Diary: Curvie Girlie: A Yo-Yo's Reformation

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Hee hee, Kim! I usually run on the beach, up through the harbor, and around a field--but the field has homeless men and skunks in it sometimes. That's OK, I can outrun a man or a skunk--but not a cougar!!!
 
The cougars would worry me...I mean, it's not like we haven't read about just that kind of attack, either...take it serious. The beach sounds like the way to go!
 
Okay Curves, I'm quite sure you can out run the homeless and the skunks, so I think your fine on the beach. Now the smells might be another story. :D
 
Thanks Beth and Kim!

Yeah I forget sometimes that joggers often become victims....or find bodies. I'm glad I forget, otherwise I'd be paranoid all the time! At least I'm fast and I kickbox--that can help! Otherwise, Santa Cruz is a really, really safe place for women!!!
 
Defense from the Haters

I originally was afraid to join this forum because I was worried people with large amounts of weight would be like, "Why the fuck is SHE on here?!"

Why the fuck I am on here: for support in my weight loss goals--because I have no support in real life. It hurts to be judged because I do not have 30+ pounds to lose. I am well aware that I was not even over a BMI of 25. Does that matter here? I think it shouldn't. A careless comment released negativity--I have never seen on here yet. It shocked me! I thought this was a safe place to express our very human hopes and fears. But then, I sigh, it is inevitable that strong opinions will be generated here when views collide and people are misinterpretated:

"I think that often times the support aspect of this site gets forgotten. I've had pm's from people who don't feel comfortable posting because they weigh 100+ pounds more then some girl who's 140 pounds and complaining about being "fat".....Losing 20 pounds does not an expert make. I've lost 80+ pounds and am constantly learning - as I'm sure many of those chicks who aren't doing dead lifts or running 15 miles a week. It's a long, ongoing process."

True that. But I haven't yet read a female here at "140 pounds" complaining about being fat--I've heard females with the last 5-10 lbs giving out there frustrations. At least, as a very positive and happy person, perhaps a "wearer of rose-tinted-glasses" type, I don't see it like that. And if this is in reference to me personally, then she's got me wrong. I love my body. I want to get rid of excess fat I don't need. I'm struggling with it. I vent here. End of story. Also, sharing new tips is a wonderful thing! No one move is going to magically solve all--but when you get to the last 10 lbs, what is wrong with being excited about new exercises that help ya out? Nothing--that's right! :)


"There are *so* many diaries of people who are struggling with 50+ pounds, who really don't get a lot of support or attention to their diaries - that I'm often reminded that what we do and say is being watched by a great many lurkers. Lurkers who's diaries get buried on page 4 because no one responds in them.

I found a diary on page 4 of a someone with 200+ pounds to lose. No one said a word of welcome in his diary. Is this someone who should be criticized while at a gym for not doing just the right exercises?"


Critisized? Weird. Hmmm, let me be clear:

My failing is I love to eat and have a hard time dieting. This is my "sin". I NEED to run and do hard ass moves or I won't lose any more weight. Period. Very simple. it works for me--I thought maybe it would work for other ladies. Why not? I see ladies at the gym doing the same thing and they never lose weight. That was ME a few months ago. This is positive that I found something that works and am excited about it!! So if taken the wrong way, I should have been more careful, I agree. If I sound like I think I'm an expert--then let me clarify: I am not. And I am very impressed with ANYONE who has lost excess amounts of weight! Congradulations!!! I really am happy for you and I wish everyone the best. This is from the bottom of my heart.

As for lurkers in the diaries--it really is a shame that no one responds. They can try to keep posting--that's what I did! I got the welcomes, I was lucky. Then very few people came to support me. I didn't care--I kept using my diary for ME. Eventually I got a large groups of readers. That was probably just cause and effect. Some people started to enjoy my diary--others didn't and promtly left. No prob. My own subscriptions are a plethora of people in all shapes and sizes. Am I supposed to choose them according to their level of weight they think they have to lose? I don't think so. I like familiarity, so my new subscriptions are fewer as I try to keep supporting those who support me. I think that is OK.

I wish everyone the best and I'm so happy to be here!
 
I originally was afraid to join this forum because I was worried people with large amounts of weight would be like, "Why the fuck is SHE on here?!"

Why the fuck I am on here: for support in my weight loss goals--because I have no support in real life. It hurts to be judged because I do not have 30+ pounds to lose. I am well aware that I was not even over a BMI of 25. Does that matter here? I think it shouldn't. A careless comment released negativity--I have never seen on here yet. It shocked me! I thought this was a safe place to express our very human hopes and fears. But then, I sigh, it is inevitable that strong opinions will be generated here when views collide and people are misinterpretated:

"I think that often times the support aspect of this site gets forgotten. I've had pm's from people who don't feel comfortable posting because they weigh 100+ pounds more then some girl who's 140 pounds and complaining about being "fat".....Losing 20 pounds does not an expert make. I've lost 80+ pounds and am constantly learning - as I'm sure many of those chicks who aren't doing dead lifts or running 15 miles a week. It's a long, ongoing process."

