Emily Rose: The Reboot

Em the weather is indeed fab and lovely you have some new routes to walk. Think of all the money you are saving now with the cigarettes . New dress maybe ?
It sounds like your living a fairly healthy life so the weight will drop in time .
 
- Thanks Cate. I really think I can do it this time.
- That’s a really interesting post Rob. Getting that desire to stuff ourselves out of our programming is certainly the challenge!
- Yes, really enjoyed the walking this week LaMa.
- I haven’t weighed in a few days now Petal but definitely haven’t eaten as much so hoping to see a bit of a drop tomorrow. Have loads of healthy stuff in the fridge.

Well, it’s time to add me to the list of allergy sufferers on the forum. I do get hay fever to a certain degree every year, but I went to a friend’s house for a barbecue yesterday and we were outside in the garden for hours, and I had the worst allergy attack I’ve ever experienced.

My eyes were streaming all day, nose congested, feeling genuinely awful. I was actually having a lovely time, great belly laughs, we played a little bit of garden golf, it was all good fun. I looked like absolute shit - big red face on me from the sun and the beers, I’m obviously fatter now, eyes swollen from the pollen tears. But I was among friends, so I didn’t really care.

But one of the girls kept asking if I was okay, to the point where it was actually annoying. Then, at the end of the evening, when I needed to be leaving anyway, we were all a bit drunk and I was really enjoying myself, and she called me into the house and asked me if I was okay again, then told me my face was really red, she was worried about me, etc. I just felt really insulted so I took that as my cue to leave. It put a dampener on the evening for me. She’d also kind of made a few snide comments earlier in the day about me licking my fingers after eating my meal (subconscious reaction) because of coronavirus concerns I guess. I just ignored it but it was a bit rude. Anyway... yet another bump in the friend road. The good news is, I’m used to it now.

This morning, I feel very puffy and my eyes haven’t gone back to normal. I have a lot of dry skin on my nose and I feel so congested. So even though it’s lovely out there, I have to try to stay inside today.

Going to try to eat my way to better health today - porridge and blueberries now for breakfast and I have salmon and steak for my meals later on.

I joined a tennis club as well, so I hope to get a game this week. Fingers crossed! The courts are not near any grass either haha.

Last week working from home this week, can’t wait to get back.
 
Allergies suck, sorry they´re troubling you. Can you get some antihistamines (I don´t know if you can get them over the counter in your part of the world) to avoid both the annoyance and long-term risks (mostly asthma)? Usually helps with the redness from sunburn and beer as well :p
 
Getting that desire to stuff ourselves out of our programming is certainly the challenge!
Emily, I don't think I can get the desire out of myself any more than I could change my height or skin color. Its what I am. I believe I can however learn to live with, and not feed it. That is what I have been doing. But it is always there, as I say I am never more than 5 minutes away from a binge. Not feeding it for a year has made things easier, I less often feel desperately in need of food, but the cravings and urges are still there. Just me and my uneducated thinking, might not be you and I could be wrong.

Good for you on the tennis club, that will be good exercise and hopefully fun.
 
Hi Em as LaMa says there are some great antihistamine over the counter . I always have some here especially for when the nieces and nephews arrive as they are sufferers and we live in the middle of fields .
I like the sound of tennis , you should enjoy that . Regarding your friend I'm sure she meant well but it is rude and very past remarkable that she did that. My husband got the same treatment before from "well meaning " friends .
 
- Thanks LaMa. I have some but I've only been taking them since Friday so they might need a bit of time to start working.
- The fact that you still have so strong an urge and have not given into it is amazing Rob. I think I am like LaMa in that I get extremely weak very quickly if I don't eat enough. I am not someone who can have a coffee and a slice of toast for breakfast and not eat again until dinner. I have absolutely no energy if I try to do that. I don't know if I want to binge all the time but I am definitely always thinking about my next meal, even when eating this one. And I definitely crave sugar every day.
- Yeah Petal, one of her actual comments was, 'Have you looked in the mirror?' Ouch. Well-meaning or not, my ego has been bruised. Sorry your husband had similar, people can be so hurtful without realising it.

I have two tennis games lined up this week and another potential one with my dad, depending on if we can get the court or not. Very exciting! New people, a change of scene! I am apprehensive but not to a degree that I don't want to go. I love tennis and it's such a great workout. I think this could be a very positive development for me.

I've had a really pleasant day. The housemate who was giving me the silent treatment a couple of weeks ago has had a complete turnaround. She's far more relaxed around me now and will chat away, and she's far less combative. It's actually really nice, will make living here a lot more pleasant. So that's cool.

I'm making a grilled salmon salad for a late lunch now. I have steak in the fridge that I have to cook so I will have dinner at around 8pm. I've really enjoyed my day so far.

I bought a deep sea mud mask there to try out and I finished Normal People, so I am on to my next book. I actually entered a short story competition yesterday. I don't really know how good my story is but I called it Mean Girls, inspired by recent events, haha. It felt good to write something, it's very cathartic. And it's interesting, I thought I was going to write about one thing, and the story naturally evolved and I started writing about something else entirely. Which was good, because just say I do win this competition and it gets published, it's better that there is no obvious parallel to people I know in real life. Anyway, I'll let you know how it goes.
 
A writing competition? How fun! Glad to hear your housemate has calmed down. Having a peaceful house is worth so much.
 
