Diary: Curvie Girlie: A Yo-Yo's Reformation

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OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!

I just now saw this!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

:D:D:D:D:D:D

i'm currently burning calories by doing a dance for you!!!!!!
 
Bloody hell girl! You made it to the 130's!!! wooooooooooooooo!!! Yay!!! CONGRATS!!! You've been working hard and deserve it big time!!! I feel inspired to keep working harder!! I have been slacking on the weights but got back to it this week. I am hoping my drop comes next week too!!! Yay!
 
Reflection Time

Thanks, everyone!

OK, time to get open and vunerable....;)

I've been in a daze.....to be in the 130 zone, however temporary, is amazing. I haven't weighed under 140 since 2002, and I'm really happy that all the hard work paid off.

In my mind now:
#1 Most of my clothes are too big. I'm not rich. I don't even like shopping that much, although I LOVE putting on something new that fits like a glove. Also, I plan on losing 9 more pounds or so. Therefore, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Also, last night I went through my clothes, and I'm really dissatisfied with the majority of my wardrobe. A lot of my clothes are in a style that suited my heavier body--and my body is now more suited for different styles. Hey--I want to look good in my clothes! But I should hold off....there's got to be a few outfits I can buy that can fit me now and fit me at my goal. I hope!

#2 I'm nervous. I'm afraid--irrationally! I know I have the power and ability and will to get to my goal and stay there for the rest of my life. I CAN!!! But I can't shake the fear that I won't. It's ultimately a choice....hmmmm. I'm just scarred from the yo-yo dieting and gaining. I can only continue doing what I'm doing, I think, and the fear will subside. I feel the only thing I can do is take this one step at a time, as I have been, and to not look too far ahead. That's what got me in trouble...not thinking about the consequences of binge eating/drinking for days on end.

#3 Because I'm so close to my goal, I have been thinking a lot about being 130 lbs. I've been thinking that that is pretty skinny (a BMI of 20.4). I've been thinking that I may have to deal with people's negative reactions to being on the thin side, as opposed to being on the thick side. I also have been thinking I will continue to weigh myself and record my food and calories even AFTER I reach my goal--to stay there--for a few months until I get the hang of not gaining weight and eating right, and not binge drinking (exercise, I am A-OK, I love it and I have not slacked much from it, save for a brief 3 month period when I had no car and lived miles from my gym). Like exercise, I plan on making eating sensibly an automatic part of my life--instead of a constant struggle. I can do it, but I'm worried about it.

#4 I've been getting a lot of reactions from men when I'm doing my thing around town...and when I'm at the gym....and when I'm out running....and when I first meet male aquaintances of friends. Uh, I don't really know what to think--like, I want to be considered an attractive female, but I'm too humble to honestly enjoy a lot of attention. Sometimes I'm makeup-less, in my exercise outfit and a sweatshirt, and guys will still say stuff or stare or smile licentiously, to my amazement. I'm used to being more invisible--when I was heavier I seldom if ever wore form-fitting clothes, and stuck to band T-shirts. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and of course, it's not like EVERY guy is looking at me and liking the sight, but sometimes I just want to be like, "What's your problem? I'm not THAT hot!!!" What the hell am I going to do when I'm skinnier? People seem to LOVE skinny, I swear.......this concern is not important, it's a matter of me feeling comfortable. Still, I don't like being looked at like some beast-of-prey--it's nerve-wracking. I LOVE my BF looking at me like that, but that's it! I wish guys could show their appreciation with more decorum sometimes if they really feel the need. Of course, I could dress in a burlap sack! But that would be itchy...

OK, I need to get back to work--and there's a lot of journals I haven't visited today....
 
So, why not dress cute but conservatively when you are out and about without your bf and then dress a little cuter when the 2 of you are out together? I'm pretty sure I'm going to have the same problem you are when I reach my weight and physique goal. I know I'm going to love the attention from hubby, but not sure what I'll think about all the extra from other men.

Congrats on hitting the 130's and keep up the hard work! You deserve it!

Thank you so much for all your support!
 
Curvie Girlie said:
Thank you Photocrazed!

I just wish that us women could wear whatever we wanted without feeling threatened, or cheap. It would be nice!
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I agree. A guy can go shirtless and not a damn thing will be thought or said about it whether he's in or out of the company of his SO, but females are almost always under fire.
 
Saturday

Today I am 139.5 lbs, and am quite happy about it.

Yesterday I had two beers, bringing my calories to 2200--so that will be my cheat day.

