Emily Rose: The Reboot

- Thanks Cate. I kicked a tiny bit of arse. :boxing:
- LaMa, you walk about 5 miles a day and do exercise sessions in between! I thought you'd be all for it! ;)
- Ah, I didn't think so Petal. Nice to have someone who relates all the same.

Well guys, I survived. Can I barely walk? Yes. Even my feet are sore. I definitely need to do some yoga tomorrow. But I feel great.

I had a some parts good/some parts rotten day in work, but I won't bother getting into that because it's the weekend. I worked from home for the second half of the day, so I logged out, put my tennis gear on, and went to meet Claire for the first session. She is such a lovely woman, really kind. The great thing about it was that it was a rainy, dull sort of a day, and the minute we got on the court, this beautiful sun came out. We had a nice game, not too strenuous. I won, but not too easily.

Oh, also - when I arrived, the cute Italian? tennis guy was there on his own on one of the 3 courts, practicing his serve. There's a bench outside the courts, so I sat on that while I waited for Claire to arrive. Anyway, after a few minutes, I looked up, and he was looking at me and kind of motioned for me to join him on the court. I felt like I'd been spotted across a crowded bar! Lol. Anyway, I went onto the court, and he asked did I want to hit some balls with him while we waited for our partners to arrive. I was like, 'Okay, cool', and then of course I was completely horrendous and couldn't hit the ball at all. I honestly think I've read too many books/watched too many films where the main female character is the-girl-next-door type who is really clumsy and falls over a lot. It's like I've just turned myself into that fictional character, but this is the real world. I didn't fall over at least, hahaha. Why can't I just be cool, you know?

Anyway, had about an hour between sessions to grab a quick bite, then played the second game with Michelle, which I lost, but I did loads of running and I really enjoyed it. I played really well. She couldn't believe how good I've gotten in two weeks. I really gave her a run for her money. I'm delighted with myself.

And now I'm done for the day. Tomorrow is library day. Can't wait.
 
:D I'm all for plenty of exercise but I would die if I tried to build it up as quickly as you! :D It shows you've been doing well keeping fit during lockdown though, great work!
 
- Thanks LaMa. I did gain weight but I was still moving at the same time.
- Yeah, feeling happier in myself again Rob.

Went into town today, sadly, the library isn't really open. You can drop back books you've borrowed, which are then 'quarantined' for 3 days, but if you want to borrow a book, you have to browse and order it online and collect it from a desk barracading entry into the actual library. So no real-time browsing anymore, which is half the fun. :( I was disappointed with that, I have to say.

Loads of queues for the shops as well. I was going to go into the main bookstore in the city, but there was a queue and I just couldn't be bothered. Things are definitely not back to normal.

I decided to go home for a while after my disappointing morning in town. I talked to my parents for a while, had a nice dinner and then they went away to play golf and I had the house to myself for a couple of hours. Which was great. In my shared accommodation, one or both of my housemates are always there and always get to the TV before me. And I'm past the point of watching something I have no interest in, so then I just end up spending a lot of time in my room. So to sit on my couch at home and get to watch something on the big TV in absolute comfort with no one to bother me was a real treat.

I watched a documentary on Samantha Barry, she's an Irish woman who became the editor of Glamour magazine in the US a couple of years ago. That was interesting. I thought it was really cool how she basically did it all on her own with zero connections. I think that job would be too much for me though. Her boss is Anna Wintour - how frightening.

I then watched the first episode of Chernobyl, which was frightening in a very different way. God, what a shitshow of a thing to happen. I am tempted to read up about it again, but I think it will ruin it, so going to just press on with the series and do the research afterwards. It's gripping and puts what we are going through right now into perspective. Although I do think we haven't seen the full fallout from this pandemic yet in regards to the workforce. Lots of closures of shops in my city today, which is very sad to see.

That's all for now, weigh-in tomorrow, hoping for the best. I feel lighter so we'll see.
 
I think our library is going to be the same, but at least be I'll be able to order "real" books. I dislike reading books online.
It's lovely that you have your parents' home close by to go to.
Good luck with the weigh in, Em.
 
