Half of Me:The Story of Fat Girl Slim

Hang in there Ali. I can't imagine being that busy at work, and I am pretty busy lately. Your doing great, and you gotta make sure you get your rest :)

Happy day on the new dress! Showing off new clothes is always wicked fun!

-Sam
 
Thanks guys, it is so great to come here and see that people are pulling for you when things pretty much suck :)

Interesting thing tonight, I needed to come back to work (no surprise there) so I ordered pizza and wings for dinner. I usually have the pizza and a wing or two and just work it into my calories for the day.

New pizza place, the wings are fried. Yuk. But, I am hungry and the wings smell really good. I have two. I also have two slices of pizza and am now completely stuffed. The interesting thing was when I was looking at the pizza box, which was now half empty (my husband had two slices as well) and realizing that I used to eat that amount entirely by myself. In addition to that I would have had half a dozen wings and other assorted crap.

Now, I definately wanted another piece but I probably would have vomited if I had eaten it. That sort of change is amazing to me...even after all this time.
 
I will agree with that Ali.
What I could eat in a sitting was lengendary. It still is but it no longer consists of a pizza or 2 burgers or something else horrible.

Being busy is good for the soul. You will get through it.
 
I will get through it...I don't like being beat by anything, believe me (I am stubborn like that) but there are days I wish I did something less mentally intensive, you know what I mean?

I still fight the urge to binge when I get stressed, but at least I know that I can't do that anymore, physically.

My favorite thing to do used to be to buy a can of cake frosting and eat it. I had that urge yesterday but I don't want to do that to myself, calorically or physically (I am pretty sure I would be sick). I just tried to ignore it - until I collasped into bed, haha.
 
Oh I forgot this update -

I went to the Dr. today for a follow up, the last time I was there was 4/2. Now, I have been hanging around the 190 mark for a while, I dipped to 187 for about 10 seconds (which is the loss my ticker reflects) and then have been at 190 ever since then. On the Dr. scale, fully dressed, on 4/2 I weighed 193. When I went there today it was 187.8. A loss of a little more than 4 pounds in three weeks (eek). I don't really believe it b/c my clothing was different but it looks like I did lose something so that was good to see, especially b/c I wasn't expecting it...
 
Hey Ali. I'm glad you were able to see the situation in a positive way. I look at food sometimes thinking, how in the hell did I used to eat that much? I remember when I worked in a pizza shop a year or two ago I would make myself a large pizza, sometimes even an Extra Large and I could eat the whole damn thing!!! Pizza is still kind of hard for me. It's definitely a binge food because I think it holds some nostalgia for me, lol. I worked at this pizza store all throughout my teens and the beggining of my 20's (about 7yrs) and had some good times, and grew up there kinda... So somehow when I eat a pizza from there I get a warm feeling inside and get the urge to binge really badly... Plus they make homeade cookie dough from scratch there that doesn't have raw eggs in it, so I (and most everyone else who worked there was constantly eating it raw, lol).. I don't eat pizza from there often anymore at all..

Also, I love cake frosting as well and I know we have talked about that American Idol Cake Frosting Ice Cream, I think it's so good. I also realized that taking a measuring cup (1cup) and packing it full of that stuff is only like 240 cals. Believe it or not 1 cup of ice cream seems pretty decent and I think is completely satisfying and well worth the 240 cals when your craving something sweet and dessertish, lol.

Great job on the loss! That is always nice to hear.

-Sam
 
I worked at Burger King in high school and at Wawa (convenience store) in college...I almost never eat there, not because the food was nasty but b/c I have just had my fill of it...I have great memories from working those jobs; I got to fire my brother from the BK job and met one of my very best friends at the Wawa job.

That Cake Frosting ice cream is SO good but I would be lying if I didn't first thing that you were referring to actual frosting in a measuring cup for the low low price of 240 calories. :D

Oh well, life goes on, right?

On another totally self-serving note, I am feeling muy cute tonight, I got a tank top from Old Navy that looks just right and I am wearing my new 'skinny' jeans :)

Not bad for slopping around the offce at 9pm...
 
I am happy you are starting to feel the way people perceive you Ali.
You look great and are working so hard in all aspects of your life that you cannot help be do well.

Slopping around the office at 9pm though does not sound like any fun :(

Oh, and BTW- I doubt very highly you were wearing an extra 4 lbs of clothes....
Accept the loss- its ok to do so.

Hope you are having a good day. :)
 
I ended up slopping around the office until 12:45...

I am lucky I know my own name at this point and with another filing deadline looming today, I can't see it getting any better.

Cute clothes continue however, which gives me a little lift. I got into a very old stapless bra that I haven't worn since college (I cannot believe I save these things, I guess some part of me knew I would figure it out eventually) and it fit really well. I look pretty slim (as slim as I can look at 188 or so) so at least while I am feeling like death warmed over, I look good doing it.
 