I also ran with my girl friend at UCSC's track, and we had a great time. She is a slow jogger and considers herself out of shape: she wants me to help motivate her. I'm happy to oblige, and I'm going to take her on a run the woods next week. I feel the need to run more on flat ground to practice my sprints--my body is used to trail running. It's better if I mix it up more.

I dressed in a cute skirt, pretty shirt and heels last night, when I went with my buddy to dinner, and then a bar. He told me about the girls he's in love with, then she showed up!! She's cute--and cool. She teaches high school!! She's only 21. My buddy is 28. She has a boyfriend, but she acts like she likes my buddy. I wonder if anything is going to happen...\

I curled my hair, and noticed I get less attention paid to me than when it's straight. That was very interesting--I liked that no one hassled me. The bar we go to is really kick-back, and everyone seems intent on having fun--not getting laid. It's a great bar for people with significant others to go to. I enjoyed myself immensely. I chatted with a bunch of girls in the bathroom, every time I went! ha ha

Today I did kickboe and some strength training exercises. I'm looking forward to dinner already! My BF is still sleeping, lol. I think I'm going to slather on some sunscreen and go tanning. Outsde, it's foggy and gray :mad:
 
I can't believe I'm just now finding out about your amazing accomplishment of getting in the 130s! Way to go, you hottie!!! You seriously kick ass. I can't wait til I can finally freak out with excitement about my weight (not that I'm not already excited, don't get me wrong!)
I know what you mean about liking the attention from your man, but not so much from others. It's such a disturbing feeling to know someone is leering and oggling... Sometimes I think back to my teenage days, when I was thin, and I sort of blame the awkward attention for causing me to put on weight. When I was a teen, for some reason, older guys were always attracted to me and it was very unnerving. I can remember never ever wearing makeup because I thought it would draw more attention and I would feel like a skank. I didn't wear any makeup at all until I was 17 because of that. It's not fair that women should have to feel that way.
 
I agree, it's all about men showing their appreciatin with decorum. Lots of women who have been sexually assaulted or abused by family members tend to put on weight as a shield, to protect their womanly attributes. It makes sense, you know? And I don't think all men are like that--I love good guys, and I have always chosen to date sweet, nice guys. BUT there are some bad apples out there--just like there are violent and vindictive women out there. One of my female friends is dating a man who is somewhat emo inavailable because his last GF was violent and physicaly abusive. Fortunately for him, my friend is patient and understanding.
 
Yeah, it's a common defense mechanism. Very sad. We covered it in Psychiatry in nursing school. It's the same concept as women who were sexually assaulted/abused developing eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia. Being extremely thin prevents them from developing the "womanly" body characteristics, so they feel they're less appealing.
 
It's just a big bummer.

Very few women are even ALLOWED to act and feel sexy and confident. We're too scared. What kind of shit is that?! And women who do are labeled prostitute, stripper, slut, and whore. I was thinking about balance. Hey, I want to dress in a cute outfit. Then again, my idea of cute can be another person's idea of provocative to put it lightly. Even in this country of women's liberalism, how FREE are we? Really? IMO, we can be free--in our minds. That's about it. Am I bitter? No. What for--it'll just ruin my trip. I think not. Life is a journey, not a destination--and I'm not stealing that from Steve--it's infinite wisdom in that statement--and it's universal.
 
Curvie Girlie said:
Thanks, Steve!

And anyone who reads this: trust me, cheat days work!!! Hee hee! Oh yeah, and don't forget to weight train. Seriously!
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LOL. I love it. Especially with the current cheat day I had. Congratulations on the loss. You're almost at goal. I'd do a happy dance for you if my stomach still wasn't so full from yesterday. Man I just can't wait to give everyone virtual high 5's when they reach their goals. Have a good Sunday CG and a good week. Oh and don't let those dirty men make you feel cheap. You can't help it if you're a good looking woman.
 
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Hi Curvie. Go ahead and dress in that cute outfit, and f&#*# all the Aholes who can't see the real you. This crap starts in junior high school, and a lot of the boys never grow up. And, of course, there are the religious zealots of all kinds who specialize in mysogeny.

It's great that your bf appreciates you -- you deserve it!
 
Thanks, I'm over it

Thanks Funky, you're good looking too from what I can see from your peek-a-boo avatar :)

Thanks Tom, this town is really women-friendly, actually--I'm lucky to live here, I sure do love Santa Cruz :)

All righty then!

So this morning I was 140.0, which is good, I'm not worried. Monday I need to change my ticker and I'm curious what the number's going to be...

