Diary: Curvie Girlie: A Yo-Yo's Reformation

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Another thing:

Hey this is personal and embarrassing :eek:, ya'll have shown amazing empathy, so here goes: (not to mention I bet a lot of you can relate)

*sigh* I realized that I had relied on my on my boyfriend for hapiness.

Maybe it's codependecy, or control issues, I don't feel like it is but that could be the simplified version. In a nutshell: in the begining we both put MUCHO time and effort and attention toward each other/the relationship. As things cooled, he realistically and rationally turned to himself more. Doing things for him, nurturing himself. Also not conforming to any of my wishes for him to stop smoking, to clean up after himself within a reasonable amount of time, to feed the cat when I'm not around....Princess Baby was like, "what the fuck? Where's my passion/excitement/doting? Why isn't he taking care of business?" I acted up, he got turned off, and drew more away, I got more mad...etc. So I was wrong. He's not perfect, either. But right now this isn't about his "flaws" that I perceive. I need to work on ME.

What's important is we love each other and we survived living together with no hard feelings, and we're going to stay together despite the long distance. You can laugh, I know 45min to an hour drive is nothing. I'll get used to it!

Also, we may live together someday. We may not! We might years from now. What we're both going to concentrate on is taking care of ourselves. For him, he wants to work for Google and it most likely going to try to get a job with them. For me, I'm going to work out my dependency issues however I can, and use my creativity more. I also want to MAKE wine. It isn't a "set in stone" goal but more and more.....I have ideas.

But if anyone has stories to share that might help, please do, thanks!!​
 
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Okay, I'm headed on my way out, I hope I don't get something bitter!! AHHHH that's the only down fall from picking up something you have never had before, it might taste like crap, then your stuck with this 10.00-15.00 bottle of wine that's horrible. Number one reason to always go wine tasting FIRST!!! I'll try and get online later. Chow Babes!! Have a good rest of your evening. OH and your not going out tonight???????????? I'll wait for your answer on this one.
 
We have a huge assortment of California wines here, so give me a few good ones (names) and I'll check at my place and see if they have them. Hey, it's worth a try. That would be really exciting if they did. :)
 
I love all of your resolutions. I really do. I think your art is going to help you as well, I forget sometimes how important it is to concentrate on something, anything, that involves only you and your imagination. Celebrate your creativity, I'm happy for you!
 
Wow Val - that is alot - Im totally here for you however ou need me to be and want me too be...The codependancy thing sucks - ha ha ha - I remeber when the x left...and how hard it seem to function and shit and how use you get to having someone around - I think the things you said and are gonna focus on is a great place to start you do whatever you need to do to make yourself happy and find what you are looking for - Im here for ya girl!!!
 
I don't mean to be contrary but to me you do not at all seem co-dependent. You are a normal 25 year old woman who likes a man sleeping at her side. IMO it sucks living alone and sleeping alone is the worst. I did that on and off for many years between various boyfriends and I hated it. Of course I always had boyfriends while living alone, but I did NOT like it! It is sad to come home at night after work and have no family or man around. Honestly I should've had a baby long before I did and I would have avoided years of loneliness. I just think its natural to need or want either family, kids or a man living with you. Isn't it only recently that people would live alone for so long like we do in this culture?

To be completely blunt, I think what's going to happen is that BF THINKS he wants to do his own thing right now and you'll long to be with a man nearby who's really into you, and you'll meet some hot guy and it will be laters for BF. How exciting that you can keep your options open and ween off the BF keeping in mind that you never know and it could all work out that he realizes before its too late he has a treasure and he should'nt be risking being too far away. This sort of situation has happened to me countless times and believe me every one of my exes regretted any bad treatment and wanted me back, but by then it was onto the next hottie. :rotflmao:.

IMO since he kinda wants to be alone I would be like "OK if I meet some hot guy (like the one with the wine drinking family, where's he??) I might go on a few dates and see what's up and not tell BF and not feel guilty about it (I would only feel guilty if I actually had sex behind his back (incl. oral of course LOL). After all, he's the one who wanted his space so I'd feel free to keep my eyes open.
 
