Have you put off dating until you lose the weight?

TitanicWreck

TitanicWreck

0
:banghead:I'm just so embarassed by the 80 odd pounds I packed on, I took myself out of the dating market , as I figured women are not into fat guys like me....

How does one find the self confidence to even think of dating if they are self concious about their weight gain? I could really use advice- I'd love a girlfriend again, but part of me thinks I should wait, wait until i'm fit as Fabio.

I wish I had the self confidence to date again....Just i can't really be at ease with this weight..Does anyone else have this same problem? How do you deal with it?


:banghead:
 
I have to be honest that I had the same problem.... no wait not Had... i still do!

I haven't completely taking myself out of the dating market because I find it impossible to do... However it doesn't make it easy. Especially seeing as all my friends are skinnier and in my eyes far more beautiful then I am!

I think the best peice of advice I can say is make sure you are happy with the way you look, like your outfit etc before you leave the house... otherwise you spend the whole night worrying about what you look like and cant have fun!

That and don't worry about it! You have your whole life to find the right person... in the mean time just go out and have fun. And if you 'pull' on a night out then good for you. :)
 
I haven't put off dating, but I haven't dated much since I started losing....especially in the last couple of months. It seems like the more weight I lose, the less interested men are in me. They check me out, but do not approach me.
 
When I was heavier I didn't put off dating, as I was open to it, I just wasn't actively looking for someone to date. I was more concerned with eating healthy, losing weight, and exercising regularly. If I would have found someone who wanted to join me or was supportive in my weight loss efforts, I may have dated them. If they were going to sabotage my progress, then no chance.

I was thinking I would've rather dated someone who was supportive of my goals when I was bigger and dated me then, than someone who has only known me now that I am thinner...if I gain a couple, will they still like me? Some people are super shallow like that.
 
I find it ironic, because I feel the same way --- that no one would be interested in me, if I stayed the weight I was at. Yet, when I look for guys, I prefer a more hefty guy, versus a skinny or muscular guy. In fact, at my skinniest, in high school, at 115 (underweight for my height), my serious boyfriend was 6'3" and, well, fat. But I liked him being that build --- how weird is that?

Around 2003, I went on a diet with my then-boyfriend. He decided to go on a diet with me. It was nice, but discouraging at the same time because guys tend to lose weight faster, so I was feeling a bit defeated. We ended up breaking up mid-diet. When I ran into him a few months later, I didn't find him as attractive as I did when he was a more bulky build.

Maybe I'm weird. :willy_nilly:
 
I put it off, because I've discovered that I'm not comfortable in a relationship if I'm not comfortable with myself. I'll spend too much time worrying about my weight instead of just having fun. That's not to say I don't meet people, just means I'm not looking for anything at the moment.

I don't think people should put off dating, I think they need to find someone whose along the same line as them and who have the same goals or wants in life that they both can work towards, together. But at the same time, I think you need to be comfortable with yourself to the point of saying "I like me, others can like me too", and that's a hard thing to do sometimes.
 
familyweese said:
Its not just with dating. When I got married I was a comfortable size 9. Now I have gotten to the round number of 16-18. My husband tells me I'm beautiful and such and that he loves me no matter what I weigh but theres still that feeling in my stomach that if I don't get this weight off he won't love me still. I think a lot of it is in my mind but I have noticed our personal life has gotten a lot worse. I'm lucky if I want to be with him once a month where it used to be several times a week. Its not him he tries all the time but the thought of anyone seeing my naked body like this makes me want to cry. If we were to split up I know that there is no way I would try dating again until I was a smaller size. Its just not something I am comfortable with. On the other hand I have always been attracted to larger guys so go figure.
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I married my wife at my fattest and she loved me then. Now that I am losing weight, I'm sure she is appreciating it.

To be honest with everyone, women will love you no matter what. You need confidence. Without confidence, you won't stand a chance (don't confuse this with cockiness).
 
In my case yes.

I know people all shapes and sizes can find partners, but in my experience I just feel it's tougher when you are overweight and I don't want to put myself through it just yet. I've been there before & it's a bit crummy.

It's a sad reality, but I can assure you I get a dramatically different reaction when at 65kg compared to when I weigh 55kg. (in terms of sexual attraction ad especially in terms of a guy wanting to stick around for a r.ship) I can attest to that. God knows I've been up and down the scales enough times and done the dating game too, both fat and thin. It's a world of difference.

I'm not saying I would be out & out rejected by every single man 100% -- but let's just say the outcome wouldn't be successful as I would like it to be. And not as successful as I know it would be minus the 10-15 kgs.
Err.. I hope that made some kind of sense, lol.

Plus I would feel nowhere near as confident in myself at this weight, and that would have a huge effect on my whole attitude on the date, towards a new guy, etc, and would give off not-very-good vibes probably.

So I'm not putting myself out there yet;

I just don't feel sexy at this weight, simple as. Sad but true!
 
oh definitely. I am waiting until I lose a lot more weight to date. It's not that hard for me because personally I am used to not being in a relationship because of my weight.
 
