Eerika's Diary

I'm SO sorry, sweetie! I'm just glad that your mom is sensitive to your needs and is sending you her love.


Try not to get too down. Please remember that there are so many people that care about you. And we all know that your life will take a turn for the better, even though it seems dark right now. You are still under a lot of hormonal influence and emotional shock. You really need time to heal and lots of TLC right now...


Take care and come back soon.
 
AWe took a look of my old photos OF ME last night with my bf. He was like: "Oh my god, you were so skinny and looking amazing!" IT FELT BAD! Even he said he likes me in a this way too but he also said how much better I would look if I was 20kg lighter. Which is just true.. I know. :(

Then last night I thought how much I havent cared about my body lately, and Im just soooo unhappy the way I am now. Im pretty sure I need to give a rest for a baby thought for while. I mean I REALLY thought these things last night, I tried to find a solution what would make us all happy. He would like to think about more this baby thingie so I must give him time, while Im waiting him to be ready I can start losing weight! Im not going to lie to you guys, I weighed 95,7kg this morning. OMG. Feeling so ashamed saying that! I want to do something, I NEED to do something. Like today, starting today. Not tomorrow or day after tomorrow. Now Im going to throw all the crap out of my sweets box, so disgusted by myself! :D
 
ASo. Diet day number 1 ! Yesterday we decided that when Ive lost my weight to 70kg, we start to think about trying a baby again. I think its wise. He gets some time to get use to that idea of baby, and I get another chance to lose this fat offffffff. When I started to think about the pregnancy again, I thought that my head probably wouldnt deal with all the over weight. I would rather reach my goal weight first and then get happily that preganancy weight on me.. I would also like to enjoy the baby after pregnancy and not just think about how fat I am etc. Cos I cant just lose the weight right after the baby is born, it will be even harder!

Sooo.. All is up to me. How fast I will get it off. Ive made a plan and Im trying to weight 75kg in next christmas! I think that would be realistic, right?
I dont want to take a too big bite you know, but I have a REAL good motivator here now: the baby. :) Maybe this time I will do it, and your support is priceless again! xoxo
 
AHoly moly, Ive felt actual hunger today. :D Feels nice but also scary, cos there is a tiny thought back of my head will I make this or not! I need to focus my thoughts on something, and this weightloss is a great idea again. I took start photos, I was so shocked. Oh my... But Im not going to worry it more, cos Im doing something for it!

I went for 1 hour walk also, my legs are hurting. I cant believe how bad shape I am.

Tomorrow I will write my foods up!
 
AHi Eerika! So glad to hear that you are motivated and feeling good about it getting back into shape. It's a great idea to get your body into a state that is healthy and that you are happy with before you next decide that it is time for you to have a baby - I am so glad that I did that. It's great for you and the baby too! I worry that maybe 70kg is pretty low though... do you know what BMI that is for you? I know you're also tall... I remember seeing photos of you a while back when you weren't near 70kg and you looked really healthy and great, so I don't want you to stress yourself out too much :) Like... is 75kg also in a healthy BMI range for you?

Glad to see you positive and focused, lovely girl. xx
 
A[VIDEO]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448&feature=youtu.be[/VIDEO] How ispiring is THIS!!!!? Check out!
 
AJoh: Thanks for the comment! I definitely feel like need to focus on something. And this weightloss is obviously on the top of my mind. Anyway you asked about the BMI, my heigh is 176cm so if I would weight 75kg, the BMI would still be 24.21 which is almost normal but almost overweight! Crazy huh. I guess 70-75kg would be optimal.. I do wanna see what my body will look like under 80kg though. Its been like over 7 years since I weighed 70kg!

Anyway, Im going to the body pump class and Im shit scared about it! Im in a soooo bad shape right now, Im going to die! But if the guy in the video could make something like THAT, Im going to survive! :D
 
AHi Eerika! So glad to hear that you are motivated and feeling good about it getting back into shape. It's a great idea to get your body into a state that is healthy and that you are happy with before you next decide that it is time for you to have a baby - I am so glad that I did that. It's great for you and the baby too! I worry that maybe 70kg is pretty low though... do you know what BMI that is for you? I know you're also tall... I remember seeing photos of you a while back when you weren't near 70kg and you looked really healthy and great, so I don't want you to stress yourself out too much :) Like... is 75kg also in a healthy BMI range for you?

