Emily Rose: The Reboot

I don't know quite what I'm waiting for
I completely understand that feeling. I waited a lot longer than you have been around, and now can't for the life of me explain why this time has been different. I think it was Petal who described it as a switch getting turned in the brain or something. Of course that switch doesn't stay changed but over time you get used to dieting and the momentum carries you though (or has me so far). My only suggestion is to act as if the switch has gone off in your brain, don't wait for it. You don't need to do anything as radical as the fat blasting sounds, just get on track. You've done it before I know you can do it again.

If you really want a man who will pine for you I am sure you will find one. I kind of think however you may be more drawn to SG types, who don't do a lot of pining. Just my guess. You are an interesting and intelligent woman, very attractive traits to a lot of men, don't forget that! I think you would be a great catch for the right guy.
 
- Haha, I like Irish men too Petal, but I think most of the ones around my age are married or on the way there. I guess people that travel and live in other countries to work tend to be more free spirits, so they stay single for longer. At least that's my experience anyway.
- Thanks Rob, that is really good advice. I thought about what you said on my drive home from town tonight. Hopefully, it propels me into action. And yes, I probably subconsciously go for SG types cos I'm not really ready to give up my freedom just yet.

Great day today in terms of a really nice day in the office, where everyone was chill and we all got on well, and then drama meetup this evening, which was slightly stressful because of Covid and all the social distancing and everything, but I think was a success overall.

I'm running the next one in 2 weeks time - I did a bit of prep on that tonight. I have a really fun short play for us to do, and then I'm going to work on some smaller scenes and monologues. I really want to get into the library at the weekend or the weekend after and use the many resources there to find some interesting notes for the class. I actually got a real kick out of the evening. Lots of young people who have had things put on hold for them because of Covid, but they all seemed to be making the most of things. It was nice. I feel kind of proud of myself actually, facilitating a night like this. I put a lot of work into it, and it went really well. I just thought the people there were so happy to be interacting and being silly and having fun. I heart drama.

No real exercise plans for tomorrow - I will attempt a run in the morning but I felt really tired all day. The class perked me up again, just when I should be going to sleep. I'm still not eating right or looking after my health really. It's annoying me. But I'm going to get there soon. I know it.
 
Em your drama group sounds really good. Sounds like your the chairperson maybe . Good work was chilled long may it continue .
 
Emily! It's so long since I've caught up with you! I'll just take a quick squizz through the last few pages...
***
oh, so much good happening! I love the adventures, and how you told management why you don't like their plans, and your tennis matches, and the swimming - you sound like you're firing on all cylinders..
and reading on - a payrise! and a celebration dinner with work-friends - this is all so positive (and the scales, too!) oh - a work blow-up. Oh, I hope it all works out... reading on...
and HOLIDAY! with relaxation and SG and pub and looking great in a blue dress and tennis and friends and no fillings.. Lovely! :):):)
and reading further...
oh my! work dramas - but you sailing on through them! Good for you! And a new plan, and Italian Guy - :) and just-there-on-the-path guy, and all.
Savage - I went to look at the trailer, NZ films are often really good, very honest. This one looked tough as all-get-out, but then gangs, and the terrible things that people can do to each other (and Anne Frank) - these are hard things to try to work through.
And on to the most recent page...
and drama group! Yes, you're right to be proud of yourself for running something so go, so well! :beating: drama indeed!

Thanks for a great read! :)
 
Hey beauty - have caught up on your diary. Always love reading yours. Sounds a reflective, challenging time (challenging yourself) which is positive. x
 
The drama group sounds like a beacon of hope in troubled times. Great work being an integral part in making that happen!
 
- Thanks Cate.
- Yeah Petal, a tentative chairperson. Someone else dropped out of the committee today, I don't want to run this thing alone.
- Haha, your synopsis made me feel really good Amy. Welcome back.
- Hello lovely Sunflower. Thank you. I hope so.
- Thanks LaMa.

I had an interesting day today. I didn't buy cigarettes today. I was kind of in a weird mode of being all day, but I got through it. I've decided just to take it moment by moment. I was going to sign up with quit.ie and get some sort of helper or support group, but then the website started talking about someone ringing me 3 months after my quit date, and then 12 months after, and it all just seemed so official and final that I sort of panicked, and quickly closed the page. I actually think I sort of need to forget smoking exists, rather than spending all my spare time counting the hours and minutes since my last smoke, or monitoring my cravings, or starting a piggy bank for theoretical savings. I think the less energy I give to it, the easier it is.

Tomorrow I could easily wake up in the morning and want to buy them again, but I got through an unusual day for me to not smoke today, as it was a Wednesday and I didn't have anything to drink last night. (Too much alcohol the night before lessens my desire to smoke by about 100% and I got a lot of smoke free days this summer for this reason. Which is good and bad, I guess.) I won't say anymore, just wanted to say that I was really happy with that.

Very busy day in work tomorrow. I toyed with the idea of wine, but only briefly, as I need to be fresh to get my work done. I have a big presentation on Monday and Tuesday, fucking nightmare. It's nice to be asked, but I'd rather not.

I couldn't sleep last night, spent about an hour prepping the drama class I'm running in a couple of weeks in my head. I actually had some good ideas, so maybe it was worth it. I booked the pool for the morning, making the most of wanting to be healthier while I can. I played tennis today, it was really hot, and then I went for a 30 minute run/walk afterwards in the woods just to make the most of already being in my gym gear and the dry weather.

Not much else, fairly calm day today, it flew. Life is moving too fast in general. Agh.
 