Em your book sounds great . Have you ever sent in a book Or script to rte for a short film or anything ?
glad your weekend was good . I so enjoyed my long weekend and I don’t even mind returning to work tomorrow
 
I'm really glad your housemate has settled down & is being friendly. She probably felt like a goose about it all. That's exciting news about entering your story in a writing comp. I'm sure it is excellent & entertaining. Good luck! Also good to be playing tennis again. :)
 
- Yeah, it was enjoyable writing it LaMa. My parents have been kind of encouraging me so I said I'd give it a go.
- Hi Petal, my weekend was so good, particularly yesterday. I just really enjoyed sitting in the sun reading my book. I think RTE had some sort of competition going, I might look it up, but I don't feel like I have enough ideas or motivation just yet to be honest.
- Yeah, the tennis is good Cate, I have my first game tomorrow! Can't wait.

Busy day in work today, weather was terrific again and I went for a run at lunchtime. Even though it was really hot, it wasn't too tough.

Question to the group: If someone that you consider a friend says something really hurtful to you, do you forgive them? I just wonder if people are saying hurtful things to me a lot or if I am too sensitive about it? I just feel very disrespected right now. I want to feel like people like me but also have a certain respect for me. I don't want to be the 'joke' or 'failure' of the group. I don't know, just some of the things that occurred at the BBQ at the weekend have really affected me. I'm really wondering if I should leave my friend group for good.

SG is texting me about meeting up the last few weeks. I've put him off. Again, I don't feel great around him. Is that my fault or his? Can I accept the odd negative comment from somebody? I'm not sure, haha. He did say that he doesn't want to lose me so I feel bad not seeing him. I just feel really out of shape and not looking my best, particularly after the 'Have you looked in the mirror?' comment at the weekend. It would really set me back if I met him and he said something similar. Agh! I hate this.
 
The have you looked in the mirror comment I thought was to see your face red & puffed up with allergies. You may have misread that comment, Em. I have a dog on my lap & am typing with one finger on my phone so will come back later. If SG is a good guy he won't care if you have gained a little weight. I don't know any perfect people, Em xo
 
If people I value say unpleasant things to me and I find I can't just let it go I ask them to clarify and/or I explain how their comment landed with me and why it was hurtful. Often people mean things differently and are horrified when they hear how they came across. Sometimes they double down and then I may indeed reduce contact with them.
 
I have learned Em that some friends come and go through your life . You know the saying friends for a reason , friends for a season , friends for life . I also learned that many friends are in fact just good acquaintances.

I had an occasion about 10 years ago where someone in work was actually viciously cruel and hurtful to me in front of a room of people . Not about my appearance or anything but about something my husband was involved in and she basically trashed my personal stuff out for people to hear. I was so hurt and so angry and it took me along time to get over it. However She is pretty much like that woth everyone . It’s her personality now i just cut her off when she is going to say something offensive. She is just a nosy gossip who likes to know stuff . On the other hand she would help you with anything and can be kind .

I have removed toxic people from my life and I have never looked back and it’s something you learn as you get older that it’s good to move on . However as lama said maybe the girl was genuinely concerned about you . You will have a feel for that yourself .

nice SG is still texting you though !!
 
- I definitely don't Cate. ;)
- Yeah, I don't know if I have the energy for it anymore LaMa.
- Oh my God, what that woman said sounds awful Petal! Good for you to still say nice things about her now. I kind of have an image of your husband being Denis O'Brien now though, haha. :)

Well lads, the tennis went great. The first woman I played was a lot better than me but the second lady wasn't that good, and I beat her 5-2 (we didn't finish out the match). I am so unfit though, was huffing and puffing and a sweaty mess after about 5 minutes, but I didn't let that stop me and I got some nice shots in.

It is very unnerving meeting people for the first time - these women were literally sizing me up. Then there's all the nonsense of, 'You're very good!', 'When's the last time you played?' blah blah blah that I can't stand. I guess people are just wary at the beginning with newbies. I'm really only in competition with myself out there. Sometimes I even feel bad when I'm beating someone else because I know the feeling all too well! Hahaha, how ridiculous. But I was thrilled with how composed I was, I really did well. :) Next game on Friday, can't wait.
 
I love that you are going to keep playing tennis, Em. The women were like that with me when I first started playing. Some still are, but I don't care any more.
 
Having fun doing something that leaves you a sweaty mess sounds like a best case scenario for sports to me :)
 
I love that you can join and know nobody and get matched to play with people . Sounds great . And I’m sure the ladies were making conversation but I do know that feeling of being sized up lol .
 
- Thanks Cate.
- Yeah, you’re probably right LaMa.
- We have a WhatsApp group Petal, so I try to jump in when someone cancels to get to know people faster.

There was a cancellation today, so I played another game of tennis at 5pm. I beat the other lady 6-2. I am on fire, lol. I rang my dad after and he couldn’t stop laughing. He told me to note down all my games and record how I am doing on them. My match record is currently 2 wins, 1 loss. Not a bad start.

Shattered this evening but can’t sleep just yet. I might go to the shop for an ice cream and panadol. I hate being physically tired when my brain won’t switch off.

One more day of work left and then it’s another tennis game and the weekend. Libraries back open next weekend, can’t wait. McDonalds was back open today, the queue for the drive through was mental.
 
On my god!! Emily I passed Mc donalds today and the queue went right down the road . The Gardaí were directing traffic and moving people on . Would you actually be bothered lol .
Good job on the tennis
 
Our library is back open next week for click & collect. I have really missed it!
I think McDonalds stayed open here.
Well done on the tennis, Em.
 
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