Have you put off dating until you lose the weight?

I always kept telling myself I want to meet "the one"...
While at the back of my mind saying "BUT only when I'm at my ideal weight"...

So ofcourse I WANTED to be at my perfect weight when I met potential men but I was doing absolutely nothing about it.
Finally I took charge of the situation and told myself that I needed to get rid of that one huge barrier that i had created... (for a reason)....subconsciously I wasn't happy with the way I was..so now here I am...

15 lbs lighter but I need to get rid of 10 more and hopefully I'll meet someone!! :)
 
chef...

hahaha very funny...can't help but notice though...that you mention both women (all ages...) & boyish in your dream...

hmmmm if i was the paranoid type instead of merely just a smidge neurotic...i'd think that a not so subtle sly dig at my imminent advancement in years...:cry:

thats it!! i'm calling off my birthday...& sticking at the sprightly age of 41 for as long as i can getaway with it!! :D
 
lol, funny thread.

As for me… hell no I'm not dating now! I've always been a sucker for petite gals, and if I start dating again I fear that I might roll over in bed one night and crush some poor woman!! :biggrinjester:

Seriously though, for whatever reason I have never been physically attracted to larger people and that has in turn become my biggest self-confidence buster, because of course I feel like no one could ever be attracted to me at this weight. :(

It's silly really, because I work with a woman who has told me on numerous occasions that she finds me attractive (she's married btw and it's a very uncomfortable situation). Occasionally when I’m out somewhere a woman will hit on me or flirt with me, but I can only respond with suspicion. Sad, huh? So yeah, there is absolutely no way that I could even remotely begin to conceive of having a relationship at this point in my life.

By the way, when I say I like petite women that is by no means a judgment call. Beautiful women come in all sizes, shapes and colors for certain. It’s just one of those things where some guys prefer voluptuous curvy gals, some gals like big bear-like men (lol baglady), and for whatever reason I happen to be attracted to little women. Go figure.
 
I'm not trying to be "that guy" (although I will totally sound like it), but, I can't help but notice the comments about girls wanting to look "perfect" or "skinny" so guys will like them, blah blah blah.

Look, as a guy (somewhat of a guy anyway), I will let you in on a little secret...

If a guy actually cares about how you look, how "heavy" you are and treats you differently based on your looks...you shouldn't want to be with that guy in the first place. Guys like that are assholes and aren't worth your time.

So, don't try and lose weight just to attract a guy. The guys who don't pay attention to you now but end up paying attention to you when you look the way you want to, aren't worth your time and don't deserve you.

Lose weight to get healthy and feel good about yourself. Don't do it for the men. A penis is a penis. Granted, some are bigger (or smaller) than others...I should know. SIGH, God, I have such a small penis.

Did I say that outloud? No, I wouldn't be that stupid. Or, would I? Eh...no, no, I wouldn't be. PHEW.

:continues watching ESPN:
 
ChefChiTown said:
I'm not trying to be "that guy" (although I will totally sound like it), but, I can't help but notice the comments about girls wanting to look "perfect" or "skinny" so guys will like them, blah blah blah.

Look, as a guy (somewhat of a guy anyway), I will let you in on a little secret...

If a guy actually cares about how you look, how "heavy" you are and treats you differently based on your looks...you shouldn't want to be with that guy in the first place. Guys like that are assholes and aren't worth your time.

So, don't try and lose weight just to attract a guy. The guys who don't pay attention to you now but end up paying attention to you when you look the way you want to, aren't worth your time and don't deserve you.

Lose weight to get healthy and feel good about yourself. Don't do it for the men. A penis is a penis. Granted, some are bigger (or smaller) than others...I should know. SIGH, God, I have such a small penis.

Did I say that outloud? No, I wouldn't be that stupid. Or, would I? Eh...no, no, I wouldn't be. PHEW.

:continues watching ESPN:
Click to expand...
I was actually going to say that as well lol. If a guy (or woman for that matter) won't date you when you're heavy, but would date you when you aren't they aren't worth your time.

