Diary: Curvie Girlie: A Yo-Yo's Reformation

[TomO]

Hi Val. Sounds like you had one hell of a weekend. Glad you're thinking twice about all the drinking. On top of everything else, alcohol can really sabotage your weight loss efforts.

 

[Miss Ladybug]

Ahhhh Curves, sounds like you had a very nice weekend with the friends! It's really common for a person to drink a little more when they are going through such a rough patch. But, it's also very NOTE worthy of your friends to take notice and make a comment to you, that might help keep you focused on the important item, YOUR HEALTH! I'm so happy to hear you are going to refocus on not drinking and actually writing and drawing. YEAH! That made me smile today. I think that's a great thing to do, and I look forward to seeing some of those drawings you know it!! Try to enjoy your day, get out there and workout, and build some muscle girl. GO TO IT!!! and ENJOY IT!!
Kim

 

[lukewarm]

I agree with Kim! You have wonderful friends Valerie, and I'm happy you're surrounded by caring people. It's nice of you to pour for free and I genuinely hope something interesting turns up for you in the winery business. Well I think it's great that he tried to come see you and you weren't there. Sometimes a surprise visit like that can be sweet and other times it can be insensitive/rude. I hope you're feeling well, and DO NOT worry about visiting my diary, all I do is list my food log.

 

[Blancita]

Anyway, I woke up, Ohmed and did breathing exercises, then went on the back porch and chanted.

You are so California, out there chanting on the back porch. Too cute!

OK, I personally think that's awesome the X called you. First off, you must be really special to him (probably his first true love in fact) that he is not just "cutting you off" like he does with his other exes. Alcohol is like truth serum, so I think it made him act on his feelings that he's kept inside. I would also feel quite smug, as I personally told you he would be back, and all the faster the more you leave him be. I knew you would have the last laugh, and low and behold, you are. He misses you and is starting to see that you're an awesome person despite your faults (which we ALL have). I'm also glad you're taking it slow and being careful about getting re-involved with him, but he's not a bad guy. Just a bit immature. I have a feeling in a while (maybe even a few years), you'll still be thinking of each other and may get back together. But just feel good in the knowledge that he's starting to regret being so quick to throw things away based on a few angry rants on your part (which I believe he deserved by the way).

Glad you're slowing down on the drinking. Think how many cals you'll be cutting out.

Take it easy luv .

 

[sunnydee]

With the drinking aside, you're coping in such a healthy way. The chanting, the writing/drawing... it's all so good for you. Good work, Val! It's also healthy that you're letting yourself cry and you're honest with your friends about how you're feeling. Crying is important and healthy, as long as you don't curl up by yourself and cry for days. lol My best friend strongly believes that you should never cry alone, so we have a rule in our house that if one of us is sad, we have to tell the other so we can cuddle and cry.

 

[Curvie Girlie]

But, I just started today, so that makes me think you might be close as well since we run on about the same cycle.

I started Saturday!!

Hi Val. I've missed so much stuff while I've been away and I'm sorry I wasn't around to be another shoulder to lean on. But I'm here now. I'm proud of you for doing so well during such a stressful time. You're a rare person. .

Thank you, you are too! I have been lucky, with lots of shoulders around--even strangers helping me. Sometimes I can't believe the gods are so nice to me.

By the way, did I mention I have to go back to school this week? :::Whine, Whine:::

Oooh, ouch, sorry. Summer time is OVER! Ugh...

I've read through your diary over the course of a few weeks and I must say, impressive! Your diary is orgasmic! I love reading your thoughts; it's the next best thing to an intimate, real* discussion.

That is hard to believe, but thank you!

Good morning Val, sure hope things are on an even keel for you this morning...and you can get back on to your running and excercising and things will fall into place with a new job (that rocks!).

Thanks Beth! Everyone onlder and wiser keeps telling me a better opportunity will come through for me, so I'm listening and waiting and putting myself out there!

Good look this week, you can do it!!

Thank you, Sexy Abs!

Hi Val. Sounds like you had one hell of a weekend. Glad you're thinking twice about all the drinking. On top of everything else, alcohol can really sabotage your weight loss efforts.

Yes, alcohol can also really sabotage one's spiritual growth, I'm figuring out. I'll get myself grown, I'm working on ME this week!

I'm so happy to hear you are going to refocus on not drinking and actually writing and drawing. YEAH! That made me smile today. I think that's a great thing to do, and I look forward to seeing some of those drawings you know it!! Try to enjoy your day, get out there and workout, and build some muscle girl. GO TO IT!!! and ENJOY IT!!
Kim

Thank you VBF! I love your support! I'm ready for ME TIME and getting my heart and emotional well being in tact. I was started to get anxiety--and that's not like me AT ALL.

I agree with Kim! You have wonderful friends Valerie, and I'm happy you're surrounded by caring people. It's nice of you to pour for free and I genuinely hope something interesting turns up for you in the winery business. Well I think it's great that he tried to come see you and you weren't there. Sometimes a surprise visit like that can be sweet and other times it can be insensitive/rude. I hope you're feeling well, and DO NOT worry about visiting my diary, all I do is list my food log.

