Go Healthy or Go Home! [Weight Loss Diary, Take 2]

Loch,

No honestly people are telling you the truth, you look so good for your weight!! Im like 229 pounds now I think and my ARMS, stomach are MAASSSSIVVEE... yours looks sooooooo small in comparison! so jealous of you!! I am 5'7 in height

I like how your consuming realistic calories per day, I do the opposite and break out, so far I haven't broken out yet... bed time in an hour and a half and I cannot wait to sleepy byes!:) I wont be relaxed till Monday is over with. zzzzzzzzz

Well done again Loch, cant wait to see your transformation:) xxx
 
YOU need to post some pics, girly. It's been ages and we haven't seen how georgeous you are. It doesn't matter how big we are, so far, we all have such wonderful presonalities and I bet you look just fine. I want to see you transform too!

Thanks for the reply, Mandy. I remember days where I would go to McDonalds for lunch when I was in High School. I would eat 4 cheese burgers and a large fries, by myself, because I had no one else. It was so F'ed up. Sometimes I would reach out by inviting a girl from class to go with me, but other than getting free lunch from me she never really became my friend.

Anyway, the past is the past, and we're all here to have a healthy and happy future. I'm so ready to do what I need to do to be happy!

Will post more later, at work :)
 
It's been a rough day. Someone at work called in sick, and the boss in charge of scheduling is out of town, so I tried calling people to come in. No one could come in, so I said I would work, making it a 14 hour shift.

The guy who came in at 5pm said that's ridiculous, that he doesn't me to stay. I got a call from the other store, where I usually work, where our game room is. The guy working at 5pm - 12am said that he "only got 4 hours of sleep" because of school and he didn't know we had two back to back parties and he's tired. So, I said I'd come there at 9pm to help with the second party. I said he should be able to handle the first party.

So he goes and calls someone else, a friend of his, to work 6-9pm. He doesn't have the authority to do that! When I had to find someone to work, I had to talk to our main boss, and clear it with him. It's not up to this guy to call people in and give them hours. They're friends, too, so they're probably going to sit around doing NOTHING all night except switch a few games for the game room party.

It makes me so frustrated. I want to eat junk food, and cry, and just...ugh. I don't know why it pisses me off so much that he did that.

Sorry for the rant, this is better than pigging out on bad food.
 
Thanks, Cory, it's starting to shape up into another bad day...

Money always stresses me out, and I'm trying to pay off a lot of my debt, but it was hard to do because I kept going out to eat. Now I want to lose weight, so I want to buy healthy food, but I only really have $50 a week for groceries. It really sucks.

I didn't lose this week, I think I may be retaining water, I feel bloated. I'm hoping next week will show a better number. I haven't cheated, I mean, I'll have a late night snack but I doubt I've gone over 2000 calories, which is good. I'll have to wait it out and see.

Anyway, I might add more later, I have to head to work soon.
 
I was so hungry, more than usual. I had my 2 slices of toast w/ cheese whiz earlier, and then a small bag of chips, and a WHOLE cantaloupe. I've even been drinking water. I was thinking to myself that I was feeling hungry, but I would make it through my shift, and I'll be okay. I want to stick to this. I won't go out and buy something, I'll eat what I brought and be happy.

And then one of my neighbors who works in a pizza place brought in a small pizza for me. I gave her some rentals last week for free, and this was her way of saying thanks, because I would go in there every saturday and get a slice of pizza. Her husband made it Hawaiian, because he knew that's my favorite. So she hands this pizza to me, fresh, delicious pizza...

As soon as the store was empty I ate 3 slices without hesitation. I convinced myself that I needed a cheat day, that it would be fine. I shouldn't just throw it away. I ate it and I immediately felt over-full.

How could I sabotage myself like that? I immediately felt guilt, and panic, and sadness, so I took my emotions with me to the washroom and tried to purge. It had been months since I'd done that, and nothing would come out, so I felt awful and sick and just...horrible.

I think I still have a lot to deal with. Next time I should kindly accept the food offering and leave it in the fridge, out of sight. I'm just glad I didn't eat the whole thing. All I can do now is accept my mistake, and understand that I can't keep hurting myself. I'm going to go on the treadmill for 2 hours tonight to work off my last two shitty days and get back some of my dignity.

I promised I'd use this thread to keep myself accountable, and so I'm not going to screw around anymore and neglect it. Sorry if it's TMI :(.
 
Loch, I say this as a human being concerned for another human being. Please be careful. I know that when you overindulge and are feeling particularly full and particularly guilty, the temptation to "undo" it can be overwhelming. But please try to resist the next time you consider purging. My cousin developed a full fledged eating disorder (bulimia) starting by purging after overindulging. It's less unhealthy to digest the pizza and deal with the excess calories/weight gain than it is to try to purge.

Food isn't something you should feel guilty, anxious, or fearful of. Even when you slip up. Sometimes you do, but you just have to acknowledge that it happened and move on. Everyone eats too much sometimes, or eats the wrong things. It's nothing you should feel guilt or anxiety over.
 
I'm not trying to make you feel bad about it. It's just something that I'm sensitive towards because my cousin struggled for years to overcome her bulimia. Why travel down that path if you don't have to?