I'm in a LTR of 17 months now, so I'm not too worried about dating. Our love life is still good for the most part, even though we're both on the heavy side. I do feel insecure a bit about my body, but he's still attracted to me and vice versa, so I try not to worry about it too much.

I do think that if I was single though that I wouldn't be too aggressive about trying to find a relationship. If someone approached me I'd probably be willing to date them though.
 
gaelicgirl1983 said:
I'm in a LTR of 17 months now, so I'm not too worried about dating.
Click to expand...

You're in a Lord of the Rings relationship? Which one of you is Bilbo Baggins?

HAHAHAHA, I'm kidding. I'm sorry...I had to. I enjoy making myself laugh.

But yeah, MEN ARE PIGS!!! Oink, oink, OINK!!! Either a cop or a man has entered the room because I smell bacon!!!

I'm a fat lard, so I know what it feels like to be completely put down because of my looks. When I was "skinnier", girls were all over me. At least, that's how I remember it. HAHAHA. Anyway, it sucks. But, the thing that I've learned is that people who honestly care about your looks aren't worth your time, whether you're a man or a woman. If a girl doesn't like me for who I am, that's one thing. But, if a girl doesn't like me because I have a stomach that resembles an overstuffed hot water bottle, then she can go fuck herself. Literally...she can grab the nearest cucumber and...no? Too much? Ok...

:walks away:
 
Lmao, Chef! You're a trip!

As for your comments, Chef, I can only agree with you to an extent. If some guy or gal treats you like a 2nd class citizen because you're overweight then sure... they're shallow, elitist, petty and not worth our time in terms of pursuing a romantic relationship.

However, if someone doesn't find you attractive because of your weight that doesn't make them a jerk or a bitch. And if they suddenly find you attractive when you lose the weight that doesn't necessarily make them shallow either.

People like what they like, and for many people (not all, and not in every circumstance), being physically attracted to someone is how the relationship ball starts rolling.

I totally agree that we should all be losing weight and getting in shape for ourselves and not for other people. But if a woman doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me because I’m fat, skinny, bald, hairy or errr… because of the whole small member thing you mentioned… well, that’s totally their prerogative and I won’t think any less of them because of it.
 
I want to go on record as saying I am 5 ft 1 and I used weigh 115 pounds and I adored big bearish guys... If you were five foot 10 inches tall and under 225lbs - I would find you too puny.

( My sister however seems to like the scarecrow skinny type--YECH!!)

Anyway ... since I have gained weight I really don't want to go "Out there" . I have some very dear old guy friends who tell me I am still attractive. ( Bless their very married hearts). But they know me and my personality.
So I am waiting until I lose a few more pounds.....I certainly hope when that day comes there are some big fellas still out there.;)
 
I am glad I am not in the dating world anymore. It's tough out there!

Anywho, growing up, I used to be attracted to the little skinny guys (even though I was a big girl). It never dawned on me that I would go for the complete opposite when I reach adulthood. Now, I am attracted to big, manly guys. I think it's because deep down inside I want someone who will be able to protect me and "carry" me if need be. Now, don't get me wrong, I can take care of myself and have been these past years.

Now, if a guy has buff arms and is a "bear".... :drool5:
 
ChefChiTown said:
You're in a Lord of the Rings relationship? Which one of you is Bilbo Baggins?

HAHAHAHA, I'm kidding. I'm sorry...I had to. I enjoy making myself laugh.

But yeah, MEN ARE PIGS!!! Oink, oink, OINK!!! Either a cop or a man has entered the room because I smell bacon!!!

I'm a fat lard, so I know what it feels like to be completely put down because of my looks. When I was "skinnier", girls were all over me. At least, that's how I remember it. HAHAHA. Anyway, it sucks. But, the thing that I've learned is that people who honestly care about your looks aren't worth your time, whether you're a man or a woman. If a girl doesn't like me for who I am, that's one thing. But, if a girl doesn't like me because I have a stomach that resembles an overstuffed hot water bottle, then she can go fuck herself. Literally...she can grab the nearest cucumber and...no? Too much? Ok...

