Happy and Healthy

+ 1lb

Up in weight today, Ive gotten my period a little earlier than expected so maybe its water retenion. Hopefully tommorow I'll be down again. I have my counseling class tonight and I work til noon. So its a semi-busy day.
:auto:​

I really should clean my room and do some laundry tonight...But im sure I'll find some excuse to procrastinate my way out of it. I leave for home again on Thursday around 12ish because Easter Break is upon us :)
:driving:​

Then on Monday its The All American Rejects Concert!!! Im so excited!:willy_nilly:

Im gunna try and stay around 1,200 Calories today--because now that Im working for the team I needa shift some weights by Sunday! Because as its standing +2.3 lbs from my ticker! Boo!

Food so far:
1/2 liter of water
2 clementines
1 mini pecan roll
snack:
1 sugar cookie w.frosting!
Lunch
1 box of mac and cheese (I shouldnt have and now I prolly wont eat dinner)
1 side salad
1 piece of dark chocolate
diet orange soda
1 liter of water
Dinner
1 mango banana protein shake
1 lean cuisine potstickers
Total: 1,915 (71.3g protein 15%, 70.1 g fat 32%, 260 g carb 53%, 20g fiber, 2750 mg sodium)

Im resisting the urge to purge :(

My food was not so good---due to the mac and cheese *sigh* why do they have to make it taste so good?!
 
Last edited:
::Sigh::

I purged after dinner....I kind of binged after dinner on some cereal and pretzels with frosting--it wasnt a lot but def enuf to make me feel like sh*t

Its not that I dont care...Im just too tired to care, too tired of battling this. I have a therapist appt in 2 weeks so I kinow Im gunna have to buckle down once I go to that--so Im just not putting a lot of emphasis on trying to "be good" right now..

Sad life today :leaving:
 
I feel like im slipping into binge mode--this is NOT good

Food:
1 Fage yogurt
1 apple
1 south beachgranola bar
lunchish
1 bag of cheddar chex mix
diet dr. pepper

Down .4 of a lb today--still in 170's *Shoots Self*

I have 4 days to lose 3-1/2 pounds, and this time I am doing it-cuz i am pissed at my body.
 
Last edited:
Finally hit goal 1

So I finally hit my first goal that I had set out to make hmmm about 3 weeks ago!? I weighed in this morning at 169.5 which made me pretty happy. Although I didn't eat much yesterday and I was STARVING this morning. My stomach felt like it was doing somersaults.

Im still battling the untimely return of my ED, but with the help of my boyfriend and a little willpower and motivation I know I can kick it soon.

Since I was starving this morning I regret to say that Ive pretty much eaten anything I can get my hands on including:

Cookies
1 handful of wheat pita chips
10 club crackers
Lasagna
2 cans of diet soda

So Im pretty much just looking forward to a nice calm lazy day especially with the huge amounts of stress that Ive been under recently, I think a little R & R is just what I need :)
 
Same weight today :)

Which Im fine with. Yesterday was a bad binge day and a little bit of purging. *Sigh* I hate this.

I was going to be really good today, but alas I went out to breakfast with my mom, dad, sister, and her boyfriend to Perkins, and I defintely ate a TON.

2 eggs benedict
breakfast potatoes
1/2 chocolate muffin
2 sausage links

2 little debbie snacks

Im going golfing with my bf and some friends today so hopefully that will burn off a little bit of the HUGE caloric intake I just had! Yikes!
 
Feeling the Holiday today. Up in weight today--but on a good note-purge free for 2 days *WOHOO*

ANNNDDD Im going to a concert tonight! Will update later but Im getting ready to leave *curlers in the hair* lol

Until later :willy_nilly:
 
you go girl!

binging and purging is a tough thing to break. don't feel bad if you relapse a bit, it is something that takes a long time to control and you are doing great! I last had a small episode a little while back and it was awful. but I know with time and patience I'll space them even more.

thankfully I don´t eat red meat but.. sweets are my biggest sin haha
my binging involves a lot of cookies, candy, donuts.. all yummy but oh so full with sugar why do they have to be so amazingly delicious, xD I know! but that is what makes it so awesome to eventually face away.
xoxo!
 
Mad4Chillas said:
Feeling the Holiday today. Up in weight today--but on a good note-purge free for 2 days *WOHOO*

ANNNDDD Im going to a concert tonight! Will update later but Im getting ready to leave *curlers in the hair* lol

Until later :willy_nilly:
Click to expand...

