Eric's Diary

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grinder1

New member
Hi there. My name is Eric, and I have a serious weight problem, one that I have resolved to conclusively defeat, starting today. I am 27, single, and run my own business. My life is going places, but I'm being dragged down by an atrocious image of myself - I don't even feel comfortable wearing shorts, and I'm dreading the day I ever get invited to go to a beach with someone - not that it will ever happen, because nobody wants to do stuff like that with me. So as you can see, I've got some issues that I'm trying to work out, and I know that if I were at a healthy weight while it wouldn't solve all my problems it might mean that I would have the energy to tackle some of the bigger issues I'm facing, or at least be alive to do it. The way it is now, my body is in constant pain, I'm always eating, and I'm under so much stress that my heart will surely give out before I'm 30. I've tried to lose weight before, but since I've been doing it utterly on my own keeping motivated has been next to impossible, especially when things get difficult. As it is, this is going to take more self-discipline then I've ever been able to muster when it comes to food, so I'm asking for, begging for, anyone who's out there to take an interest, to let me know they're watching what I'm doing, in the hopes that if I know there are others watching perhaps I will be able to make a conclusive change in how I live my life.

So, in response to the questions in the welcome post:

-- How much weight do you want to lose?
I am currently at about 200 lbs, and according to various indicators the healthy weight for my height is between 145 - 160 lbs, so I'm going to lose 50 lbs. I am also going to lower my BMI from where it is now (just over the line from overweight to obese) down to the healthy range.

-- What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight?
I am going to be as realistic about this as I can. I know it won't happen overnight. I'm starting this on July 26th, 2007. I would like to achieve my goal weight by October 26th, 3 months from now, as that corresponds with a major event I have going on.

-- How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)?
Since excercise has proven to have little, if any effect on me, and I do enough strenuous activity with my job in the first place, I would like to concentrate on portion control and making nutritional food choices. I believe that over the long-term this will be what I can best sustain with the lifestyle changes I would like to follow my weight loss. Perhaps, down the road, when I have got my life where I would like it, I will consider an exercise program as a way to supplement my health, not remedy it.

-- Who or what can support you in reaching your goal?
Nobody but whomever reads this thread!

-- How realistic is your goal?
I don't know. Thoughts anyone?

-- When will you start?
Today, of course.
 
might i suggest getting yourself an account at or one of the manyother free sites that allow you to track nutritional information..it's helpful to know how many calories you are consuming in a day...

i'd also suggest reading many of the stickied threads in exercise and nutrition for a good ideas about workout programs and for how many calories you should be consuming in a day.

Welcome to the forum, have fun while you are here
 
Okay, let's see if this works...

Day 1 on portion control was so-so. Missed breakfast (not a good idea, I know, and lunch was a couple of pieces of leftover KFC and some cheese, but at least supper was some beef vegetable soup and crackers. Had some more crackers later on, which wasn't perhaps the best, but on the upside I did start drinking that Crystal Light stuff, so I'm getting more water. Today's big challenge will be avoiding the junk food. It's almost noon, and I'm craving a greasy burger. I really need to be good today, as I know I'll be eating out at a meeting tommorrow. Had too much breakfast this morning - a cereal bar and two tea biscuits to go with my coffee - so it gets you both ways. Work just got a lot more stressful yesterday too (I didn't think it could get any more stressful) so the next few days are going to be tough. Thanks for reading.
 
Weekend update:

Saturday dawned bright and sunny, and I was able to confine myself to a cup of coffee (a necessity I won't be giving up) and a cereal bar for breakfast. Eating out was a bit of a challenge, had a burger and fries (well-prepared, not a fast-food joint, which was a good thing), but then fell down when the people I was with couldn't finish their appetizers, so I wound up munching a few dried potato skins and melted cheese on the nachos. I was able to leave some on the plate, and I didn't take any home with me, so that was good.
Problem was I was really feeling drained after the long meeting, and not looking forward to the major job I had coming up at about 9pm, so I had an ice cream at Dairy Queen, and a Sprite. Fortunately I was able to hold off for the rest of the day, with just a few crackers as a late night snack.

