Diary of a chubby teen :)

A

AmberElizabeth1

New member
Where do I begin with this? First I must say, I am Amber. Nice to meet you all :biggrinjester:/waves. This is not my first…attempt…But this will be my last…I hope. Why did I fail these last times? Well…to be honest I was looking for a way out. A quick and easy fix for the foe I call flubber. Well, in my months since ive been on (im not completely sure how long its been), ive come to the conclusion that...There isn’t a quick fix. It took years to put it on. It will take years to get it all off. I realize that…and im ready for it.
How did I get it? Its such a cliché to call cellulite “it.” But, nobody really wants it to have a name…A name means permanence…and that’s bad. Since I was 10 ive had weight problems. Im only 16 so it hasn’t really been that long. But at the ripe age of 16, I weigh 200lbs. That’s about 50 more than I would like. Ive gone through many struggles in my life. With those struggles came the need for comfort. The only comfort I found that was sufficient was food. I ate when I was bored, tired, lonely, mad…any emotion I had was often followed by a twinky induced coma. Well, not twinkies…I don’t really like them to much. But you get my point. As of right now, im done with that. If I am upset, I will write in a journal. No more cookie therapy. NO MORE!
Why do I want to change it? Well, I don’t hate myself. The reason I bring that up, is because many teenagers that want to loose weight have low self esteem and other problems. I like to think I don’t. I am a teenager, we all have gone through the body problems. (I act so old.) I don’t want to loose weight because Cameron Diaz wears a size 2, or because everyone thinks superficial models have the best body. I want to loose weight because, to be honest. I am scared to death. My father is a Diabetic. He is greatly over weight, and his health is deteriorating. My mother is overweight. She is very depressed. I don’t want to have these problems. When I’m 30 I don’t want to have to take a medicine cabinet of pills just to make it through the day. Just today, I was walking up my stairs and I could hardly make it. I was so winded when I got to the top. It worried me, I don’t think I noticed things have gotten so bad.
You say, “200 lbs? That’s like nothing.” If I hear one more person say that…Im going to die. Well not literally, but still! Most my friends are what society considers “ideal”. They are size 5’s with no hips. No butt. No boobs. And well, I HATE THEM. I don’t hate them exactly, but I hate who they think they are. I remember back in middle school when we were all flat chested, awkward little kids…those were the days. Does anyone ever notice the stares you get from people if you are walking down the road with a skinny person. Its like people are saying “is that girl going to eat the poor skinny one?”. I know I’m exaggerating. But oh well, its my journal! Ill do what I want ? My school is full of the 100lb girls that say “Oh my goodness im so fat.” I just wanna smack them, and then give them 10 lbs before they pass out…
Im not bitter! Im really not bitter. I think im a great person…I just want to love myself. Everyway I can. I know above I said I didn’t have self esteem issues. I don’t. I just don’t love myself. Closing my eyes I visualize this awesome person with perfect hair and flawless skin and friends all around her. Then I open my eyes and see this awesome person with lame hair, flawed skin, and a bunch of shmucks with no life that don’t know when to go home around her. But that is high school, as I am told.
How are you going to do it? Well, jeeze, since your being so impatient! Im going to do it via exercise and portion control! Duhh, silly. I don’t have money… so a gym membership is out of the question. (for now….im workin on my mum). Im going to walk everywhere I can. I have a car, but why waste the gas? I want to walk to the store, downtown, around the block, EVERYWHERE! I am majorly addicted to caffeine, Rockstars to be exact. Those, have to go. I want to cut back on them, but going off them cold turkey gives me major headaches. I drink 3-5 rockstars daily. I want to cut it back to 0! Eventually; I want to gain self control. I know that’s a weird thing to say. My parents buy soda and juices that are very high in sugar. I want to have the self control to not drink them. And I want to eat ONLY when I’m hungry. I don’t care if that cuts out meals. If I am not hungry, why eat?
How can this help you? Depending on how many people read this and respond determines how often I will update everyone on my progress! I don’t wanna write an essay and have 2 people read it…that’s lame.

Sorry this is kinda random and lame. I want this time to be legit…So look forward to many more random journal like entries!

Input you all have would be great!
In-home exercises and recipes…advice…anything!