Yesterday was a fun day, but frought with peril. SO I started it right: I woke up, gobbled down a 200 calorie b-fast of cereal and soymilk, went to the gym and did my kickbow class, then afterwards I grabbed a sandwich from New Leaf Market, and ran a few errands. I did go tanning, and now my color is getting pretty nice in the inside light (outside, I always seem way more pale for whatever reason). I took the BF to Soif a French wine bar and restaurant. ($$$$$) The reason was this: last year we went there, he paid, I started a fight, and it was kind of ruined. Since then, I've changed, and healed from my problems (2 deaths in my family, ex boyfriend I was with for 5 1/2 years hates me because I broke up with him, best friend on heroin but she got off finally), and we don't fight anymore. It's really nice! Whooo our relationship was kind of rocky the first year, but now it's pretty perfect and I'm enjoying the smooth ride.

Anyway, I felt bad from the last time we were there (which was the first time we went) and wanted to start over--and pay for the dinner. He was happy to oblige, and we had an excellent, lovey-dovey time. Here's what we had: he tried an Italian Grenache; I tried an expensive Rhône blend; I ordered a taste of German Pinot Noir (Germans seldom export their reds--you'll mostly see Rieslings) which was good but too sweet. Germany is allowed to chapitalize (add sugar to the wine while fermenting, because at their lattitude the grapes don't really ripen) and I could taste the sugar. In the US it's illegal to chapitalize. I ordered a French Syrah blend that was delicious, but the Rhône blend was fantastic! For dinner, my boyfriend ordered roasted duck, and I had sea bass with a butter parsley sauce. I have no idea of the calorie count. I'm going to estimate later, but regardless, the portions were gourmet-sized (small). I even had dessert! Bean pudding with berry sauce and the top was crème bruleé style. Mmmmmm!

When we got home we had some fun as usual (wow I realized I have a great sex life--nice!) And then I opened a bottle of Arcadian Pinot Noir, 2000, Sleepy Hollow Vineyard (Santa Lucia Highlands). OOOOoooo-eeeee, it was sooooooo good we called our buddy who lives nearby (at the edge of town on the way to our spot in the Canyon) to come over and try it. He did! I was pleased that I had purchased some Riedal Pinot Noir glasses--the right glass is imperative for tasting wine as best as it can taste.

Anyway, I'm going to post a Reflection soon..
 
Mmmm! Sounds superb! Good company, good wine, good meal, good sex... what more could a woman ask for?! I'm glad to hear your relationship has taken a positive turn and that you're so happy with your boyfriend. It sounds like a healthy relationship, for sure.

Wishing you the best of luck when your weigh-in day comes!
 
Reflection Time

My mini goal for month 3 (for me, since I started this on December 26th, is February 26th through March 26th) was to be at least 142.5 lbs by 3/26. That's tomorrow, and I'm glad that I'm 140.0 lbs this morning, although Mondays are usually high weigh days. Weight tends to drop on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

My spontaneous goal for the Month of March was to lose 8 lbs in one (31-day) month. I doubt I will see 137.0 lbs by April 1st, BUT I suspect that I will see that number soon thereafter. I need to do some research now....looks like around this time of my cycle, my weight sticks around the same number, and then the weight drops dramatically around day 23, then rises up 4lbs during my period, then drops even lower than the lowest on the previous cycle. I predict that my weight will stick around 140 (give or take a few lbs), drop to 136 or 137 around day 23, then rise up to 141 for my next period, then drop to 135 by 4/20. Ha ha! Yeah! NOW that's granted I don't give up or hit any long-term plateaus. I shouldn't, as long as I continue my deal. Running more will help. I plan on it today! Also, no matter what (aside from injuries) I'M GOING TO WEIGHT TRAIN 2 DAYS A WEEK. I absolutely think that weight training is 33% why I'm losing fat. 43% nutrition, I bet, and 23% cardio. Hmmmm, I don't actually know. BUT I know that weight training has got me slim before, and it's doing it again.

OK, so I'm coming back but I need to search the threads for calorie calculations....
 
sunnydee said:
Mmmm! Sounds superb! Good company, good wine, good meal, good sex... what more could a woman ask for?! I'm glad to hear your relationship has taken a positive turn and that you're so happy with your boyfriend. It sounds like a healthy relationship, for sure.

Wishing you the best of luck when your weigh-in day comes!
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Well aren't you a sweet heart! :eek: Thank you!:) I'm looking forward to your successes!
 
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