Hi em
Same experience Here with the shops. I did manage to go into a shoe shop that was empty but it’s really high end and I didn’t like anything really. I queued for 2 coffees as the best coffee shop is open again for take out . Or to sit outside . I had no heart to shop really so we just went to the butcher baker and fruit stalls . Still nice to be alive and content and get out .
I watched Chernobyl. It’s very well done but made me sick to the stomach.
I agree to the fallout from the pandemic has not hit us yet in reality. the news totally put me in an anxious heap last night .
Anyway enjoy the day and the tennis as Monday will be here to soon .
good luck on the scales
 
Sounds like a lovely day despite the bad start. I think I was 6 when news about Chernobyl got out. I remember seeing maps on tv with clouds drifting toward us while they told us not to eat greens from the garden (which we did every day). It scared me but back then I believed we´d go to heaven if we died so I decided it wouldn´t be so bad. No longer believe that but the "worst comes to worst I die and it´s all over" mindset stuck.
 
- Thanks Cate.
- I guess so Rob. I still would like the weight to reflect my happy mood.
- Thanks Petal. I started episode 4 of Chernobyl last night and had to switch it off. I've had some bad dreams. Might come back to it again later in the week.
- That's so crazy LaMa. I mean, I obviously learned about it in school, and we had a kid from Ukraine in our class for a couple of months, which I always thought was because of Chernobyl, but on reflection probably had nothing to do with it, but the fact that it was so close to destroying the whole of Europe is the terrifying part. And that something like that could happen again. I guess with COVID-19 and all that, it's probably not a great thing for me to be watching.

Really angry all day. I mean, absolutely furious with my life and the world. The scales went up again this morning, by a lot, for no good reason, as far as I can tell. I ran 4 miles yesterday. It should have been fine. I am pissed off about that.

But I also was so sad yesterday, I closed my eyes for sleep at half 8. That is just so unlike me. I didn't sleep properly for a while, but it seemed like my brain was processing a lot of stuff, and I woke up in such bad form. I really can't shake it. I just don't know what the hell would make me happy. And it's infuriating.

I guess I just feel completely trapped right now. I mean, we've always been born and trapped on this earth, and we have to grow up and then work out some way to earn a living, and it's all fun and games until you don't want to do that anymore, and you are suddenly a burden to your family or to the state or somebody else. I'm just not seeing a bright side of anything right now really. I feel trapped in my job and really underappreciated. I feel zapped of energy at the thought of trying to placate the egomaniacs I'm saddled with working for and with. And there's nowhere to go and I should be happy to be employed and fat as fuck when so many people are struggling.

I'm angry at never being allowed to be angry. I hate being polite and jovial and I sometimes just want to be rude and mean and that not to be a big deal. I don't know if I'm actually kind or just forced to be kind. I just find everyone annoying and in my way and imposing their opinions day after day after day, and there is no real freedom to be found, it's all fucking nonsense. You can't be free in this life, unless you already have money. And then you more than likely have a drug problem, because you feel guilty.

Yeah, I am annoyed today.
 
And I hope pouring all that out into your diary helped a little. For me unexplained weight gain + uncontrollable negative emotions = pms but you may be different and there's definitely enough to be angry about in this world. I just find anger an exhausting state so I hope you feel better today.
 
Em you wrote on my diary about looking out and seeing the sun shine and the birds sing and switching off from the news and everything else . You need to just too take one day at a time and look at all the good you do have . You told Lama she is too hard on herself . You are too .
think we all have hard times at the moment .
I am so relating to your work stresses right now . I’m just trying to only deal with work in my working hours . Forget it after I leave the building . Can you try some meditation maybe to help with all your emotions ?
Big hugs anyway :grouphug:
 
- Thanks Cate. I didn’t really, but I feel a lot better about things today.
- I do and thanks LaMa.
- Thanks for the hugs Petal.