True that. But I haven't yet read a female here at "140 pounds" complaining about being fat--I've heard females with the last 5-10 lbs giving out there frustrations. At least, as a very positive and happy person, perhaps a "wearer of rose-tinted-glasses" type, I don't see it like that. And if this is in reference to me personally, then she's got me wrong. I love my body. I want to get rid of excess fat I don't need. I'm struggling with it. I vent here. End of story. Also, sharing new tips is a wonderful thing! No one move is going to magically solve all--but when you get to the last 10 lbs, what is wrong with being excited about new exercises that help ya out? Nothing--that's right! :)


"There are *so* many diaries of people who are struggling with 50+ pounds, who really don't get a lot of support or attention to their diaries - that I'm often reminded that what we do and say is being watched by a great many lurkers. Lurkers who's diaries get buried on page 4 because no one responds in them.

I found a diary on page 4 of a someone with 200+ pounds to lose. No one said a word of welcome in his diary. Is this someone who should be criticized while at a gym for not doing just the right exercises?"


Critisized? Weird. Hmmm, let me be clear:

My failing is I love to eat and have a hard time dieting. This is my "sin". I NEED to run and do hard ass moves or I won't lose any more weight. Period. Very simple. it works for me--I thought maybe it would work for other ladies. Why not? I see ladies at the gym doing the same thing and they never lose weight. That was ME a few months ago. This is positive that I found something that works and am excited about it!! So if taken the wrong way, I should have been more careful, I agree. If I sound like I think I'm an expert--then let me clarify: I am not. And I am very impressed with ANYONE who has lost excess amounts of weight! Congradulations!!! I really am happy for you and I wish everyone the best. This is from the bottom of my heart.

As for lurkers in the diaries--it really is a shame that no one responds. They can try to keep posting--that's what I did! I got the welcomes, I was lucky. Then very few people came to support me. I didn't care--I kept using my diary for ME. Eventually I got a large groups of readers. That was probably just cause and effect. Some people started to enjoy my diary--others didn't and promtly left. No prob. My own subscriptions are a plethora of people in all shapes and sizes. Am I supposed to choose them according to their level of weight they think they have to lose? I don't think so. I like familiarity, so my new subscriptions are fewer as I try to keep supporting those who support me. I think that is OK.

I wish everyone the best and I'm so happy to be here!

loving this.

i don't have any idea where your quotes came from (haven't come across the posts yet), but i feel it shouldn't matter how much weight we have to lose. we all get frustrated at times. we all have moments of insecurity, whether we have 5, 10, or 100 pounds to lose! we are all working hard at it. i know i can't speak as someone who has 100+ pounds to lose, but i can speak as someone with 60 pounds (starting) to lose! you have always had way less weight to lose than me, but that never made me resent you! i read how hard you have worked at this, and you are OWNING it! you are an inspiration in my eyes!
 
Thank you Tylie!

Please, any readers--do not be hurt by my posts. I want you all to succeed. I know nothing about a very obese person losing weight. I can imagine that there are a lot of things that the person couldn't do without injury. I only know what worked for me--the last so many pounds. And to lose the last few pounds, you MUST work HARD. To keep your muscle and to lose the fat. That's all I know. Maybe I don't know shit about dieting--but I know about eating right. And I drink too much. That is WRONG and BAD. I know this. But I have my problems, just like everybody else. All I want if for everyone to be happy, and when I upset someone inadvertantly, it hurts me too. :(
 
WHOOOO, what the heck is going on here tonight. I'm glad I got my spare puter up and running again, I would have been lost had I read this tomorrow morning. What's going on?? Are people upset at something you said? I'm a little confused. :confused:
 
I have found so many people on this website inspiring and so helpful. We are all on here for one goal, to lose weight regardless of how many pounds, and to find support and caring people who want to help out. And of course to diary for OURSELVES mainly, at least that's why I post in my diary, so I can reflect later on down the road on what triggered certain things for me or my patterns. I sure hope there isn't someone out there unhappy with this website, because I think it's just GREAT!! and I would be truly dissapointed if any of these current folks quit writing. That's just my view, of course I'm coming in the butt end of the conversation as always. GOSH!! :rolleyes:
 
Valerie, we all become "experts" on our own process. Sometimes that process works for others; sometimes not. But I don't think that's the point of these journals. A person reading your journal or my journal has to take everything with a grain of salt. What works for you or me may not work for them.

I love your enthusiasm. Weight loss can be a tiring, tough, frustrating slog. So why not liven it up with humor and excitement over your progress? After all, if you don't believe in yourself, who will?

If someone doesn't like what's in your diaries, I think that's mainly their problem, as long as you're not insulting or cutting down someone else directly. If you're just making an observation, well, isn't that what these journals are for anyway? No need to apologize for that!