Sunday was a bit of a change-up, with a late breakfast (consisting of a coffee and bagel - with cream cheese), then a very late lunch (around 4pm) of a burger and fries, some licorice nibs later on and a few crackers to finish the day off. Doesn't sound too healthy, but at least I was able to avoid that third helping of junk food.

I think that has to be my first goal, to get the junk food down to a managable level. I don't know that I'll ever be able to get rid of it completely (indeed, it was the abscence of any eating out or junk food in my childhood that has left me with so few coping skills - eating out is a novelty, an indulgence, one of my only pleasures), but for now lets see if we can hold it to no more than once a day. I know that sounds reasonable, even laughable, but for a long time there I just couldn't go for long without that taste of over-processed grease. My mouth still waters when I think about it, and as I looked at the rotting tomatoes sitting on my counter this morning, and threw out the empty box of crackers it occurred to me that food from outside is easy, food from home is hard, and when I think back to the boiled potatoes, boiled vegetables and boiled hamburger that I grew up on it occurrs to me that good food from home is even harder.

Baby steps. Baby steps. Let's see if we can get to lunch first.
 
Monday:

A so-so day on the weight loss. Tuesday morning I woke up feeling bloated, so that can't be a good sign. Haven't had that feeling in a few days.

Had breakfast, which was a cereal bar and a coffee. Was very, very good at lunch, with nothing but fruit (got rid of those aforementioned rotting tomatoes), but supper was Chinese. Cheap, greasy-spoon Chinese, and a good amount of it. I actually felt full at the end of that meal. And then we went out to Dairy Queen, and I had a Blizzard (medium, instead of large, like I used to, but still, it's a fall -especially when there's plain old soft serve cones right there - even chocolate dipped would've been better). So here it is, almost 1pm on Tuesday, and I haven't had breakfast, just coffee, and not really feeling hungry for lunch. I don't lead a structured life, and that's the way I like it, but it makes it really difficult to get into the routine that it usually takes to break the habits of overeating.

Another thing that I have to do fairly soon is actually buy a set of bathroom scales. So far I've been going on looks and how I'm feeling, but sooner or later I'll need to get into solid numbers. I know my starting weight because I know what I looked like when I weighed myself at 200 lbs, and this is it. I also know that I haven't been under 185 in a long time, and I know I'm not there yet, and while I'm more interested in how I look than any actual number figure, it will be important to know when I'm into the healthy range for calculating my BMI.
 
Hey Eric, solid numbers do help a lot. Before you really really notice it you may have to lose 30 or 40 pounds and without a scale, its hard to see that early progress before you start having people notice.
 
Thanks for the input!

It's nice to know someone is actually reading this out there.

I'm hitting the difficult stage right now. People are buying and bringing me food left, right and centre. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually starting to get sick of KFC, as my friend (who's dangerously underweight and is actually trying to gain a few pounds) keeps buying it as comfort food and then only eats two pieces. Same friend that has left me with the Chinese in my fridge. On top of that, I'm out of cereal bars, so I didn't get breakfast this morning.

Now I know that I could just refuse the food from my friend, but I know she'll just throw it out, and I can't see perfectly good food go to waste, it just bothers me too much; every mouthful wasted makes the day this planet can feed itself one mouthful further away.

Let's see what I ate since the last time I checked in. Tuesday I didn't have any breakfast or lunch, and then some pasta for supper, followed by a couple pieces of the aforementioned KFC later at night. Wednesday morning was coffee and a buttered bagel, lunch a grilled cheese and fries, and supper some more KFC. So far nothing yet today, but its almost lunchtime.

I guess when I look at it I'm not actually eating a lot, at least not compared to what I was eating (three or four square meals a day of fast food plus snacks), but I know that actual "portions" are much, much smaller than most people realize, so it's likely still more than enough. I'm keeping quite busy, so the cravings aren't quite as prevalent as they usually are (though I'm still battling, and this week-end will be very, very difficult).

