idea of no food = no weight out of my head. I realise I have to eat more, not piles, but a little bit, but have yet to find the right stuff. My problem with veggies is that I simply don't like them, there is very little green I will eat. I'll try some different stuff though and see what happens.

nc_bmac08 -
Hey, that's weird that your birthday is on the 8th of August!
Thanks for the encouraging words, it certainly helps to see that there is somebody who can relate to starting with such a high weight. I mean, sometimes I read about people who want to lose 20 lbs, and think to myself 'That lucky so-and-so...20 lbs is nothing!' But I realise that for some people, 20 lbs can be just as bad as my 160+ for me.

I've read about this crystal lite a lot, but never actually saw it in a store...what is it? (I'm in the UK, so it might not be available over here). I keep cutting down on the fruit juice though, and try to replace it with some real lemon juice and stuff more often than not. I certainly do miss my caffeeine, but I don't like coffee without sugar, and can't handle sweeteners...hate the taste, they give me headaches and other stuff which I don't want to go into detail about...*lol* So, no coffee for me.

I got my little exercise bike this morning, so I will see if I can start for maybe 20 minutes or so, and see how it goes...every little bit is better than nothing, right? Baby steps...that's what a friend calls it. I'm also trying to go up and down the stairs more often than usual, not sure if that really makes any difference, but seeing that I never really moved at all before, it should count for a little bit!

I'm certainly in it for the long run, I know it will take a long time to get anywhere with a starting weight like mine. And I don't expect miracles...I will never be skinny, but that's not the point. If I make it down to 'chunky', that will do me nicely! And as you said, even if I don't lose weight every now and again, at least I'll know that I'm doing something good for myself, and maybe add a few years to my life expectancy. Which is definitely worth it!

pastelroses -
Thanks for your kind words. :)
And yeah, it's difficult with him being like he is, but I think he's doing it because it will eventually force him to get off his backside and do something as well. He's complaining about not getting any chocolate, because I know that when it is in the house, I will eat it. So I am not buying it. He inhales crisps (or chips? Not sure what they are called in the US - thin sliced, crispy potato snack in different flavours) as if they are going out of fashion, which doesn't bother me, I don't like them. But chocolate is a no, plain and simple.
For some reason it just makes me more determined that he doesn't like it...don't know why...must be the rebel in me....:reddevil:

Again, thanks to all of you for your advice, encouragement and for simply giving a damn. It means a lot!
 
Hi San.

I hope that you realize how totally and completely brave you are. Regardless of what your body looks like right now, you'd still better look in the mirror and see a warrior. You did the hard part already - you made the decision. The rest of it is just following through and getting the warrior body to match the inside.

It's really too bad that your husband isn't being more supportive. However (if I may indulge in a little pop psychology) it's a normal reaction. People are scared of change; it's what keeps us in ruts and running on our little mouse wheels. You've decided to make a big change, and your husband's equilibrium is off. This is not your problem. You already have the right idea - you just do your thing and let him do his.

Come to think of it, if you have the cash and the book looks helpful, hop on over to Amazon and get Chef Kathleen's book, "Eating Thin with Chef Kathleen." She's a great, fun writer and the first third of her book is devoted to making the switch. She covers exercise, eating, and the mentality needed to succeed and she talks about exactly what I mentioned above: the people who are supposed to love and support you showing resistance instead. She's lost 75 pounds and kept it off by following her own advice. I pull her book out for motivation and I cook from it all the time. (One caveat - she doesn't include nutrition breakdowns because she doesn't count calories. She's learned to eyeball, but prior to that she used portion control and a scale.)

I didn't mean to go all infomercial on you, San. It's just something that's worked for me, and dammit, after reading your first post I want you to succeed so much! Your hubby may not be Prince Charming at the moment, but you've got the forum.

I'll keep an eye on your journal. Keep it up!
 
Sounds like you have a great plan San. You're so motivated and your head is definately in the right place. I smell some success comming your way!

Crystal Light is these little packets that you throw into a 20oz bottle of water. It's only 5 calories and they have so many kinds. I drink the green tea kind a lot, or the peach mango tea. Like I said though, its just for a change up. Most of the time I'm drinking just regular water.
 
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