I think a lot of my down feelings are to do with giving up smoking. There is a real sense of despondency about it. I know that doesn’t seem like it makes sense but apparently it’s very common. I didn’t smoke today and I don’t want to.

I played tennis this evening - lost the first set, won the second. The girl I played against was around my age, she was nice. She’s a freelance makeup artist so she’s not really working at the moment. It must be tough when your extra household income stops just like that.

Work was fine again, all is forgiven. I keep forgetting that the place is up and down. I got asked my advice on something today, which was surprising. I’m stuck there for now anyway - may as well try to enjoy it.

Going to bed super early tonight and hope to have a good eating and exercise day tomorrow.
 
I'll just save the up and down comment to remind you next it happens :p Giving up smoking can mess with people's brains: great job sticking with it anyway.
 
It is great that you gave up smoking. If the despondency is something you'd like to talk more about, please let us know and we'll try to help.

Tennis is one of my favorite sports. That's great you are enjoying it. Tell us how it goes.

I've found going to bed at the same time and getting up the same time, helps me a lot.
 
Emilyrose said:
I think a lot of my down feelings are to do with giving up smoking. There is a real sense of despondency about it. I know that doesn’t seem like it makes sense
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Of course it makes sense, you are withdrawing from an addiction, and as LaMa says it will mess with your brain. I am proud of you for doing it and hope you can hang on. You will be much the better for it.

It sounds like you had a good day all around today, good for you!
 
I think most workplaces are up & down, just like us, Em. Giving up smokes does mess with your brain, but if you can do it your brain & body will be all the better for it. I can pinpoint the month & year I gave up smoking for good, after many attempts. It was one of the best decisions of my life. Hope you have a really good day, after a good night's rest xo
 
- I'm not quite there yet LaMa, but getting there I think.
- I'm trying to hang on. I gave in today but there's always tomorrow Rob.
- Thanks Cate. I'm probably going to finish this latest pack I've bought and start again at the weekend. I find it harder when I'm at work and things are going wrong.
- Oh it would be Petal if I kept at it!

I don't really know what I want to talk about this evening but I thought I'd better write something. Things are okay at the moment. I was very tired in work all day, which made me grumpy, and my patience threshold was at an all-time low. Some of us are back in the office and some aren't, but I would prefer if there was an official schedule, for various reasons I won't get into now. I actually don't really want to talk about work, so I won't. It's pretty busy and a bit shitty at the moment, but I've put in the time to get on top of it, so tomorrow and Friday should be fine.

I played tennis after work, which was great. We had a great battle - 2 sets - 6-3 and 6-3 to my opponent but I played very well. She even broke Covid protocol to shake my hand at the end. Don't panic, I used hand sanitiser straight after! I haven't shaken a person's hand in months. It was nice. Will we ever get back to those days again? :cry:

There's some funny jokes going around at the moment because the pubs are allowed open again at the end of the month, but only if they sell 'decent' meals that are 9 euro at least. So people are saying packets of crisps and peanuts will be that amount now! Lol. I'll pay it if it means I can get a pint! I don't miss the hangovers but I really miss the social aspect. I have a lot of buddies that I wouldn't call over to visit but I'd meet for a pint. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

I have tennis with Dad tomorrow, I hope I play better against him than I played last week (6-0 to him). He has some fantastic shots where he makes the ball go dead and just barely drop over the net. I must ask him to teach me sometime. He actually plays tennis the same way his personality is - a bit quirky. I think I play tennis with lots of anger - I prefer power shots when I can get them. It's such an enjoyable sport. I can't believe how much better I'm after getting. I think it's also because I'm more mature and I have more faith in myself in general. I'm not rattled as easily and I don't let other people get into my head as much. So it's showing on the court, that's for sure.

Right, enough tennis talk. Hopefully I will have more exciting stuff to talk about in the next few months. I'm trying to organise a nighttime sea kayaking adventure soon, so that would be something different to chat about. Lol.

The scales are out of control. Don't know what to do. Oh yeah, stop eating. That's what I need to do.
 
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You do know that you don't have to entertain us, don't you. I don't find your life at all boring.
 
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