We're both fine! Not my car, but the rear bumper of the Xterra is barely damaged.
KIM! You make me smile--I'll take it!!
Here's something I wrote last night:
Ok
I know I have startlingly awful bouts of pessimism...
And I "shouldn't" ever go there but I have and probably will again.
But I'll tell you one thing--don't ever fucking give up!
Life is always changing, lately life dealt me a BITCH of a hand. You think I'm complaining? I may have my goddam license revoked if all goes bad. I barely have a love life. My job is going to turn part time biatch starting the 17th. My dreams of being a winemaker may possibly be realized, which is the silver lining....I have dear friends in the industry who are willing to pay me for interning.
But as I see my precious savings dwindle away, and as I see my possible mobility being taken away by the state of California after hundreds of dollars, and as I lie alone at night and wishing I didn't want a life partner in my life because the absence is pretty painful, sometimes just mildly annoying, other times more dramatic and lamentful, I still am optimistic.
Maybe it's the chanting and mediation, yoga and Ohming that has gotten me to this verdict, but listen up because I'm being wise and you need to hear it, whether you agree or not:
Life changes. Embrace it. Face your fears and problems with courage in your heart. Don't take the easy way out--take the path less taken, the fucking painful and hard route because it's more than "building character." It's living with courage and VALOR, strength and power. Don't die for what you don't believe in. Live for change and wisdom and love.
Above all, love love. Separate unhealthiness from real love. Put family above all else, and take care of your friends. Show them you care about them, and put effort and work into the relationships you make. Never become jaded and use people--that's cruelly easy to do and not what you are on this planet for.
You and I are on this planet to make it better. To bring light and sunshine and rainbows and love and laughter and life into each other's lives. There is the negative. We all get to the lowest low. That is OK. Sometimes these words will not offer a bit of comfort and we are at the end of our ropes. BUT that changes. I can't speak for those who are suicidal, who have experienced hatred and murder and betrayal beyond belief. I can't until I experience it.
There are infinite ways to experience and view your life. You have ultimate choice. Life circumstances and/or hormones may appear to dictate your world view day to day. That is ALSO OK, fluctuations are A-OK. But I'll tell you about me personally:
I've been through hell
I put myself through hell
Hard times hit me lately and it ain't over yet
But I'll keep going because life is beautiful. It was all worth it. It was. It is.
It's always worth it. But suck it up and face it and stay strong because even when you are weak, you are strong. Life is paradoxial and don't be afraid of hard work. Life is difficult. Life can be easy-breezey too.
One thing? When you find that perfect moment...when you're dileriously stable, secure, happy and carefree...embrace it and ride that bitch our until the bitter end, because it'll be gone before you can even finish enjoying it....trust me.
When I was laying on the beach of Manuese Village in Samoa, Savaii Island when I was 23 years and 5 days old, I was at a place in the world where I could view the sunrise and sunset from the same spot (Southern/Eastern hemisphere during THEIR winter on an island with a "flat" Northern top). I relished it and gripped the sand with my eyes closed and begged for it to never end. Oh Cuzin, but all good things come to pass. It was over before I could blink an eye. Only 3 days, people, of relishing that feeling of just LAYING there, enjoying being alive.
But the memory lives on forever in my mind...at least until I suffer severe head trauma and lose my memories. HA! The ultimate irony.
Even then I bet I could come up with something positive.
I'll be forever positive when I crawl up out of the rubble. You be there with me????