Floater's diary

[Llama]

Yay for your gym card working!
Your parents suck @#$%&! but I'm glad you're able to process stuff and work through it in therapy. Mad respect for your courage.
Also: I think my mom got me that Enneagram book back when I was 20 or so and floundering hard. It's fun and it actually helped me somewhat at the time.

 

[Floater]

Your parents suck @#$%&! but I'm glad you're able to process stuff and work through it in therapy. Mad respect for your courage.
Also: I think my mom got me that Enneagram book back when I was 20 or so and floundering hard. It's fun and it actually helped me somewhat at the time.

Yeah, what little I know about the Enneagram going in seems really benign and like it can really be used as a tool for self reflection. (I can already find myself in the description of the type six, to be honest, but I'll have a better insight as I get more into it.)

Thank you for the compliment. I think the more I come onto my own and am able to see how totally warped my childhood was, the more I really feel like I must be brave to have made it to this point. I have gotten plenty of help from wonderful friends and professionals along the way, of course. "It takes a village to raise a child", even if the "child" is an adult who had to grow up too fast and without guidance.

I just had potatoes and bean-bacon-cabbage stew from earlier today, as well as a flatbread. I think I'll have to eat something else before bed, because I'm still a bit hungry, but first I'll take a shower and put the dishwasher on. Veg-wise today has been great. In fact, today has been a really good day all in all. I even did my makeup before heading out for errands and it felt nice. I haven't done that in a while, and just playing around with colors and shapes is a lot of fun especially as I'm simultaneously imagining how my face will look once I go on T, and what kinds of goth-y makeup looks I'm going to pull then!

As a little mood lightener, I stumbled across screenshots from a Reddit thread a while ago where gym dudes were talking about supplements, and one guy said he doesn't like drinking shakes but finds normal food unpleasant so he sustains himself on a diet of egg whites, hot dogs, and primate feed sold in zoo stores (presumably American, as some people keep primates as pets there). His reasoning was that humans are close enough to apes, and the feed is designed to make apes "grow large and fuck" which met his personal goals. He even posted the labels of the feed bags and the other dudes seemed very impressed. Of course, it might have been an elaborate troll but something about it just killed me and I find myself chuckling about it every now and then. Wouldn't want to share a toilet with that guy lol. (I hope I haven't told this story already!)

OK, off to shower, my swimming gear is already packed for tomorrow, all is well in my little home.

 

[Llama]

so he sustains himself on a diet of egg whites, hot dogs, and primate feed sold in zoo stores

Gross! Also: the reason other primates get a lot stronger than humans, pound for pound, without lifting is genetic rather than food-related. I can't remember the exact mechanism but basically we have an inbuilt stop on our muscle-building potential which chimps and gorillas don't have so even with heavy training we don't stand a chance against them untrained. As for fucking: human have much larger penises than chimps, gorillas, OR orang utans and last a lot longer to boot, so... I hope you weren't eating, sorry

I can already find myself in the description of the type six, to be honest, but I'll have a better insight as I get more into it.

I'm a 5 with a 4 wing. I can't stand 4s! What I like about the enneagram nonsense is that it's descriptive rather than prescriptive.

 

[Floater]

I'm a 5 with a 4 wing. I can't stand 4s! What I like about the enneagram nonsense is that it's descriptive rather than prescriptive.

I'll let you know what I end up with, as well as check out those "stats" of yours. Yeah I like how there's an inbuilt system of allowing potential for change and growth.

Don't worry, I am a huge nerd when it comes to animals, so primate dicks can't kill my appetite. (I really hope no one takes that out of context.) I like gorillas the best out of all primates, because they are herbivores and not crazy killing machines like chimpanzees or hippy sex weirdos like bonobos. Orangutans look like sad, old British drunks with their ginger hair and pot bellies, but they do build cool nests. Then again, so do gorillas so I've got to go with gorillas

Having a "little snack" of a can of beans pan-fried with onion and served with pasta for those sweet complete amino acids. It's awesome how a good post-workout hunger stays even during the rest day and makes actually _decent_ stuff taste great. If a meal this simple and unimaginative tastes great, the hunger is definitely out of real need. I have eaten so much fiber that I'm rocking a primate pot belly, but I try to remind myself that what makes me feel huge in this moment will make me slimmer down the line