Having this forum really helps a lot. I tried to talk to some people about my attempts to lose weight, and all they wanted to do was dump advice on me about how I should be excercising more, and how I could make the time, if only I made it a priority in my life. It was as if they weren't even listening to what I was saying. It seemed like they were more concerned with making it sound like they were health experts because they were thin rather than actually trying to be supportive. I'm sure they weren't doing it deliberately, people love to hear the sound of their own voice, especially when they think they're imparting wisdom, but I think I'm beginning to understand some of the despair that comes with being overweight - not only to others not understand what we're going through, it's like they don't even want to understand. Obesity is an addiction, like smoking, or alcoholism, yet unlike smoking or liquor, we can't live without food, so rather than just being able to put food out of our lives altogether we have to learn to manage it, which is even more difficult. But we don't look down on smokers or alcoholics, as a rule. Many may feel indifference, and not enough people are willing to help, but at least help is available, real help, because there is a recognition there that these people are endangering their lives, and that we can and we should do something to help, or at least make the help available. Why isn't this the same for obesity?

There, I've finished my stump speech for the day.

Thanks
 
Just a quick one today...

Had a really, really rough night at work last night, the result being that my very healthly lettuce with soup supper got supplemented with a Banquet Burger with Fries at the bar later on. Couple that with the last of the KFC that I have for lunch (only two pieces, I thought there was more) and I didn't eat too well yesterday. Woke up this morning feeling like crap, and I'm not sure how much that had to do with work, the heat, or food, but I haven't been very good today either. That's two days straight without breakfast, and lunch was just a chocolate milkshake, so I know I've got to do a little better earlier in the day, and not eat so much later at night, but it's tough, because I'm not a morning person in the slightest, and quite often I'm still groggy by noon, so evenings are my highest-functioning period of the day, and that's when most over-eating takes place, I find.

On the bright side, I am almost ready to go in a notch on the belt, so I know that something is happening.
 
Hey man, welcome to the forum.

How tall are you?

Reading your intro post I was expecting you to tell us that you're 500+ lbs. Then it comes out that you're only 200. I can't imagine it's as bad as you say.... but I realize how our own self-images can really screw with our thought processes.

I hope you find a way to fix things mentally, as well as physically. Can't have one without the other if you expect to be happy, IMO.

Congrats on that belt getting bigger. :)
 
Howdy Eric,
Wanted to pop in and wish ya luck! Setting goals starting
with a small goal will get ya a long way,Have a nice weekend Tammy
 
Back again, after the week-end from hell...

(In response to Steve's query above, about about 5'8", though I really should get a more accurate reading. I wear boots so most people think I'm 6' but I'm not).

All in all this weekend was a disaster as far as the weight-loss thing goes. I had a coffee and buttered bagel for breakfast, which was fine, then my under-eating friend decided she wanted pizza for lunch, so we wound up devouring most of that. Then there was more pizza for supper, and a few cans of cola throughout the day, which I know is worse than most other things.

Sunday morning was breakfast free, which resulted in me caving to the craving and having a burger and fries for lunch (with ice cream for dessert). Sunday evening I had another burger and fries (with cokes with both of those, by the way), and then beer and wings later on at night. All in all, not what you'd call a wonderful week-end, but they say you're going to have slip-ups, and I guess this was one of those times. On the bright side I was very active all week-end, so I was sweating like a pig, so perhaps I've managed to excercise off a bit, but exercise usually has no effect on me whatsoever.

I'm really hoping that I can do some good work this week. Work stuff is starting to turn around, finally, and maybe it will all be good. I would like to take a vacation starting August 20th, and while I'm not exactly planning on going to the beach or anything it would be nice if I was in a bit better shape, perhaps then the rest would do me more good.

Thanks to everyone who' s been chipping in with comments... they do mean a lot to me. Take care,

Eric
 
Hi Eric, you are fun to read and as Steve said not obese at all. I think I have upset someone on the forum by speaking against junk food so I just hope you can understand that I am only against the chips and burgers not the people who eat them. :) I am fighting with this myself as a chocolate/muffin etc. addict person. You have made the best decision to go for helathier life so now you just have to find the way to do it. As you have very busy life and not always access to healthy food this would be a major thing to solve. I'd be interested to know do you have easy access to food stores when you can get healthy stuff, such as - ready to eat salads, fruits salads, diet crackers. If not, you better take lunch from home because you can't just be hungry and tempted by those people arround you. I'll be checking you time to time.:)
 
Do I ever get a break any more?