I actually think I sort of need to forget smoking exists, rather than spending all my spare time counting the hours and minutes since my last smoke, or monitoring my cravings, or starting a piggy bank for theoretical savings. I think the less energy I give to it, the easier it is.
That sounds great if you can do it.
Well done on the no wine so you'll be fresh today. Public speaking is the worst for me so I'm wishing you all the best for your presentation.
 
Good for you, on the smokeless day. And impressive, re: the big presentation - is it ready to go, or will you have to blow some of the weekend on it?
 
- Thanks LaMa. I do not enjoy it either, but I figure it will be good prep for running the drama class.
- I have to work on it tomorrow Amy. I'm not going to spend any time on it this weekend. Maybe a run through Sunday night, but nothing major. I think the key thing is to just not rush through it.

Work was a bit stressful today. The main irritant in the office on holidays though, it's such a relief to not have her on my back about stuff. So that's something. I'm going to try not to build this presentation up too much in my head. I have to give it twice anyway, so if I mess up the first one, I have another chance the next day, haha. I guess it's a good sign to be asked. Back in the good books I guess. That has its pluses and minuses for sure.

I think the new girl is not too long for this world. She's very sweet but she's scattered and really not getting it. The girl that's training her in is really losing patience with her. I feel bad for her. It's not easy. And she was just saying today that she loves it here. I don't know how that would be possible when she's making so many mistakes, but I guess everyone has their own perception of things. Maybe she's just putting on a brave face, who knows? Hopefully, we get someone competent the next time. Round and round we go again.

No exercise today, just too tired after work. Bleugh. I'm going to put all my energy into having an extremely healthy, active weekend. I'm playing tennis Friday, Saturday and Sunday, so that's a good start. Even if more restrictions come in, tennis should still be there as an avenue, which is the best thing about it. I am fed up of Covid though, I really am. I can't listen to it anymore.
 
I am fed up of Covid though, I really am. I can't listen to it anymore.
Same. We´ll have to hang on at least a couple of months longer so´I hope my tolerance comes back . Getting asked to do that presentation definitely sounds like you´re someone they feel they can rely on and that´s always a good thing.
 
Em fair play to you doing a presentation. I think I would throw up with nerves . I have a feeling you will ace it .
So we have a girl in work being tested , turns out someone I know Also has it . Em so do you wear masks in work ?
 
- Thanks LaMa. I'm going to work hard over the weekend to get myself into a positive mindset about it. I really shaped up the actual presentation today, so I'm a lot clearer on how I will structure the talk. Hopefully it goes okay. Actually, better than okay. Great. Let's aim high, haha.
- Oh no Petal, disaster! Do you have to get tested now as well? No, we don't wear masks at work, I would throw a huge strop if we did. I am an anti-masker, to be honest.
- Thanks Flyer, I will look at that Sunday evening to psyche myself up. Cheers. :)

Good enough day today, the sun was shining, had a bit of a laugh with the girls at work. One of them is really stressed and I think I gave her good advice. She had tears in her eyes when I was talking to her. We went for a walk and had lunch together, which I don't normally do, so that was good. I hope I helped some bit.

Like Amy, I had a last minute request on an email sent by my manager after 6pm today, I was so annoyed, but then I went and played tennis, and I forgot all about it. Tennis saves the day once again. I actually played really well, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Italian Guy was there again!, no progress made. He definitely was looking over a bit though. I'm not imagining that. I was happy I was playing well, haha.

Work Colleague and I are on a real upswing as well, it's great to be getting on again. I mean, he was telling me about building a house with his fiancee this week, which broke my heart. I normally don't ask him questions about himself because I just get sad when I hear the answers. I just find he takes such a huge interest in a lot of the things I say. He's definitely the kind of guy I want to end up with. I have accepted that I have to keep searching. It's a tricky one. We're just very similar.

The country seems to be falling apart a bit again, going to keep enjoying my life as much as I can while this dark cloud looms above and around us. At least the sun is back.

Plan for the weekend is really spend some time at home cooking and do a lot of exercise and try to be in the best shape possible for work on Monday. I have a cinema trip with a friend and a gig with my dad planned for next weekend, and the weekend after we have a work thing and then SG is calling over to make homemade pizza with me, so this is really a chill weekend before things take off a bit again. I enjoy both types of weekends.
 
Everything's sounding terrific with you, Emily! Great that work's in a fairly pleasant meadows time at the moment, and that your value is being openly accepted by everyone - management, teary workmates, Workplace Guy. Go, you, with the presentation, too!
But I love the sound of all the non-work - the socialising and the drama group and the tennis and the various Guys, and the way you're enjoying all those aspects of life. Happy days - and have a great chill weekend! :)
 
Thanks for the support Amy. :)

I really did 'chill' today - I slept for 8 and a half hours last night, then had to go for another nap today and slept for another 2 and a half, bringing my sleeping hours up to 11. It's been a while since I've done that. I think I am just tired, so it's good to give my body what it needs.

I played tennis this morning, the weather was really good. It went to a tiebreaker, which I lost. It was a good game.

Did a good food shop in SuperValu this evening - bought some nice fish for my dinner tomorrow and broccoli! I am seriously vegetable deprived. I'm not really in good or bad form, just kind of neutral. No smoking/drinking today so that's good. Not much else to say.
 
Extra sleep is almost always a good thing. And broccoli is wonderful! I've been low on veggies too; started to get back to my normal level yesterday.
 
i bought a big head of broccoli too . Sounds like you are enjoying some well deserved rest Em
 
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