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Good day Valerie! I love your list of stuff to do for you. :) Getting rid of junk, as simple as it sounds, is so cleansing. When I came back from Ontario, I gathered up a whole bunch of old clothes to donate to the used clothing store and threw away a lot of junk that was cluttering up my apartment. It felt like a breath of fresh air!
 
cinderelly said:
I think the things you said and are gonna focus on is a great place to start you do whatever you need to do to make yourself happy and find what you are looking for - Im here for ya girl!!!
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Thank you Cerella!! I'm looking forward to it, really! I'm excited about getting to be a badass in fitness (as soon as this fucking ankle is 100%). Art, exercise, and hopefully close girlfriends will enrich my life, sos I don't needs a man to make me happy--but if I'm happy with a man whom I visit a couple times a week, and who comes over on the weekends, then that's excellent. not enough time to drive each other crazy!! :flame:

Blancita said:
It is sad to come home at night after work and have no family or man around. Honestly I should've had a baby long before I did and I would have avoided years of loneliness. I just think its natural to need or want either family, kids or a man living with you. Isn't it only recently that people would live alone for so long like we do in this culture?
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Yes, you're absolutely right. ALL our ancestors were Hunter-Gatherers living in bands of 20-100, supporting each other and staying together, before they became nomads or whatnot (for thousands of years). Sometimes I feel like there's something wrong with me, because I'm so social--but you're right, it's actually a natural tendancy. For example, where do you think the term "it takes a village to raise a child" comes from? Because, ideally, lots of good hands helps a mama out--and is better for the kid! Anyway, humans are meant to support each other. My Bf calls himself a loner, but EVERYDAY he's hanging out with his male friends, then sleeping with me, so it's not really being alone

Blancita said:
How exciting that you can keep your options open and ween off the BF keeping in mind that you never know and it could all work out that he realizes before its too late he has a treasure and he should'nt be risking being too far away. This sort of situation has happened to me countless times and believe me every one of my exes regretted any bad treatment and wanted me back, but by then it was onto the next hottie. :rotflmao:.
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:rotflmao: Well, ya NEVER know. Part of me wants to stick by him through thick and thin, because I'm big on loyalty. But while I sacrifice for him, he stopped scrificing for me and I'm like, "hey! where's the love, this ain't fair!" So IF and I mean if I DO meet an incredible guy, I probably won't jump right into it, but I'll tell the BF first and see if he's going to let me go, or step up. It's the fair thing to do. But personally I think I'll be spending a long time doing my thang, getting strong and being creative. The BF specifically told me he wants me to be happy, even if it's not with him, and he says if I date other guys, it's ok with him. Yeah, he said that!! :eek:
 
sunnydee said:
I gathered up a whole bunch of old clothes to donate to the used clothing store and threw away a lot of junk that was cluttering up my apartment. It felt like a breath of fresh air!
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Oh yeah, Deanne I'm looking forward to getting rid of junk!!! Thanks for dropping a line and you have a great day yourself! :)
 
Val Im big on loyality too but sometimes it is a pain in the ass trait to have...just make sure your loyality lies where it is deserving - it took me a long time to figure that one out!!!
 
Good point. I'm a big pain in the ass, I admit--all demanding and shit. But it's a great point to make. But my BF is really a wonderful person I want to know my whole life, so whatever happens I want us to be amicable.
 
Im just lookin out for ya :) Im in no place or poition to tell you what to do and to give oyu advice as I spent and wasted way to many years of my life on an asshole - anyway...Im here to supoprt you through thick and thin no matter what and that is what I will do my friend:D:D:D!!!
 
Well thank you sweetie!!!!!!!
Don't worry too much--I'm sorry you spent too much time on a real asshole. My BF is honestly not one. He's just kind of like a kid, who is oblivious to how his actions (or lack thereof) cause me to feel. Then he gets defensive, mad that I draw conclusions.....it's way too complicated! It doesn't even make sense to ME and I'm up in it!
 
Gotta go--NOW!

Pouring wine for the winery today, 12-5, then working at the restaurant, 6-10pm. Wharf to wharf tomorrow, gonna wait for my gramps to finish, then working 5-9. So much for a relaxing weekend!! Oh well!! :rolleyes:

Oh by the way I weighed myself finally--I thoughT for sure I would be up to 150 lbs by now--nope, 144.5. SO I haven't really been gaining much. Looks like I only have to lose 6.5 lbs to be back where I want to be--wow that really takes a load off. Good deal! I have not made the best food choices, but I realized everyday for the past week I have had a salad with grilled prawns or salmon on it--my favorite! And it's healthy and all.
 
It's wonderful that you haven't been gaining! Good for you.
I just want to say that I think what you and your bf are doing is very brave and very rational. It's hard to be rational when you're in love. But let's face it, love isn't everything. You can love someone from the bottom of your heart, but if you don't use your brain and you don't work hard, it will probably fail. What you guys are doing constitutes some hard relationship work! Which is why I think you deserve to be together. :)
 
Just stopping by to say hi! You have a busy weekend ahead of you I hope you take care of yourself.You can read about my 5k in my jornal!:hug2:
 
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