Glad to see you positive and focused, lovely girl. xx
 
AIts my 3rd diet day, wuhuu! Haha :D I cant believe Im doing this again. Last time I PROMISED myself I wouldnt gain over 90kg, so this time I wont makea such a promises.. LoL.
Im feeling good about making decision to start losing the weight again, I havent been craving for any junk food. The day will come when I will, but Im going to stay stong!

I was thinking about going to gym today, if Im not feeling too tired. My early weekend started today, so yayyy, I can focus on THIS so well now. Im going to do morning walks for rest of the week!

Did I already mention I took start photos?! Im so freaked about them. But I hope I can show you those pictures later, and laugh at them instead of crying.

Love ya! xoxo
 
Good for you!! I'm so happy to hear you are feeling more positive right now.

Morning walks are a great idea for starting off your days in the right frame of mind.


Stay strong and beautiful!
 
AWeight is going nicely down and fluids are melting off.. Like I could almost see some difference in my face! It has been kind of chubby. Well anyway, my motivation has started to raise slowly but surely. Like I have a meaning of life again!

Today Im going to gym.

xoxo
 
AWeighed myself this morning : 93,8 kg! Almost 2 kg gone! Official weigh in day is on sunday, though.

I havent had interest enough to put my foods or work outs up here, Im taking this easy. I dont want to fail again. Im juuuust looking for getting under 90 kg.

The most important thing is to keep my mind motivated, I keep telling myself : " Winners never quit and quitters never win.."
 
AWeight this morning: 93 kg! -2,7kg on my first diet week, not bad huh?

Ive gained lots of fluids I guess. Yesterday I went to 75min spinning class and I was seriously gonna die there. I didnt know I was THIS bad shape... It was kind of embarrassing cos the intructor was the same and she knew me. Year ago when I had lost the ten kilos I spinned like crazy in that class, I could have continue the class like forever! :D But last night I was so exhausted that I actually felt SICK, like throwing up sick. I guess it was because I got so much lactic asid in my muscles. Thats what my bf said to me...

Anyway, I think Im finding my drive again! And it feels damn good. Ive like no sentiment of giving up this time, no matter how fucking bad this is going to feel. Im going to be stronger mentally and physically than Ive ever been before.

http://weight-loss.fitness.com/image/id/358411/width/350/height/232
pic from google!
 
I'm SO glad that you are finding your energy again!

You are on fire, girl!!

Never giving up is definitely the key factor that makes the difference between people who succeed and those who fail!


And you are going to succeed, Eerika!


Hope you have a great weekend!

Lots of hugs to you!!!
 
ALast night I booked hotels for us from Lahti, Finland! Yay. We're going to Fitness EXPO on september to Lahti, southern Finland. Ive been there few times, but its years ago. Im so damn excited about this. This is like a huge motivator for me again to lose weight until the event! Ive 18 weeks exactly time to get in better shape. I do want to weight at least 10 kg less until then. There will be so much good looking, athletic people that I dont want to feel fat, ugly black sheep then. There will be Finland's bodybuilding and fitness championship competitions as well..

So we're going to spend long weekend together, and I want it to be perfect. It will be kind of our summerholiday, cos we both work through june-august,, so we have no possibility to travel while real summertime here. :( But the expo will be just great, Im sure. And I ve something to look forward to on summer.. And cheers me to work out and lose this god damn weight! Oh Im just soo happyyyy.

Here is a site to the fitness expo, its in english as well!! :)

My loss on first week ended up being -2,7kg which Im soooo glad about as well! It hasnt dropped easily, Im feeling hunger all the time. But at least I feel the change in me!!

PS. Thanks ROX for your comment, I love when you motivate me by believing in me! xoxo

http://weight-loss.fitness.com/image/id/358485/width/350/height/526
pic from google!
 
ADiet week 2 day 1 !