Oh and sorry this is so much like an essay...
The next journal entries will have fun stuff and recipes i like :)

Thanks for reading! And goodluck!
 
Hi, I love the way you write and will follow your diary avidly :) You sound very mature for your 16 years and have come to the right conclusions about losing weight, years before most of us do, so you are completely on the right track to make a success of this.
Walking is a great way to start getting healthy and then you can gradually progress to running. There are lots of free workouts and dance sessions on youtube that you can do in your own home.
I also can't stand skinny people that whinge about how fat they are infront of people that obviously do have a weight problem, it is so insensitive.
You just keep on believing what a great person you are and that you deserve to look as good on the outside as you feel on the inside.
You'll get lots of support here. There is no way I would have got as fit as I have without this forum and the wonderful people that come here.
Looking forward to reading about your progress.
Val
PS go and read post in a few other diaries and you will learn lots of great stuff to help you and you will soon have a little group of supportive friends :)
 
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Wow! You basically just summed up how I felt throughout high school! I had this "friend" who everyday for lunch ate a 200g chocolate bar yet still weighed less than 100lbs. She was constantly telling me that she needed to lose weight and it just made me feel like a giant! It's really great that you've decided to make those lifestyle changes and realise the importance of it :D I'll keep checking in on your journal as you seem to be such a great writer!
 
Hello!
Also a 16 year old girl here, not really trying to lose that much weight (maintaining and converting to a healthier lifestyle :) )

I wish you all the best on your venture!
 
Hey,
Congratulations.. You've hit it.. The it I'm referring to is that time in your life when you suddenly realise you must do something about it. Writing on here is the first major step, rather than just moaning to friends etc you've admitted it to the entire world, and now knowing that people are here supporting you you feel more inclined to do it.
I've always been overweight, but I was 19 before I hit it, so there is another congratulations in order!
You say you're 16 and have a car so I'm going to assume you're American? My main annoyance with my weight was not being able to dress up and feel good for my 18th birthday, that first proper night out, so you have so much time ahead of you before that, time to wobble a few times and rely on us to pick you back up again, it will happen, read any of our diaries, we're not perfect, but you're in a good place :)
People on here will help you any way possible, answer any questions, and feel free to write anything you like in here.
It's your diary, you can log your food here, exercise, or just come on to rant about those annoying skinny friends who are convinced they're fat!

There is a section with food stuff in and sections with exercise ideas, go have a wander and see :)
Good luck and hope you post again soon.
 
I also really identify with everything you said! High School was awhile ago for me, but some things don't change... You sound like an extremely smart and self aware young lady, and I am certain you will achieve your goals! Welcome!!!
 
Ahh

So i was gonna write on this yesterday, but i went to my grandmas house, and well...fell asleep at like 7:00pm. Ughh. well yesterday went welll. I didnt get to go outside cause it was cold and icky all day. But today looks more pleasing!
I ate like really good yesterday...I had hashbrowns and sausage for breakfast...Like 1/2 what i normally have...Then i wasnt really hungry at lunch, but about an hour after lunch time i had some pita chips and humus :D For dinner i had a Brattwerst hotdog thingy, broccoli, and a green salad:)

How do i feeel about life today? Er.. Yesterday..Er..W.e. Well its pretty good:) I guess...Hehehe :D

Well ill write more when im not at my grandmas with like no internet and junk

Goodluck!
 
:)

Goodafternoon my fellow cellulite losers,
:D
I was gonna say Fat losers, but thats kinda mean...So, whats new today?
I went to the farm with my grandma...we walked the field a little, and we worked around the house. So i guess that is excersise, i guess?
I had a weight loss shake for breakfast, and a chicken club sandwhich from mcdonalds for lunch. DONT SHANK ME! I DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE! well, okay i did...But i didnt have any fries and no soda pop. I had a fruit smoothie. Little changes i guess.
After a long discussion with my grandma, and hours of grueling (Spelling?) research, i think im going to be a vegetarian..

Ugh im being bugged to leave again!
Ill write more tonight!

GAH!
 