What concert did you go to? Please say Chumbawamba, please say Chumbawamba...
 
ChefChiTown said:
What concert did you go to? Please say Chumbawamba, please say Chumbawamba...
Click to expand...


Haha it was the All American Rejetcs Concert--Tyson Ritter is such a Fox :drool5: and Shiny Toy Guns was one of their openers it was pretty awesome :)
BansheeBabe said:
I GET KNOCKED DOWN, BUT I GET UP AGAIN
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN...

PISSING THE NIGHT AWAY...


Oh, what a classic...
Click to expand...

I absoloutely adore that song haha if Chumbawumba came I would prolly have to go lol

:party:​
 
Where to Start...

Well I havent updated in a really long time, Ive been busy and well just havent had the energy to post much in the forum except in the SAM challenge cuz I dont want a strike :p

I ended up seeing my new therapist a couple weeks ago and starting May 7th I will see her every week in order to conquer my ED. Im a little nervous but I guess thats for the better. Her name is Carolyn and shes super nice.

Ive been really stressed out with school and everything since next week is our last full week of classes, I have a lot of projects due next week and I'm starting to freak out.

Ive also been really sick with a cold the past 2-3 weeks and its getting annoying I cant sleep because Im coughing, and my nose is stuffy and my throat hurts and I have headaches...I bet I have the swine flu lol. That would be a topper on an awesome month---

But on the upsdie I am going to be a foster mother to dogs this summer due to the fact that I have no job and I went to the doggie adoption on saturday fell in love with an older black lab who has never had a real home before. Her name is Sweetie Pie. I will bring her home to foster on May 16th and Im hoping that I will be able to adopt her soon after :)

Other than that not much has happened.....

My diet has beeen pretty awful-but no purging-so I guess thats an upside. Me and the scale are fighting again, but as of right now I dont think Ive had much weight gain or if any :piggy:

Until next time :svengo:
 
Oh Hun, you are not an aweful person. No no no. *Hugs*

I know it's hard, frustrating, but getting help with a new therapist, is great! It will come with time, hard work, to change old behaviors, 4 steps forward, two steps back kinda thing. But YOU will make the change. Look at you, you still manage a diary on a WLF, juggling life, friends, family, and school. Is this your last year? What are you studying?

I am just worried that going into something with this "friend" right now may not be what is good for you...that is my only concern. And what ever it is you have or had with your current bf, it does seem like it is running out. I am not saying your current bf is in the wrong or a bad person, blah blah blah, but it seems you are both hanging onto History more so than the relationship, just from what I've read though. I may be wrong.

You just keep fighting, kicking, venting!! It's all good, how else are we to move on and learn?

Well Take Care Love, TTYL :beating:
 
Well I almost freakin forgot, and than I remembered there was something else I wanted to say, WOOT!

Congrats on taking time out of your hectic life to Foster an animal!!! :hurray: I am very excited for you, that is a huge gift to give!!

Here's a few pictures of my foster kitties that I took care of for the Humane Society;

Don't forget to post some pics!!!
 
oh honey! You are definitely not an awful person! We all have lapses in judgment sometimes. We just have to learn to adapt and overcome. I don't really know what to say, since I myself have never been in a situation where two people wanted me at the same time (Okay, not even one person.) since I missed out on high school and the whole social scene, but I know you don't mean to hurt anybody, and you're such a good person. I really hope you figure this out, or at least talk to your therapist so you can work this whole issue out. You aren't exactly doing yourself any favors by losing weight this way, since as soon as things get better, you'll put it all back on. Maybe you should talk to your nutritionist and psychiatrist so maybe you can get some medicine to help you through this difficult time.

If you need someone to talk to, I'll pm you my email. I try to check it every day, but sometimes I'm a slacker. At least every other day though!

:) Hope you feel better in every way! YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS! I'll help in every way I can.:grouphug:

<3
Annie
 
Mad4Chillas said:
On a different note... and update status...thngs have gotten even more complicated with my friend....
Click to expand...

I'm not going to go into it (as I wouldn't say things you would want to hear), but I will say this...

You owe it to your boyfriend to tell him what happened. Whether you tell him or not is up to you, but if love your boyfriend...tell him what happened. Even if you don't love him...tell him what happened.