Thank you Sara! No though, he shouldn't have driven to see me--we had an aggreement, and he was DRUNK. But I'm not going to "punish" or chastise him--I'm beyond that. I'm just glad I wasn't there--it would be loud drama and rude to my housemates at 2:30 in the morning!!

I feel GREAT today.

You are so California, out there chanting on the back porch. Too cute!

Yup!! I didn't like it the first time, but this morning I did, and there was fog all over and it was very good-feeling.

On HIM: I didn't have the heart to feel smug, honestly--I was too concerned about his physical and mental well-being--and MINE. I was like, "After all that pain and misery, and HE was missing me?!?!?" I really thought he was done with me But yes, I'm taking it REAL SLOW.......

With the drinking aside, you're coping in such a healthy way. The chanting, the writing/drawing... it's all so good for you. Good work, Val! It's also healthy that you're letting yourself cry and you're honest with your friends about how you're feeling. Crying is important and healthy, as long as you don't curl up by yourself and cry for days. lol My best friend strongly believes that you should never cry alone, so we have a rule in our house that if one of us is sad, we have to tell the other so we can cuddle and cry.

Aw that is wonderful!! Good idea! Yes I'm trying to get my Mojo working again.

 

[Curvie Girlie]

Update for Monday

Foods: b-fast was cereal, blueberries, strawberries, soymilk and lemon soy yogurt. As a period snack I had 220 calories worth dark chocolate, Oragnic Maya Gold. Lunch was Part of Morracan Cous Cous and a 130 calorie Berry Crêpe. I've been drinking water non stop and brushing my teeth after every meal. Total: 1150 calories.

Physical Well-Being: I walked Genie to the beach as usual, will weight train after work.

Mental: My brain is relaxed, the breathing, Ohming, and chanting really made a significant difference, I noticed. I'm not worrying today, and my mind isn't racing with thoughts of HIM--although I think about him from time to time.

Emotional: The intense pain and sadness are gone due to the fact that he loves me and missed me enough to call (and come over). But I'm peaceful even though I'm not optimistic about the fate of our relationship, in all honesty.

Financial: I was being cheap last week but I splurged on berries and new makeup yesterday. I'm planning on grocery shopping tonight--I figure it'll be a while before I have only about $100 a week for food and gas.....unless I move in next door for free rent and/or get a 2nd job--that hasn't been decided yet.

 

[Blancita]

You still live near Genie? How long would Genie's owner let you live there rent free? That does sound kind of cool, as long as he agreed that it was in exchange for something very specific, like say walking and feeding Genie every day or some cleaning or something. You dont want to feel funny or beholden to him if you're staying there, yet it does sound like a great deal, and you can keep the part-time gig while you look around for something better full-time. Ooooh, its so nice to work part-time.

 

[Cannon 2006]

Hey Val, glad to hear you're feeling at peace now

 

[Curvie Girlie]

You still live near Genie? How long would Genie's owner let you live there rent free? That does sound kind of cool, as long as he agreed that it was in exchange for something very specific, like say walking and feeding Genie every day or some cleaning or something. You dont want to feel funny or beholden to him if you're staying there, yet it does sound like a great deal, and you can keep the part-time gig while you look around for something better full-time. Ooooh, its so nice to work part-time.

Genie lives next door to my work--I run over and get her (I have my own key, Michael works as a teacher) and take her to the beach, run back inside, and eat on my 15 minute break right after my 30 minute lunch. It's a hassle, but I'd rather not come in at 8am to get an hour lunch.

Yeah I still haven't talked to Michael about living there yet...going to get to that this week. I think it would be great to stay here in SC County working 20 hours and living rent free for a month or so, then moving to Napa or Sonoma and getting a job in a tasting room and watching Crush and learning skills. But we'll see.....

Hey Val, glad to hear you're feeling at peace now

Thank you Joe!

Ok, I tried to read journals but I only got to Claudia's, Beth's, Tom's, Kim's, Sara's and Joe's....and I'm exhausted and it took a long time I made a promise to be in bed by 11 so I can get up at 7 and Ohm and chant and stuff. I'm curious about everyone else, how y'all doin....

UPDATE:
Tonight I got the book The Road Less Traveled, which is a "self help" book (LOL) but it was strongly recommended by my ex-heroin addict best friend who's trying to get rid of her baby's daddy, who is very co-dependant and keeps relapsing on SOME drug or other. Sigh. Anyway, when I checked out the book at her house I was like, "Yes. This is what I need to read right now." So I'm going to try to read some tonight, but I'm exhausted from reading just those diaries!! LOL!!!

I ate a Triple Threat protein bar before I went to the gym and then I got talapia and lettuce and have a fish salad tonight. My stomach is still hungry right now but I estimate I ate about 2000 calories so I'm drinking water and am about to crawl into bed and figure out the calories tomorrow morning. Weight training went well but by the time I had got home and ate and did dishes and read diaries, I didn't have time to draw. No prob, soon I'll be 20 hours working and I'll have PLENTY of time!!! Ha ha.