:walks away:
Click to expand...



god you don't half make me laugh!!! & no its never too much LOL i just hope i don't start giggling when i'm in the salad section of sainsburys tomorrow...
 
Schwa said:
Lmao, Chef! You're a trip!

As for your comments, Chef, I can only agree with you to an extent. If some guy or gal treats you like a 2nd class citizen because you're overweight then sure... they're shallow, elitist, petty and not worth our time in terms of pursuing a romantic relationship.

However, if someone doesn't find you attractive because of your weight that doesn't make them a jerk or a bitch. And if they suddenly find you attractive when you lose the weight that doesn't necessarily make them shallow either.

People like what they like, and for many people (not all, and not in every circumstance), being physically attracted to someone is how the relationship ball starts rolling.

I totally agree that we should all be losing weight and getting in shape for ourselves and not for other people. But if a woman doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me because I’m fat, skinny, bald, hairy or errr… because of the whole small member thing you mentioned… well, that’s totally their prerogative and I won’t think any less of them because of it.
Click to expand...



i'm trying to think over past r/ships did they always start off by physical attraction?? i suppose its different for everyone. what we find attractive is so subjective. like i've said i find big men totally sexy...the bigger the better...& noooo don't mean penis wise...after all its not the size but what you do with it blahblahblah...

i was totally smitten once with a big guy who really made me laugh...he didn't have to say anything & he'd just crack me up...when i did...he'd say its my nose isn't it?? you're laughing at my nose (it was slightly on the big size) he was just really funny...it turned out he was always so chilled & smiley b/c he was always half pissed...even at 10 am...it took me a while to realise...though my friends & ex did...bloody busy bodies...i was more than happy with the jokes...oh & the sex...he definitely laughed my knickers off...a lot!!

see now my minds on sex thanks to this thread...anyway aren't cucumbers a bit on the huge side??! :eek: aren't courgettes a bit more realistic???

y'know i think i'll have to side with chef about the whole if someone isn't attracted to you when you're bigger...sod them!! b/c aren't r/ships supposed to be about more than looks?? mental/emotional connection etc i think if you really liked someone for the person they are you would be attracted to them no matter what their weight...b/c what if your partner gains weight during your r/ship etc would you just dump them....thats a bit harsh!! LOL

or are you talking about when you don't know someone at all...first glance in a bar for eg?? yes i suppose we can't help that...its an instant reaction almost.

i've had a few men take offence when i've said no to them for dates. i remember one seemed a bit hung up about their looks or rather brad pitts...saying things like well if i looked like brad pitt i bet you'd go out with me??! what?? well no i wouldn't...brads a great looking guy but i don't fancy him...bit too blonde & clean cut for me...i like my men a bit rough around the edges...usually dark haired...half pissed types who make me laugh are always welcome too :) think i'm quite easily pleased actually...

i do still get asked out...i'm a part time stylist (did counselling work before finn diagnosed with autism...but wanted to do something purely for fun now...being a carer at home quite enough) clothes & shoes are my thing...so i know how to dress to flatter my excess curves...black...more black...& heels!! (in other words i'm still flirty LOL) i love to chat & like being with men but i wouldn't feel as sexy naked right now which is why i say no like a good little nun. which is not to say i'm dead from the waist down due to my chubbiness...b/c i'm soooo not!! thats were the george clooney sex dreams come into play & becoming distracted whenever i smell mens aftershave/fragrance...yes i miss sex a lot :angelsad2: (there wasn't a horny angel smilie so the sad one will have to do!!)

i actually stopped dating b/c i was so busy getting yet another divorce & caring for finn...so was my chocolate fixation a sex/affection substitute??..maybe...though never thought of it like that before. more likely my mindset was...i'm not going out/dating...fuck it wheres the cookies??!! a few yrs of that will put the weight on...& yes i do mean yrs!! in fact i'm worried it might grow over...y'know...down there LOL

anyway...now finns far more settled...i could now date!! yay!! all the more reason to lose the weight...sex as a motivational tool!! hahaha



btw keep all the above between us...especially the sex starved/obsessed bit...ok??! ta!!
 