Its been years since I could wear a strapless bra and look good in it.....

The good cross dressing years are long behind me.:D

Get through these next 2 days then you have a weekend.
Hope all goes well for you. :)
 
Friday cannot come too soon.


Good job on the deadline piece though. It always feels good to get that type of stuff done.
Like a weight off your shoulders- no pun intended.:)
 
Tell me about it...there is more waiting in the wings but I am trying not to think about that for now...
 
Let's open this by saying...THANK GOD THIS WEEK IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I have been a little too scared to check my calendar to see just what is waiting for me next week and the review of my in-box did little to assure me that next week will be an improvement, but I am resolved to not think about it for the moment.

I managed to get 8 hours of sleep last night for the frist time in weeks and I feel like I could conquer the world today :) Of course, conquering the world is going to involve breakfast with my mother but at least I have my strength up for that.

Last night, my husband and I were able to hang out with friends of ours, namely my lifting partner and his wife. It was a good time, just dinner, switching between the Phillies and Sixers games (both were excruciatingly boring) and just shooting the shit. Not a bad way to spend the night, however, and I have to admit that this is getting to be muy amusing to me, nothing was said about my ongoing weight loss.

Now I have said before that I am not looking for accolades here but the fact that I have lost what can only be characterized as a significant amount of weight is something that at least deserves one comment, IMO. Even if it is something along the lines of, hey you are looking thinner, have you picked up a tapeworm or something?

So now, knowing that she won't say anything (and I am not sure how she is going to ignore it if I get to single digit sizes) I just wear clothing that makes the loss that more obvious. Hehe. It's kind of entertaining in a sick sort of way. I also noticed last night that I believe that I finally appear to be thinner than her, in appearance at least, which is good enough for me.

Ok all, I'm off to breakfast with mom, let's see what I can find to eat at Cracker Barrel (one 'l'? two 'ls', who knows...) :D
 
Stupid lessons.

I am so sick of learning lessons...I could teach a frickin class. Last night I had to go to some work party with my husband...the people he works with get together and then complain about their job for hours on end...mad fun for me.

I ate breakfast with my mom, which totally filled me up and by the time we needed to leave for the party, I realized that I hadn't eaten in a while. I figured I would get to eat there.

Sure. If you don't mind all desserts.

I am starving by the time we drop Abby off at my sister in law's house and get to this party ready to eat my own arm. The menu was all desserts.

Shit.

So I have a few samples and then b/c I am hungry (this is the stupid part) I have a little more. I am not used to sugar like that to say the least. I start feeling really sleepy and go into the bathroom to pull myself together.

I ended up sitting on the floor and fell asleep for 10 minutes. How embarassing.

I get up this monring and feel pretty much ok - I go to the gym and find out that my wonderful gym partner actually listened to me last week when I said that we needed to change things up. I had a wonderfully exhilarating workout and left feeling pretty good.

I ate breakfast when I got home and started feeling the effects of all that sugar last night. I had another one of my episodes. Twice in a 7 day time period. Unheard of.

I spent the afternoon in bed, which did not please my husband as he was working an overnight tonight and I cramped his style as far as getting some sleep went. Oops...

I came out of the fog around 6 pm but didn't feel like cooking so leftovers it was.

I am resolved to start tracking my macros better and I know that I have to eat with some degree of regularity as that appears to be a contributing factor to these heart episodes.

I usually am pretty good with this but sometimes juggling all of the house things and the kid things, well, I lose myself in the shuffle.

I have more than made up for it tonight by picking like an ass but I know that one bad day isn't going to kill me.

I have to do the gym tomorrow night due to hubby's overnight, have I mentioned how much I love hanging with the meatheads and soccer moms on their cell phones?

Wow - this really reads like a bitch session...sorry you all had to endure that :)

I ordered a new dress from Old Navy, I can't wait to see it when it comes in - I need a flirty party dress and I have a party coming up in a few weeks.
 
Funny thing that you let that woman get to you about losing weight. It seems like there are a few factors in her silence, but I'd primarily say it revolves around jealousy and self-esteem issues. You're doing what she can't (or really hasn't, don't want to say "can't").

I've a similar situation which we can talk about later.

Stop fucking around with your eating schedule, it'll just lead to issues (some obviously more severe than others).
 
Duly noted - I do not plan on losing any more time than necessary to this stupid thing, believe me.

I feel better this morning, thank goodness and am pleasantly sore.

Gym tonight.

Work sucks so far...why do people have to beat the shit out of their spouses over the weekend?
 
This was national 'beat the shit out of your spouse' weekend.
Didnt you get the memo? Let my wife beat me this weekend.....sore as hell!
Kiddding...

Good morning. Happy you are feeling better.
And like Keith said- stop messing up your eating!

There, my work here is complete.
 
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