 

[Floater]

Bean-bacon-cabbage stew for breakfast with potatoes and edamame (I felt like extra protein). I'll have to go get my glasses adjusted again, they make my ears stick out now, which I didn't notice yesterday but often it takes a few tries to get them perfect. I'll ask a ride from the autism assistance person, go to the optician, and spend the time before therapy getting familiarized with the secrets of the Enneagram lol I'll pack my post workout porridge and go swimming after therapy. After that I'll go back home and walk the dog, and then go grocery shopping _if_ I have the energy to do that.

 

[Floater]

Therapy was good, therapist said I've made considerable progress with my self image and transition process. I feel the same. Had a banana and a green smoothie for a snack, now about to hit the swimming pool!

 

[Floater]

Yay, water jogged for 120 mins, took a pee and hydration break after 60. I need food and to sit down for a sec

 

[Llama]

Oh wow, sounds like a killer day!

 

[Floater]

Oh wow, sounds like a killer day!

It was! After taking the dog out I realized that if I sit down, I won't be able to go grocery shopping, so I just kept going with the momentum and bought beets, turnips, carrots, marg, eggs, and two grilled chicken legs from the supermarket. When I got home I was so hungry I ate the chicken legs standing up and ate most of the skin, too - but I have spent a lot of both mental and physical energy today so it's more than fine. Nera got some lean meat off the legs, of course.

I still have a bit of money left and I intentionally decided that if I want any animal protein (other than eggs) to go with the root vegetables, I'll buy those tomorrow and not in my current exhausted state of mind.

Oh - I never went to the optician today, I want to wait and see if I can get used to the glasses as they are now. I'm so wiped out but in a positive way. I'll have yesterday's bean bacon cabbage thing before bed, this time with pasta and my last bit of creme fraiche. Oh and I also need to eat the roasted pumpkin today.

 

[Cate]

Wow! What a day. Well done Floater- on everything!

 

[Floater]

I slept a bit poorly, but Nera woke me up in the cutest way! She snuggled me with her nose and stared at me, I greeted her and scratched her behind the ears, and when I stopped she gently took her paw and pulled my hand back to the itchy spot It was ADORABLE.

I'm boiling eggs - I'll eat two straight away with soba noodles, frozen peas and alfalfa sprouts for breakfast, Nera will get one, and I'll marinate the remaining two in soy sauce and hot sauce for later. I still have one portion of the bean, bacon and cabbage thing left, I'll have that after I get back home from the gym. I think I'll make a big batch of root vegetable and bean soup in the evening, I'll probably buy some ham to give it that extra yum. I might see a friend in the evening, too!

EDIT: I had two slices of rye bread after eating the noodles and eggs, and after eating I realized I forgot to take my ADHD meds, so I had them with a 50g bar of banana toffee. For a moment I got scared I pulled a filling off a chipped front tooth by biting into the toffee, but luckily I must jus have bitten into it funny I rarely eat candy but I had this one lying around and I think I'll buy more if I find it somewhere, the serving size gives me a nice little sugar high but isn't too big to make me nauseous like sugar often does.

I'm waiting for the dishwasher to finish, I'll put the dishes away, make my post workout porridge, take Nera out to pee and leave to the gym.

 

[Floater]

Haha holy shit, the combination of toffee, black coffee and my meds feels like someone strapped a rocket to my back... Oh well, a hard workout should balance out the effect!

 

[Floater]

Gym was great. I did my usual bicep curls and tried a new thing targeting the triceps where the weight is behind one's back and elbows point straight up towards the ceiling, no idea what it's called. It felt kind of nice to do and definitely felt effective, but I'm not sure it's the safest thing for my hypermobile joints? I had my right elbow crack and pop a couple of times despite being very careful about not overextending it. (Maybe I could pick your professional brains a bit if it's not too much of a hassle, @LaMaria & @Trusylver ?) I also did one-legged leg press exercises with my foot both in the middle of the plate and in the upper corner of the plate, overhead presses, and calf raises. I spent half an hour at the gym but time just flew by, I had a super good flow. What's funny is that I ran into my next door neighbor at the gym, she's a nice muslim woman who's scared of Nera, but it was nice to meet her there.