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baglady2713 said:
see now my minds on sex thanks to this thread...anyway aren't cucumbers a bit on the huge side??! :eek: aren't courgettes a bit more realistic???
Click to expand...

Call me stupid, but what's a courgette?

But, yeah, cucumbers are huge. Well, compared to me anyway. But, then again, a pen cap is huge compared to me.
 
ooooooh noooooo!!!

on second thoughts...








either would make your eyes bloody water...

i think courgettes are shorter but wider...


you first chef LOL
 
I haven't really dated much since I ended things with my ex. I happened to try that 'still be friends thing' until I realized exactly why he'd cheated on me. His friend posted on his facebook, "Oh man, your ex is hella fat. Good thing you got rid of that. No one likes a fatty." Then his response posted to that comments was, "Yeah man, I know, can't say I've seen her fatass around lately." He actually posted that comment on a day I'd happened to hang out with him. It's sad that my weight is so embarassing to someone else. It really hurt, and I'm not sure I want to get back into the dating scene until I reach my goal weight.
 
baglady2713 said:
on second thoughts...








either would make your eyes bloody water...

i think courgettes are shorter but wider...


you first chef LOL
Click to expand...

Oh, see, I call those zucchinis. I've never heard it called a courgette. That's new to me!

Umm, I'm not putting that thing inside of me. Either of them! I'll try something small, like a finger, but not a cucumber or a COURGETTE. Wait, did I just say that I'd like a finger in my bunghole? Yeah, I did. Oh well, I don't care. I'm lonely, desperate and I'll try just about anything...except a cucumber. I'd have to "work up to" that.
 
ChefChiTown said:
Oh, see, I call those zucchinis. I've never heard it called a courgette. That's new to me!

Umm, I'm not putting that thing inside of me. Either of them! I'll try something small, like a finger, but not a cucumber or a COURGETTE. Wait, did I just say that I'd like a finger in my bunghole? Yeah, I did. Oh well, I don't care. I'm lonely, desperate and I'll try just about anything...except a cucumber. I'd have to "work up to" that.
Click to expand...

Remember to peel the cucumber first! Nothing like a veggie with a fine layer of furr up your ass.
 
anewaj said:
I haven't really dated much since I ended things with my ex. I happened to try that 'still be friends thing' until I realized exactly why he'd cheated on me. His friend posted on his facebook, "Oh man, your ex is hella fat. Good thing you got rid of that. No one likes a fatty." Then his response posted to that comments was, "Yeah man, I know, can't say I've seen her fatass around lately." He actually posted that comment on a day I'd happened to hang out with him. It's sad that my weight is so embarassing to someone else. It really hurt, and I'm not sure I want to get back into the dating scene until I reach my goal weight.
Click to expand...
That's horrible! Sounds like it's a good thing things with him ended. He sounds like a jerk.
 
ChefChiTown said:
Oh, see, I call those zucchinis. I've never heard it called a courgette. That's new to me!

Umm, I'm not putting that thing inside of me. Either of them! I'll try something small, like a finger, but not a cucumber or a COURGETTE. Wait, did I just say that I'd like a finger in my bunghole? Yeah, I did. Oh well, I don't care. I'm lonely, desperate and I'll try just about anything...except a cucumber. I'd have to "work up to" that.
Click to expand...



you have no shame...i like that in a person!! :D

plus your talk of bungholes & cucumbers makes my long ramble about lack of anything going on south of the border & my george clooney sex dreams seem quite tame in comparison...so thanks for that LOL
 
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