Focus on the good things. Ok, so you ate too much pizza. But what did you do today that was good (food related or not)? I'm sure there are more good things than the overindulgence of the pizza. :]
 
Loch, sorry about your bad day. I'm with Cory; don't beat yourself up about your overindulgence. I have done the same thing - made great weight loss then threw it away on the craving to binge on fried chicken. Take it as a lesson and try to be stronger next time. But kudos to you for being accountable and sharing your struggle (both the pizza and the purging) here. Because of that, I know you can continue to progress!
 
Thanks, Green, I think the experience has really given me a shock and I'm even more motivated to turn that crap down. About 3 hours later I had the worst tummy trouble, which has happened before when I ate that pizza (even if it's fresh, it seems to give me trouble). Let's just say that life was giving me some negative reinforcement last night.

I weighed myself and I'm down to 271.8! I had hoped that my increase in weight had been due to water or something else. Glad to see that number today.

I plan on reading some journals today at work to pass the time, it also is so damn motivating to see how far some of the members have come. This place is awesome :).
 
I just ate SO much cucumber and water and I feel bloated lol. It's a weird feeling...like I'm full, but I'm not. I think watery foods are like that.

I calculated for the fun of it, as I tend to do, and if I stick to my calorie goals and exercise to lose 3lb a week, I could hit my goal of 150 by halloween. I've always wanted to dress up for halloween as something cool, like Lightning from FFXIII or one of the many awesome female characters from the Tales games (I love video games). Sadly, you can't get away with that kind of thing unless you're skinny. I want that to change this year!

Oh well, I tend to dream big, so we'll see :). Feeling motivated today!

Also, I wanted to share this, it's an interesting idea and I may try it:

tumblr_lvxwlwbSh21r6p0yto1_500.jpg
 
Copypasta from the challenge thread.

Horrified to find out last night that I wasn't counting the calories correctly for my steak. I used to buy these small steaks when I was dieting before, they were around 300 calories which had been perfect. I didn't even THINK to weigh the steaks I've been eating this last week, and I found out last night that the steak I ate was 14oz which is over 700 calories.

I'm going to cut/weigh and separate my remaining steaks tonight. I refuse to let this get me down. Normally I would have thrown in the towel and quit, but not today.

This is why I liked packaged foods, or whole foods, you can generally figure out their calorie content. With meat you have to weigh it, find out the cut, and also figure out the calories once prepared. It's so tricky.

I find that days off are difficult. I sleep in, I feel lethargic and unmotivated. It wasn't until now (5:00 PM) that I actually pulled myself away from my iPad and my blankets and got changed into my workout clothes. I have no excuse not to exercise, aside from my right foot aching slightly in the pinky toe joint. Like hell am I letting that get in my way. So I'm gonna go exercise and then figure out what to eat for dinner!

Monday
Food
2x toast w/ cheese whiz - 250
Small bag of chips - 140
Cereal bar - 130
Frozen dinner - 300
Yogurt - 50
Steak - 300
Veggies - 120

Exercise
100min walk

Water
710ml
710ml
710ml

2130/4050

Total: 1290 calories consumed - 500 calories burned
 
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Loch, I know what you mean about Halloween. I've always wanted to be a semi-sexy Link from Legend of Zelda. I've played two Tales games (Abyss and Graces) and I would definitely choose Tear, if I were going that route. She's a bad ass.

Glad the steak didn't get you down! It's one meal and really not a big deal. :]
 
Holy crap Tear is the best. Also, sexy Link? Hell yeah xD. I'm stoked to see someone else likes the Tales games. Abyss was my favourite, but Xillia is coming pretty close. If you haven't had a chance, it's worth checking out.

Thanks for the reply! This mishap has only made me that much more eager to stay on track and get a grip on this situation.

Come Halloween, we will both be smexy haha!
 
So excited to see the scale see 272.0 today. As long as it keeps going down I'll be happy. I have my TOPS meeting today, looking forward to weighing in at less than last week. I didn't know we could change clothes so this time I'll bring my workout outfit, since that's what I weigh in with at home. I want to break into the 260s by the 1st, so I'm on the right track! I can do it =D.

Tuesday
Food
2x toast w/ cheese whiz - 220
Small bag of chips - 140
Cereal bar - 130
Frozen dinner - 300
Yogurt - 100
Small bag of sun chips - 100
Steak - 330
Veggies - 120

Exercise
100min walk

Water
500ml
250ml
500ml
710ml
500ml

2460/4050
 
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Thanks, Cory :)

TOPs went well, although several members came, weighed, and left. I was hoping to meet more people. It was still a great meeting. I lost 4lb, making me the biggest loser, so I won a little prize :). I also drew my own name from the Pot of Gold (everyone who gains can put in .25c). Looking forward to seeing what my loss is next week!

Good day, been hungry, but still making my goals.
 
Weighed in at 270.8 today, which is pretty awesome compared to yesterday's 272.5. Morning is usually when I weigh, so the evening tends to add a bit ;). I'm stoked, and looking forward to Saturday.

Kind of a stressful morning. My boss can be a real pain in the ass. I'm working at one of our new stores and I don't like it. My boss has a real way with making me feel incompetent even after almost 5 years of being here.

Going to walk home again, and then get in 80min on the tredmill. Probably have an early bed time, feel like I need it.

Need to catch up on threads, so I'll do that before bed, too :). Hope ya'll have a wonderful day!
 
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