I had a sort of "let loose" meal on the first of July, and with it came a sort of revelation. Epiphany if you will, lol. Anyways, we were out of town, I hadn't really gotten to eat much because we were busy (actually just a 200 calorie bagel) and my family decided they wanted to go out to eat. I thought about it, and realized that sometimes I need to let myself loose focus in order to maintain some semblance of a normal life. Sure, I may be overweight and such, but that doesnt mean the rest of my family is, and that I should shun then everytime they want to go out and have a nice dinner together. So instead of being the big party pooper and saying i couldnt go, i decided to just take a short detour and enjoy myself for 1 meal. The weird thing is, while this sounds at first like just a lame justification to allow old bad habits to creep back up, I consciously picked up on a trigger, and then defeated it in the face of temptation and desire. We went to a Ponderosa (basically an american comfort food buffet style restaurant). I didn't really limit myself to what I could choose from, I just satisfied any urges I was feeling, and ate what I wanted to for those 20 mins or so (oddly enough, most of what I chose was still not that bad for me). As I sat there in front of my second plate of food, eating the ham and turkey I had gotten, I realized that I had satisfied my craving already. I was at that point only eating because I was in an environment that encouraged it, and practically felt responsible to get the most for my money. Not exactly the most healthy philosophy. So, realizing I certainly wasnt feeling hungry anymore, and that I had enjoyed all the tastes I wanted, I put down my fork and left my second plate mostly full. I tried small portions of what I wanted, but didnt resort to finishing it all just because it was there. I was basically going to allow myself a binge, and decided I didnt want to. pretty awesome stuff considereing where i was just 5 weeks ago. It occurred to me, and more importantly I put into practice, that I could splurge a little on the tastes and not ruin my journey by simply not eating more than I needed to enjoy that aspect. I went and got dessert as well, and ate just a few bites, to get a little of each taste. I probably saved myself another 1500 calories at that meal by realizing that, and probably still could have been at my goal deficit for the day if I had gone in there with the intention that I learned.
I always knew that it was ok to eat the occasional "unclean" food, and that energy balance over time is the real factor for weight loss. However, I never really trusted myself to cheat and not fail. I have always been too afraid that if I allowed myself to even approach old habits, that they would come back with a vengeance. But i found out that is not true, and that I can enjoy something every now and then without losing focus. I think this is also a good sign that I am on this train for the long haul. Also, i find it really awesome that I am not sitting here planning for the next cheat. I dont have any desire to go out and do it again anytime soon, because i like the changes I have made, and i like the way they make me feel. i think alot of this comes from looking at things from a overall health viewpoint instead of just a weightloss viewpoint. I know that while i could just have single meals a day, eat crappy and lose weight, I wouldnt be getting all the nutrients i need, i wouldnt be feeling this good overall, and I would generally not be in good health anyways, no matter what my weight was.