Rant

Grr.
If i had a dollar for every person that said "If you walked a little you would loose 10 pounds like that?" Followed by a finger snap and a stupid grin. I just wanna yell in their face "OMG YOUR LIKE A SIZE 2! GET OVER YOURSELF" But i dont. I bite my tongue, and smile back. Little do they know, that underneath it all (all the fat) is another fat person. I guess you could say i have a fat frame of mind...as weird as that sounds. I fear once i am (if ever) skinny, i wont know how to be...I will still see myself as that chubby girl that shops at Lane Bryant and wears bras big enough for a gorilla. So i guess, i wonder, how do those of you who have lost it, feel now that you have lost it?
Thats a weird question. But oh well.

Today is my first day as a self proclaimed vegetarian. I didnt eat ANY meat, it was easy. Surprisingly. I had a cinnamon roll, (only one. Small). Some Juice (splenda. I know, still bad.) a weightloss shake (i was feeling kinda empty and it was all i could get my hands on), Some Pita and humus (little, it was yummmyyy).

On every weightloss site i have been on they have said some form of "Eat until your full then stop." Growing up we were taught to eat whats on our plate, or else. So we did, always. Alot of the reason i am where i am now, i believe is because of this rule. I now, with 16 years of bad habits, dont know what being "Full" feels like....I know, pathetic..But its my diary SO I WRITE WHAT I WANT :)

Oh and good news! in two weeks, when my mum gets her paycheck, she has agreed to get me a gym membership. We will see where that goes:p

Thanks to all who have replied and who have read this. It really makes me feel better:)

Goodluck to all!

(;
:rant:
 
Well, I used to want to smack those people too. Then I realized maaaaaybe they are onto something.

It seems to me, having a mindset like that KEEPS them thin... For instance, its a dread for them to gain a few pounds, because gain a few, and whats stopping a few more? Whereas a person like me might say, whats the diff, its just a few pounds.... until 7 years and 35 pounds later I'm wondering how to make it leave!

These people seem to be controlling small variations that have big results in the end.

Welcome, you have a great writing style I look forward to your pics and posts :)
 
Well done so far being vegetarian, just make sure you get enough protein in, nuts and eggs are good for it, but can be high in fat/calories. Cheese is quite good too. I'm assuming that you're not going vegan too?
Why not have a look at some vegetarian recipes to get an idea of how to get your protein in in main meals rather than snacky stuff.
Really cool about the gym membership :) I loved going to the gym, I could average burning 600kcal an hour on the treadmill just walking at one point! And that buzz you get after exercising is amazing.

Good Luck with everything and keep up the hard work :)
(just make sure you're eating enough though)
 
...

So today at 8:40am, i made a all eggwhite omelet with tomatoes and chillis (a southwestern mix that has been in the pantry for generations.). It was surprisingly good! I was shocked!

My dad buys Lean Shake, its supposodly a "healthy" meal replacement. So rather than use it to replace meals, im going to use it to supplement them...I guess thats what its called. But only on meals that are really small! I dont know for sure if its a good idea...What do you guys think?

Oh and im not going to be vegan. Thats WAY to difficult with my current situation. I made the omelet for my nieces (they live with us. What i eat, they eat). Ryleigh, the two year old, ate two bites and was done. Alexis, the 16 month old, ate it all. I guess it was spicy because she was coughing the entire time she was shoving it in...It was soo cute..

Anyways, now that im offtopic and junk.

Have a great day guys!

Goodluck!

<33
 
...

Tonight, im going to pizza with my grandparents and their friends. I dont know what im gonna order! Ahh! Not only am i on a diet, but i dont eat meat. My grandparents will buy me whatever i think i want. But if i order a vegetarian pizza then i feel obligated to eat it all because everyone else eats tons of meat. And thats BAD!
But if i get a salad then i have to worry about not feeling full later! Ugh!

This is so annoying! To be honest, it makes me wanna give up! But i wont! I know what your thinking. Such a little problem and she already wants to give up? Wow. What a failure. Its really hard okay :( gawd. I know everyones going through it so i wont complain to much. But its hard being in a family full of overweight people that are totally fine with being over weight!!!

GRR

:rant:
 
Why not order a small pizza, or is it possible to order just a slice and eat that with a salad?
Have a look see if they have an online menu, there might be other stuff on the menu, a light pasta dish or something?

Don't give up now, especially not when it's something so out of your control.
Can you not ask to maybe go to a different place?
 
