Emily Rose: The Reboot

Sometimes it's good to get the door in your face so you know it really is closed. Still hurts your nose though.
 
- Ah, I don't know Cate. Maybe I've missed all my chances.
- Yep, nearly there Petal.
- Hmm, not sure I agree with that one LaMa.

I feel like I'm in a complete slump today. The day actually went fine - had a good night's sleep, but I just kind of feel like I'm not coping with life in general. It just all seems like a huge slog. I'm finding it so hard to get my motivation back. I know what I have to do to lose the weight and feel positive and happy in myself, and when I contemplate doing those things, a black cloud descends and I just don't want to do any of it. I'm sick and tired of it. Covid has me feeling hemmed in as well.

I got lots of praise today for a project I've been working on, and it was nice, but it didn't really make me feel good. I don't know, I'm just over everything. I kind of just feel like giving up. Nothing has worked out the way I wanted it to, and I can't seem to make myself start moving in the direction I want to be moving in. It's all so difficult. Nothing is making me happy. I even skipped out of tennis early tonight, which is a sure sign of doom. Anyway. Nothing else to add.
 
Em I don’t really know what to say because I feel a bit like you in a way . I did just veg tonight in front of tv and enjoyed it actually . Think maybe you and i are doing too much we need to kick back a little bit .
 
I think you'll find that most of us are finding life a real slog at the moment, Em. Try not to skip tennis too often as I see that as a real boost to your energy & self-esteem. After tennis is when you seem at your most vibrant xo
 
I know I keep saying this but these are weird times. It's ok to feel weird sometimes. Try to keep doing things that give you joy or just help you relax.
 
- Yeah, I really feel like work is so hectic and it's been a huge drain. Completely broken this evening. Thanks Petal.
- Thanks Cate. I actually played over an hour of tennis, just didn't stay for part 2, so it wasn't a total failure, :).
- Thanks LaMa. I'll try.

Feeling a bit better today, but since I've got home from work, I'm completely exhausted. We had a nice team lunch today and I kind of expressed my frustration with the pressures of the job to a few of the girls - it actually felt good to talk and vent a bit. They also are feeling a bit in a slump and worn out from all the work we are doing right now. So it was nice to share that with each other and be supportive. One of them is going for a job internally in the office, I really hope she gets it. It's so much easier training someone up as opposed to training someone in. I am praying our manager sees sense and agrees to it.

What else? Just got on to a friend I haven't seen in a while to get together for lunch next weekend. I also met one of the ladies I haven't played with in a while on Thursday night, so she was looking for a game, arranged that for next Saturday as well before the lunch. So some nice stuff to look forward to then.

I was talking to my mum today and I was telling her about a TED talk I heard a bit of on the radio. It was a climate change expert and he was saying that with the pandemic, yes, it's terrible, but it will end, once we get a vaccine. Unfortunately, once we go past the tipping point with climate change, there is no way to reverse it. So, maybe this pandemic is saving the planet. The reduction in flights must be a positive thing. People are probably in their cars less if they are working from home. Lots of good things are coming out of this.

We were also discussing the way people were living their lives - 3 holidays a year, massive land rovers for people living in the suburbs, massive consumption of so many items of clothing, gadgets, etc. I think some sacrifices will have to be made because this way of life is so excessive and ultimately does not lead to happiness. I think the pandemic is exposing a lot of things that are so fucked up in this world - all of the issues in the US now with money, race, etc. are being brought to the fore. There's a lot of anger, and maybe that's a good thing. Maybe we need a change, a cleansing, so to speak.

That's not to say it's easy - I really am fed up. But I know myself that my massive consumerism is not really a good thing, and it's not helping me in any way. To be honest, I'm not a trend follower, but I do spend a stupid amount of money of cups of coffee, bottles of water, etc. I don't buy loads of clothes really, but I definitely do my part in needless spending. It would be a lot better to save that money for something more worthwhile. You just get sucked into the madness.

Anyway, those are my Friday thoughts. very quiet weekend ahead, shattered tired, so a lot of sleep is needed. I'm going to see David Attenborough's documentary in the cinema tomorrow night, so that's probably putting all that stuff in my head. I'm sure I'll have some more insights tomorrow night after watching it, I'm sure you're looking forward to that, haha.
 
I think the pandemic has accentuated our excesses & I really hope that people will wake up to themselves & realise that most of the stuff they can do without. It is a big wake up call. I will be interested to hear about the documentary, Em. Unfortunately, most of these documentaries are "preaching to the converted". I love David Attenborough.
 
- There were two 10 or 11-year-old boys at the cinema today Cate - I was happy that the next generation was taking notice.
- Ah LaMa, come on. He actually seems in fantastic nick for 94. He looks better and more vibrant than some people 30 years younger than him.

