Fear of Thin...

maleficent

maleficent

0
By Dr. Matthew Anderson
Exclusive for eDiets

Here are some tough but highly useful comments on why you may be having a terrible time losing weight. This information has helped many of my clients make great progress on their weight loss journey.

If you are fat then you want to be that way. Well at least a part of you wants you to be fat. I know your Conscious Mind tells you to lose weight every moment of every day. But there is another part of you that truly wants and maybe even needs you to stay fat, and it has quite a bit of control over your eating behavior. That powerful, but usually hidden part is called the Unconscious Mind. Your Unconscious Mind wants you to keep the weight on and it clearly has more power over your life than you realize. And in addition to that, your Unconscious Mind has very good reasons for wanting you to stay fat.

Here are some examples of the Unconscious Mind and why it may want to keep you fat.
  • You may fear your sexual energy.
  • You may have been raped and fat protects you from men.
  • Your self-esteem may be very low and you might actually feel undeserving of weight loss.
  • Your fat may be a way of resisting the growing-up process (baby fat) because adulthood seems frightening.
  • You may believe that losing weight might require you to make other scary or painful choices and changes (divorce, change jobs, lose friends).
  • Weight loss may require you to accept more challenges or responsibilities and staying fat then becomes a form of safety.
  • You may fear being seen and therefore judged.
The point is that each of us who has significant weight we have not been able to lose is invested in staying fat and until we discover these hidden wants, needs and fears we will be stuck in fat.

This information should help you finally understand why you try so hard to lose weight and then, without any warning, find yourself eating out of control. This is what happens when your Unconscious Mind takes over. It (for the good reasons I mentioned above) is very threatened by your weight loss and will not allow you to drop too many pounds without a tremendous fight.

OK, let’s assume you agree with me so far. Now what? How do you learn to deal with an out of control Unconscious Mind? I thought you would never ask. Here are some suggestions. They really work so make sure you do at least some of them.

Finish this sentence as honestly and openly as you can (25 times) even though your responses may seem strange at first.

The reason I want to be fat is…

If you stop before you reach 25 you will probably not find useful answers. The key here is to discover two or three meaningful root causes behind your weight gain. Trust me. They are there. Every significantly weight-challenged person has them. (Write down your 25 sentences and responses in full as you do them.)

When you have done the unfinished sentence exercise, pick the two or three most powerful answers and write them down on a separate page. This information could be the real key to your long-term healthy weight loss. Take it seriously.

Make a decision to do some serious inner work on these three most significant issues. What does that mean? You can start by writing a two-page description of each issue. Take your time and be as descriptive as you can. If you have trouble writing it then find a good friend and talk about each one with that person. The task here is to begin to "flesh out" the issue and explore how it affects you.

Now it is time for a book (or a tape). If you have clearly identified your issues then you will probably find a book on the subject. For instance, if your fat protects you from sexual advances then you can find numerous books that will provide you with support and guidance for healing. This may sound strange but it actually works. There are self-help books and thousands of subjects and there is one just for you. Go take a look.

These exercises will get you started. Be sure to do them. Then you will be on your way to discovering additional guides to help you heal or manage your unconscious desires to stay fat.
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Some what interesting article.. I'm not sure i buy all the self help book at the end.. but you never know...

Every so often, a little voice enters the back of my head that screams pretty loud.. and asks myself that what if question... What if I lose weight.. and everything I have blamed my weight on... is still there... and nothing changes...

I wonder if i've been overweight so long because Fear, more than lack of willpower or anything else is what is holding be back.

Definitely something to think about...
 
wow, I really needed to read that Mal. I've been having an awful time and I keep asking myself why??? That article really gives me alot to think about!! Thanks :D
 
Thank you Mal...As soon as I read your thread title, the sentence popped into my head, "If I'm thin, guys might be more interested in me." It's what I want, but I'm scared to death of it. My shyness, my low self-esteem, my inexperience... I don't think reading any books is going to help me though.
 
DQ..I understand the thinking that you have low self esteem and maybe in a way you don't want the attention from men, but believe me, with weight loss will come a ton of self esteem!!

Not just b/c of how you look, but the fact that you know, you can do anything!
 
I totally relate to this, especially the fact that weight loss will make me have to face other life changes.

Another thing for me, and I will be really happy if someone else can relate to this because I feel like I am totally insane and crazy for feeling this way...but I feel that if I lose weight then I am giving into the pressures of society. I feel like I will be a hypocrite because I have been going around preaching that you can still be big and beautiful if you are fat.
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by newbride02
with weight loss will come a ton of self esteem!

that's one of my biggest fears... what if it doesn't... i've always blamed my weight on my lack of self esteem -- but maybe it's just me... we'll see I suppose...
__________________
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Is there a difference between self-esteem and confidence? Because I notice that I have a little more confidence since I've started losing weight...smiling more, wearing more form-fitting clothes rather than the baggy sweatshirts I'm used to...