I've been putting off dating for years, but not by choice. Apparently, there's this thing called "physical attraction" and, for some reason, girls aren't that attracted to men who have the body of a butternut squash.

So, even though I've tried, I haven't dated in a long...looooong while.

Hopefully, after I lose a bunch of weight, women will see that there was an actual, loveable person underneath all of that blubber the whole entire time. I know, right? Kuh-ray-zeeeee.
 
Very simple for me... I beleive you have to love yourself before you expect anyone else to!! No matter what size or "shape"!! With self respect comes CONFIDENCE, and as Gator said... if you have that, people can't help but be drawn to you... again, no matter what shape.
 
Yes for the most part. I have recently been putting myself out there considering I'm realizing I'm in better shape than the average man or woman I see out there.
 
I feel the same way as all of you single ladies and gents. The main reason is because I feel more comfortable when I weigh less. When I'm heavier I assume no one wants me and if some one is interested, the thought of being close to some one at my weight makes me cringe. I certainly don't want anyone seeing me with my clothes off when I'm heavy.

At a lower wieght I can actually relax and enjoy the moment without my insecurities getting in the way. I'm happier and more open at a healthier weight, so it's makes sense that we wouldn't want to be in intimate situations with anyone at a heavier weight.
 
Dating Game

Absolutely yes. 'Loving myself' was the most remote emotion possible for me back then. My confidence level is probably around a wavering 80%, now.

I think I let my own insecurities work on me more than any kind woman has ever had the nerve to mention my imperfect body, but I wonder what they're thinking. Those revealing moments never get easier. I'd say it's presently stopped me from going into a deep, deep relationship. That and my 'once bitten, twice shy' thing.
 
i actually prefer bigger men...as i wrote somewhere on here recently alec baldwins build is perfect!! a big bear like man ooooooh :drool5: LOL.

each to their own but i don't go for skinny men never have or bulging bicep types either...or those that use loads of 'products'...don't go for pretty boy types...if anyones going to hog the bathroom it'll be me!!

physical attraction is a funny one b/c of course women can sense whether they like a man instantly by his eyes...windows to the soul & all that...which has nothing to do with weight or even physical appearance.

but of course i'm not saying i would want a man to be obese as thats not healthy for him as much as being overweight is not good for me...but could i still be attracted to a big guy?? definitely!!

very true too what gator said about having confidence & the fine line between that & cockiness...but for me a sparkle in the eye, a nice smile & if he can make me laugh too...well whats a few extra lbs to that??!

incidentally my best friend married her hubbie a few yrs ago...when he was 7stone > he is now...his confidence has sky rocketed (hes taken to posing in front of the mirror apparently!!) but she loves him just as she did when he was bigger. so if someone really loves you they'll love you at whatever size!!


for all that talk...i probably wouldn't date just now...which comes back to the confidence thing...plus i was always really slim until about 4/5 years ago...so still getting used to my body being bigger myself...in no rush to share my extra curves with anyone!! of course if i met someone who i totally clicked with i'd be a fool to let that pass me by...& so i hope i wouldn't...bit vain but no fool!! i always say to my friends who've had weight problems on & off for yrs that its harder for me than it ever was for them to accept myself as i am now as i'm just not bloody used to it!!! hahaha how they laugh...now that they've sorted out their own weight issues for the most part finally...& the skinny one (me...) who used to tempt them all with cakes...is the one trying to lose weight now...dammit!!

i always remember hubbie no.2 (numbering makes it easy when > one...or two...:leaving:) saying that i'll be sorry when i'm in my 40's if i don't start exercising properly now...that was when i was about 27 i think when he used to try & get me to go running with him...having always been slim (& contrary!!) i used to annoy him on purpose by sitting & reading a book & eating chocolate while he ran along the beach nearby!! but whos laughing now??! not me!!!
 
ahhhhh catch me i'm swooning ...at the sight of all chefs grizzly manliness...:D


(to swoon - to faint/to be overwhelmed by ecstatic joy...apparently women did this so much in the C19th...the chaise longue or fainting couch was invented LOL i should have liked to have been in a bronte novel...all that suppressed longing & smouldering passion...oh & not forgetting the bodices & lacey petticoats...being a bit of an actress i could've swooned with the best of them...right into big brooding Rochesters lap ;) actually no my fave sexy hero would have to be the very sweet & lovely Colonel Brandon from austens Sense and Sensibility...& he doesn't have a mad wife upstairs...)
 
baglady2713 said:
ahhhhh catch me i'm swooning ...at the sight of all chefs grizzly manliness...:D
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I know, I know...it's hard to maintain your composure around my manly essence of passion. It's not uncommon for women (of all ages) to faint out of pure ecstasy in my presence. I ooze an lustful aura of boyish sexuality and charm that fills the air with my masculinity. In fact, it's hard to keep women off of me sometimes. I attract them like bright lights attract flying insects. It's an unexplainable desire that...

:wakes up from his dream:

Hello? Where am I?
 
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