The documentary was fantastic. It will be on Netflix in a day or two - do not miss out! Obviously, it was really frightening, but he tried to put a hopeful slant on it. It's encouraged me to watch all of his documentaries and really start thinking about what I can do to help save our planet that has been pushed to the absolute brink. That Brazilian president is an absolute idiot, he should be locked up. His policies are destroying the world. I don't understand how he can be allowed to continue. Anyone voting for Trump in November is actually voting for the devastation of the planet for future generations. And by future generations, I mean their children. What absolute dopes, the lot of them. The greed and nationalistic nonsense must stop if we have any hope at all. This pandemic might really be our chance. I'm considering writing to a local TD asking him what the hell we are doing about it all.

Other than that, had a pleasant day really. Did a bit of shopping - got another tracksuit pants with pockets for tennis and a t-shirt - and did my grocery shop for the next week or so. Played tennis this morning and have doubles tomorrow evening. It was a beautiful autumn day today.
 
Everything about your day sounds really good, Em. Writing to your local TD asking him what the hell he is doing about saving the planet sounds like a great idea to me. I recently wrote to a politician who often has a casting vote in our upper house & she decided to vote against stopping refugees in our detention centres from having mobile phones because so many people asked her to. That's people power. I'm ashamed of our government's treatment of refugees & climate change. It's a disgrace.
Hope your Sunday is lovely :)
 
Yup: doing what we can on a personal level is great but the real power is political and it's so frustrating when the largest players insist on being short-sightedly selfish and irresponsible.
 
Hey Emily, I agree with the others you should stick to the tennis. Self esteem is important, and I know exercising and being in shape helps.

I will have to look for the documentary, I also like David Attenborough.

The whole global climate change thing is a tough problem. So much bad information out there. First let me say I do believe global warming is real, and that our impact on the environment has made it worse, and I will not be voting for Trump. However I do understand why some folks are skeptical. First it is easier for some people to just ignore the facts and move ahead, and as LaMa says it is really hard for us as individuals to do much about it. However I believe that second thing is a little like thinking that not eating well or exercising today won't matter, it is on the small scale that changes are made.

One problem we have is the confusing mix of science, politics, and policy. Of course scientists disagree, that is how science works, but few good scientists are deniers. Few but not all. In all fields of science there are descenders, and its important that those people have a voice and are listened to, sometimes even good scientists get caught up in group think and are wrong. I am old enough to remember the 70s when a lot of good scientists believed the earth was cooling and another ice age was about to begin. We now know that was wrong, and why it was wrong, but it points to the uncertainties of it all.

Another problem is that even with good science figuring out what the right thing to do about it is hard. I can kind of understand what people in countries like Brazil must think. In the US we cut most of our virgin forests years ago and converted the land to more economically productive uses, in Europe it happened even earlier. And now we are telling the Brazilians (and others) they should not follow our example. Same story with respect to carbon emissions, we have our cars and air conditioners, telling Indians or Chinese they should cut carbon emissions means telling them they should not rise to our standard of living. A tough problem.

Then there is the political problem, the worst of it is politicians finding scientists to say what they want people to hear, rather than supporting the best science.

I know a whole lot about this than the average American, it is a bit related to my profession, but am still not sure what the right thing to do is. I certainly understand why others have that problem. I think one of the most useful things we could do is fund good scientists, regardless of what they are saying, and then at least have good science on which to base decisions. It also helps to recognize that good scientists are not always good policy people, most should stick to the facts and science and let others sort out what the best thing to do about it is.

For perspective take a look at this Global cooling - Wikipedia or this Newsweek Rewind: Debunking Global Cooling

Ok, off my soap box. Hope you had a great weekend!
 
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- Why would they not want them to have mobile phones? Well done for taking action Cate and seeing a positive result!
- The Green Party here actually got more votes than ever before this year LaMa, but as yet, have achieved nothing, except for the leader getting caught falling asleep in parliament.
- After watching the documentary, I'm happy for rain Petal. :) I still got a walk and my tennis game in.
- Thanks for the detailed response Rob. I guess my view is that the current standard of living for everyone is unsustainable and needs to be reexamined. It's like we've made a deal with the devil - 'Yes, you can have every modern convenience you want, the big car, the huge house, the holidays, the clothes, etc. I'll just take your planet. Bwahahaha.'

I've done well this weekend and have not drank any wine or smoked yesterday or today. The devil is currently knocking on the window though and asking me to come out to play. I'm trying to ignore him. I made the stupid mistake of checking how many weeks are left of 2020 (12!) so then my mind started saying, 'Oh, it's only 12 more weeks till January 1st, you can quit then.' So frustrating. To be honest, I don't know how strong I will be tomorrow, but I don't really see the point in buying a pack this evening.

I think I should aim to lose 12 pounds in the next 12 weeks and then I'd be starting 2021 back at around what I started 2020 at, which would be an achievement after the year it's been. I went for a lovely walk in the woods today, it was fabulous. It was really windy and the leaves were blowing everywhere, and the whole thing was so rejuvenating. I felt great after it.

