Emily Rose: The Reboot

Em I love car journeys like that . I love travelling alone though . I put on radio chat shows or my audio books and I’m a happy camper . Silly season starting for us here in Ireland now . I’m surrounded by mince pies and sweets are you Em ? I’m resisting so far !
I like your sleep promise to yourself . Hope next date goes well with SG
 
Thanks Amy.
SG has gone quiet on me Petal, so I don't know what's happened there. We'll see I guess.

Day 11 of 62
  • Sleep - 8 hr 16 min
  • BPM - 61
  • Weight - 178.7
  • Fat - 41.4%
  • BMI - 27.2
Had a completely crap day at work, just so annoying. Well, not completely crap I guess. But just annoying stuff with budgets and not being sure on the right course of action to take with regard to my project. Sigh. Hopefully it will be better tomorrow.

Just collected my dad from the bus now after a golf day. I didn't really feel like going down for him, but he does so much for me, so I decided not to be a selfish bastard for once.

I'm contemplating watching a few episodes of Skins and going to sleep before 10. It's the only solution to bad form that I can see.

Food has not been great today. I had a healthy lunch but bought an Aero bar for the afternoon slump, and then ended up buying a 100g bar of Milka and a small tub of Pringles on the drive home. I haven't bought a 100g bar of chocolate in a while, it is not a habit I want to get back into.

I actually think I'm eating a lot less crap food in general, but I'm still eating a lot of food, so my weight just isn't going down really. You really do have to make a huge effort to see any changes. I'm a bit fed up with my spare tyre, I have to say. But look, I'm healthy in most other respects, so I just have to keep chipping away at it. When we had our work walk last week, there were a few hills, and some of the girls were really puffing on them, but I was well able for them, and that to me is a massive thing, and a sign that fitness levels are still quite good. So I just have to keep looking at the positives.
 
Well done on being fit girl on the walk Em . Sorry SG is gone quiet . Have you found out why ?
oh I not had Pringles in about 8 months .
 
Good for you on the Pringles front, Petal. They are one crisp I do truly love though. I remember when they came out first, they were just amazing.

SG got on to me today, it seems like he's having a shitty week, but we are meeting up on Saturday. I am happy about that, I have to say. I don't want to start all over again with someone else!

Day 12 of 62
  • Sleep - 8 hr 52 min
  • BPM - 59
  • Weight - 178.7
  • Fat - 41.5%
  • BMI - 27.2
Does anyone know some drama improv games they would like to share with me? I am hosting the drama group's improv night next week and I'm panicking slightly. I just want to have loads of games ready to go in case we get a small crowd. With a bigger group, everything takes longer.

Day in work was miles better today, thank God. Should have a fairly handy day tomorrow, things are winding down a bit (finally!), so I can catch up on a lot of admin stuff, which is boring but doesn't take too much energy.

I went to see the film Knives Out on Sunday night actually, I could feel the Sunday evening dread creeping in, so I took myself out for an evening at the movies. I couldn't recommend it highly enough, it's a really fun Poirot-type mystery with Daniel Craig as the kooky detective and loads of amazing actors in the ensemble. It's kind of a fun one for the whole family I would say.

Not much else to report, feeling pretty good today. Weight has not gone up, but fat has started to move in the wrong direction again, which means I need some exercise badly. I downloaded the Freeletics running app and have paid the subscription for the year, so I will have to start with that on Saturday.
 
I'm glad that you heard from SG & that you are feeling good. Well done on taking yourself out to the movies when you started to feel that dread. I wouldn't have a clue about games for an improv night I'm sorry.
 
Emilyrose said:
...feeling pretty good today.
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Oh, good! :) And also good about being proactive in fending off the Saturday evening dread, and going to see a film - and I like the sound of it, too! There's so much gloom in the world (and violence) that I shrink from "entertainment" that just sloshes bucketloads more over me.
I'm glad SG hasn't taken himself off the scene, and I hope you have a cheerful time on Saturday. :)
 
Em do that have to be drama based games ? charades comes to mind . Pictionary is a great board game but not drama related .
 
  • No worries Cate.
  • Thanks Amy.
  • That's actually a good idea Petal. I have a cool game that is Charades-like that I can use as a warm-up.
Day 15 of 62
  • Sleep - 6 hr 26 min
  • BPM - 61
  • Weight - 177
  • Fat - 41.8%
  • BMI - 26.9
Really annoyed that my body fat percentage has started to creep up again. Something needs to be done. Unfortunately, I am feeling so completely unmotivated when it comes to exercise at the moment. I need to get out of this lazy spiral. My body just wants to lie down it appears.

Things are really good at the moment. I might be going on an exciting work trip in January. I met SG yesterday and I felt like the connection between us is getting stronger. We are having a nice evening out together next Saturday. I am kind of excited to get dressed up for him and spend some time together. This has been the longest 'relationship' I've ever had. And I'm so old to be going through this stuff for the first time! But I don't care, as long as it's happening now, isn't that the main thing?

I'm also really enjoying being back home with my parents. I've decided that after Christmas, I will move back into town, but I am not going to have a car for the moment, because I really want to start saving. SG saves 1,000 euro a month because he really wants to buy a house, and I definitely get paid more than him, and he's kind of inspired me to start getting a nest egg together. I don't know if I can manage 1,000 a month, but definitely 500 should be possible. 2020 is the year I need to start getting a bit more practical. Time is moving on and I need something to fall back on if the shit hits the fan.