Another thing for me, and I will be really happy if someone else can relate to this because I feel like I am totally insane and crazy for feeling this way...but I feel that if I lose weight then I am giving into the pressures of society. I feel like I will be a hypocrite because I have been going around preaching that you can still be big and beautiful if you are fat.
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This makes a lot of sense...but look at it this way...just because you can be beautiful while you are big, doesn't mean you have to be big to be beautiful. And just because you are beautiful, that does not mean you are healthy.
 
maleficent said:
that's one of my biggest fears... what if it doesn't... i've always blamed my weight on my lack of self esteem -- but maybe it's just me... :( we'll see I suppose...
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It will Mal...I mean think about it....you will be looking so hot, but more than that, you will have fought and won the battle of the buldge. I mean, it takes some real strength and detemination to loose weight. Loosing weight is quiet an accomplishment and you should really pat yourself on the back for it!!
 
miss_apple_tart said:
I feel that if I lose weight then I am giving into the pressures of society.QUOTE]


If you are loosing weight strictly for the reason of "fitting in" then I can see how'd you'd feel that way. BUT I'm sure you are loosing weight b/c of your own reasons...you want to be healthier for example. Who cares about societies opionions, as long as you are happy, at any size, thats all that counts :D
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dariqueen said:
Is there a difference between self-esteem and confidence? Because I notice that I have a little more confidence since I've started losing weight...smiling more, wearing more form-fitting clothes rather than the baggy sweatshirts I'm used to...
.
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Tomatoe..tomotoe...same thing in my book...see your feeling better about yourself already!! WTG!
 
Thanks for posting this. I have been wanted to change and lose weight for a long time, but I kept thinking that it would probably be a waste of time, because I'd probably gain it back, because there's something ELSE keeping me from losing weight for a long term period.

I want to change the inside as well as the out. I'll definitely work on these exercises. :)
 
A Solution

We all know that we have 'issues' or 'stuff' as I like to call it, the writer is exactly correct with the fact that mostly there is other stuff going on that prevents weight loss or brings it back once it has been lost.

Because we usually do not want to address our 'stuff' or simply do not even know it exists makes it very difficult to do anything about them. It drives me crazy when people write things like in this article but do not give you a clear 'how to' go and deal with it! The author's suggestion to go and get a self-help book is like trying to find a needle in a haystack and destined to failure, in my opinion. We are all so individual, we did not grow up in the same family or the same environment so whilst our'stuff' can be similar it is never the same, so a general generic solution does not work.

We all have so much self talk going on in our heads, we hear some of it yet more often than not we are unaware of it and then there are the underlying beliefs again some we are aware of and then the majority that just drive our behaviour and for many people drive behaviour that drives them crazy!! That used to be me!

Many well meaning suggestions like the one in the article by Dr Anderson create more feelings of what is wrong with me and thus create more pain and angst at a time when you least need it, losing weight can be challenging enough without adding other issues that may or may not be there.

So, I have done the exercise and found 25 possible reasons why....ouch, this is not looking good. What do I do with all this baggage? If I look at my 25 and head for the library to deal with each one I will be there forever AND when we focus on our fears or reasons we put energy into them which makes them grow - how can you lose weight when you are focussing on why you are overweight. What we focus on is what we get!! I am all for making the whole process of weight loss easy, clear the 'stuff' without focussing on it.

How? Is there a solution? Yes I believe there is!

There is a wonderful light at the end of this tunnel that I have found, it is empowering and freeing. It is a technique called Theta Healing, it has done such amazing things for my weight loss and deleted a number of unhelpful beliefs that I held about weight and weight loss and about fat and thin. It has been so helpful to me that I am learning how to use the technique myself so that I do not need to be reliant on anyone else for my own healing and so I can help others. This process is just amazing.

Do yourself a favour, find a practitioner in your area and go and have a session, you will be blown away by the results! Post back and let us know how you get on.

Here's to every single one of us easily and simply getting rid of all the issues standing in the way and moving on to achieving our goals and dreams!!

Helen
 
I think that there are methods for everyone, and it is not going to come easy, or be easy to find. We all just have to be able to work at it. I think the steps here are very useful as a basis, and will help get someone started.
 
I liked the idea behind this article. I sat down and tried to write out a list of 25 reasons why i am afraid to loose weight. I couldn't come up with 25, but i was surprised how many I did come up with.

Many people have seen my Top Five on my journal, well here is another one:

Top Five Reasons I am Afraid to Loose Weight:::
1. I am afraid I will fail and look stupid.
2. I'm afraid after I loose weight I will still feel like I look ugly.
3. I'm afraid I'll never get to eat all the fatty foods I love.
4. What will I feel bad about after I loose weight? What will I worry about? More importantly, what excuse will I have for having a low self-esteem?
5. What if I don't have enough money to buy a new wardrobe :) ?
 
Elegance said:
5. What if I don't have enough money to buy a new wardrobe :) ?[/B][/COLOR]
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That's one of my fears as well. I am quite strapped for cash. Especially since I need to lose about 160 pounds so I will be going through many sizes if I am successful in my endeavors.
 
4. What will I feel bad about after I loose weight? What will I worry about? More importantly, what excuse will I have for having a low self-esteem?



Oh man, this is EXACTLY how I feel!! Glad to know i'm not the only one!
 
I am afraid to loose weight b/c.....

1..What will I have to worry over afterwards??? (yes, i stole it but i still feel that way)

2...How will it change the relationship I have w/ my overweight hubby?? ****

3...do I really have the energy or "willpower" it takes to change??

4..it really is just plain easier to stay fat! ***

5....will I change?? get diva-ish?

6...will my overweight friends/family hate me??

7...what if my new found confidence causes me to want to find a better, healthier hubby??***

8...what if I cant' afford to dress as nice as I am picturing?

9...will I forever be obsessed w/my weight??

10. will I like who I am??


** indicates top 3 I have to work on!
 
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I wrote down 25. But here are my top three:

1. I am fat because I don't want to approach the world and I don't want to be rejected.
2. I am fat because it gives me reason to drive people away from me.
3. I am fat because it is how I define myself. Without it, who will I be?

Ugh......
 
Hey mal, this was such a great post. I tried the exercise and came out with some really strange, very personal things...I'm not sure if they are the truth or not but they came from somewhere! Thanks.
 
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