Wow, thank you all for coming by and showing that you care. it really means a lot to me.
Today, and into tonight, the swelling has gone down considerably, and it only hurts when i really poke and prod at it. I am on antibiotics now, was supposed to start them last friday, lol. But i never got around to going to the pharmacy. I am also on an inhaler for my lungs and chest, and some incredibly strong cough suppressant. Ive read so many warning labels today, these three products are some strong stuff. I dont really need the cough suppressant and inhaler so much now, but i figure better safe than sorry, especially since we are going on vacation in 2 days. Im still congested to the point where i have some hearing loss, but it is not as bad as it has been. Also *GROSS ALERT* i had a major bowel movement (major even for a guy my size, lol), and seems as though i moved some stuff that may have been stuck. It happened just after i weighed myself this morning after waking up, so i decided to weigh myself again. i passed a whole friggin 2.2 pounds of crap! An entire friggin kilogram, lol. So, Im back down to where I should be in weight, and perhaps with some insight as to why it wasnt coming off. Just goes to show that there are more variables in play than we can possibly keep track of on a daily basis. and thus, we should not put emphasis on the number. after all, we are doing this for a lifetime anyways right? numbers will catch up soon enough, its how we feel overall that matters. and all in all, i do feel better than i did 3.5 weeks ago for sure. even while still sick! lol.
anyways, just to put everyone at ease, concerning the lump: i am monitoring it. i cant get into the doctor till next week as it is, but since it is going down, i am not too worried. however, if it starts to come back, i will not risk it and i will just go to the ER.
As far as what I am doing to find what I need to maintain this committment (as per the question in Blancita's post), I have to answer initially with something that might come off as... low quality. There is a certain portion of me that gets a bit of a self-righteous boost to confidence. I cannot help by place myself on a small pedestal and feel good that I am doing something that a very large majority of the population cannot. I am taking control, teaching myself discipline, overcoming my inner demons. Seeking help where i need, taking all the right steps towards success, and most importantly, accepting things the way they are. I am significantly overweight. I have some issues that make certain parts of my life a bit more difficult than others. My path may indeed be more difficult to walk than the majority of others'. But damnit, i feel good that i can overcome it anyways. and what the hell, part of me cant help but think that walking a more difficult path makes me a better person than others. and that feels pretty good. and i like feeling pretty good, and i want to keep feeling pretty good. I looked inside myself, and i found something that really strikes me in a good way. it became a significant reason and source of motivation to do things the way i knew they should be done. i feel like i have some inner peace, and i am more enlightened about who I am and what i need to do with my life. My contemplations and these realizations have even helped me in other aspects of my life as well, fueling me to move towards what i want and need in things like career, love, family, etc.
I do have to say, in my own defense, that while a decent amount of what I have said here may make me seem like quite the jerk, these are in fact my innermost thoughts. I am sharing them here because there is a certain amount of anonymity (sp?), and because laying them out helps me keep them identified. In truth and everyday life, I am a very modest person. I am not a boastful braggart, who is arrogant and cocky and thinks he is better than all others. i respect people for who they are and how they act, and do not judge them if they are unable to do some of the things i can do. after all, there are probably things they can do that i cannot. These feelings are for me in my thoughts alone, i would never act on them outwardly. Even towards my patronizing, insulting, and otherwise clueless family. LOL. yes i have some issues with my extended family... save that for some other time, lol.
OK, like i said yesterday, I am due for an evaluation. so, this one covers June 5th, 2007 thru June 11th, 2007. 7 days, as usual, with cumulatives in bold.
Average Daily Calories - 2,306 2,322
Fat - 50g (-14g) 19% (-6%) 60g 23%
Saturated Fat - 14g (-1g) 6% (+0%) 15g 6%
Carbohydrates - 251g (+4g) 39% (-1%) 253g 40%
Fiber - 30g (+4g) 29g
Protein - 221g (+43g) 40% (+8%) 199g 35%
Sodium - 5,670mg (-30mg) 6,105mg
Average Daily Deficit - ~1,450 calories
Low Micros - Calcium (95%); Vitamin D (49%); Magnesium (77%), Vitamin E (82%); Manganese (39%); Copper (51%)
Total Calories for Week, and cumulative - 16,150 (+350) 48,770
Deficit for Week, cumulative - 10,150 34,850
Estimated Tissue Loss - 2.9 pounds 10.0 pounds
Actual Weight Loss - 3.8 pounds 19.4 pounds
Projected 4 week weight - 398 pounds on 7/11/07
Projected 12 week - 353 pounds on 9/05/07
Exercise - Minimal
Quite a few important improvements. Reduced fat to goal level this week. Increased protein to goal level this week as well. Major accomplishment. Sodium still needs to decrease, going to have to find a way to replace some sodium heavy foods. Micros are improved, however I have realized that since I am larger, and since I take in more than 2,000 calories per day, that my intakes should be higher than the %DV. I am going to incorporate a non-iron containing vitamin supplement to safeguard myself. Preferrably something with small doses per capsule so i can take one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Deficit is slightly lower because I tweaked my info a bit and it had a small reduction in calories needed per day. I suppose I should go back and edit the last 2 weeks as well, but lets face it, thats too much work. Besides that, this is all just an estimation anyways. It is certainly not exact, but it is generally close enough to give me a good guildeline towards better health. The important thing is that I am paying attention to what I am putting in my body, and making an attempt to improve my health in that regard. I have also realized that I was calculating estimated tissue loss based on 3500 calorie deficit per pound. However, since this is the real world, I am losing more than just fat, so not all the tissue loss is a factor of 3500 calories of deficit. But, it is interesting nonetheless to see how much fat i would be losing if it was an ideal situation. Also, weight projections still look incredibly exergeratted and optimistic, lol. but they make me smile anyways. Exercise is still difficult to do with impaired lung functionality, lol. Cool thing about fitday is that it allows me to track my mood (based on 7 variables: happiness, stress, anger, clarity, sickness, hunger, and energy) so that I know how i was feeling overall for any given time period. So i know that for most of this evaluated week, i was feeling sick, unhappy, and not energetic. Not great for exercising...
Well, thats about it. once again, the floor is open to questions, comments, and suggestions. Thanks for coming by, and look forward to hearing what everyone has to say.
By the way, in case I havent already mentioned or it isnt obvious, I am incredibly well adapted to constructive criticism. In fact, I enjoy it. so i hope no one withholds thoughts and suggestions in fear of killing motivation or anything, lol. Not that you should try and force some sort of criticism, just let it flow if its there. ok its late and i am rambling... lol