My ex cheated on me, but I didn't find out about it until after we broke up. My best friend knew that she cheated on me too, but he didn't tell me because he thought I would be hurt by it. Umm, yeah, of course I'm going to be hurt by it, you know? But, it hurt even worse being lied to about everything. And, the worst pain came from the thought that I continued to love my girlfriend, I continued to stay faithful to my girlfriend and I continued to sacrifice everything I had for my girlfriend...all while she didn't do the same for me. So, just tell him what happened. He deserves to know the truth, even if it hurts him.

Those are my two cents.

Oh, and you aren't a bad person. What you did is obviously not something that I am going to pat you on the back for, but people make mistakes. I've made a fair share of my own, so I'm well aware that nobody's perfect. But, you're not a bad person.
 
Hey missy! Just checking in on you. Hope you're doing okay!! Remember: You are truly beautiful, whether you see it or not. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself... ever.

Well, I hope you're all right!! Update for us! I'm worried about you!!
 
Thanks Everyone For the Bits of Advice. Things are still Confusing. My Boyfriend and I took a short break from eachother, so I can figure out what I want and need in a relationship, I still see my friend and talk to my friend on a regular basis, as well as my boyfriend. I have come almost completely clean with my boyfriend and my friend so I feel a little better about that.

Therapy has been going well, Im starting to discover a lot about myself, and the binging and purging has decreased but not completely gone yet. I know there are going to be big changes in my life soon which makes me nervous, but Im trying to hold my head up high.

Other than that I have just been kind of busy, so thats for the lack of update. I also have not been severly focused on losing weight, although I have been losing weight, slowly but surely.

One day Im sure I will figue things out :)

and thanks for those who replied and sent me PMS it was very very nice <3
 
Therapy is a joke. It helps me realize an even shittier situation that I am in already.

It is making you more self-aware. I know it's a biatch to say, to hear even.

I know you are aware of so many more things, I know you are working on all of these things, I know it is sooo difficult, I know it feels like you've probably not gained anything, and lost all, BUT it all comes down to tinsie lil baby steps. You don't even have to do those right now.

I see that you're hate-ing yourself. So maybe you want to take time alone for a bit. Or maybe you've done enough of that, and you would really like some loving support.

Sometimes it takes just starting over. What you've written here, is a great start, something you can always come back to. It's your breaking point. Do you want that life? Do you want to work on a different one? Is it still you? Yes.. Will it ever be forgotten? No.. Do you want the Life that other's have given and made for you? Maybe...Would you like to recreate a happier life that you can someday cherish even with pain in it? Maybe...

Giving a comparison never really helps out, but I am just trying to give an example, so for the past few years, I have been dead inside, (I felt like I died about 3-4 times. The last time, was a really rough time, I stopped everything, I stopped doing the things I supposively (sp?) loved doing, I stopped leaving my home, I stopped seeing ppl, I only came out at night after all the partiers had gone home, to get food and what not. (This is a city that sleeps) When I finally started to try to branch out again, I didn't really engage in any of the activities I once enjoyed. I felt as if the only reason I had enjoyed them b4 was because someone else had wanted me to. So I did everything gradually. I am still doing things gradually. It's hard to be 24 and have someone ask you, so what do you do? Or what are you interested in? "I don't know, I am still working on it. or I am working on myself" " And that is fine, all we can do is our very best, it may be small to other's but Large to us.

Plus as you're already aware of, sooo many tinsie things add up to something larger than expected. Maybe I don't know, maybe this is not what you're feeling at all.

Try not to take things in such large amounts. You have some time now, you have the summer, take some time to relax, to work on baby steps, take a breather.

Just some things to think about, which I am sure you've been stewing over..

Yes you've done something aweful, you're not an aweful person, whether or not this person deserves the respect of the Truth, is up to you. You are the only one that can decide which out weighs the other. He may feel bad...You may feel aweful...Will it lift guilt? maybe Will things cool down & things may be expressed or talked through? maybe

Have you lied to ppl? Yep, Nope....maybe....Have you been aware that you've lied to ppl, maybe been a fake to yourself?? Yes, so you're not completely dead in that respect. You actually Care. If you didn't care, you couldn't have put into words anything you've just thoroughly expressed. You wouldn't even care to change. You wouldn't be aware that you had anything to change.

Anyways Lot's O Love, see ya in the Challenge. You're doing great!