I FEEL very peaceful and calm. I really think knowing the BF loves me and misses me helped, but also the breathing exercises and chanting did too.

Someone PMed me an interesting insight about him. I agreed with that person, and am watching out for signals that I'm with a controlling-type BF who is so sneaky about it, he doesn't even realize it. Of course, I'm the "crazy type GF" but at least I recognize it! And I'm going to change...it's time to grow

Good night, I'lL get to more diaries tomorrow!!!

 

[lena410]

Hey Val,

I'm sorry I haven't been here to give you my support, but i'm here now
I'm sorry for the downs that have been happening to you, but believe me that things will definitely be better. Sometimes bad things happen for us to appreciate the good in life or to move on towards the greater and better things. you have a wonderful experience now. and that will make you a bit wiser a bit less vulnerable. sometimes people need to be selfish val and put themselves first. and i'm glad you're putting yourself first.
if there's anything you need let me know...i'm here for you.

hugs,
Lena

 

[lena410]

oh and here's my e-mail, i'm on msn when i get the chance: lencii@hotmail.com

 

[sunnydee]

Good Morning Val. I've heard of The Road Less Traveled. It's by M. Scott Peck, right? A friend of mine read it a few months ago and said it was beautiful. I hope you'll find it helpful!

 

[Rachie]

Good morning I think your plan of moving in rent-free then moving on to learn more about wine sounds great x

 

[Steve]

Wow, I've been avoiding journals.... looks like I missed a lot. Sorry Val

Brighter days are ahead.

 

[Curvie Girlie]

Sometimes bad things happen for us to appreciate the good in life or to move on towards the greater and better things. you have a wonderful experience now. and that will make you a bit wiser a bit less vulnerable. sometimes people need to be selfish val and put themselves first. and i'm glad you're putting yourself first.

Thank you Lena!!
Yes I'm putting myself first, but I'm looking at it from this perspective: by putting myself first, I'll be better to others, and if I'm not there for myself, I can never be there for anyone else. I'm an incredibly compassionate person and I almost forgot about how to extend that compassion to me. Not anymore, I feel GREAT!!!

Good Morning Val. I've heard of The Road Less Traveled. It's by M. Scott Peck, right? A friend of mine read it a few months ago and said it was beautiful. I hope you'll find it helpful!

That's the one: it talks a lot about self discipline and I really need that right now!!! But it also mentions positive views on pain and change, and I'm also ready for that.

Good morning I think your plan of moving in rent-free then moving on to learn more about wine sounds great x

I'm working on that...going to talk to Michael this evening....

Wow, I've been avoiding journals.... looks like I missed a lot. Sorry Val

Brighter days are ahead.

No need to be sorry! I have absolutely no doubt that brighter days are ahead IF I act properly and make the best decisions. I'm just working on making that happen for myself. Things are brighter already because of that. I HAVE CHOICE.

 

[Curvie Girlie]

Tuesday morning:

Last night I went to bed at 11 but I woke up an hour later and tossed and turned...I had songs in my head and I started thinking....thinking is no good for when you're trying to sleep. It wasn't too bad, at least I wasn't worrying, but I don't think I got my 8 hours, exactly.

I woke at 7am and went to the porch. I could smell horse manure, but that's because my backyard overlooks horsie corrals . I Ohmed, chanted, and meditated before showering and emailing. I'm on my way to work, now. I was thinking hard about SELF DISCIPLINE this morning and I'm going to practice it, one day at a time. Last night I almost opened up a half bottle of Syrah but stopped myself.

I weigh 145.5, flow still going. I'm certain I'll be down very soon. I'd like to be in the 130s by Halloween (preferrably at my goal, but that's rather soon) for my sexy Halloween costume. Ha ha ha!

Today is a beautiful day. My bitch manager will be out at an event most of it so I'l be able to check on diaries, YAY!!!

 

[Rachie]

Hi Val, I really admire your strength. I know what a tough time you are going through - you got hit by such a lot in such a short space of time. Your strength and resolve are shining through despite everything. Glad to hear you are taking it easy on the alcohol. I know what it's like to pour yourself a glass in a difficult time. To be honest, I think reading your words made me realize that I am perhaps relying on alcohol to relax me a little too often recently. After the death of my Grandfather I have a lot of questions about his care and lots of emotions going on. I think that I need to think twice before pouring a glass of wine. I don't drink everyday and I usually just have one glass when I do, except perhaps one night at the weekend (hey I'm still a student) but it so easily becomes a pattern and I see one forming. I know it definitely prevents weight loss and right now I realize strength is required; both of the mind and the body.

Yikes! Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful day with the manager away! Yay!

 

[Curvie Girlie]

Thank you for the insight, Rachie--sometimes it's ok to party away stress, but not for extended amounts of time--then its back to self dicipline!

Everyone, Korrie "Newbride" is going through a tragedy--her house and her family's homes have flooded. If you can make it over to support her, that would be well appreciated. I wish I could help more........

 

[TomO]

Hi Val. Hope you manager never reads these journals, LOL!