Things are getting really, really busy. I'm functioning on about six hours of near-sleep for about the fifth day straight, so it's all starting to look a bit odd to me.

Yesterday wasn't too too bad on the food front. Skipped breakfast again, but I actually wound up at my parents' place for lunch. Now, most of what my mother cooked for me while I was growing up was so bland and repetitive and we ate out so rarely that I think that may have contributed to my weaknesses about eating, but since they'd just had company this past week-end we were cleaning up leftovers, and they weren't bad at all. A salad, some fried pototoes, cooked corn and some ham.

Supper was very late, and it was my "eat-out" meal, but since it was the only one that day I'm okay with it. My underweight friend wanted Subway, and while she had a salad I went for a sub. I know that I should be trying to go for the salad more often too, and I don't mind the wraps they have there either, but I find that it's one of the rare places where I can get all four food groups covered in a single meal, so I don't feel too guilty about it. Maybe I should, but I don't think I would be able to function today (I knew I wouldn't be getting much sleep) without the energy.

In response to the post by "wulsk" above - I can see why this might not be the best place to rail against junk food. For me, as I'm sure it's been for a lot of people, its been my only comfort many a long day and lonely night, though I think we would all agree that it is, at best, a poor cousin to truly being happy with who we are. And I don't necessarily think that we need to cut unhealthy foods out of our diets entirely, though I do support the push to get the makers of junk food to put a little more nutrition and a little less harmful elements into their foods. I really wonder sometimes what my weight would be like if I'd grown up in a family that ate out on anything other than a yearly basis (and even then only if our grandparents were taking us), and I'd been exposed to junk food choices simply as choices, not as forbidden fruit that I would never get at home (my parents weren't so much worried about the nutritional value as much as the cost - chalk it up to my Scottish Heritage). Would I like so many others have become what I am today, overweight and constantly craving the next McDeal? Or would I have actually developed some sense of what I LIKE, not what the world tells me I WANT?

Points to ponder, I guess...
 
Back again...

Tuesday was not a good day for health, though it inadvertently did some good for the weight. Had a burger and fries, which is terrible, but it was the only thing I ate that day. Not that I didnt' want to, I was just so run off my feet that I couldn't get any time to eat. I did manage to get a couple of hanfuls of left-over fried rice before I went to bed, which was better than nothing.

Wednesday on the other hand wasn't too bad, if a little expensive. Had coffee and bagel for breakfast, then grilled cheese and fries for lunch, and subway for supper (turkey breast, if you're wondering), then when I got home I found my parents had been by and dropped off some watermelon, so I cleaned that up. In terms of portions the only one that would have been over the limit are the fruits and vegetables, and since that hardly ever happens I will take it as a good event - my body was able to replenish a lot of nutrients that I normally don't get enough of. All that water in the watermelon really flushes your system out too, I think.

I am starting to notice a bit of a difference in the mirror, I think. Still nothing monumnental, but maybe, just maybe, something is happening. I need to find my costumer's measuring tape so that I can measure my waist on a regular basis. I think that if I could get my figure down (or at least know it's going down) then the actual number of pounds I am at would be less important. The motivational problem I have is that I can't see the beer gut dissappearing fast enough to be sure I'm actually seeing progress and not just wishful thinking. When my body realizes that I'm trying to lose weight it invariably slams the breaks on, I can go for days with so little food I can barely concentrate and I won't lose an ounce. But if I could at least see that my waistline is shrinking, then maybe I would have the inspiration I need.
 
Okay just a quick one today.

Really broke down and had McDonald's for lunch yesterday, then nothing until three pieces of toast and some rapidly-decaying chicken in my fridge before I went to bed. This weekend is going to be so crazy that I don't know what's going to happen, but as I'm out of cash that should avoid some of the problems of eating out. My fridge is still full of stuff though, so if I'm actually home long enough to cook anything there might be some soup or pasta in my future, and that's pretty good for you (okay, I know pasta isn't as hallowed as it used to be, but it's still better than burger and fries). Other than that I'm going to work on keeping busy as best I can this weekend, and hopefully that'll get me through it.

