Emily Rose: The Reboot

Hi everyone and happy New Year.

I meant to write something a few days ago but the forum has been so unreliable, it hasn't been possible.

The New Year has started off quite unpleasantly - I had to go to the doctor today for the first time in years. I can't even remember the last time that wasn't either a routine check or to get shots or something.

I went into town yesterday to get a hot chocolate and read my book for a while. It was a really dull day here and I had nothing planned, so I thought, 'Why not?' I had such a hectic Christmas, it was just loads of food and drinks and late nights. I was ready to have a nice, relaxing weekend. Anyway, my stomach started to feel a bit ropey in town, but it wasn't too bad. By the time I got home, it was feeling awful. At about 7pm, I had intense pain in my lower stomach, just below the belly button, it was excruciating. This went on for a while, then the vomiting started. I was in severe pain for 10 hours, then I finally was able to hold down water, took a few panadol which I think helped it, then half-slept for a while.

My mum came into my room at around 9am, and I told her that I still had the pain (gone from severity level 8 to maybe 5) and that we should maybe go see the doctor just to be sure it was nothing serious. I think I mentioned that my stomach hasn't really been right all over Christmas, and she knew that and was a bit concerned. We booked in for the doctor at 12pm, he was so unbelievably lovely. He checked me out and he said he thought it was constipation, which I agree with, and he gave me a prescription for some satchets that will help loosen up the bowels and some other tablets for the cramps.

I still have a slight pain this evening and I haven't eaten much all day, so I'm going to take tomorrow off from work and see how I go. I have never been as sick in my whole life, it was the worst night of my life. The interesting thing is that I went to this Reiki meditation group on Friday night and they did some Reiki healing at the end of it, and I really feel it might have brought on this as a sort of 'healing crisis'. I just realised how important my health actually is and how much I take it for granted and really do not look after myself properly. Also, maybe the physical pain was a manifestation of all the emotional pain I've been holding onto. But I really don't want to get sick again any time soon, so I'm really going to have to clean up my act and put my health as my number one priority. That means making changes and taking action.

Anyway, that's the latest, going to enjoy resting and hopefully be back to normal tomorrow. Maybe this is the wake up call I needed.
 
Emilyrose said:
Also, maybe the physical pain was a manifestation of all the emotional pain I've been holding onto.
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I don´t really know about that but I do know that (emotional or other) stress reduces gut motility and can thus lead to constipation. Add low-fiber food over the holidays, possibly less physical activity and more dehydration due to alcohol and if you´re inclined to get a bit blocked up anyway you´ve got a recipe for disaster. Glad your doctor was so nice!
 
Stress/anxiety and illness are related for me, definitely. That sounds like a really crummy illness you had and I am happy to read you are through the worst of it. Keep us posted on how you are feeling!
 
Hi, Em. Stress affects me so much. It's weird that you were vomiting with constipation. Maybe it's worth investigating the possibility of some food intolerances. I hope you're feeling a bit better. Take care of yourself xo Cate
 
cate said:
It's weird that you were vomiting with constipation.
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That is a thing that can happen, just the body trying to avoid putting more pressure on the already stretched gut. In fact when you´ve been constipated for very long you may start vomiting... gut contents instead of stomach contents.
 
Oh God LaMa, glad it didn't get to that point! :ack2:

Thanks for all the lovely comments guys.

Well, I am completely on the mend. Still not back to work even though I felt stressed out about not going in today, but I still had not pooped and I'm taking a light laxative, so I was worried that I might be in work and get severe diarrhea or something. We have one bathroom, it would not be easy to disguise. Haha. Anyway, better safe than sorry, and fuckit, I am genuinely sick and have my cert to prove it. Why do we give ourselves such grief over things like this? I really should be able to be like, 'No, this is totally fine, my health is way more important than work.' But still, the guilts.

I've watched about a million films the last few days (hidden gem - Sugar Mountain on Netflix) - this is probably what I should have been doing over Christmas! My mum and dad are also gone into hibernation mode, we were all having breakfast at 11am this morning, so late!

Anyway, I feel like I need a bit of fresh air, so might go for a little walk outside, just to try to keep things moving as well. The worst thing about being off sick is that you can't really leave the house too much. For fear you'd be spotted. I'll definitely go back tomorrow anyway, dreading it, I think I will be walking back into a disaster zone. But forget about that for now. Get better. Get healthy.
 
