ASo, today was the last contol at the gynecologist. Ugh. Good news: Womb contracts and she said it looks good, going to be empty in few days. It is just indescribable ashamed feeling, lie there your legs wide open front of some stranger's face! And they are telling you to RELAX, while they're pushing some cold, slimy steel intruments inside your vagina, for fuck sake. I felt like crying. Actually I did. She didnt say anything.
Middle of the action older midwife came to the room, I guess she came to help the doctor even there was nothing she could do. Sooo she just stared there, my pussy. Soo nice,... NOT! Then when the doctor started to ask have we tried for long etc. And when I started to say something, the older midwife said negatively "Oooooh you're so young!! Why you're so hurry, you shouldnt hurry making children! You're soooooo young!" I felt like crying, again. But this time I didnt. I just said Im 22, and it is totally individual decision, when you're ready to become a parent. She said "BUT STILL!" I mean fuck her, who the hell is she telling me things like that?!!
I feel in a way that I was humiliated. I was there alone, my bf has been in his father's place for last two days. He doesnt get me, he doesnt understand why am I feeling like this. Now Im mad at him, that he hasnt been there for me, when I needed him the most. I really wouldnt have cared the thing he doesnt want to make the baby anymore, cos he is scared. But he hasnt been there for me now, when everyone are just moraling and judging me!
Even my mother, I told her in a hope she would like to listen. Or she would like to know how am I, whats going on in my life, why am I so sad and miffed. I guess in a way she understood, but mostly she is just judging. She also said how things was when SHE was pregnant, and when they had my older sister and me. When I was a little baby and what SHE had to go throw, when my father didnt really show any support. So the result was, that men just doesnt get women and THESE THINGS, so deal with it and do not whine about it. Hell yes Im whining about it, I dont want that kind of man who cant show any support or understanding. Fuck everything!
I told mom that I guess I need to change back to women, cos Im so pissed off about men and their idiotical mental capacity!! And I actually meant it.
At this point, Ive a possibility to just kick his ass and say goodbye, if he doesnt get it. Im not going to be like mother, settle to something what is not good enough for you.
He said Ive lost weight. It made me smile, cos I can feel that puffiness is gone. Im starting to find my spirit again, it makes me more excited every week I manage to lose more weight. I want to get this first 10kg down so bad! 
