Four years later, sunk deeper...

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Masha1

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What a time machine internet can be...

I've just come across my post from 4 years ago (https://weight-loss.fitness.com/thr...is-and-pcos-is-it-possible.80724/#post-953769)...
Funny how we think things can't get worse and then they prove us wrong.
Everything I wrote in that post (Hashimoto's and PCOS) is still very much present, except that now I view PCOS as an insulin problem. Unfortunately, the good bits I mentioned (fasting, eating raw, brisk walks...) are not.
In a nutshell - I let myself go.
About a year after I had written that post, I got a sever episode, the very first one, of arthritis. It turned out to be the Ankylosing spodylitis. But my letting myself go is not to be blamed on that issue. AS made many things worse, that's true, but my head is the problem. I kind of gave up... I got tired of losing battles with weight, food... now I understand that my "losing" was a good thing since it mean that I was fighting at least... now at 147 lbs I dream of the weight I complained about 4 years ago ;)

My main problem is still motivation. What's the point? Whatever I do, i still have facial hair, water retention, belly fat... (I know, I know... I'm just painting a picture here). And as I age, these problems are getting worse!
And it's hard to stay motivated with negative (fear of) and I kind of lost faith that I can find at least in some shape and form "my old self" or any other stronger self.

I still can't eat the healthy foods (kale, broccoli...) because I get bloated. Gluten-rich white bread never makes me bloated, but I know it's not healthy. I used to do yoga, now with AS I can't do it in a way that I used to and sometimes, whatever the people say, yoga CAN make things worse. I don't like walking outside (I know how unpopular this sounds, but I really don't like it) and to make matters worse, the AS started affecting my knees AND feet.

But, to be honest... the main problem with physical activity is also motivation. Since I can't do it properly and see results, I just feel punished doing it.

So, what am I doing writing this at 1 AM? I'm looking for support and trying to recruit one important player - me. I want to make some sort of an agreement with myself, written down... stop "floating" in time and making plans for "tomorrow".

Here's what I think:

I need to feel hungry again. So I'll start by feeling hunger for food. I eat because it's time, because I get invited, because I'm stressed or most often because I crave. I almost NEVER feel hungry. So I'll start by fasting 24h and see what happens.... I won't make plans written in stone for after that. But, I could do with some juice fasting afterwards and vegetable broths to clean my insides and my sense of taste and smell.

One important thing I need to say somewhere out loud: this food that is available to us in shops is HORRIBLE. It has no taste and I seriously doubt that it has any nutritional value. Vegetables and fruit are almost never ripe and even those that normally do not make me bloated, do. It's hard to buy directly from those who actually grow food and when you do, it's so expensive (or rather affordable in the long run for us, I absolutely believe that food producers should be fairly paid). Talking about organic is pointless. It's expensive and quality is not guaranteed nor is the fact that it is really organic. And now I know what organic tastes and feels like. In the past two years we've had a small vegetable garden. Zucchini, tomatoes, potatoes, carrots... the taste? Fireworks! You can eat zucchini as you would apple. Unfortunately it's still very small since we do not have the time to care for a bigger one, being all the time in the city and going to the countryside only on weekends.

Thank you for listening!
 
Welcome back Masha. As far as I can tell gaining only 5 pounds in 4 years when you say you've given up and you have both PCOS and Hashimoto's is a victory, not defeat. Thankfully weightloss happens mostly in the kitchen, not at the gym, so if you can get your head in the game again I think you're going to do great. About juice fasting: I'm not sure that's a great idea with PCOS as the sugars from (even all natural and freshly pressed) juice get into the blood stream as quickly as those of gummibears.
 
Welcome back Masha. As far as I can tell gaining only 5 pounds in 4 years when you say you've given up and you have both PCOS and Hashimoto's is a victory, not defeat. Thankfully weightloss happens mostly in the kitchen, not at the gym, so if you can get your head in the game again I think you're going to do great. About juice fasting: I'm not sure that's a great idea with PCOS as the sugars from (even all natural and freshly pressed) juice get into the blood stream as quickly as those of gummibears.

Thank you so much for your reply! I guess I was comparing my weight gain with the original weight :)
Your absolutely right about fruit juices! However, oddly enough, whenever I went on a juice fast (more vegetables than fruit) my overall condition improved.
I don't know if it is connected to the troubles I have when I eat solid food, bloating, inflammation... Anyway, I'll try to turn this around!
 
Hey Masha, welcome, or welcome back I guess.

Are you going to start a diary? Its on the Weight Loss Diary page https://weight-loss.fitness.com/forums/weight-loss-diary.9/ , but you probably know that. I find it a good way to stay on track when motivation wanes, and it does for all of us.
In the past two years we've had a small vegetable garden. Zucchini, tomatoes, potatoes, carrots... the taste? Fireworks! You can eat zucchini as you would apple.
Yes, eating from your own garden can really be good. Have not tried zucchini yet but I eat a lot of tomatoes, okra, and cucumbers raw, right after picking. Now we are getting lots of big cucumbers, I eat a whole one most days, as you say just like an apple!

Best of luck to you!
 
Your absolutely right about fruit juices! However, oddly enough, whenever I went on a juice fast (more vegetables than fruit) my overall condition improved.
I don't know if it is connected to the troubles I have when I eat solid food, bloating, inflammation... Anyway, I'll try to turn this around!
That´s not really surprising. The lack of fiber means your gi-tract basically gets a holiday while youdrink only juice. The problem is that the more often you give your body these "breaks" the harder it sometimes gets to go back to normal food. Not to mention that extreme caloric restriction can give people (def. not me though!) a kind of "high" that makes them feel more active and "clear". I can see you being sick of medical folks by now but have you talked to a registered dietician about your digestive problems?
 
Hey Masha, welcome, or welcome back I guess.

Are you going to start a diary? Its on the Weight Loss Diary page https://weight-loss.fitness.com/forums/weight-loss-diary.9/ , but you probably know that. I find it a good way to stay on track when motivation wanes, and it does for all of us.

Yes, eating from your own garden can really be good. Have not tried zucchini yet but I eat a lot of tomatoes, okra, and cucumbers raw, right after picking. Now we are getting lots of big cucumbers, I eat a whole one most days, as you say just like an apple!

Best of luck to you!
Thank you for yur support!
I'll think about the diary, I've never had one.

Okra!!! I love it! I'll try to plant it next year. Right now, butternut squashes have invaded our garden :)
 
Good on the diary, I have found mine very helpful.

Okra is one of my favorite veggies, but growing it is a commitment. You have to pick every day or so, only the unmatured pods are good, as the mature they get woody. And if you let them get woody then even the unmature pods start to get woodier. But not much better than fresh picked okra. I lived in Florida for many years and okra did very well there, in the long hot summers. I was pleasantly surprised to find they grow fine here in Utah, shorter season of course, but they produce well for 2 or 3 months.

Not sure where on the world you live, but if its 1 am I hope you are asleep this time!
 
Hello, Masha! I wasn't around here four years ago, so this is the first time we've met. I must say, I totally agree with you about food - that much (most?) of what pushed on us commercially is rubbish, and that farmers/market gardeners deserve to be fairly paid for their work. I love what you said about home-grown zucchini (and what Rob said about okra! I wonder if it's too late to put any in?) and the deliciousness of truly fresh and organic vegies generally. Best wishes for your return! :)
 
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