Personally, I don't think it makes a difference whether you have 20 pounds to lose or 200 -- it's still a struggle. I started out with 70 pounds to lose, so I was somewhere in between the range. But I have failed many times, so I understand the frustration and feelings of failure of an extremely obese person.

Still, if someone came to me for advice, the only thing I could honestly do is describe what I did, and warn them that that may not be for them at all. And that is all you can do, too. We should celebrate our successes and the knowledge we have acquired during this struggle. Granted, we shouldn't get conceited about it, but there's no reason to hide it, either.

So journal on, Valerie. And keep us entertained with your wonderful stories.
 
i totally agree with tom - well said!
our journals are here to express our ideas and thoughts about weight loss. as for it being a struggle whether its 200lbs or 2lbs well i can heartily agree with that! im still trying to get past the 5lb mark and its taken 12 weeks to get to that :)
 
i read just thru last several pages (hehe had to keep up) love the pics btw :D
now about the defense against haters... i don't know about others but i know i don't care how much you have to lose, if its a pound or 200 lbs. i'm here to give support and receive support.
when i came on here i started writing my diary for me, i just needed the feeling like i'm sharing it with other people. then support eventualy came and there are people here helping me so much. i don't care how much they weigh.
and i also think you're a true inspiration. when i see how much you're working on improving yourself (not just phisically) and when i see the results...you're such an inspiration and a wonderful person.
hugs,
Lena
 
Thank you, all!

I don't expect people to agree with me, but I appreciate your empathy!

I'm over it--back to diet and exercise :)

Last Night:

Let me recap in a different manner: I'll do it with a devil and an angel on my shoulders. ;)

Me, the BF, and L. go to Aqua Bleu for L's 23rd b-day. I bring 2000 Arcadian Sleepy Hollow Pinot Noir and my Riedal crystal glasses.
Angel Valerie: Order the Salmon, because there's no rice and much less salt than sushi--and nothing fried!

Devil Valerie: I want salt!

BF: "Let's order the tempura squid, too!"

Angel: OH NO!

Devil: All right!

We all eat. I have some tempura squid. The waitress brings dessert--for L's b-day, to share.

Angel: Just a little

Devil: Mmmmmmmhhh! Quick before the boys eat it all!

Angel: Oh thank goodness I can make her not eat much of it--look the guys are wolfing it down!

Devil Valerie: Let's suggest to go to the Red Room so we can see the HOT ASS bouncer!

Angel Valerie: For fuck's sake, we're with our boyfriend!

I get us all to go there. Devil Valerie takes over almost completely. I make sure I'm the last to get my wrist stamped by Derek and am pleased when the boys go in.

Derek is 1/2 Croatian and 1/2 Portugese, with perfect, olive skin, black hair and perfect, model features, 6'9", quiet and brooding, serious and aloof. I noticed him a while ago. But he never showed me no love--nor attention, which was a good thing. But then one night where I was quite tipsy, I chatted with him, and gave him a bear hug. I always look forward to seeing him, but have never talked to him really. I feel incredibly guilty about my crush, but it is an animalistic attraction that is beyond my reasoning. I seeth with lust around him. I hate it! But it happens anyway....

He sees me and smiles, "Hi, Sweetheart."

I melt. Devil Valerie makes me smile seductively at him.

Anyway, we drank a picher of Newcastle and then home. I went outside once to speak with Derek for a little while when my BF started smoking inside. I needed fresh air! ;)

Fun fun. I weighed 148 at the gym this morning after I weight trained. I'm going to avoid chocolate today, I hope.

Boss says I email too much at work--can't skulk much anymore at work!

Sorry! Love you! Catche up with you later!
 
What?? 148?? did you mean 138??? I'm confused. :confused: I was worried you were not going to post for awhile, I'm so glad you did. YEAH!! ;) Oh and I love Portugese people, my grandpa is full blooded. :D My sister took on the olive skin, like my dad, I ended up fair skinned like my mother. Oh well!~ It sounds like your night went well, but I'm still wondering how you went to 148 so fast, are you sure that's right??? ;)
Kim
 
Ahhh, love reading about the devil Valerie. What?? Your boss wants you to work during work? What an outrage! :)
 
I love reading your diary.. I am always rolling on the floor after reading what you have to say! Glad to hear the devil took over.. that's usually a good thing! LOL :)

Have a great day Val!!
 
It looks like I have been missing some interesting stuff around here. I don't have time at the moment to go back read, but I want to say I am happy for you to have lost what you wanted and be in such good shape. I still have about 15 lbs to go myself and that you made it helps me to realize I can too!!:)
 
Weird posts that you had there! Weight loss is weight loss. The fundamentals are the same. How much you have to lose, time, and how you get there may differ somewhat but every one of us has the same goal: to be healthy and happy. That should be all that matters :)

Onwards and upwards! Sounds like you had a good night Valerie! I like the Devil and Angel side of things ;)
 
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