I also played tennis this evening, but I seem to have picked up a small bout of tennis elbow, which is unbelievably annoying and is impacting my game. It just came on yesterday when I was playing but it was way worse today. I've decided to ignore it and it will get better. I'm not playing now till Wednesday again, so hopefully it just needs a little rest.

Not really looking forward to work tomorrow, but what choice do I have?
 
12 weeks left? That sounds surprisingly good. Long enough to feel like I can still do something with it but not so much that it feels like pressure.
About the tennis elbow: how´s your shoulder? It - and tension/mobility issues in it - often plays a role when the elbow acts up. Although in people who actually play tennis it can also be a sign they need to work on technique more. (Feel free to ignore that if you have a good idea of where it´s coming from: I´m not at work.)
 
Why would they not want them to have mobile phones? Well done for taking action Cate and seeing a positive result!
So they can try to keep them down is my guess. Small things we can do can make a difference, Em. If we start thinking we don’t matter we are lost.
Hope your elbow improves quick smart!
 
Em I eat hex the documentary and found it very informative. And there is some hope too . I do think where we said that other species stop breeding when they have reached a sustainable level for them but humans don’t know when to stop Makes sense . It’s true the world population cannot keep growing .

I too would like to lose that 12lb before Christmas. Sounds achievable. Good luck with work today
 
I watched the David Attenborough show last night, it really was very good. I particularly appreciated his personalizing things. Could not help but notice what amazing shape he is in for a 93 year old.

I only wish the solutions were as simple as he suggests, but his suggestions make sense hopefully the world will listen. I am however skeptical, I fear that we are already headed into the future he described. Exactly how fast and what it will look like is harder to predict, but we are headed there. Irreversibly I fear.
 
- Hi LaMa. My shoulder was fine yesterday - the pain was on my forearm and at the edge of the elbow. Today, it has moved up to my right shoulder. Just a twinge, but I can feel it all the same. All advice appreciated. :)
- Oh, I think we all have far more impact than we realise Cate. There's a chain reaction at work at lot of the time.
- Thanks Petal. Glad you watched it! I recommended it to everyone at work today, haha. And there's always hope in my view. Hope for the 12 pounds too! I'm going to lose a turkey by Christmas! My new campaign. :D
- He looks amazing Rob! What a legend. I definitely feel that is because he has such a sense of purpose. I think the future is hard to predict. I do think it will probably get a bit worse before people wake up though, which is the sad part.

OKAY! My new campaign that I just thought of when replying to Petal there -

LOSE A TURKEY BY CHRISTMAS


This campaign will start for me on Wednesday, as I have a shitty day ahead tomorrow and cannot face being super-strict.

I did well today though - porridge with blueberries and 4 prunes with whole milk for breakfast and homemade potato and broccoli soup with a small avocado and beetroot salad for lunch. I had 2 coffees and a tea but no snacks whatsoever, and I wasn't hungry at all. Dinner went a bit pear-shaped, but I am happy with my effort for the day.

Anyway, LATBC includes the following ingredients:
- 1 sprinkling of exercise per day
- 2 cups of coffee/tea max
- 3 home-cooked meals per day
- 2 snacks (optional)
- 1 slice of bread per day (optional)
- Alcohol at weekends, only if needed
- Chocolate, crisps, ice cream, etc. not recommended - they will ruin the flavour

I'm not going to bring cigarettes into it. Getting my weight down is more important right now.

I got sent a couple of pictures this evening of myself in a group scenario. I didn't recognise myself in one of them, but in a good way! I looked better than I thought. The other pictures were exactly what I thought, I am extremely bootylicious right now, and not in a way I am happy with. But, the pictures have given me hope that all is not lost. I actually look really strong and toned in them - just bigger than I want to be. I know there is a huge layer of fat surrounding a really nice body! It's trying to get out, and I'm not letting it. Well, let LATBC change all that.

In other news, the country is in crisis. No one knows how to deal with Covid, that's what I have learned today. And there is no unity between the medical advisors and the government, which is a dangerous thing. You need unity, especially when the message is shitty, like it was today. We're moving back a level from midnight tomorrow - restaurants and pubs can serve outdoors only. Which is fine in July. Not so nice in October. Lots of colds and coughs emerging from that, which is what we do not want!! So stupid, the whole thing.

Having said that, at this point, I don't know what I would advise. I would not want to be the one to say, 'The old and the vulnerable, be damned! You're on your own! Let's continue our exorbitant, foolish spending; let's enjoy our bread and circuses!' I am highly critical about the way people 'live' their lives now, and the pressure to conform to this consumerist nonsense is massive. Having said that, I hate having my freedoms and the things I enjoy being taken away. So it's a tough one.
 
Hi Em I love the LATBC campaign. I’m onboard lol . I also love your plan and the way you are eating .
Regarding the Level 3 well I can see why we did not go to level 5 as we can’t afford it .
i think the leak to the press was a disaster and it has shown that our medics and politicians are not working together now .
I am pleased the GAA pulled games as there was way too much socialising there . Time will tell I think
 
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