Michelle01
New member
I've never been good at dairies or journals. Hopefully I don't fail at journaling here.
My story... Another EEK! My history from what I've read may be a bit different from other stories here. I hope you wont kick me out anyway
.
I've had struggled in the past with anorexia. It started pretty much as a child with my mom always telling me I was too big. I was always a "thin" kid. But about age 13 is when my food limitations started. By the time I was 16 I was barely 80 lbs. I'd eat no breakfast, a snicker bar for lunch with a soda. For supper I'd have the minimal amount to get by without anyone saying anything to me. If I was "lucky" I'd get to skip supper. My freshman year in high school I met some different friends and developed some bad habits, but I sometimes wonder if those bad habits didn't save my life. I managed to make it to 114 lbs my sophmore year and then... got pregnant. I never reverted to my "bad habits" after my pregnancy and tried to maintain better eating habits.
After I graduated from high school I wanted to look "healthy" My arms were not much more than little "sticks". I know I looked ill. I started to work out and looked fairly muscular. I also managed to gain weight, mostly muscle. I'd guess that I had a single digit body fat percentage. After my second child, I started college and the past four years I have gained a bit of weight. Nearly 30 lbs. So, really not a lot except that I still have those thoughts that if I just didn't eat for a few days except maybe a peice of fruit or stick of cheese... I'd be able to loose that weight so much quicker. There have been days in the past few months, more than I'd like to count, that I've had to force myself to eat. I was hungry but I didn't want to eat. I felt I deserved to feel hungry because I had eaten to much that day already. Logic says eat if your hungry, my brain says if I'm hungry I must deserve to feel that way. Today, I've had maybe 900 calories. Still a snack and dinner to go though. I've been keeping track and making sure I get at least 1400 to 1600 calories a day, from healthy foods.
So that's why I'm here. Not necessarily to loose a ton of weight, but to loose the weight I gained in a health manner that wont allow me to not eat. Anorexic support sites for me are not healthy. I don't walk away from them feeling like I should eat healthy. I walk away from them feeling like I shouldn't eat.
My goals are to get back to my starting college weight, approximately 125. It is my goal to loose not more than 1.5 lbs per week. The first couple weeks I failed to eat much and lost 6 lbs. Then I did better and in the last three weeks I've lost another three. A pound a week, or even less, I think is probably much safer. I've been doing cardio, swimming, walking (I can't jog or run, I think it's physically impossible!). Cardio is mild intervals. Bit higher intensity, then lower intensity. Swimming is from one to two hours once a week, the rest is no more than an hour four days a week. Saturday is Yoga or Pilates. I lift weights for my arms 3 times a week and do the legs twice a week in the mornings for only 20 min a day on weekdays only. I have dumbells but need to upgrade. I can easily do to many bicep curls, chest presses, and fly's with the weights I have. So, that's my next shopping trip. I'm still on girly push ups though and can barely manage a tricep dip. I think I'm not equipped for push ups. My legs stayed fairly muscular and I really don't have anything with them I'd like to improve. My thighs could be a bit less muscular though. I've always had trouble fitting my thighs into pants because my quads are huge. Nicely defined, but huge. My tummy is mainly a mass of strech marks from two pregnancies. I'd love to see even a little definition there someday. I wont hold out to much hope on that though.
Michelle
My story... Another EEK! My history from what I've read may be a bit different from other stories here. I hope you wont kick me out anyway
. I've had struggled in the past with anorexia. It started pretty much as a child with my mom always telling me I was too big. I was always a "thin" kid. But about age 13 is when my food limitations started. By the time I was 16 I was barely 80 lbs. I'd eat no breakfast, a snicker bar for lunch with a soda. For supper I'd have the minimal amount to get by without anyone saying anything to me. If I was "lucky" I'd get to skip supper. My freshman year in high school I met some different friends and developed some bad habits, but I sometimes wonder if those bad habits didn't save my life. I managed to make it to 114 lbs my sophmore year and then... got pregnant. I never reverted to my "bad habits" after my pregnancy and tried to maintain better eating habits.
After I graduated from high school I wanted to look "healthy" My arms were not much more than little "sticks". I know I looked ill. I started to work out and looked fairly muscular. I also managed to gain weight, mostly muscle. I'd guess that I had a single digit body fat percentage. After my second child, I started college and the past four years I have gained a bit of weight. Nearly 30 lbs. So, really not a lot except that I still have those thoughts that if I just didn't eat for a few days except maybe a peice of fruit or stick of cheese... I'd be able to loose that weight so much quicker. There have been days in the past few months, more than I'd like to count, that I've had to force myself to eat. I was hungry but I didn't want to eat. I felt I deserved to feel hungry because I had eaten to much that day already. Logic says eat if your hungry, my brain says if I'm hungry I must deserve to feel that way. Today, I've had maybe 900 calories. Still a snack and dinner to go though. I've been keeping track and making sure I get at least 1400 to 1600 calories a day, from healthy foods.
So that's why I'm here. Not necessarily to loose a ton of weight, but to loose the weight I gained in a health manner that wont allow me to not eat. Anorexic support sites for me are not healthy. I don't walk away from them feeling like I should eat healthy. I walk away from them feeling like I shouldn't eat.
My goals are to get back to my starting college weight, approximately 125. It is my goal to loose not more than 1.5 lbs per week. The first couple weeks I failed to eat much and lost 6 lbs. Then I did better and in the last three weeks I've lost another three. A pound a week, or even less, I think is probably much safer. I've been doing cardio, swimming, walking (I can't jog or run, I think it's physically impossible!). Cardio is mild intervals. Bit higher intensity, then lower intensity. Swimming is from one to two hours once a week, the rest is no more than an hour four days a week. Saturday is Yoga or Pilates. I lift weights for my arms 3 times a week and do the legs twice a week in the mornings for only 20 min a day on weekdays only. I have dumbells but need to upgrade. I can easily do to many bicep curls, chest presses, and fly's with the weights I have. So, that's my next shopping trip. I'm still on girly push ups though and can barely manage a tricep dip. I think I'm not equipped for push ups
. My legs stayed fairly muscular and I really don't have anything with them I'd like to improve. My thighs could be a bit less muscular though. I've always had trouble fitting my thighs into pants because my quads are huge. Nicely defined, but huge. My tummy is mainly a mass of strech marks from two pregnancies. I'd love to see even a little definition there someday. I wont hold out to much hope on that though.Michelle
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