Hope I didn't repeat myself too much. :beating:
 
whoa

So it’s definitely been a really long time since I’ve updated. Things definitely fell off the rails for me during the beginning of the summer, and I’m actually a little embarrassed about how I left, especially the challenge. I needed a big break from everything-considering how my relationship with my boyfriend had gone, etc. I was also a full time student this summer so I had lots of homework to keep me busy. But the real reason why I was never on was Big Fat Karma smacked me upside the head.

I got deathly ill this summer, for July & August. I was in and out of the ER several times, became best friends with my ENT, and saw several different doctors for a very bad tonsillitis infection, palette abscess, CMV, and a massive vitamin D deficiency which wreaked havoc on my body. I pretty much deserved getting this sick for the hell I had put myself and the people I loved through.

About 3-1/2 weeks ago I had my tonsils & adenoids removed and the ENT said they were the worst tonsils he has ever seen. They were enlarged, cryptic, and scarred from all my past infections. Lucky me. Surgery went fine, although it was my first major surgery since I was 3, and I have to say coming off of anesthesia is something I never want to do again. But, recovery went fairly well and I have been at school (my senior year finally!) since September 1st.

I have also recently (towards the end of June) quit therapy and have gone off all of my medications because I was tired of going to therapy every week and feeling the side effects from my drugs. I was starting to think that my Prozac was making me have suicidal tendencies and thoughts due to some very dark nights I had during my relationship fiasco. It’s been fine being off of my drugs and therapy and I haven’t had a bulimic relapse yet. The depression has also not really affected me yet *crosses fingers*. So A LOT of things have happened since I took a break from weight loss.

But again I’m back and ready to continue my weight loss, I actually lost about 10 pounds t his summer due to my illness and I refuse to regain it due to unhealthy eating. So wish me luck. And, also I would like to apologize for leaving the S.A.M. Challenge the way I did, it was immature and I hope that I can still retain some friends on this forum :)

My food is pretty normal I guess, just getting back into tracking what I’m eating and regaining a fitness regimen

Breakfast (9:00am)
1 Bagel w/1 tbsp peanut butter : 355
1 Diet Coke
Lunch (12:00 pm)
1 Turkey Chef Salad: 270
1 Naked Juice: 280
1 Bag of Sun Chips: 210
 
This weekend did not come soon enough! Thankfully my Friday class was cancelled so I got a 3 day weekend. But I am still swamped with tons and tons of senior-year project/internship/graduation work. Its definetely stressful. The classes I Have this semester include Advanced Nutrition, Medical Nutritional Therapy I, Biochemistry, Business Writing, and PreProfessional Development. Lots of classes, lots of stuff to do. :willy_nilly:

Thursday night I went out to dinner at the Olive Garden with 2 of my close friends from Highschool and that was bunches of fun. I ended up getting a Diet Coke and Cheese Ravioli w/Marinara Sauce, 2 breadsticks and salad. I splurged a little because I thought I did relatively well during the day (especially my lunch). Then I came back just exhausted. I had been running around nonstop since 7:30am. My boytoy tried to talk me into going to the bars with him and another friend from highschool but I declined cuz I just wasn't feeling it, and having alchohol play a part in my weekend plans is defintely not agreeing with my waist line. But when he came back I got to spend the night with him which was nice :)

Yesterday was a pretty lazy day. It was pouring outside all day so it was an errand kind of a day. Me and the roomates did some grocery shopping, and a liquour store run. Then when we came back we made dinner. I made 2 pieces of grilled chicken (4oz in total) with BBQ sauce, some leftover baked beans, potatoe salad, and broccoli. Very yummy. Then later the girls and I stayed in and bonded over a couple of drinks and some loud music. Very entertaining. I then went to a bar with my boy and our friend for about an hour. I defintely drank a lot but I wont be here next weekend so i know no alchohol will be involved in my plans.

Now I sit here while im waiting for my laundry to get done. I cleaned my room, made some lunch (mac and cheese and diet green tea) and worked on my mounds of homework. Pretty chill day. Not looking forward to Sunday.

I really want to get back into my gym routine and am thinking Im going to go get my membership tommorow. Also, I would like to fit back into a size 4-6 by second semester so that is my new goal :)

Food today:
Lunch:
Mac and Cheese
Diet Green Tea
Snacks (?)
1/2 cup salted caramel Ice cream
small handful of candy corn
small handful of M&M's
(defintely overdid it on the candy today)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top