I also had my glasses adjusted and the optician took a closer look and said that the paint has chipped so badly that I'll get a new pair for free. It doesn't cost the optician anything, because it's the manufacturer's issue. This is great news of course, but it also threw me into an ethical conundrum. This is the second pair of the same exact frame I have bought, so for a minute I panicked about possibly getting new classes in a fraudulent manner, but then I realized that I bought the first pair in late 2019 so whichever pair this is, it should still be covered in their 2-year warranty.

I took Nera for a walk after getting home and I'm getting ravenous, so I think I'll eat the last of the bean cabbage bacon thing and start prepping the next stew.

 

[Floater]

Dinner: basmati rice and bean, cabbage and bacon stew.

My friend cancelled in the last minute, but decided to send me 15 euros - I was a bit baffled and tried to say it's not necessary, but they insisted. I'm not complaining, it was a sweet thing to do (and they are financially secure so I'm not going to look into a gift horse's mouth). I'm tempted to take a walk to the supermarket and see if they have chicken legs on sale, but I'll eat first and decide after.

 

[Llama]

I had my right elbow crack and pop a couple of times despite being very careful about not overextending it. (Maybe I could pick your professional brains a bit if it's not too much of a hassle

Hard to say without having seen you do it, sorry.

I also had my glasses adjusted and the optician took a closer look and said that the paint has chipped so badly that I'll get a new pair for free.

Awesome! I really wouldn't worry about it: warrenty stuff is generally tightly regulated so if they're offering it spontaneously you definitely have a right to it.

Nera woke me up in the cutest way! She snuggled me with her nose and stared at me, I greeted her and scratched her behind the ears, and when I stopped she gently took her paw and pulled my hand back to the itchy spot

That's so cute!

 

[Floater]

Hard to say without having seen you do it, sorry.

Oh, of course, sorry! I formulated the question badly! I meant it as in, is the move/exercise itself legitimate or just a trendy nonsense thing. But I realize that it's impossible to answer anyway based on my vague description. I feel a bit ashamed, sorry <3

And yeah Nera is such a special little sweetie. And thanks for easing my mind about the glasses. I seem to have a real issue in accepting good things in life without feeling guilty lol

 

[Llama]

But I realize that it's impossible to answer anyway based on my vague description. I feel a bit ashamed, sorry <3

Not at all, I assume you mean overhead triceps extensions? It's not something my patients typically need but afaik it's a pretty normal exercise if you want to isolate the triceps.

 

[Floater]

Not at all, I assume you mean overhead triceps extensions? It's not something my patients typically need but afaik it's a pretty normal exercise if you want to isolate the triceps.

Yes! I googled the name and that's it! I think I'll just keep experimenting with it and keep the weights small enough to not risk my joint health, an if the popping and crackling continues, I'll just stick to my old tricep routine. (I know it's a bit of a vanity muscle exercise, just like the biceps are, but I do love to see my arms bulk up like dough in the oven ;_____; )

I just came back from a walk with Nera. It was late enough to sneakily let her loose in an empty nearby frisbee golf park which is apparently a home for a lot of hares; she was sniffing and rolling around like a little pup She seems to be more playful now that I spend more time out swimming or going to the gym - when I'm home, she keeps bringing me toys and being a cutie all around. I think she senses that I'm in a good mood and receptive to her initiatives to play. I mean I'm still at home most of the day so it's not like she's lonely, but I have much more energy, so maybe it rubs onto her :3

Life is so good, even though I still get pangs of anxiety or anger or fear about all that's in store with the transitioning process. But it's like I have tapped into my own power and I just... Like myself a lot. I am worth putting the work in for. Everyone is!

 

[Cate]

Nera woke me up in the cutest way! She snuggled me with her nose and stared at me, I greeted her and scratched her behind the ears, and when I stopped she gently took her paw and pulled my hand back to the itchy spot It was ADORABLE.

Oh, that is absolutely adorable

& I love to see this-
"and I just... Like myself a lot. I am worth putting the work in for. Everyone is!"

 

[Floater]

@Cate