Tackling the smoking again is also on my mind. I am smoking a lot less since I moved home, which is great. It's just getting rid of the work cigarettes and night out cigarettes that is tricky. But the main point is this - I do not want to be a smoker for another year of my life. And why wait till the 1st of January to do it? Hmm.

I have no real plans for the day. I am going to make up a healthy lunch and make sure I am in bed early so that I get to the gym in the morning. I need to get back into the gym routine, and I want to have it started before January 1st. I think SG is off on New Year's Day (he's working over Christmas) so I kind of hope we spend New Year's Eve together.

Anyway, that's all for now. Happy Sunday all.
 
Em it sounds like the relationship with SG is going well ! Hope it continues . We are both the same weight today !!!!!! Yay .

yep you should be able to save some cash I think . I save 400 a month from my part time salary but it heads off to various places before I get it . Nice to have it . While you are with your parents why not save the rent money . It adds up quick .
Glad you sound happy at the moment .
hope weather is ok where you are today . I have not stepped out of the door . It’s nasty .
 
Your life sounds good at the moment, Em. Giving up the ciggies would also add to that nest egg. I think it's a great idea to put some money aside if you can.
 
Emilyrose said:
why wait till the 1st of January to do it?
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Oh, abso-blinking-lutely! Totally endorse you're thinking here. And it seems like you've blessedly escaped the physical addiction, and it's just the two social habits you have to tackle. Which are no slouch to have to deal with, but if cheering you on will help, I think every single person here will be doing that! Plus, I'm guessing SG doesn't smoke, since he's saving up fiercely - so that might help with the night-out habit, at least.
And SG himself... is he planning to buy his house in Ireland, then, or in Spain? Or somewhere else in the EU could be just as possible, I guess. Things sound really cheerful with you two at the moment - especially with you enjoying getting dressed up to go out with him - lovely to read! :)
 
Thank you for the cheers and the lovely comments, as always.

I am not in a happy place today, I'm going to be honest. I decided to try on some 'Christmas' dresses today, and I am so unhappy with how I looked in the mirror. I try to be a kind, decent person with values, but I want to look slim and attactive ALL THE TIME!!!

I think if you've ever been admired and thought of as the 'pretty' one, when that starts to slip away, you become a complete maniac and forget that there is anything else of value in this world.

I feel very at sea with a lot of things. I had a really good year, but it was kind of despite 'myself'. I mean, obviously, I did whatever I did, but there is that nasty, ugly person lingering around, causing all sorts of harm to my mental wellbeing and trying their best to stop me moving forward in life.

I have moved forward regardless. I feel it's a constant struggle though. I don't know how to get out of this hellish existence of hating the best thing about me. A functioning brain and a functioning body. Why is functioning not enough?
 
Hey Emily, sorry to hear you are down. The holidays can be hard for some people.

If it helps I have always envisioned you as an attractive and healthy young woman, and I doubt I am far wrong. From your writings I can tell your brain works quite well too, ambitious, articulate and bright. I wish I could say something more to cheer you up, I am sure you deserve to feel good.

Hang in there girl!
 
Oh, Emily! I'm so sorry that you've been dumped on by a fit of the blues.
It's horrible to try on dresses and find nothing that looks good, nothing that seems to accentuate your own best points. Don't blame yourself. I'm like Rob, pretty sure that you're fit and attractive, and I know you're young, which is in itself pretty terrific! - but even if you weren't, a decent dressmaker/designer would have the party dress for you that would make you look fantastic. Conclusion: the problem's not you - it's the rotten dress designers, who can't be bothered to really put their minds into making clothes that will look good, for all the sizes and shapes, or the shops, which won't carry anything but what's going to appeal to the middle-of-the-road majority. (I have often and often observed that the prints that larger sized things are made from are really horrible - why on earth? an ugly print is no cheaper to make things from than a pretty one!)
It's not you - it's the shops where you're shopping, and the end-of-year exhaustion that is making it hard for you to drag yourself around a different place where there might be something better (I hate clothes-shopping! can you tell?).
That person who whispers negative things to you all the time - can you just say stop that! every single time? (That's what I've started to do with a negative voice of my own. :) ) Also, have you looked at Cate's positivity challenge?
https://weight-loss.fitness.com/threads/be-kind-to-yourself-every-day-starting-now.113077/
She is so absolutely right that we should treat ourselves as a valued, maybe slightly vulnerable, friend - and bolster ourselves up, treat ourselves kindly, all the time.
tl:dr - you're terrific. and hugs. :hug2:
 
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Emilyrose said:
I try to be a kind, decent person with values, but I want to look slim and attactive ALL THE TIME!!!
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You're not a bad person for wanting that! I agree with the others though that you very likely look a lot better than you think and it's just the clothes (made and bought for another body) that aren't doing you any favors :grouphug:
 
Em the others said it all and I agree with them. Also I know the quality of the crap clothes that are in our stores here and you need to know where to look. Would you book a personal shopper in house of Fraser in dundrum . My sis in law did that with a very limited budget and she is way larger than us and she got lovely stuff and looked fabulous. Although reading back I think perhaps it's just your mindset and you have a downer maybe. Hope you feel better today.
Wallis have nice dresses I thought but I'm older than you so you might not like .
 
Thanks for all the lovely comments, they really cheered me up. I think I am just going to have to accept that this is the way my body is for now but I can make positive changes to see a huge improvement.

SG might be getting fired from his job so this is the latest crisis. Meeting him now, he is very upset. :(
 
It's good that you can offer some support to SG, Em. I hope he is worrying about nothing.
 
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