Foods today:

Breakfast: Smoothie (200g naturell yoghurt, 100g raspberries, chia seeds, 10g almonds, water), coffee 2 cups with little bit of skimmed milk.
Meal 1: Sallad (lettuces, tomatoes, cucumber, little pineapple, little feta cheese 10%, red pepper), breaded pollock fillet, 1 rye bread with slice of cheese.
Meal 2: Same sallad, 150g chicken fillet, 1 rye bread with slice of cheese, coffee with some skimmed milk.
Evening snack: Protein quark, 1 rye bread with cheese, turkey fillet, lettuce, tomatoes.

Ive drunk about 3-4 litres of water per day!

http://weight-loss.fitness.com/image/id/358629/width/350/height/280
Evening snack:)

I actually havent counted the calories.. But I will start to count on this week, so I know how much I eat. Today I think calories are definitely under 1600 what I am aiming for.
Ive had a rest day today cos my muscles are so sore from yesterday's body pump class. This working out has been so torture, but when Ive been working out Ive felt so good. Those are the moments when I believe in myself, that I can do this if I will continue doing this.

xoxo
 
:party::party:


i m so happy that you managed to find yourself and loads of determination@!!!!@@@

Look at you so good you have a great loss already!!!!!!!!!!

I love the photos of your food it seems so healthy and well put on your plate like its a magazine photo!


The trip you are going to is about bodybuilding right?is it you or your man that is involved with this?cause i know its kind of a passion.


Lots of possitive thoughts to you!!!

You ROCK!!!!!:beerchug::party::hurray::grouphug:
 
AJASPER: YAY! The determination is back honey! Great loss indeed and Im gonna keep going towards new me. :)
And thanks for the photo compliment! I took it with my HTC phone only, but it takes pretty realistic captures! I should upload more my foods cos you guys like them! :D

Bodybuilding and fitness are definitely my passion! Been for aaaages. And Im going to the EXPO with my boyfriend, he is also interested of bodybuilding. He has actually lifted weights seriously few years ago and been pretty muscular guy, nowadays he is looking more like a fit swimmer! LOL ;) I PROMISE to take some photos of us from the becoming Fitness expo, when I WILL feel comfortable with myself too. But he is going to the EXPO for a first time, Im going there for the third time! :) But its nice we have something in common.

I havent told you guys, but we met with my bf on the internet! On a dating site.. He contacted me first and we started to talk about bodybuilding! :D Soo it was something we talked about and had a serious conversation. LOL.

Hugs!:grouphug:
 
AHeya! I had my last school day. I had exam of swedish today and I think I will pass it. I cant believe why Im not learning swedish even Ive been studing it like 7 years. Im just not really interested of it. English is waay easier eventhough I do understand a lot swedish.

Yesterday was just ordinary diet day. Today after exam our whole class went to pizzeria near by school to eat and celebrate that 2nd year at school is OOOOVEEERR. Im so god damn tired, eventhought I have to 4 weeks lasting practical training at the labour ward starting next week, but I bet it will be just interesting! I didnt eat pizza though, I ate chicken roll (pizza bottom(?) with curry chicken, pineapple and feta cheese!) It was very tasty :p But almost right after eating I went to GYM to burn it oooout. And in the evening Im going to spinning class. So it wont effect on my diet. :p

xoxo
 
AIm soo pissed off. About MEN! I mean come ooon. Im so sick out of this relationship shit every once in a while. We're not doing so good at the moment, he confuses me! He seems to be so insecure and unsure about everything that Ive just had it. Actually it all began when I got pregnant and he let the frog came out his mouth! That he is not ready and plapla. I havent told you, but we havent been actually living together. He has lived at his father's place. Soo since he left me in trouble with this bigger apartment, Ive decided to move to smaller one and be independent woman! I went to check one awesome apartment today and tomorrow I will know if I will get it.

Im young and I need excitement. Im not going to wait much longer what the hell he wants from me.. If everything is so doubtful to him. I know Ive some temper as a person, but I can make things happen! And I do want to make my life better and more exciting. I dont want to just settle on something. If he wants to be immature bastard, he can be.

But then to the diet. Ive been doing fine. Today I havent felt the hunger so bad.. maybe its also cos Ive started to smoke lately... I know I know. But at the moment its better than eating candy. I am so not going to give up on my dream!

http://weight-loss.fitness.com/image/id/358946/width/350/height/334
Now Im going for walk! xo
 
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