:)

Thanks for your reply:p
The place we are going to is WAY small, like a whole in the wall pizza joint, and they dont have a website. I know! A business without a website in this day and age? CRAZY!
I may just order a vegetarian pasta or something with water and a side salad. Im planning my meals today in accordance with dinner, i dont wanna eat to many calories or something.

:)
 
Woo

Dinner yesterday went awesome! I had a salad and a vegetarian sandwhich thing. It was super yummy! I let myself have diet coke though. Oh well.
So today i have OFFICIALLY started a diet journal..or whatever they are called.
Its also time to start setting goals and giving stats. EEK. My least favorite part! So i did all my measurements and everything before i ate breakfast today, so i hope they are mostly accurate maby. And i am going to retake the measurements every thursday(today). To track progress and junk :)
Oh and i HATE body fluctuations, you know, when you step on the scale int he morning and you weigh 200 but you step on it at night and weight 5 lbs more...Ya its pretty scary. Made my heart jump into my throat a little...I think thats the saying; It might be stomach..oh well...ANYWAYS, But ya. i read online and it says thats normal and its just water and the food you ate and blah blah blah. So anyways!

Here are my numbasss.
Weight-200.2lbs
Wasit-45.5in @belly button
Hips- 44 in @9in below belly button
Left arm-12in
Right arm-12in
Left thigh-26.5in
Right thigh-26in
BMI-33.3

So im not going to take the BMI into account very much, because to be honest, i dont believe it at all. I read online that the BMI doesnt take into account any muscle, or anything you have. So i could be totally ripped with big monster muscles and it would still say im fat. Thats Lame! So ya; Im mainly worried about measurements. I also dont really trust my scale to much. Its one of those cheap ones you can get from Target for like $20. But its all i got for now, until i start a gym! BWAHAHA:)
My overal goals are to loose inches. I want to loose atleast 1 inch on every measurement by the time school starts(sept 8). That gives me about a month. To reach my goals, i will work out twice a day using exerciseTV. When i start the gym, i plan on going 5 times a week.

The attached pics are from various times.
The first one is from March; The formal dress one is from Homecoming in October; And the last one is from May...

Various times. Various weights. BLEH!
 
Wow, you're gorgeous. :)
If I was you I would take measurements once a month not once a week as it will be difficult to see results on a weekly basis.
 
Weekend

So this weekend i went camping, and went to Birch Bay WaterSlides. It was kind of a free weekend. I didnt eat alot. I ate basically a salad, a sandwhich and poptarts. With some brownies and other goodies mixed in. I didnt eat ANY meat. Im so proud of myself. Im not worried about the sweets i ate because i did so much walking and working out while camping. We walked for about 6 hours straight at the water slides. Up stairs and hills. If any of you have been to a water park you knoww how much work that is! And i also walked to park the truck, then back, then to get the truck. It was a longgg longg weekend.
Yesterday my grandma bought me a bunch of fresh food and vegetables. With some Veggie protein hot dogs, and some veggie chick-n. I know..weird..but thats what its called.
It hasnt been a week yet, so this isnt very legit. But the scale says 199! *cough cough* YAY ME!

:)
 
So guys; Its been a while since ive posted. Like a month....
Wowww!
I cant say ive been busy...But..Lets pretend i was busy.
Ive recently started going to the gym...Well not recently but in the last month or so....So i guess pretty recent! Ive been focusing a lot on Cardio. I do like 30-40 minutes of cardio every day. I havnt gotten the guts up to run. Public running when you have....*looks down* You guys know what i mean...Is kinda awkward.
So im making a pact with myself. When i loose 10 lbs; I am going to start running! I want my school mile time to be under 10 minutes! I know. dreaming big!
I have also been lifting weights. 20 reps at 30 lbs on most the arm machines; And then 10 reps at 40.

On the leg machines i can do about 100lbs...So i guess i ahve strong legs?
Ive been trying to switch it up..Legs then arms then abs...And stuff......

xD
Oh and im 100% vegitarian now. I havnt had meat in a long time.
Im also going to try cutting out breads...and sugar...
No more soda pop..
UGHH!

:D
 
Have a go at running, you'll love it. 2 bras worn at the same time and a good pair of support knickers solve the problem of all the jiggling about. Nobody will take any notice, they're all to busy with themselves and if they do -so what.. :) There are a whole bunch of us on these forums that have started to run and every one of us absolutley love it.
 
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