Oh yes, I would definitely be skipping work with one bathroom and being on laxatives! I'll have to check out Sugar Mountain. I watched "Colette" with Keira Knightley recently and it was really good.
 
Trust me: if your colleagues knew they'd BEG you to stay home. But I know that feeling of guilt and I agree it's a thing we shouldn't have in an ideal world.
 
LaMaria said:
That is a thing that can happen, just the body trying to avoid putting more pressure on the already stretched gut. In fact when you´ve been constipated for very long you may start vomiting... gut contents instead of stomach contents.
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Dear god that sounds completely vile . I'm glad you didn't get that far Em . Hope you feel better soon. Yes not a good idea to be caught outside when off work sick.
 
Thanks guys. I had the tiniest poo yesterday and that's been it, so that's kind of a worry. I didn't go to work today as I had some pain when I woke up this morning (amazingly, I went away once I decided not to go in!) but I've stopped taking all the medication and I seem to be doing okay. Anyway, that's enough about my bowels, hopefully it was just the Christmas excess and that will be the end of it now.

I went for a bath last night. I find baths a great place for reflection at times. It's just you and the water and the suds and your rubber duckie if you have one. :D Anyway, I started thinking about how in the hell I am going to get to the next phase of my life. I cannot tell you how much it is eating away at me to be back at home again. I just know it is not the place I should be at the age of 33 (almost). So after my bath, I had a look at my finances. I made out a realistic plan that will have me out of the red and back to neutral by the end of June, without any pain or massive cutbacks or lifestyle changes. Obviously, if I can pay it back sooner, I will do that. That will leave the door wide open for the next adventure.

Where I live is a tiny place, and while the people are lovely, I find it so stifling. Everyone just wants to do what everyone else is doing. I really would love a partner in crime, but at the same time, I shouldn't be feeling this shitty and isolated just because I don't have one. It's just not the type of place that allows you to feel good about being single in your 30s. I just feel a bit miserable about the whole thing. So, 6 more months here. If nothing major has changed in that time, it's time to pack my bags and set sail. Probably to London. But we'll see. I just need a few more adventures. It's a big world out there. I don't want to miss it, sitting here and feeling sorry for myself.
 
You may see yourself as sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, but I see young Em preparing for some of life's big adventures! I really mean that. Go you!
 
:iagree: with Cate and Petal. And if you do decide you want to leave your home town before you get your financial situation completely fixed you could use the time in between to prepare for the move (making social contacts in your new area, looking how to find work and accommodation there). Working on your future is a very satisfying thing to do!
 
Maybe add some fiber to help encourage your body? I know pistachios do the trick for me. I can't stop going and have to limit them for that reason, lol. 33 was a huge year of change for me. It's the year I got sober for good. It was a hard year .... but you're right - I think in the early 30's some of us go through a mini-life crises. It can be a good thing, so just follow your instincts! :)
 
Thanks guys. When I think about the future, I feel a bit like this guy: :willy_nilly:

Jenni, I'm going to buy a nice hefty bag of pistachios for myself tomorrow.

Going to keep this short, but had a truly marvellous day. Had loads of laughs and really enjoyed meeting with the work crowd and the acting gang. And tomorrow's Friday!

I don't think I mentioned but I am going to Alicante in just over a week on a yoga retreat. I cannot wait. It's very strict - no bread, caffeine, meat, dairy, alcohol, cigarettes... I might die.

But loads of walks, exercise classes, yoga, meditation and all that good stuff.

I hope it will be transformative, give me a chance to get my head on straight, and steer me onto the right path. I don't think it will be possible to come back from something like that and not feel good.

Anyway, the land of Nod is calling my name, night all.
 
Emilyrose said:
I am going to Alicante in just over a week on a yoga retreat. I cannot wait. It's very strict - no bread, caffeine, meat, dairy, alcohol, cigarettes... I might die.
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How exciting! Healthy food, relaxation, sun, hopefully good company... I´m not much of a yoga person but I can see the draw here :)
 
A yoga retreat sounds really good, Em. How many days & nights?
 
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