Talk to you all again on Monday,

Eric
 
Week of weakness

Sorry for the hiatus, everyone!

I've been working on a major project all wee that has taken up 110% of my time, so I haven't been able to get online all week. I am battling extreme exhaustion, and am just now recovering from the last few days. The worst is over, but I likely won't be able to get back on until Monday.

So there's been a lot of burgers and onion rings consumed this week.

Monday was McDonald's for lunch and cookies for supper.
Tuesday was another burger for lunch (I think, I can't say for sure) and two ham sandwiches for supper.
Wednesday was a chocolate bar for Breakfast, Pringles and candy for lunch and a Banquet burget and onion rings for supper.
Thursday was cheeseburger and rings for lunch, cheeseburger and fries for supper.

I guess it's not that I'm eating a lot, (though there are some snacks in there - and they do creep up - and I some cola, which I hear is worse for you than the food) it's that I'm not eating very well. I'm too tired right now for it to make much difference (and no, eating better won't give me more energy, in this case; that's a long-term effect, and this is all short-term).

So the weekend promises to be difficult, as I need to eat enough to maintain my concentration, but next week we'll be back to the more aggressive track.

Thanks for reading,

Eric
 
Hi Eric! Just droppin by for a visit. :)

Onion rings are my weakness. Love onion rings! Why can't the onion part be healthy enough to counteract the unhealthy part? :D Ah well...
 
ritagurl said:
Onion rings are my weakness. Love onion rings! Why can't the onion part be healthy enough to counteract the unhealthy part? :D Ah well...
Click to expand...

I'm with you Ritagurl.. i think we need to change that rule a bit!!

------

Hey Eric, Just wanted to let you you know I've been reading your Diary and think you are making a great choice in changing your eatting Habits. May i suggest going to the store and grabbing those all ready meals.. or bring some health snacking stuff with you.

Also I get over some urges by chewing on Ice, leaves my mouth numb and makes me feels like i'm eatting something.. i know it's in my head but it actually works.. plus ups my water intake.. hmmm water... :)

Keep up the fight! ...and buy a scale... lol
 
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Okay, life is a little less crazy this week, so it's time to climb back on the wagon again. I know that sooner or later I'll have to stop using the excuse "I'm way too busy" for my poor eating habits, but I'm committed to taking this one day at a time and not getting upset if I can't do it all at once, as I think that's part of why I haven't been successful up to this point.

My last post was on Friday, I believe, so here's what the weekend consisted of:

Friday - Banquet burger and fries for lunch, then nothing for supper, but about 3 beers and potato skins with plenty of grazying on spinach dip after the show at night.

Saturday - chips and some sort of dried piece of meat (at least it was supposed to be meat) for lunch, then a somewhat healty supper - a chicken wrap with seasoned potato wedges. Party after the show that night at which many snacks were consumed, not the least of which being some very deceptive Jello shooters (though they were made with fat-free jello, I'm told).

Sunday - sobered up on Sunday morning with a cup of coffee, then a burger and fries for lunch. Supper was an ice cream cone.

Monday - so far another burger and fries for lunch, but we'll likely be able to do something better for supper. Going to actually get a chance to cook a meal at home one of these days soon, so I should get some more groceries, and planning to take a trip on Wednesday (don't know where we're going yet) so it might be a good chance to see if I can pack a healthy lunch, we'll see.

Despite all the gluttony of the past week my belt is still almost ready to go to the next hole in, so at least I haven't gained a significant amount of weight (I was very busy working it off, and it's not as much as I usually eat). I really hope that I can make some significant progress this week, as I'm basically on vacation and not really doing too much - it would be a good time to get into some good habits, and once I get some of my energy back I will really start gearing up for the fall, which is a good time to get habits ingrained anyways.

I think I will set myself a goal for this week: Let's make it to the next hole on the belt, comfortably.

I will keep you all posted - but if I forget, please ask me!

Eric

P.S. Thanks so much to everyone who's reading and posting replies. I promise I will get around to reading all of your diaries sometime this week and offer you what help and support I can!
 
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